A  Soldier's 

Confidences 

with  God 


Spiritual  Colloquies 
of  Giosue  Borsi 


Hi 


UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA 
AT  LOS  ANGELES 


1/UcCU-     I 


of  CALIFORNIA 


Soldier's  Confidences 
Cjod 


LIEUTENANT    GIOSUE    BORSI 

KII.I.I  11    IN    ACTION,    10    NOVI-MBI-K 
1915 


Soldiers  (Confidences 
^ith  Qod 

Spiritual  Colloquies  of 
Giosue  Borsi 


Authorized  Translation  by 

Rev.  Pasquale  Maltese 

Appreciation  and  Foreword  by 
Arthur  Benington 


New  York 

P.  J.  Kenedy  &  Sons 
1919 


itnl  Cbotat: 

ARTHUR  J.  SCANLAN,  S.T.D. 
Censor  Librorum 


Imprimatur: 

*$4  JOHN  CARDINAL  FARLEY,  D.D. 

Archbishop  of  New  York 


NEW  YORK,  April  12th,  1918 


COPYRIGHT,   I9l8,  BY  P.  J.  KENEDY  &  SONS 


6V 


TO 

VERDIANA    BORSI 
'  MOTHER  TRULY   PERFECT 
THE    GUIDING    INFLUENCE 

OF    A   GLORIOUS    SON 
I    DEDICATE    THIS    BOOK. 


^Publishers 


AMONG  the  heroes  of  war,  there  is  none 
more  inspiring  than  Giosub  Borsi,  the 
young  Italian  lieutenant  who  died  on  the 
Isonzo  battlefield  while  leading  his  platoon  to  the 
attack. 

He  went  to  the  front  as  a  volunteer  with  the 
clear  and  inflexible  idea  of  fulfilling  a  sacred  duty, 
with  the  presentiment  he  had  always  in  his  soul 
of  sacrificing  his  life  for  his  country.  He  did  not 
deceive  himself.  He  traced  a  program  of  acJion 
which  he  carried  out  without  hesitation.  To 
Lieutenant  Mazzinghi  on  Odober  iSth  he  wrote  : 

"  /  have  made  up  my  mind  to  do  my  duty  to 
the  end,  and  to  be  a  good  example  to  my  soldiers. 
I  hope  the  Lord  will  help  me  and  that  my  beloved 
dead  will  look  down  on  me  and  that  the  prayers 
of  my  mother  will  assist  me.  If  I  am  sure  of 
vidory  and  of  the  unfailing  triumph  of  our  army, 
I  am  not  equally  sure  that  I  shall  see  all  these 
beautiful  things  here  below.  On  the  contrary,  my 
presentiment  is  that  in  moving  to  the  assault  I 
am  going  to  be  released  from  the  ties  that  bind 
me  to  this  world.  I  do  not  know  why,  but  I 
could  almost  swear  to  this." 

Twenty-three  days  later  his  presentiment  was 
fulfilled. 


Appreciation   and  Foreword 

FLOWERS  might  live  forever,  but 
they  can  never  bear  fruit  until 
they  die.  On  first  glancing  over 
the  manuscripts  left  by  Giosue  Borsi 
one's  impulse  is  to  heave  a  sigh  of  regret 
that  such  a  splendid  young  fruit  tree  had 
to  perish  while  yet  in  bloom.  Had  he 
but  lived  to  maturity  how  he  would  have 
filled  the  world  with  the  perfume  of  his 
sanctity!  How  many  men  —  young  men 
especially  —  would  he  have  attracted  to 
the  Faith!  What  new  life  he  would  have 
infused  into  devotional  literature!  What 
masterpieces  of  religious  art  died  with 
him!  Surely  he  had  in  him  the  makings 
of  a  modern  St.  Paul,  a  new  St.  Fran- 
cis, a  twentieth  century  Dante  Alighieri! 
But  as  one  reads  further  and  thinks  - 
for  these  writings  of  his  are  veritable 
generators  of  thought  -  -  the  sigh  of  re- 
gret turns  into  a  cry  of  rejoicing,  a  paean 
of  thanksgiving.  For  this  was  one  of 

[vii] 


A  PPRECI ATION 

those  trees  of  which  the  blossoms  needs 
must  die  before  they  can  bear  fruit. 

These  meditations  —  Colloquies,  he 
called  them  —  are  the  ripe  fruits  of  that 
heroic  death  on  Mt.  Zagora  on  November 
loth,  1915.  But  for  that  death  they  would 
have  remained  the  secrets  of  a  soul. 
They  were  not  written  for  publication; 
they  were  the  intimate  talks  of  a  soul 
with  God,  private  memoranda,  as  it  were, 
to  serve  that  soul  in  its  future  struggles 
towards  the  perfection  to  which  it  aspired. 
Borsi  wrote  them  for  himself  and  God, 
and  not  at  all  for  the  world.  While  he 
lived  they  could  never  be  printed.  But 
these  records  of  a  soldier's  soul  were  far 
too  precious  to  be  lost;  therefore  he  had 
to  die,  and  die  just  as  he  did,  in  battle 
for  his  Country. 

Borsi  believed  that  these  Colloquies 
were  inspired  by  God.  He  reiterated  his 
conviction  that  we  do  nothing  good  of 
ourselves,  that  we  are  merely  the  tools 
with  which  God  works  out  His  own  mys- 
terious designs,  and  that  all  we  can  do 
is  to  make  sure  that  we  are  good  tools, 
always  sharp,  always  polished,  always 
C  viii  ] 


APPRECIATION 

ready  at  hand  when  our  Master  has  need 
of  us.  He  felt  sometimes  that  even  in 
writing  these  daily  Colloquies  he  was 
but  a  tool  with  which  God  was  carry- 
ing out  some  design  of  which  he,  the 
tool,  knew  nothing.  He  even  foresaw 
his  death  and  had  a  feeling  that  in  this 
also  God  would  use  him  for  His  divine 
ends.  It  is  well  that  he  could  not  know 
the  use  God  planned  to  make  of  these 
Colloquies,  for,  had  he  known,  they 
would  have  been  less  ingenuous,  less  sin- 
cere, he  would  have  tried  to  give  them 
literary  form,  to  make  them  artistic  - 
and  so  he  would  have  failed,  for  it  is 
precisely  because  of  their  frank  ingenu- 
ousness, their  absolute  sincerity  and  lack 
of  art  that  they  are  so  powerful,  so 
touching,  so  convincing.  They  are  not 
art,  but  they  are  the  pure  outpourings 
of  an  intensely  artistic  soul;  they  are  not 
polished  and  refined,  but  they  are  the 
handiwork  of  a  most  refined  nature. 
Whether  directly  inspired  or  not,  they 
are  the  written  records  of  a  soul  in  inti- 
mate communion  with  God,  overflowing 
with  enthusiasm  for  a  new-found  but 

[ix] 


APPRE  CI ATION 

unshakable  faith,  buoyed  up  by  a  radiant 
hope,  and  burning  with  the  most  ardent 
love.  Such  writings  are  the  purest  form 
of  literature,  a  form  that  many  have  tried 
but  in  which  few  in  modern  days  have 
shone.  They  have  been  called  by  the 
most  exacting  of  Italian  critics  the  "finest 
religious  literature  that  has  appeared  since 
the  Confessions  of  St.  Augustine."  In 
places  they  are  comparable  to  the  Psalms 
of  David;  in  others  to  the  Lamentations 
of  Jeremias,  while  here  and  there  the 
inspiration  of  the  Apocalypse  of  St.  John 
is  evident  in  their  thought  as  in  their 
phraseology.  But  throughout  they  bear 
the  stamp  of  Borsi's  individuality. 

They  were  wyritten  by  no  anchorite,  no 
cloistered  mystic,  but  by  a  young  man  of 
the  world,  poet,  scholar,  amateur  aclor, 
dramatic  critic,  commentator  of  Dante, 
darling  of  the  salons  of  the  gay  world 
of  Rome  and  Florence.  His  father,  Ave- 
rardo  Borsi,  was  a  clever  journalist  who 
made  a  political  platform  of  his  hatred 
of  the  Catholic  Church  and  who  brought 
up  his  son  in  an  atmosphere  of  hostility 
to  religion.  Out  of  deference  to  the 


APPRECIATION 

wishes  of  a  pious  mother  the  boy  was 
baptized  and  made  his  first  Communion, 
but  this  was  the  last  for  many  years. 
Losing  three  of  his  dearest  ones  in  rapid 
succession  shook  Giosue's  hopes  of  earthly 
happiness  and  at  the  same  time  brought 
him  into  friendly  relations  with  the  Fran- 
ciscan Monks  of  San  Miniato.  Later  he 
came  under  the  influence  of  Father  Alfani, 
the  famous  astronomer,  physicist,  and 
seismologist.  In  the  spring  of  1915  he 
found  the  way  of  happiness,  devoutly  re- 
ceived confirmation  and  plunged  with  all 
the  ardor  of  a  neophyte  into  study  of  the 
Holy  Scriptures  and  the  writings  of  the 
Fathers  of  the  Church.  Italy  had  just 
entered  the  War  and  Borsi  was  one  of  the 
first  young  officers  to  go  to  the  front.  He 
began  to  keep  this  diary  of  his  talks  with 
God  in  May;  he  was  in  the  trenches  in 
June,  and  he  found  time  even  there  to 
record  his  daily  meditations.  Some  of 
these  written  at  the  front  are  models  of 
prayer  for  the  Christian  Soldier,  the  man 
who  believes  it  a  sacred  duty  to  fight  for 
his  country;  they  breathe  the  most  exalted 
patriotism  and  the  tenderest  of  love,  at 

[xi] 


A  P  PRE  CI ATI  ON 

the  same  time  they  are  devoid  of  all 
hatred  towards  his  enemies. 

He  foresaw  his  death  and  was  ready 
for  it.  In  one  of  his  very  first  battles,  at 
Zagora  on  Monte  Cucco,  while  leading 
his  men  in  a  desperate  charge,  he  fell  with 
a  bullet  through  his  heart  and  met  death 
with  a  proud  and  happy  smile. 

They  found  in  his  pocket  a  volume  of 
his  adored  Dante,  wet  with  his  heart's 
blood,  and  a  written  farewell  to  his 
mother  that  was  published  in  the  leading 
newspapers  of  the  world  and  at  once 
took  its  place  among  the  classics  of  letter 
writing. 

And  so  the  Colloquies  came  to  light. 
Such  writings  are  all  too  rare  to  be  lost, 
especially  at  a  moment  wrhen  a  world 
that  had  tried  to  scuttle  the  stanch 
Ship  of  Faith  on  which  alone  there  was 
safety,  that  had  mutinied  against  the 
Pilot  Who  alone  could  steer  it  past  the 
sunken  rocks  and  devilish  mines  and 
through  the  tortuous  narrow  channels 
to  harbor,  found  itself  materially  and 
morally  adrift  and  compassless  on  the 
wild  black  waters,  fighting  fiercely  in  the 
[xii] 


APPRECIATION 

sinking  boats,  groping  blindly  after  some 
stick  of  wreckage  to  cling  to  in  the  mad 
despair  of  almost  abandoned  hope,  reach- 
ing forth  its  blood-weary  hands  and  cry- 
ing piteously  for  spiritual  consolation. 

Giosue  Borsi's  death  alone  made  these 
Colloquies  the  property  of  the  world. 
Therefore  we  should  be  thankful  that 
he  died,  and  we  should  be  thankful  to 
Father  Maltese,  who  has  devoted  two 
years  to  spreading  broadcast  these  com- 
munions of  a  Soldier's  heart  with  his 
God.  May  the  seed  thus  sown  bear  fruit 
a  thousandfold! 

ARTHUR  BENINGTON 


[xiii] 


Trefc 


ace 


BOOKS  like  this  scarcely  need  an 
introduction.  No  reader  will  fail 
to  be  charmed  and  edified,  not 
only  by  the  deep  spirituality,  sincerity, 
and  eloquence,  but  at  times  even  by  the 
sublimity  of  Giosue  Borsi's  language  and 
thought.  The  first  thirty-five  Colloquies 
were  written  at  home,  and  the  last  eight- 
een at  the  front  in  the  moments  of  in- 
spiration amid  the  crash  of  shrapnel  and 
the  thunder  of  guns.  They  were  never 
corrected  or  revised,  yet  Giosue  Borsi 
everywhere  appears  master  of  his  own 
thought  and  style.  He  writes  with  vigor, 
naturalness  and  ease,  with  a  beauty  of 
form  unrivaled  perhaps  in  the  annals  of 
modern  church  literature.  These  Collo- 
quies, written  in  the  form  of  prayers, 
contain  an  eloquent  lesson  to  those  con- 
templating a  return  to  their  former  faith. 
They  pay  a  magnificent  tribute  to  the 
mercy  of  God  and  give  a  safe  guidance  to 
those  who  struggle  to  attain  the  Chris- 

[xv] 


PREFACE 

tian  ideal  of  life.  They  are  in  truth  the 
echo  of  the  aspirations  of  Borsi's  soul 
from  the  time  that  God  inspired  him  to 
adopt  this  method  of  prayer  until  the 
very  eve  of  his  glorious  death. 

Ettore  Romagnoli,  who  on  April  the 
ninth,  1916,  presided  in  Florence  at  a 
meeting  to  do  honor  to  the  art  and  liter- 
ary gifts  of  Giosue  Borsi,  thus  writes  of 
the  Colloquies:  "In  them  Giosue  Borsi 
has  recourse  to  God,  and  in  a  series  of 
most  ardent  rhapsodies  reveals  his  soul  to 
Him  just  as  it  is,  gradually  divesting  it 
of  every  shadow,  every  disguise,  every 
sin.  In  this  labor  of  enthusiasm  and 
love  his  soul  is  purified,  enlightened;  it 
becomes  plastic  under  the  hand  of  God 
and  shines  like  a  diamond;  the  last  pages 
of  Giosue  Borsi  are  those  of  a  saint.  We 
cannot  make  any  more  comment.  Giosue 
Borsi  talks  directly  with  God.  A  third 
spirit  may  intervene,  but  only  in  the 
function  of  an  adorer.  Knowing  them 
as  I  do,  I  want  to  express  my  opinion 
that  his  Colloquies  are  equal  to  any  of 
the  most  celebrated  mystical  books;  my 
presentiment  is  that  this  book  shall  com- 
[xvi] 


PREFACE 

fort   and    sustain    many  needy  souls  who 
are  in  anguish  and  desolation." 

What  will  be  the  fruit  of  an  English 
translation  of  Giosue  Borsi's  Colloquies? 
That  question  he  asked  himself  when  he 
began  writing  them.  He  humbly  an- 
swered it  saying,  "I  do  not  know.  Only 
God  can  guarantee  its  fruits.  To  us  it 
belongs  to  sow;  later  on,  whether  we 
sleep  or  wake,  the  seed  grows  and  de- 
velops of  itself."  But  the  wonderful 
success  that  Borsi's  little  book  has  had 
abroad,  the  many  editions  of  it  issued 
within  a  single  month,  warrants  the  hope 
that  his  spiritual  colloquies  will  be  read 
by  the  young  of  future  generations  and 
will  accomplish  untold  good.  They  will 
remind  both  young  and  old,  what  fidelity 
to  the  grace  of  God  can  accomplish  in  the 
soul;  they  will  bring  back  to  the  Father's 
House  many  a  prodigal;  and  the  book 
will  bring  home  to  all  its  Catholic  readers 
the  nobility  of  their  faith  and  the  dignity 
of  a  consistent  Christian  life. 

PASQUALE  MALTESE 

Passion    Tide,    1918 

[_  xvii  } 


(Contents 


BOOK  ONE 


I.  THE  CONVERT  BEGINS  HIS  CONFIDENCES 

WITH  GOD 3 

II.    HE,  LIKE  ST.  FRANCIS  OF  ASSISI,  MUSES 

ON  THE  SUPREME  BLESSING  OF  POVERTY     10 

III.  HE    INDICTS   THE  WORLD  —  AND    FINDS 

HIMSELF  GUILTY  17 

IV.  HE  DISCOURSES  ON  THE  JOY  OF  CONVERS- 

ING WITH  GOD 23 

V.   HE    MEDITATES    ON    COMMUNION    AND 

VENIAL  SINS 32 

VI.   HE  DISCOURSES  UPON  FREE  WILL 37 

VII.   HE  DETERMINES  TO  BE  A  DOER  AND  NOT 

A  TALKER 49 

VIII.   HE,  LIKE  ELIAS,  LONGS  FOR  DEATH  ....     55 
IX.    HE  REALIZES  THE  DESOLATION  OF  THE 
HEART  FROM  WHICH  GOD  HAS  WITH- 
DRAWN       68 

X.    HE  MEDITATES  ON  GOD'S  INDULGENCE  TO 

THOSE  WHO  Do  THE  BEST  THEY  CAN  ...     77 
XI.   HE  REPROACHES  HIMSELF  FOR  PHARISA- 
ICAL VAINGLORY 82 

XII.    HE  DISCOURSES  ON  THE  FOLLY  OF  RELY- 
ING TOO  MUCH  ON  THE  FORBEARANCE  OF 

GOD 87 

XIII.  HE  BREAKS  FORTH  INTO  A  RHAPSODY  OF 

HOLY  LOVE 95 

XIV.  HE   PHILOSOPHIZES  ON  THE  SEED  THAT 

PERISHES 102 

XV.   HE  MEDITATES  UPON  THE  INFINITE  LOVE 

OF  GOD 109 

XVI.    HE  GIVES  HIMSELF  UP  WHOLLY  TO  THE 

LOVE  OF  GOD ,  , 117 


CONTENTS 

BOOK  TWO 
XVII.    HE  FINDS  OUT  WHAT  is  THE  REAL  REST 

FOR  THE    SOUL 125 

XVIII.   HE  REACHES  THE  THRESHOLD  OF  A  NEW 

LIFE 138 

XIX.   HE  DELIGHTS  IN  ANTICIPATION  OF  HOLY 

COMMUNION 143 

XX.    HE  EXPLAINS  WHY  HE  HOLDS  ALOOF  FROM 

AGITATION 145 

XXI.   HE  REPROVES  HIMSELF  FOR  HIS    PHARI- 
SAICAL ALOOFNESS 151 

XXII-   HE  ANALYZES  HIS  VANITY  AND  SEES  THE 

FRUITLESSNESS  THEREOF 156 

XXIII.  HE  REPROVES  HIMSELF  FOR  AN  ILL-SPENT 

DAY 162 

XXIV.  HE  CONSIGNS  TO  THE  FLAMES  ALL  THE 

WRITINGS  OF  HIS  PAGAN  YOUTH 163 

XXV.    HE  FINDS  THAT  HIS  FAITH  is  OF  THE  IN- 
TELLECT AND  NOT  OF  THE  HEART IJl 

XXVI.    HE  APPLIES  ST.  JAMES'S  TEXT  TO  WHAT 

HE  THOUGHT  WAS  HIS  WISDOM 178 

XXVII.    HE  CONTINUES  THE  SEARCHING  ANALYSIS 

OF  HIS  VAUNTED  VIRTUES '.    182 

XXVIII.    HE   BEGS   FOR  THE  CHARITY  THAT  SUF- 

FERETH  LONG  AND  IS   KlND 1 88 

XXIX.   HE    SOUNDS   THE    DEPTHS   OF   HIS   OWN 

NOTHINGNESS  BEFORE  GOD 192 

XXX.   THE  GLORIOUS  PRAYER  OF  THE  CHRISTIAN 

SOLDIER  GOING  FORTH  TO  WAR 200 

XXXI.    HE    MEDITATES    UPON    THE    VIRTUE    OF 

TRANQUILITY 207 

XXXII.    HE  MEDITATES  ON  THE  IMPERTURBABLE 

SERENITY  OF  ALMIGHTY  GOD 211 

XXXIII.    HE    REFLECTS   ON  THE   INCONSTANCY  OF 
HIS  NATURE,    AND  HOW    HE    FINDS    A 

REMEDY 216 

XXXIV.    HE   PRAYS   FOR  THE   BLESSING  OF   GOD 

UPON  THE  ITALIAN  ARMS 225 

XXXV.  HE  REFLECTS  ON  THE  MANY  WAYS  IN 
WHICH  GOD  IS  EVER  BEFORE  THE  M.-VN 
WHO  WANTS  TO  FIND  HIM 228 

[xx] 


CONTENTS 

XXXVI.   HE  BIDS  FAREWELL  TO  ALL  HE  HAS  HELD 

DEAR  IN  LIFE 234 

.BOOK  THREE 

XXXVII.    HE  DISCOURSES  ON  THE  RIGHTEOUSNESS 

OF  KILLING  IN  A  HOLY  WAR  247 

XXXVIII.    HE    PERCEIVES    HOW    GOD    CAN    DRAW 

BLESSINGS  EVEN   FROM   THE    SCOURGE 

OF  WAR 251 

XXXIX.    HE  DISCOVERS  THAT  VICTORY  MUST  BE 

IN  HIMSELF 255 

XL.    HE  MAKES  UP  HIS   MIND  THAT  OTHERS 

MAY  BE  SAVED    BY  HIM 263 

XLI.    HE  PERCEIVES   THE  WONDROUS   ASSIST- 
ANCE  HE   IS  TO   HAVE   IN  THE  WORK  OF 

REGENERATION 270 

XLII.    HE    REFLECTS   ON   THE   TRIUNE  TRUTH 

WHICH   is  THE  SECRET  OF  SALVATION  274 
XLIII.   HE  APPLIES  THE  TRUTH  TO  HIMSELF  AND 

is  READY  FOR  ANY  SACRIFICE 275 

XLIV.    HE   REFLECTS  ON  THE  HORRORS  OF  WAR 
AND   THE   CONSOLATION   OF    KNOWING 

GOD 282 

XLV.    HE  MEDITATES  UPON  THE  TRIUMPH  OF 

GOD  IN  THE  RUIN  OF  WORLDS 286 

XLVI.    HE  CONTINUES  HIS  MEDITATION  ON  THE 

TRIUMPH  OF  GOD 291 

XLVII.    HE   PRAYS   FERVENTLY   FOR   ITALY   AND 

FOR  HER  VICTORY 295 

XLVIII.    HE  DISCOVERS  HOW  MUCH  MORE  COURAGE 
IT  TAKES  TO  FACE  LIFE  THAN  TO  FACE 

DEATH 302 

XLIX.    HE  DISCOVERS  WHY  THE  SAINTS  REJECT 

THE  MERITS  OF  THEIR  GOOD  WORKS  .  .  .   306 
L.    HE  MEDITATES  ON  PASCAL'S  COMMENTARY 
ON  THE   PASSION   IN  THE  GARDEN   OF 

GETHSEMANE 312 

LI.    HE  MEDITATES  ON  THE  HYPOCRISY  THAT 
MAKES   is  JUDGE  AND   DECEIVE   OUR 

NEIGHBORS 316 

LIT.    HE    READS    EZECHIEL'S    PROPHECIES    OF 

GOD'S  WRATH  AND  ULTIMATE  TRIUMPH  320 

[xxi] 


CONTENTS 

LIII.  HE  FORESEES  THAT  THE  WORD  OF  PEACE 
WILL  COME,  NOT  FROM  THE  WlSE  OR 
GREAT  OF  THE  WORLD,  BUT  FROM  SOME 
OBSCURE  MOUTH 326 

LIV.  HE  SERENELY  COMMENDS  HIS  SOUL  TO 

GOD  ON  THE  EVE  OF  BATTLE 332 

GIOSUE  BORSI'S  LAST  LETTER  TO  HIS  MOTHER  337 
GIOSUE    BORSI'S    SPIRITUAL  WILL  AND  TESTA- 
MENT    35 ! 


xx 


BOOK    ONE 


Vide  ergo  ne  lumen,  quod  in  te  est,  tenebrae  sint.  St  ergo 
corpus  tuum  lucidum  fuerit,  non  habens  aliquam  parttm 
tenebrarum,  erit  lucidum  totum,  ei  sicut  lucerna  fulgoris 
illuminabit  te. 

(St.  Luke  xi,  35,  36) 

Take  heed  therefore  that  the  light  which  is  in  thee,  be 
not  darkness.  If  then  thy  whole  body  be  lightsome, 
having  no  part  of  darkness;  the  whole  shall  be  lightsome, 
and  as  a  bright  lamp  shall  enlighten  thee. 


A    Soldier's    Confidences 
with  God 


*The  Convert  begins  his 
(Confidences    "faith    Qod 
FLORENCE,  Tuesday •,  May  ^th,  1915 

O  BLESSED  GOD,  my  beloved 
Father,  my  Salvation,  my  Light, 
my  Good,  I  need  to  pray  and  to 
meditate.  I  believe  that  Thy  Providence 
has  inspired  me  with  the  idea  of  praying 
and  meditating  in  writing;  and  so  I  have 
made  a  beginning  this  morning,  and  I 
hope  with  Thy  most  holy  assistance  to 
continue,  until  this  shall  become  an  in- 
dispensable and  delightful  habit.  Every 
morning,  in  the  brightest  and  most  diligent 
hours  of  the  day,  while  the  slaves  of  the 
world  are  still  sunken  in  the  live  morass 
of  their  blind,  sodden  sleep,  oppressed  by 

[3] 


A    SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    GOD 

the  weight  of  their  feasting  and  laziness, 
I  will  awake  with  the  sun,  and  greeted  by 
the  twittering  birds,  will  offer  on  these 
pages,  to  Thee  my  God,  the  first  thoughts 
of  my  day.  With  Thee,  my  Adored, 
must  be  my  first  colloquy.  Devout,  obe- 
dient, and  loving,  I  will  seek  Thy  word 
within  me,  O  Lord;  I  will  listen  with 
attentive  ear  to  the  inspirations  which 
Thou  wilt  deign  to  speak  and  suggest  to 
me,  and  that  all  be  not  lost,  I  will  per- 
petuate some  of  them  in  writing. 


Ti 


HEREFORE  must  I  write,"  in  the 
words  of  St.  Augustine.  Ever  since  the 
happy  day  in  which  I  returned  to  the  sac- 
raments that  Thou  instituted,  my  spirit 
has  become,  as  it  were,  fruitful.  Before 
it  was  waste  land,  —  bare,  parched,  and 
dry.  Thy  love  has  watered  it  like  a  shower 
of  beneficent  rain.  Thy  sure,  strong  hand 
has  plowed  and  upturned  it,  and  upon  its 
smoking  furrows  has  cast  the  seed  of  divine 
truth.  Now  my  spirit  grows  green  like  a 
garden;  it  is  carpeted  with  flowers;  the 
sunlight  plays  within  it,  and  the  music  or 
running  waters;  perfumes  are  wafted  over 
[4] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

it  in  waves.  This  is  but  a  poor  and 
inadequate  simile  to  give  an  idea  of  the 
workings  of  my  spirit.  What  a  garden, 
what  flowers,  what  light,  what  perfume! 
Before,  my  spirit  was  the  measureless 
realm  of  death,  strewn  with  ashes  and 
saturated  with  poison;  to-day  it  is  a 
living  world.  Thoughts  surge  upward  in 
me  now,  thoughts  of  life  and  of  truth. 


I 


BELIEVE,  therefore,  that  I  should 
meditate  but  illy  if  I  were  to  stop  and 
listen  to  their  tumultuous  roar  in  idleness 
and  lethargy,  and  so  let  all  these  thoughts 
be  lost  after  resounding  within  me  for  a 
moment.  I  must,  therefore,  learn  to  fix 
some  of  them  with  my  pen,  so  that  I  may 
find  them  again  and  feel  them  better. 
If  nothing  more,  this  will  be  a  trial  and 
an  aft  of  gratitude  towards  my  Lord. 
I  know  the  difficulties  of  the  undertaking. 
My  thoughts  are  many  —  too  many;  they 
are  a  whirlwind,  an  ocean,  an  ever  moving 
chaos  of  riches.  But  what  of  that?  In 
the  realm  of  spirit  illuminated  by  faith 
there  is  something  like  what  we  see  in 
the  realm  of  charity  —  the  harvest  is 

[5] 


A  SOLDIER  S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 

always  infinitely  more  abundant  than  is 
needed  by  the  number  and  weakness  of 
the  few  reapers.  But  what  servant  would 
be  so  worthless,  so  mean  and  indolent,  as 
to  sit  down  discouraged  and  refuse  to  do  a 
little,  just  because  he  despairs  of  doing 
all?  Surely  the  troubles  of  the  world  are 
great  and  without  remedy;  there  is  too 
much  misery;  the  ills  of  society  are  deep 
and  terrible,  its  wounds  fester  and  are 
incurable.  How  are  we  to  remedy  all 
this?  Each  of  us  has  but  two  arms,  a 
very  limited  circle  of  influence,  and  slender 
means.  What  of  it?  A  little  good  will, 
a  little  courage,  and  we  shall  begin  to  do 
our  little  bit,  without  haste,  without 
anxiety,  calmly,  accurately,  as  if  what 
W7e  are  doing  were  all  and  sufficient  to 
remedy  everything. 

W  HO  among  us  can  know  the  incal- 
culable value  of  an  acl  of  charity?  Even 
in  this  world  its  practical  value  is  im- 
mense, for  itself  and  as  an  example:  but 
who  knows  what  is  its  value  above,  with 
what  joy  it  shall  be  hailed  in  the  kingdom 
of  heaven  ?  The  words  of  Jesus  make  us 
[6] 


COLLOQUIES    OF    GIOSUE    BORSI 

feel  its  value,  through  the  imperious 
insistence  with  which  He  asks  it  of  us, 
through  the  generosity  with  which  He 
promises  us  a  certain  reward  —  He  Who 
in  the  day  of  wrath  shall  consider  as  done 
unto  Him  every  ad;  of  charity  done  unto 
the  least  of  His  brethren,  and  as  denied 
to  Him  every  help  that  is  denied  to  the 
least  among  them. 


A 


so  it  is  with  the  things  of  the 
spirit.  The  palace  of  truth  has  its  founda- 
tion in  the  depths,  and  its  summits  are 
lost  in  the  immensity  of  heaven.  Let  us 
not  close  our  eyes  and  turn  away  our 
face  because  it  is  not  granted  us  to  see  all. 
Let  us  look  at  what  it  is  granted  us  to 
see,  according  to  the  light  of  our  eyes  and 
the  keenness  of  our  little  mortal  pupils! 
Let  us  adore  humbly  and  not  ask  too 
much,  for  we  have  already  enough  for 
our  happiness.  The  mass  of  error  is  im- 
mense, the  world  is  groping  in  darkness; 
but  God  does  not  command  us  to  save  the 
world,  he  commands  us  only  to  save 
ourselves.  Let  us  not  be  discouraged. 
Let  us  begin  with  ourselves,  without 

[7] 


A  SOLDIER  S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 

impatience,  without  flurry,  and  then  let 
us  speak  our  little  truth.  One  out  of  a 
thousand  will  turn  to  listen  for  a  moment. 
This  is  enough;  we  shall  not  have  spoken 
in  vain.  Perhaps  no  one  will  listen;  it 
does  not  matter;  we  shall  have  spoken 
for  ourselves,  and  this  is  a  great  deal. 
He  who  speaks  a  truth  adores  God,  and 
the  smallest  prayer  rises  to  His  throne, 
be  it  lisped  ever  so  feebly  in  the  deepest 
darkness  and  in  the  most  desolate  of 
solitudes.  Nothing  is  in  vain  for  Him 
by  Whom  all  our  hairs  are  numbered. 

J.  HESE  pages  shall  be  written  as 
spontaneously  as  possible,  as  freely  as 
possible,  nay  with  the  greatest  docility. 
They  shall  not  be  written  for  speaking, 
but  rather  for  listening.  Here  I  listen  to 
my  heart,  and  in  my  heart  I  try  to  listen 
to  the  voice  of  God.  For  this  I  shall 
avoid  distraction  and  seek  silence,  \\hat 
will  be  the  fruit  of  these  incoherent 
meditations  of  mine?  I  do  not  know. 
God  alone  can  guarantee  the  fruits.  It  is 
for  us  to  sow,  and  whether  we  sleep  or 
whether  we  wake,  the  seed  grows  of 
[8] 


COLLOQUIES     OF    GIOSUE     BORSI 

itself.  God  measures  and  judges  us  by 
our  intentions,  not  by  the  consequences 
and  the  results,  which  He  alone  rules  and 
governs.  But  I  hope,  my  God,  that  in 
concentration  of  mind  I  shall  find  the  joy 
and  fruitfulness  of  my  spirit,  the  clear 
vision  which  I  need  to  love  Thee  and  to 
serve  Thee,  provided  Thy  grace  will  assist 
and  aid  me.  If  Thou  give  peace,  if  Thou 
infuse  holy  joy,  the  soul  of  Thy  servant 
shall  be  full  of  melody.1 

1  Si    das    pacem,    si    gaudium    sandum    infundis,   erit 
anima  servi  tui  plena  modulatione. 


C9] 


II 

He,  JTike  A$V.  Francis  of  Assist, 

pluses  on  the  Supreme  blessing 

of  Poverty 

Wednesday,  May  $th,  1915 

LORD,  why  are  we  so  deaf  and 
blind  when,  to  our  shame,  Thy 
voice  is  so  full  and  strong,  and 
Thy  light  so  widespread  and  brilliant? 
Why?  What  excuse  shall  we  be  able  to 
find  to  justify  ourselves  on  the  day  that 
Thou  shalt  call  us  to  judgment  and  ask 
us  for  an  account  of  the  use  we  have  made 
of  Thy  gifts?  We  do  not  perceive  how 
rich  and  bountiful  they  are,  how  close  to 
us,  how  easily  we  may  reach  out  our 
hands  to  take  them,  to  embrace  them,  to 
breathe  them,  to  make  them  our  food  and 
to  intoxicate  ourselves  with  them.  Blessed 
Lord  God,  our  dear  Father,  how  good 
Thou  art!  How  true  is  the  word  of  the 
Psalmist:  "Thou  hast  visited  the  earth 
and  watered  it;  thou  hast  enriched  it  in 
[10] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

many  ways."  *  (Ps.  Ixiv,  9.)  And  the 
greater  Thy  goodness  appears,  the  more 
manifest  becomes  our  iniquity.  Yes,  our 
blindness  and  deafness  are  in  our  own 
consciousness,  in  our  own  will.  I  feel  it, 
because  I  see  clearly  that  a  simple,  easy 
effort  of  the  will  would  suffice  to  conquer 
all  the  evil  of  the  world.  Every  man  can 
set  himself  free  whenever  he  wishes  to; 
and  all  mankind  has  always  been,  is 
to-day,  and  always  shall  at  every  moment 
be  free  to  regain  complete  liberty  all  at 
once.  How  easy  it  is!  Here  is  the  great 
watchword :  it  is  enough  to  be  poor.  Let 
us  see  how  easy  it  is  to  understand  that 
this  is  the  beginning  of  wisdom  and 
justice  in  all  men  and  all  peoples.  My 
God,  that  seest  into  my  heart  infinitely 
better  than  I  can  see  myself,  Thou  knowest 
well  that  I  could  pour  into  these  pages 
torrents  of  truth,  Thy  truth,  but  as  I  do 
not  want  to  lose  courage  I  shall  be  satis- 
fied to  say  but  little. 

1  Visitasti  terram  et  inebriasti  earn;  rr.ultiplicasti  locu- 
pletare  earn. 


[II] 


A  SOLDIER  S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 


T< 


O  be  poor  means  to  free  one's  self 
from  the  slavery  of  the  world,  that  crucifier 
of  the  Lord,  with  which  it  is  impossible 
to  come  to  terms.  Notice  how  clearly  St. 
John  sees  this  truth:  "Love  not  the  world, 
nor  the  things  which  are  in  the  world."  x 
(First  Epistle  of  John,  ii,  15.)  He  who 
loves  the  world  can  have  none  of  the 
three  indispensable  virtues.  He  cannot 
believe,  he  cannot  hope,  he  cannot  love; 
above  all,  he  cannot  love.  In  fact  St. 
John  continues:  "If  any  man  love  the 
world,  the  charity  of  the  Father  is  not  in 
him."  !  (Ibid.)  The  poor  man  gives  up 
those  earthly  treasures  that  the  moth  and 
the  rust  corrupt  and  that  thieves  break 
through  and  steal.  Finally,  the  poor 
man  gives  up  the  infamous  treasures  of 
concupiscence,  the  beginning  of  every  evil. 
See  how  the  apostle  continues:  "For  all 
that  is  in  the  world  is  the  concupiscence 
of  the  flesh,  and  the  concupiscence  of  the 
eyes  and  the  pride  of  life,  which  is  not  of 

1  Nolite    diligere    mundum,    ncqtie   ea    quac    in    mundo 
sunt. 

2  Si  quis  diligit  mundum  non  est  cliantas  Patns  in  eo. 

[12] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

the  Father,  but  is  of  the  world."  l  (Ibid.) 
Renouncing  concupiscence  means  renounc- 
ing death.  "For  the  world  passeth  away 
and  the  concupiscence  thereof."  2  Wealth 
is  a  bar  to  entrance  into  the  kingdom  of 
heaven.  It  is  impossible  for  a  rich  man  to 
enter  there.  Giving  up  wealth  means 
winning  eternity.  In  fad:  the  apostle 
closes  with  the  words:  "But  he  that 
doth  the  will  of  God  abideth  forever."  3 

JjUT  poverty  does  more  than  free  one 
from  the  slavery  of  the  world,  it  lights 
one  on  the  road  to  heaven.  It  is  the 
foundation  of  all  the  other  virtues,  which 
are  linked  together  like  a  wondrous  chain, 
as  the  very  vicar  of  Christ  understood. 
Has  any  one  questioned  the  authenticity 
of  the  second  epistle  of  St.  Peter?  Even 
if  the  infallible  wisdom  of  the  Council  of 
Carthage,  by  including  it  in  the  sacred 
canon,  had  not  removed  the  least  doubt 
for  me,  a  devoted  son  of  the  Church,  its 

1  Quoniam   omne  quod    est   in    mundo,   concupiscentia 
carnis  est,  et  concupiscentia   oculorum,  et   superbia  vitae 
quae  non  est  ex  Patre,  sed  ex  mundo  est. 

2  Et  mundus  transit  et  concupiscentia  eius.. 

3  Qui  autem  facit  voluntatem  Dei  manet  in  aeternum. 

[13] 


A  SOLDIER'S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 
certitude  would  have  been  manifest  to 
me  from  that  supreme  and  inspired  wis- 
dom which  God  grants  me  the  grace  to 
perceive  in  it.  St.  Peter  says  that  the 
stupendous  and  precious  promises  by 
which  we  can  be  made  "partakers  of  the 
divine  nature"  (divinae  consortes  naturae) 
are  fulfilled  on  condition  that  we  flee  from 
the  corruption  of  concupiscence.  Then  in 
the  purified  soul  all  the  great  virtues  can 
flourish.  Faith  first,  on  this  fortitude, 
and  on  fortitude,  wisdom  and  knowledge. 
From  wisdom  shall  come  continence  and 
temperance,  and  from  these  patience  and 
perseverance,  patience  against  evil  and  per- 
severance in  good;  and  from  these  piety, 
brotherly  love,  and  charity. 


B 


lUT  then,  why  do  I  seek  the  authority 
of  the  saints  when  I  have  the  example  of 
Jesus  Christ,  the  only  Lord  and  Master, 
of  Jesus  poor,  of  Jesus  who  had  not  where 
to  lay  His  head  ?  How  could  I  follow, 
my  only  good,  blessed  Jesus,  unless  I 
accept  Thy  lot  and  Thy  example?  Yes, 
my  Jesus,  yes,  I  adore  Thy  poverty,  I 
want  it,  I  beg  it,  I  must  have  it,  I  feel 
[14] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

that  I  shall  never  be  happy  until  I,  like 
St.  Francis,  can  possess  it  and  love  it 
and  enjoy  it  as  my  beloved  spouse.  Pov- 
erty, dear  poverty,  dear  liberty,  irresistible 
force  that  will  heal  the  world,  heal  me 
now!  My  God,  Thou  seest  that  this  is 
my  trial  to-day  and  that  I  am  on  my 
way  to  freedom.  How  Thou  helpest  me! 
I  feel  Thy  smile,  Thy  love,  Thy  sweet, 
imperious,  irresistible  call.  I  understand 
that  my  act  of  liberation  will  be  the 
salvation  of  many,  an  eloquent  example, 
the  adl  that  is  expected  of  me.  I  thought 
that  I  should  have  to  conquer  many  hard 
and  bitter  obstacles,  not  within  me  but 
outside  of  me,  and  instead  Thou  makest 
all  things  easy.  O  Lord,  Thou  dost  il- 
luminate the  heart  of  my  mother!  Thou 
givest  her  the  taste  and  desire  for  a 
sacrifice  which  a  short  time  ago  I  could 
not  have  asked  without  piercing  her  soul. 


HAT  a  day  for  me  was  the  day  of 
my  Confirmation!  It  is  a  never-to-be- 
forgotten  date  in  the  history  of  my  mortal 
life,  not  only  because  it  confirmed  in  me 
the  gifts  of  the  Holy  Spirit,  but  because  it 


A   SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH   GOD 

has  been  the  center  of  many  events,  all  of 
them  decisive.  How  beautiful  and  how 
sweet  is  Thy  grace,  O  Lord!  In  those 
moments  I  behaved  as  if  impelled  by  a 
sweet,  outside  necessity,  as  if  inspired, 
with  ease  and  submissiveness,  happy  and 
certain  I  was  following  in  the  right  path. 
I  have  always  vaguely  felt  that  in  order 
to  live  well,  it  was  enough  to  have  a  blind 
and  childlike  trust  in  Thee;  to  be  simple, 
pure,  and  ingenuous  of  heart,  to  take  Thy 
strong  hand  with  calm  and  trustful  meek- 
ness and  to  let  one's  self  be  sweetly  guided 
by  Thee.  Now  I  know  this  to  be  true, 
and  this  I  promise  I  will  ever  do,  O  Lord. 

NOTE.  —  Giosue  Borsi  was  confirmed  by  Cardinal 
Maffi,  Archbishop  of  Pisa,  April  29,  1915.  He  began 
writing  these  Colloquies  a  few  days  later  at  the  climax 
of  his  religious  fervor. 


[16] 


Ill 

He  Indies  the  World — 
and  Finds  himself  Gjuilty 

Thursday ',  May  6th,  1915 
morning,  0  Lord,  I  did  not 


r 

rise  early  enough,  just  as  if  I 
JL  had  gone  back  to  the  lazy, 
sluggish  days  which  I  used  to  pass  in 
idleness  before  my  blessed  and  provi- 
dential confirmation.  Yesterday  when  I 
went  back  into  the  world  I  foresaw  that 
it  would  be  so.  I  accepted  a  frivolous 
invitation,  put  on  evening  clothes,  went 
and  chatted  politely  with  four  ladies  of 
the  fashionable  world;  while  I  dined,  I 
talked  of  literature  and  politics;  I  returned 
home  later  than  I  intended,  and  to  my 
confusion  I  confess  that  I  did  thus  through 
weakness.  That  is  why  my  will  was  dull 
and  inactive  this  morning.  For  I  can  no 
longer  deceive  myself;  the  world  is  a 
snare  at  best.  Even  if  we  lose  nothing 
else,  we  at  least  waste  our  time.  Gossip- 


A   SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    GOD 

ing  with  strangers  is  neither  rest  nor 
diversion  nor  pastime;  it  is  waste  of 
energy,  however  slight;  and  Thou,  O 
Lord,  art  very  jealous  of  our  energies 
and  wilt  ask  of  us  an  account  of  all  of 
them,  and  wilt  number  every  vain  and 
idle  word.  In  the  world  we  lie  from 
necessity  and  flatter  perforce.  There  is 
no  soul  so  spotless,  pure,  and  transparent 
that  the  breath  of  the  world  will  not  dim 
or  tarnish  it.  In  dealing  with  the  world 
we  give  much  of  ourselves  and  receive 
nothing  in  return,  or,  worse  still,  we 
receive  poison.  The  world  loves  only  it- 
self; it  asks  you  to  amuse  it,  to  teach  it, 
to  arouse  its  morbid,  futile,  hypocritical 
sensibility,  and  then  it  does  not  thank 
you,  but  pays  you  back  writh  envy  and 
malice,  or  worse,  with  praise  and  applause. 
If  you  are  of  a  retiring  disposition,  the 
praise  of  the  world  will  seem  an  insult; 
if  your  soul  is  truly  humble  and  modest, 
the  praise  of  the  world  will  seem  unde- 
served and  unjust.  But  woe  to  you  if 
you  listen  to  its  praise  without  a  feeling 
of  disgust;  \voe  to  you  if  you  take  pleas- 
ure in  it,  for  it  is  poison. 
[18] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 


M< 


.OREOVER,  in  the  world  we  are 
deprived  of  the  best  and  purest  of  all 
pleasures,  the  beneficent  and  unique  joy 
of  loving  Thee.  My  Jesus,  from  Whom  I 
neither  could  nor  would  conceal  a  thing, 
Thou  that  lookest  into  the  secret  places, 
Thou  that  searchest  my  heart,  Thou 
knowest  and  seest  how  madly  I  love  Thee, 
how  I  adore  Thee,  how  the  very  thought 
of  Thee  inebriates  me,  exalts  me,  and 
makes  me  happy,  Jesus,  my  God,  my 
Father,  my  Light,  my  Joy,  my  Love! 
Thou  knowest  that  nothing  in  the  world 
pleases  me  so  well  as  to  behold  Thee, 
to  think  of  Thee,  to  gaze  upon  and  kiss 
the  sacred  wounds  that  on  the  cross 
saved  and  redeemed  me  and  paid  all  for 
me.  Well,  that  same  world  which  killed 
Thee  then,  that  implacable  butcher  into 
whose  cruel  hands  Thou,  my  Father, 
gavest  Thyself  to  save  my  life,  that  world 
to-day  steals  Thee  from  me  and  takes  me 
from  Thee.  I,  who  by  Thy  grace,  un- 
worthy and  miserable  as  I  am,  have  an 
unquenchable  thirst  for  Thee  and  feel  the 
need  of  possessing  Thee  for  all  eternity, 

[19] 


A  SOLDIER'S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 
carry  with  me  this  ineffable  secret  joy  of 
mine,  and  in  the  midst  of  worldly  distrac- 
tions and  ill-spent  moments  I  cannot 
relish  it  as  I  would.  Thine  eyes,  my 
loving  Father,  are  ever  fixed  upon  me; 
not  for  an  instant  is  Thy  gaze  removed, 
and  Thou  thinkest  always  of  me  with 
divine  solicitude;  Thou  never  abandonest 
me,  Thou  helpest  me  every  moment,  Thou 
followest  me  everywhere.  If  I  but  turn 
my  eyes  to  Thee,  even  though  my  thoughts 
wander,  always,  always,  I  meet  Thy 
ineffable  gaze,  Thy  gaze  so  full  of  love, 
Thy  intoxicating  gaze,  Thy  dazzling  gaze, 
fixed  ever  upon  me.  Ah!  why  cannot  I 
do  so  to  Thee  with  my  poor  little  weak 
and  wavering  eyes,  so  veiled  and  full  of 
darkness?  Why  do  I  not  always  gaze 
upon  Thee,  O  Lord?  I  cannot  express 
this  thought  better  than  in  the  sweet 
words  of  the  saint  who  suggested  it  to  me, 
my  seraphic  gentle  master,  St.  Francis  de 
Sales.  "Consider  what  God  does  and 
what  you  do;  you  will  see  His  eyes  turned 
towards  you  and  fixed  upon  you  per- 
petually with  incomparable  love.  O  God, 
you  will  say,  why  do  I  not  always  look  at 

[20] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

Thee,  as  Thou  dost  always  look  at  me? 
Why  dost  Thou  think  of  me  so  often,  my 
Lord,  and  why  do  I  so  seldom  think  of 
Thee?  My  soul,  where  are  we?  Our 
true  home  is  God  —  and  where  do  we 
find  ourselves?"  * 

DUT  the  same  saint  teaches  me  the 
truth  that  nothing  can  separate  me  from 
Thee,  if  only  I  wish  it.  Even  in  the  midst 
of  the  world,  of  its  talk  and  its  business, 
I  can  always  make  a  safe  haven  in  which 
to  seek  Thee.  Even  last  night,  had  I  so 
wanted,  I  could  have  gazed  at  Thee  and 
smiled  at  Thee  in  my  heart.  Here  is  the 
real  truth:  I  complain  of  the  world  and 
I  should  be  complaining  of  myself.  I 
curse  the  world  and  I  should  curse  myself. 
If  I  loved  Thee  as  I  should,  the  world 
would  not  be  a  danger.  If  I  did  but  love 

1  Regardez  ce  que  Dieu  fait  et  ce  que  vous  faites: 
vous  verrez  ses  yeux  tournes  de  votre  cote  et  perpetuelle- 
ment  fixes  sur  vous  par  un  amour  incomparable.  O  Dieu, 
ce  direz-vous,  pourquoi  ne  vous  regarde-je  toujours 
comme  toujours  vous  me  regardez?  Pourquoi  pensez- 
vous  en  moi  si  souvent,  mon  Seigneur,  et  pourquoi  pense-je 
si  peu  souvent  en  vous?  Ou  sommes-nous,  mon  ame? 
Notre  vraie  place,  c'est  Dieu,  et  ou  est-ce  que  nous  nous 
trouvons? 

[21] 


A     SOLDIERS     CONFIDENCES     WITH     GOD 

Thee  as  I  ought,  I  should  find  no  danger, 
not  merely  in  the  blandishments  of  the 
world  but  even  in  the  flames  of  a  furnace, 
in  the  teeth  of  a  famished  beast,  or  in  the 
claws  of  the  demon  himself.  If  I  fear 
the  world,  if  I  need  to  flee  from  it,  it  means 
that  I  am  weak,  for  if  I  possess  the  Lord, 
no  harm  can  come  to  me. 


I  write  I  have  discovered  —  no,  not 
discovered,  but  rather  come  to  feel  - 
this  truth  more  keenly,  and  I  can  now  ask 
of  my  conscience  and  discover  my  fault: 
I  accepted  the  invitation  and  I  took 
pleasure  in  it;  I  need  not  have  stayed  so 
long,  but  I  did;  I  was  frivolous  and  vain 
with  pleasure;  and  here  I  am  punished 
immediately,  here  I  am  this  morning  less 
punctual  in  rising  and  less  keen,  more 
slothful  and  lazy.  It  is  true  that  the 
world  offered  me  this  subtle  poison,  but 
it  is  also  true  that  I  drank  it  of  my  own 
free  will.  Thus,  whether  in  little  things 
or  in  great,  man  is  always  the  forger  of 
his  own  destiny.  We  are  very  unjust, 
O  Lord,  for  we  accuse  the  world  of  a  sin 
that  is  all  our  own. 

[22] 


IV 

He  'Discourses  on  the  Joy 
of  (Conversing    *foith    Cfod 

Friday,  May  Jth,  1915 

WRITING    in    this    diary,     my 
Lord  Jesus  Christ,   gives  me 
great  joy.     I  have  never  be- 
fore while  writing  or  speaking  felt  so  free 
and  fluent  as  now,  so  confident,  so  abso- 
lutely   sincere,    and    I    believe    that    the 
great  joy  of  this   fresh,   limpid  clarity  of 
mind  will  grow  greater  day  by  day  as  I 
gradually  become  accustomed  to  it. 

SOMETIMES  I  have  thought  that  one 
cannot  stand  before  Thee,  my  Lord, 
unless  he  be  contrite,  grave,  trembling, 
timorous,  with  downcast  eyes;  but  I 
perceive  this  is  true  only  in  a  certain  sense 
and  at  certain  times,  especially  when  we 
have  incurred  Thy  wrath,  fallen  into 
grievous  faults,  opposed  Thy  will,  deprived 
ourselves  of  Thy  blessed  peace.  But  more 

[23] 


A    SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    GOD 

often  I  feel,  my  sweet  Friend  and  Lord, 
that  we  must  stand  before  Thee  joyously, 
glad  and  confident,  head  erect,  fixing 
sparkling  eyes  upon  Thee,  alert  and 
prompt  to  guess  at  once  Thy  least  com- 
mand, to  obey  with  alacrity  and  bounding 
heart.  Yes,  while  the  bridegroom  is  near 
the  guests  make  merry.  So  long  as  they 
hold  their  father's  hand,  little  children 
need  not  be  afraid.  We  must  love  Thee, 
fear  Thee,  and  serve  Thee;  but  our  fear 
must  not  be  sad,  our  obedience  must  be 
that  of  the  son  and  not  of  the  slave. 
But  above  all  we  must  have  confidence, 
confidence  and  always  confidence,  and 
ever  remember,  with  happy  enthusiasm 
and  unlimited  devotion,  that  we  are  in 
the  presence  of  supreme  Intelligence  and 
supreme  Love.  This  is  the  state  of  mind 
in  which  I  try  to  put  myself,  when  I  gird 
myself  to  write,  because  I  feel,  O  Lord, 
that  it  is  the  most  favorable,  the  one  that 
helps  me  most  in  talking  to  Thee  and 
listening  to  Thee. 


HUS,   while   I   talk   here  to  Thee,   I 
rejoice    to    feel   that   Thou    art    observing 

[24] 


COLLOQUIES   OF   GIOSUE   BORSI 

me  with  benevolent  interest,  bestowing 
on  me  watchful  and  unwearied  attention, 
that  nothing  escapes  Thee;  nay,  that  it  is 
I  who  am  distradled,  stupid,  embarrassed, 
so  that  a  good  part  of  what  I  myself  am 
saying  escapes  me.  I  feel  that  Thou 
makest  up  for  my  misery.  Thou  dost 
anticipate  me,  divining  what  I  would  say 
before  I  can  express  it,  Thou  even  knowest 
it  beforehand  and  better  than  I;  Thou 
seest  my  intentions  and  Thou  makest 
complete  what  I  but  hint  at  so  fleetingly 
and  badly.  Thou  art  the  best  of  Listeners, 
Thou  art  the  sole  Listener,  the  only 
Listener  before  Whom  one  loves  to  speak, 
the  only  calm,  good,  just,  far-seeing,  kind 
Witness,  before  Whom  it  is  a  pleasure  to 
ac%  the  only  Judge  Who  cannot  misunder- 
stand. And  what  makes  me  feel  free  and 
puts  me  at  my  ease  is  the  certainty  that 
Thou  canst  never  misunderstand  me, 
that  Thou  seest  my  profound  sincerity. 
Speaking  does  me  more  good  than  Thee; 
rather  is  it  useful  to  me  alone,  for  in 
speaking  I  am  seeking  only  to  understand 
and  express  myself.  There  art  Thou 
before  me,  silent  and  smiling,  watching 

[25] 


A   SOLDIER'S   CONFIDENCES   WITH   GOD 

and  judging  my  efforts,  and  Thy  mere 
presence  makes  me  a  thousand  times 
more  eager  and  willing;  it  sharpens  my 
faculties  a  hundredfold.  And  little  by 
little,  O  my  Lord,  I  feel  the  joy  of  opening 
my  heart  to  Thee,  of  laying  bare  my  soul 
before  Thee.  What  Socrates  did  with  the 
youth  Theaetetus,  Thou  doest  with  me, 
but  far  more  generously,  far  more  nobly, 
in  that  realm  of  the  Spirit  the  doors  of 
which  Thou  hast  flung  open  by  Thy  bloody 
sacrifice.  O  Jesus  our  Liberator,  Thou 
revealest  my  faculties  to  me,  Thou  mak- 
est  me  to  discover  Thy  grandest  truths 
wrapped  up  within  me,  and  Thou  givest 
me  the  additional  pleasure  of  finding 
them  by  myself,  by  my  own  effort,  so 
that  they  may  be  truly,  vitally,  deservedly 
mine.  And  so  it  is  in  prayer,  Thou 
knowest  better  than  I  what  is  good  for 
me,  what  most  I  need:  "For  your  Father 
knoweth  what  is  needful  for  you;  before 
you  ask  Him."  1  (Matt,  vi,  8.)  Yet  Thou 
desirest  me  to  pray,  that  I  may  not  forget 
Thee  and  that  I  myself  may  be  enlightened. 

1  Scit  cnim  pater  vester  quid  opus  sit  vobis  antequam 
petatis  eum. 

[26] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 


HEN  I  talk  with  my  fellow  men  I 
cannot  rid  myself  of  a  feeling  of  embarrass- 
ment, trouble,  impatience,  and  even  bitter- 
ness, because  I  realize  that  I  never  succeed 
in  making  myself  understood  ever  so  little, 
and  this  for  three  reasons:  first,  my  own 
weakness;  second,  the  weakness  that  is 
in  them;  and  lastly,  the  weakness  that 
is  inherent  in  the  medium  I  am  using. 
Speech  for  me  is  a  poor  weapon  wielded 
by  an  inexpert  hand.  What  I  say  is 
obscure  in  me,  to  begin  with;  it  becomes 
more  obscure  through  the  acl:  of  putting 
it  into  words;  and  finally  my  listener 
misunderstands  it.  But  when  I  talk  to 
Thee,  0  Lord,  this  third  difficulty  does 
not  exist,  and  Thou  remediest  the  other 
two  with  Thy  divine  grace.  But  then, 
my  poor  fellow  men  are  not  merely  poor 
in  intelligence,  but  that  poor  intelligence 
is  perverted,  prejudiced,  and  distrustful. 
We  human  beings  do  not  listen  to  one 
another  with  love  or  with  desire  to  under- 
stand: we  oppose  each  other  with  deaf 
and  hostile  resistance;  each  of  us  shuts 
himself  up  as  in  a  fortress  and  lowers  all 

[27] 


A  SOLDIER  S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 

the  portcullises,  hoists  all  the  drawbridges, 
and  stations  an  archer  at  every  loophole 
of  his  soul.  Instead  of  which,  our  souls 
should  be  hospitable  and  open;  we  should 
run  to  meet  one  another  with  confidence; 
we  should  share  and  hold  in  common  all 
our  treasures  of  truth,  each  contributing 
the  little  which  he  possesses,  that  we  may 
enjoy  the  sublime  advantage  of  perfect 
union.  Instead,  here  we  are,  strangers 
to  each  other,  each  with  his  own  little 
treasure  to  defend  with  teeth  and  claws. 
Thus,  when  I  speak  to  a  fellow  man,  he 
doe's  not  want  to  understand  half  of  what 
I  say.  He  begins  by  doubting  my  sin- 
cerity, he  tries  to  discover  some  ulterior 
motive,  or  else  he  distorts  my  intentions 
and  scoffs  at  me.  If  I  persuade  him,  he 
does  not  thank  me;  on  the  contrary,  he 
is  sorry  to  have  been  vanquished  and 
will  not  admit  the  facl  for  fear  of  humiliat- 
ing himself.  He  does  not  want  to  seem 
to  surrender  too  easily;  he  wishes  to  show 
how  jealous  he  is  of  his  independence, 
because  he  does  not  want  his  conscience 
to  be  violated  and  enslaved.  But  when 
I  talk  with  Thee,  Jesus  —  with  Thee, 
[28] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

the  benign  and  loving,  the  just  and  con- 
soling!-- Thou  dost  not  scorn  me,  Thou 
dost  not  mistrust  me,  Thou  dost  not 
argue  with  me  for  the  sake  of  conquering 
me,  overthrowing  me  and  humiliating  me, 
for  Thou  castest  down  and  humblest  only 
the  proud.  The  contest  between  Thee 
and  me,  O  Thou  ineffable  Love,  is  a  battle 
of  love,  wherein  I  am  the  winner  as  soon  as 
I  lay  down  my  arms;  wherein  I  can  sing 
a  song  of  triumph  at  the  instant  I  sur- 
render. Dear,  dear  Jesus,  my  celestial 
Treasure,  how  happy  I  am  to  talk  with 
Thee!  My  faithful  Friend,  in  Thy  bosom 
I  may  well  take  refuge  and  there  laugh 
and  weep.  In  Thee,  I  am  free,  'wholly 
free.  In  Thee,  my  Lord,  I  am  happy. 


HAT  is  why  my  joy  in  writing  in 
this  diary  of  mine  is  so  great.  Not  only 
do  I  rejoice  in  my  absolute  sincerity,  but 
I  feel  that  it  is  necessary  in  addressing 
Thee.  I  know  very  well  that  I  can  con- 
ceal nothing  from  Thee.  Before  men, 
whom  I  know  that  I  can  deceive,  I  may 
happen  to  lie  a  little  and  make  myself  ap- 
pear different  from  what  I  really  am,  but 

[29] 


A     SOLDIERS     CONFIDENCES     WITH     GOD 

before  Thee,  this  is  impossible.  Before 
Thee,  I  feel  that  I  am  naked  and  alone, 
as  I  shall  be  on  the  day  of  wrath,  there 
in  sight  of  the  entire  universe,  helpless, 
without  excuses,  in  that  vast  solitude 
which  shall  be  the  glory  of  the  just  and 
the  confusion  of  the  wicked.  Therefore 
what  can  it  avail  me  to  lie?  Not  a  single 
deliberate  falsehood  shall  fall  on  these 
pages.  Errors,  foolishness,  misstatements, 
worthless  trash,  there  may  be  a  plenty, 
because  I  am  only  human;  but  a  lie, 
never!  for  one  does  not  lie  \vhen  there  is 
no  hope  of  being  believed;  one  does  not 
lie  when  he  knows  that  he  will  be  instantly 
confounded.  Sometimes,  to  make  men 
believe  one,  even  without  actually  lying, 
one  tries  to  attenuate,  to  color,  or  to 
exaggerate  a  little;  we  adapt  ourselves, 
or  think  that  we  do,  to  the  mental  im- 
perfections of  our  fellow  men.  But  here, 

0  Lord,  with  Thee,  any  artifice  of  rhetoric 
is  utterly  useless.      Little   by  little  I   shall 
learn    to    be    sincere    and    explicit,    to    be 
simple  and  pure.     This  exercise  will  be  a 
wonderful   discipline   for  me.     At   present 

1  know  that   I   am  only  stammering,   for 

[30] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

I  am  still  handicapped  by  my  old  mental 
habits;  but  I  feel  sure  I  shall  improve  in 
time.  At  least  I  desire  it,  my  Lord,  and 
I  sincerely  hope  it,  if  Thou  wilt  vouchsafe 
to  assist  me  with  Thy  divine  grace,  without 
which  I  can  do  nothing. 


V 

He  <3tfeditates  on  Qommunion 
and  ^Denial  Sins 

Saturday,  May  8th,  1915 

OLORD,  this  morning  I  went 
with  my  mother  to  Communion 
at  the  Chapel  of  the  Calasanziane 
Sisters.  The  last  time  I  received  Thee 
was  on  the  29th  of  last  month  in  the  same 
chapel,  on  the  eve  of  that  happy,  blessed, 
auspicious  day  of  my  confirmation.  Since 
then,  searching  my  conscience  thoroughly, 
I  seem  to  find  nothing  to  reproach  myself 
with  but  some  trifling  venial  sins.  It 
may  be  that  I  have  not  done  well  in 
neglecting  to  get  absolution  again  before 
receiving  the  Divine  Food,  Thy  Holy 
Body.  I  acknowledge  that  I  did  not 
reflect  sufficiently  on  my  unworthiness 
and  Thy  goodness,  at  the  moment  when 
Thou  didst  generously  offer  me  the 
prodigious  gift  of  Thy  whole  Being.  I 
[32] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

acknowledge  also  that  I  do  not  receive 
the  sacrament  of  the  Eucharist  with  the 
frequency  that  I  ought  and  that  is  indis- 
pensable to  me  in  my  wretched  weakness; 
but  I  hope  that  henceforth  not  merely 
the  ardent  desire,  but  also  the  good 
disposition,  to  receive  Thee  will  increase 
in  me  more  and  more.  Thou  knowest,  O 
Lord,  how  long  and  slow  and  gradual  was 
my  return  to  Thy  grace,  but  I  feel  strongly 
that  Thy  divine,  fatherly,  solicitous,  un- 
tiring, loving  help  has  not  failed  me  even 
for  an  instant.  Thou  hast  kept  royally 
all  Thy  promises,  nay  Thou  hast  been 
superabundant  in  Thy  gifts,  certainly  far 
more  than  I  can  see  and  even  more  than 
I  could  expecl:  or  imagine.  I  only  feel 
that  I  have  been  weak,  and  that  on  my 
part  I  have  not  kept  even  the  hundredth 
part  of  what  so  often  I  promised  Thee. 
But  I  hope  more  and  more  in  Thy  grace. 
I  hope  that  the  enemies  I  have  now 
conquered,  especially  impurity  and  sloth, 
may  never  again  prevail  over  me. 


I 


SEE  clearly  many  other  little  noxious 
weeds  which  I  now  must  root  up,  one  by 

[33] 


A  SOLDIER  S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 

one,  with  my  own  hands.  Ever  higher 
and  higher,  Lord,  ever  lead  me  and  bear 
me  up,  my  Blessed  Father.  I  am  in  1  hy 
hands;  make  me  to  rise  yet  higher. 
Impose  increasingly  difficult  trials  upon 
me,  if  Thou  seest  that  I  am  sufficiently 
strong  and  well  enough  inclined.  Thou 
knowest  well  that  with  Thy  help  I  am 
affrighted  at  nothing.  Thou  knowest, 
too,  that  without  Thy  help  all  would  be 
dead  for  me.  And  now  I  firmly  purpose 
to  overcome  the  many  other  little  evil 
inclinations  which  I  detect  in  me,  such  as 
vanity,  feeble  resistance  to  persuasion, 
flattery,  a  certain  weakness  of  will,  some 
freedom  and  levity  in  speech,  the  begin- 
ning of  pleasure  in  carnal  thoughts,  a  little 
severity  and  bitterness  against  the  woes 
and  the  suffering  and  the  baseness  and  the 
wretchedness  of  the  world,  with  an  evident 
tendency  to  visit  upon  the  sinner  the 
resentment,  the  aversion,  and  the  anger 
which  are  due  only  to  the  sin.  Moreover 
I  purpose  to  practice  with  ever  greater 
precision  the  precepts  of  the  Church, 
which  are  so  beautiful  and  so  wise,  and 
above  all  to  cultivate  a  keener,  warmer, 
[34] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

deeper  love  for  the  stupendous  double 
sacrament  of  Penance  and  Holy  Com- 
munion. The  reading  of  the  Gospel, 
which  I  have  begun  daily  since  I  began 
to  write  this  diary,  greatly  helps  my 
intellect  and  heart. 


A: 


.ND  now,  having  made  these  resolu- 
tions (to  confirm  myself  in  which  I  recall 
to  my  own  confusion  how  often  I  have 
disregarded  them),  I  thank  Thee,  O  Lord, 
unworthy  of  Thy  supreme  goodness  as  I 
am,  I  thank  Thee  for  the  beneficent  help 
that  Thou  hast  instituted  for  our  salvation, 
and  that  Thou  hast  permitted  me  this 
morning  to  partake  of  the  superabundant 
favors  that  spring  from  Thy  sacrifice. 
I  thank  Thee  for  having  granted  me  the 
grace  to  receive  with  faith,  hope,  and 
charity  Him  in  Whom  and  by  \\hom  we 
believe,  hope,  and  love.  I  beseech  Thee, 
0  Lord,  by  the  merits  of  the  most  salutary 
and  solemn  of  all  Thy  sacraments  that  I 
may  learn  to  love  Thee  evermore,  to 
purify  myself  of  my  imperfections,  to 
console  myself  in  my  afflictions,  to  sustain 
myself  in  mv  weaknesses.  I  invoke  the 

[35] 


A   SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    GOD 

intercession  of  the  great  Mother  of  God, 
Mary  most  Holy  and  Blessed,  whom  I 
love,  in  whom  I  trust,  whom  I  implore, 
who  is  the  sweet  objecl:  of  the  best  desires 
of  this  poor  filial  heart  of  mine. 


[36 


VI 

He  'Discourses  upon  Free 


1 


Sunday,  May  qtb,  1915 

AHOSE  poor,  blind  men,  0  Lord, 
who  seek  liberty  have  found 
slavery  instead.  To  avoid  serv- 
ing justice  they  have  become  the  servants 
of  their  passions.  Proclaiming  that  they 
have  set  themselves  free  from  Thy  sweet 
yoke,  they  are  obliged  at  last  to  proclaim 
that  they  are  slaves  and  senseless  brutes. 
To  be  able  to  assert  that  they  are  not 
responsible  for  the  evil  they  do,  they 
have  to  admit  that  they  are  incapable  of 
doing  any  sort  of  good.  In  their  wicked- 
ness they  are  so  loath  to  respond  to  Thy 
calls  and  to  obey  Thy  commandments, 
that  at  last  they  whimper  and  say:  "Why 
dost  Thou  call  us,  O  Lord?  Seest  Thou 
not  that  we  cannot  obey  Thee,  because  we 
are  shackled  here?  Is  it  our  fault  that 
we  have  these  chains?  We  did  not  put 

[37] 
145568 


A     SOLDIER    S     CONFIDENCES     WITH     GOD 

them  on  ourselves,  we  have  been  fet- 
tered with  them  since  our  birth,  and 
they  have  been  riveted  by  the  work  of 
men,  of  the  world,  of  society.  We  are 
not  free,  O  Lord.  Why  dost  Thou  impose 
Thy  commandments  on  us?  Why  dost 
Thou  entice  us  with  rewards?  Why  dost 
Thou  threaten  us  with  punishments?" 
Wretches!  You  have  shackled  yourselves 
so  as  not  to  obey,  so  as  to  excuse  your- 
selves from  reasonable  service.  And  this 
is  what  you  call  liberty! 


O 


LORD,  I  thank  Thee  that  Thou  hast 
not  left  me  among  those  fools,  those  vol- 
untary slaves,  who  renounce  the  eternal 
liberty  of  the  spirit  for  the  brief  and  mock- 
ing freedom  to  evil.  But  let  us  see  if,  in 
arguing  against  them,  I  shall  not  succeed 
in  discerning  better  that  sublime  truth, 
the  Communion  of  Saints,  which  is  the 
expression  of  Catholicism,  of  universal 
fraternity,  of  the  wonderful  unity  and 
coherence  of  matter,  intellect,  and  spirit 
in  Thee,  Lord  and  Creator,  Triune  Light 
in  a  single  star. 

[38] 


L 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

ET  us  begin;    help  me,  0  Lord. 


VV  HEN  men  in  the  choice  between 
good  and  evil  deliberately  choose  evil, 
they  can  scarcely  ever  bring  them- 
selves to  admit  that  the  choice  was 
of  their  own  free  will;  after  trying 
in  vain  to  convince  themselves  that 
it  is  not  wicked,  they  disown  the  sin. 
But,  before  doing  the  evil  thing,  they 
generally  say,  frankly  and  shamelessly: 
"Is  it  my  fault?"  or,  "I  was  born  so!" 
''This  is  my  temperament!"  And  so 
forth.  The  great  thought,  the  great  con- 
cern, the  great  anxiety  of  men  is  to  restrict, 
as  much  as  possible,  the  limits  of  their 
own  responsibility.  And  instead  they 
accuse  heredity,  disease,  education,  the 
sins  of  society.  Finally  they  arrive  at 
philosophic  determinism,  saying  a  man  is 
not  free  or  responsible  in  anything;  he  is 
less  than  an  animal,  less  than  a  plant; 
he  is  passive  matter,  not  autonomous, 
without  a  shadow  of  free  will.  A  thousand 
causes  may  be  at  work  within  him:  the 
climate,  the  seasons,  temperature,  diseases, 

[39] 


A    SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    GOD 

deformities,  physical  defects,  congenital 
maladies,  external  suggestions,  education, 
circumstances,  —  anything,  a  grain  of 
sand,  a  draught  of  liquor,  certain  foods, 
the  most  negligible,  fortuitous,  and  ridicu- 
lous causes.  One  single  cause  can  never 
influence  him,  and  this  is  his  free  will. 
Such  is  the  absurd  error  upon  which  many 
philosophers  found  their  ethics.  Now,  I 
am  far  from  saying  that  each  individual 
lives  free  and  apart  from  the  rest  of  the 
world,  isolated  and  independent,  like  a 
capricious,  uncontrollable  despot.  I  say 
rather  that  a  man  is  the  effect:  of  the  past 
and  the  cause  of  the  future,  bound  to  all 
the  human  race  and  to  all  the  rest  of  the 
universe  in  the  three  worlds  of  matter, 
intellect,  and  spirit.  I  say  that  each  man 
has  received  something  before  he  began 
to  live  and  that  his  liberty  consists  in  his 
very  effort  to  increase  the  treasure  in- 
trusted to  him.  One  man  has  received 
five  talents,  another  two,  another  only 
one;  "to  each  according  to  his  worth."1 
The  master  then  left  the  servants  free  for 
a  long  time;  and  "then  after  a  long  time 

1  Unicuique  secundum  propnam  virtutem. 
[40] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

came  the  lord  of  these  servants."  l  I  say, 
therefore,  that  each  individual  comes  into 
the  world  with  certain  gifts,  with  certain 
graces,  with  certain  powers  and  under 
certain  conditions.  As  Gratry  well  says: 
''There  is  a  primitive,  impersonal  educa- 
tion which  is  of  God,  nature,  and  society. 
But  God,  Who  gives  us  our  beginning  by 
Himself  or  by  His  creation,  wishes  that 
we  perfect  ourselves  by  reflection  and 
liberty;  this  is  personal  education." 


Ti 


HUS  is  man's  liberty  vindicated, 
and  thus  the  limits  of  his  responsibility 
are  clearly  defined.  Man  will  not  be 
punished  because  in  the  beginning  he  has 
only  one  talent,  but  he  will  be  punished 
because  "going  away  he  dug  in  the  earth 
and  hid  his  lord's  money."  2 


B 


>UT  that  is  not  enough,  and  this  is  the 
point  at  which  I  wanted  to  arrive.  Is 
no  one  responsible  for  the  evil  deeds 
committed  by  the  man  who  "is  not 

1  Post  multum  vero  tempons  venit   dominus  servorum 
illorum. 

2  Abiens  fodit  in  terrain  et  abscondit  pecuniam  dommi 
sui. 

[41] 


A     SOLDIERS     CONFIDENCES     WITH     GOD 

responsible"?  Is  not  society  made  up 
of  men?  Is  not  education  imparted  by 
men?  Is  not  example  given  by  men? 
And  shall  they  not  then  answer  for  the 
evil  deeds  committed  by  others  through 
their  fault?  The  man  who  contracts  moral 
corruption  shall  answer  not  only  for  the 
sin  of  contracting  it,  but  also  for  the  sin 
of  transmitting  it  to  his  son.  There  is 
cohesion  in  evil  as  well  as  in  good.  This 
book  resting  on  the  table  makes  its  weight 
felt,  little  as  it  is.  The  desk,  in  its  turn, 
presses  on  the  floor,  and  compels  it  to 
react  to  the  same  extent,  in  order  that 
the  balance  be  maintained.  The  floor  is 
connected  with  the  house,  the  latter  is 
founded  in  the  ground.  The  strata  of 
the  ground  form  the  skeleton  of  the  earth, 
and  the  earth  is  balanced  in  space.  It  is 
only  a  grain  of  sand  floating  in  the  im- 
mensity of  ether,  but,  tiny  as  it  is,  its 
mass  plays  its  part  in  the  stellar  equi- 
librium. Thus,  in  a  way  that  only  1  hy 
mind,  O  Lord,  can  perceive  and  measure, 
the  slightest  movement  of  my  little  pen 
running  across  this  paper  is  connected 
with  the  motions  of  the  spheres  and  con- 
[42] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

tributes  to  and  is  a  part  thereof.     Thus  all 
matter  is  united. 


T. 


HE  same  takes  place  in  the  world 
of  intellect.  I  get  all  my  education  of 
culture  and  ideas  from  the  outside,  by 
endless  paths,  directly  and  indirectly, 
from  an  incalculable  number  of  human 
minds,  among  which  some  are  vast  and 
sublime,  some  fatuous  and  very  humble. 
There  is  not  a  single  idea,  however  small 
and  negligible,  no  matter  how  modest  its 
origin,  that  has  not  or  that  may  not  have 
its  value.  I  have  received  them  all; 
the  greater  number  I  have  lost,  forgotten, 
or  discarded,  but  there  is  not  one  that  has 
not  left  a  trace  or  a  furrow,  unnoticed, 
perhaps,  but  no  less  real,  which  Thou,  O 
Lord,  with  Thy  ineffable,  all-seeing  eye 
canst  easily  perceive.  Many  other  ideas, 
of  whose  real  existence  I  myself  am 
ignorant,  have  remained  in  my  subcon- 
sciousness  as  in  a  great  storehouse,  and 
perhaps  some  day  some  of  them  will  sud- 
denly blossom  forth  under  some  special 
stimulus,  perhaps  the  effect  of  disease, 
who  knows?  The  mysteries  of  the  mind 

[43] 


A    SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    GOD 

are  so  many!  Many  others  I  still  possess 
with  more  or  less  distinctness;  they  are 
all  within  me;  I  can  find  them  whenever 
I  wish;  and  in  the  meantime  I  have 
selected  them,  combined,  transformed, 
organized,  elaborated  them,  and  made 
them  mine;  and  then  I  spread  them 
broadcast  in  a  thousand  ways,  —  writing, 
talking,  printing,  arguing  with  one  or 
declaiming  to  an  audience  of  a  thousand, 
writing  a  letter  that  my  friend  will  tear 
up,  or  publishing  my  words  in  a  newspaper 
that  will  fall  under  the  eyes  of  a  hundred 
thousand  persons  I  have  never  known. 
Thus  ideas  live  and  have  their  most 
complex  adventures  in  the  world  of  in- 
telled:,  a  world  immeasurably  superior  to 
the  material  world,  a  world  united  and 
compact  also,  in  its  vast,  plenteous  and 
most  varied  complexity. 


.S  in  the  material  and  intellectual 
worlds,  so  it  is  in  the  infinitely  greater 
moral  world.  The  Lord  can  trace  the 
origin  of  and  responsibility  for  an  evil 
deed,  whether  great  or  small,  through  the 
intricate  maze  of  the  infinite  relations 
[44] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

between  human  souls.  "It  is  true  that 
many  men,"  says  Gratry  again,  "lack  the 
benefit  of  primitive  education.  They  are 
born  without  moral  patrimony,  and  per- 
haps as  food  for  their  journey  through 
this  difficult  life  have  received  only  per- 
verted examples  and  maxims.  But  reason 
and  the  Gospel  say  that  nothing  will  be 
asked  of  any  one  but  that  which  has  been 
given  to  him."  Exactly,  but  peradventure 
the  Lord  will  not  know  how  to  trace  the 
man  who  has  given  the  perverted  example 
and  bad  maxim?  Yes,  He  will,  and  He 
has  promised  it,  for  after  having  menaced 
with  one  of  His  most  terrible  anathemas 
those  who  scandalize  any  of  the  little  ones 
who  believe  in  Him,  He  adds:  "Woe  to 
the  world  because  of  scandals.  For  it 
needs  be  that  scandals  come,  but  woe 
to  that  man  by  whom  they  come!" 
(Matt,  xviii,  7.)  l 


I 


N  conclusion,  then:  not  only  is  free 
will  in  every  man,  but  its  effects  extend 

1  Vae  mundo  a  scanclalis.  Necesse  est  enim  ut  veniant 
scandala:  verumtamen  vae  homini  illi  per  quern  scandalum 
venit. 

[45] 


A     SOLDIERS     CONFIDENCES     WITH     GOD 

all  around  it  and  endure  after  it  is  gone, 
in  a  thousand  ways.  Each  individual 
must  answer  not  only  for  his  own  evil 
deeds,  but  also  for  those  that  he  causes 
other  men  to  commit.  Man  is  the  effect 
of  an  infinite  number  of  causes  and  is,  in 
his  turn,  one  of  the  causes  of  infinite 
effects.  With  the  evil  and  the  good  that 
he  does,  he  cooperates  in  the  whole  upward 
movement  of  the  entire  human  race. 
For  the  human  race  also  is  born,  lives, 
and  will  die,  free  to  choose  its  destiny; 
and  the  free  will  of  the  race  is  to  be  found 
in  this  communion  between  the  individuals 
of  which  it  is  composed,  in  these  indis- 
soluble bonds  which  bind  them  all  to- 
gether throughout  the  ages.  Therefore, 
not  only  is  man  himself  free,  but  he 
participates,  so  far  as  he  may,  in  the  liberty 
of  all  mankind,  more  or  less,  according  to 
the  faculties  with  which  God  has  endowed 
him  and  the  position  in  which  God  has 
placed  him  among  his  fellow  men.  Such 
is  the  image  of  communion  among  militant 
men.  Not  one  is  isolated.  All  are  united 
in  good  and  in  evil.  And  this  is  why 
they  must  love  one  another,  help  one 
[46] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

another,  and  sustain  one  another;  this  is 
why  the  commandment  to  love  one  another 
is  the  second,  like  unto  the  first,  of  loving 
God  above  all.  There  is  no  evil  deed 
that  will  not  have  to  be  atoned  for,  there 
is  no  good  deed  that  is  done  in  vain. 
The  buried  talent  was  really  not  lost. 
The  master  had  his  useless  servant  cast 
into  the  darkness,  but  the  talent  was 
given  to  him  who  had  ten,  that  nothing 
might  be  lost.  And  unity  among  men  is 
so  precious  that  the  Lord  intended  to 
give  us  a  warning  of  its  immense  power 
when  He  said:  "Again  I  say  to  you  that 
if  two  of  you  on  earth  shall  agree  in 
asking  anything,  it  shall  be  granted  by 
my  Father  who  is  in  heaven."  l  And  I 
believe  that  my  Dante  had  in  mind  the 
communion  of  saints  in  the  treasure  of 
the  Kingdom,  when  he  depicted  the 
blessed  of  the  empyrean  rose  as 

d'altrui  lume  fregiati  e  del  suo  riso. 

1   HEREFORE,  O  most  wise  Lord,  I 
thank    Thee    for    making    me    free,    the 

1  Iterum  dico  vobis  quia,  si  duo  ex  vobis  consenserint 
super  terrain  de  omni  re  quamcumque  petierint,  fiet  illis  a 
Pater  meo  qui  in  coelis  est. 

[47] 


A    SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES   WITH   GOD 

arbiter  and  forger  of  my  destiny,  and  also 
a  sharer  in  the  liberty  of  all  my  brethren, 
to  whose  destiny  I,  too,  by  Thy  grace, 
can,  willingly  and  lovingly,  contribute. 
And  I  beseech  Thee,  beloved  Lord,  that 
Thou  wilt  deem  me  worthy  of  participating 
forever  in  the  vast  treasures  of  the  com- 
munion of  saints,  as  a  devoted,  affectionate, 
obedient,  and  loving  son  of  Thy  Bride, 
the  Church. 


[48] 


I 


VII 

He  ^Determines  to  ^Be  a 
and  not  a  Tal\er 

Monday,  May  loth,  1915 

further  I  advance  in  the 
light  of  Thy  eternal  truth,  O 
Lord,  the  more  I  become  con- 
vinced of  what  I  have  always  vaguely 
guessed  and  felt,  that  for  every  man,  as 
well  as  for  every  people,  indeed  for  the 
entire  human  race,  salvation  consists  more 
in  doing  than  in  believing.  There  is  no 
doubt  that  faith  is  that  "dear  joy  whereon 
every  virtue  is  based,"  but  what  is  faith 
in  which  no  virtue  blossoms?  Faith  is,  of 
course,  a  necessary  seed,  but  how  often  the 
birds  of  the  air  devour  it,  how  often 
it  falls  upon  stony  ground,  how  often 
among  thorns!  Faith  is  the  good  tree, 
but  what  will  happen  if  it  does  not  bring 
forth  good  fruit? 

[49] 


A  SOLDIER  S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 


F 


AITH  avails  nothing  when  we  preach 
it  without  living  it,  and  listen  to  it  without 
practicing  it.  Not  only  is  it  useless,  but 
it  will  be  our  condemnation  on  the  day  of 
the  Lord,  for  nothing  will  excuse  us  when 
we  shall  have  to  confess  that  we  have 
known  Him  without  having  loved  Him. 

0  Jesus!  My  Jesus!     I  have  found  Thee 
and  I  have  known  Thee,  and  I  see  Thy 
beauty  and  I  perceive  that  in  Thee  alone 
is  my  salvation.     Grant,  I  beseech  Thee, 
that  so  great  a  gift  be  not  lost  in  vain, 
nor   given    to   me   for   my   condemnation. 
Thou  seest  well  how  weak  and  frail  I  am, 
how    full    of   every    misery    and    foulness. 
Abandon  me  not,  for  without  Thee,  Jesus, 

1  am   lost.     Therefore   make   me   to   love 
Thee,  to  love  Thee  ever  more;    make  me 
to  desire  Thy  yoke,  to  long  only  for  Thy 
cross;    grant  that  I  may  practice  willingly 
all   that   Thou   teachest   me   for   the   love 
Thou  bearest  me. 


I 


SAY,  then,  that  action  is  the  only 
way  of  salvation,  and  that  by  action  the 
world  will  be  saved.  Should  I  speak  to 

[50] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

men,  if  the  Lord  shall  deem  me  worthy 
to  be  a  preacher  of  His  word,  then  I  shall 
say  one  only  thing,  and  this  comprises  all 
wisdom:  Return  to  the  Sacraments,  return 
to  the  Sacraments!  I  shall  never  tire  of 
repeating  it,  or  of  demonstrating  it  and 
above  all  of  doing  it  myself  first.  Example 
and  deeds,  —  virtues  that  are  practical, 
usual,  precise,  and  material  —  action,  ac- 
tion, that  is  all! 

X  HE  doctrine  of  the  Church  is  not  a 
marble  edifice  to  be  gazed  at  in  wonder; 
it  is  a  living  body  of  which  we  are  a  part 
and  in  which  we  live.  It  is  not  a  palace, 
outside  of  which  we  stand  to  admire  the 
facade;  it  is  a  home  which  we  enter  to 
live  in,  there  to  find  our  refuge,  our  bed, 
and  our  board;  it  is  the  Lord's  house. 
At  the  convent  of  Monte  alle  Croci, 
where  I  spent  yesterday,  my  friend  Father 
Eletto  made  me  read  in  the  office  the 
words  of  St.  James:  "Be  ye  therefore 
doers  of  the  word  and  not  merely  hearers, 
deceiving  yourselves.  For  he  who  is  a 
hearer  of  the  word  and  not  a  doer  is  like 
unto  one  who  looketh  at  his  face  in  a 


A    SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    GOD 

glass;  for  he  looketh  at  himself,  then  he 
goeth  away  and  straightway  forgetteth 
what  manner  of  man  he  was.  But  he 
who  will  seek  deeply  in  the  perfect  law 
of  liberty  and  persevere  therein,  becoming 
not  merely  a  forgetful  hearer  but  a  doer  of 
works,  he  shall  be  blessed  in  his  deeds. 
For  if  any  man  think  himself  to  be  religious 
and  bndleth  not  his  tongue  but  seduceth 
his  heart,  that  man's  religion  is  vain."  x 


Y 


ES,  Father,  salvation  is  in  work. 
Make  me,  therefore,  I  implore  Thee 
through  the  infinite  merits  of  the  Passion 
of  Thy  Son  Jesus  Christ  our  Lord,  make 
me  a  doer  of  works  and  not  a  forgetful 
hearer,  because  for  such  a  man  religion  is 
vain.  This  epistle  of  the  great  father  of 
the  Church  of  Jerusalem  is  in  its  entirety 

1  Estote  autem  factores  verbi;  et  non  auditores  tantum, 
fallentes  vosmetipsos.  Quia  si  quis  auditor  est  verbi,  et 
non  factor,  hie  comparabitur  viro  consicleranti  vultum 
nativitatis  suae  in  speculo:  consideravit  enim  se,  abiit, 
et  statim  obhtus  est  qualis  fuerit.  Qui  autem  perspexent 
in  legem  perfechun  libertatis,  et  permansent  in  ea,  non 
auditor  obliviosus  fadus,  sed  factor  operis,  hie  beams  in 
facto  suo  non  erit.  Si  qui  sautem  putet  se  religiosum 
esse,  non  refrenans  linguam  suam,  sed  seducens  cor  suum, 
huius  vana  est  religio  (Epistle  of  St.  James,  i,  22-26). 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

a  code  of  practical  life.     "Faith  without 
works  is  dead."  l 


OW  works  are  renunciation  and 
charity  above  all.  Men  are  fighting  and 
killing  each  other  to-day  for  domination, 
and  I  believe  they  will  never  attain  their 
obje<5t.  This  war  will  give  birth  to  the 
moral  character  of  the  nations,  for  it  will 
demonstrate  that  violence  and  fraud  do 
not  profit  nations  any  more  than  they 
profit  men.  The  example  of  Germany 
will  be  the  basis  of  this  bloody  experience. 
Italy,  perhaps,  if  the  Lord  shall  deign  to 
protect  her  in  this  trial,  as  I  am  earnestly 
praying  Him  to  do,  will  be  the  asserter  of 
the  principle  of  nationality,  and  then  of 
equilibrium,  and  then  of  Christian  justice 
and  Christian  love.  To  have  charity  one 
must  have  self-denial.  I  shall  work  by 
denying  myself  and  helping  others;  I 
feel  that  I  am  in  the  right  and  that  my 
work  will  be  fruitful.  But  as  long  as  I 
talk,  all  will  be  useless.  No  one  will  be 
persuaded.  Once  I  act,  no  eloquence 
in  the  world  can  contradict  the  silent 

1  Fides  sine  operibus  mortua  est. 

[53] 


A   SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    GOD 

eloquence  of  my  deeds.  There  is  no  elo- 
quence that  does  not  fall  before  deeds. 
Men  need  example  and  not  words,  for 
they  are  deeply  conscious  that  without 
example  religion  is  vain,  as  the  tree  with- 
out fruit  is  vain,  and  fit  only  to  be  cast 
into  the  fire. 


[S4J 


VIII 

He,  lik^e  8lias 

for  'Death 

Tuesday,  May  nth,  1915 

OLORD,  I  want  to  die,  and  I  am 
not  sure  that  I  am  doing  well  in 
wishing  it  so  much.  Death  fasci- 
nates me,  life  repels  me.  I  feel  I  am  a 
"poor  banished  child  of  Eve,  mourning 
and  weeping  in  this  valley  of  tears,"  as  I 
say  every  day  to  the  Mother  of  Mercy. 
The  narrowness  of  life  oppresses  me;  my 
weakness  displeases  me;  the  petty  every- 
day struggle  wears  me  out.  I  should 
like  to  be  done  with  it;  I  should  like  to 
give  up  the  trial;  I  should  like  to  be 
called  at  once  to  my  judgment.  If  I 
look  on  death,  I  think  with  real  relief 
that  it  is  advancing  towards  me  every 
minute  with  even  step.  To-day  I  shall 
have  to  wait  for  it  one  day  less  than 
yesterday;  but  when,  when  will  it  reach 

[55] 


A    SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    GOD 

me?  If  it  might  be  to-morrow!  How 
will  it  come?  Will  it  be  painful  and 
excruciating?  Will  it  be  sudden,  swift  as 
lightning,  or  long,  slow,  sweet,  and  calm? 
Will  it  leave  me  time  to  call  upon  Thee, 
my  God?  Thou  art  silent,  and  I  know  it 
is  well  that  Thou  shouldst  be;  it  is  well 
for  me  and  for  my  salvation,  for  I  am  too 
weak,  and  if  I  were  certain  of  the  day 
and  hour  I  should  be  less  attentive,  less 
watchful,  less  cautious;  such  security 
would  put  vain  hopes  into  my  mind  and 
deliver  me  into  the  hands  of  the  enemy. 
But  Thy  terrible  silence  oppresses  me,  O 
Lord.  I  fear  Thee,  I  tremble  and  I  am 
afraid  of  myself.  Oh,  that  it  might  come 
at  once,  now,  at  this  instant,  and  abruptly 
stop  my  hand  at  this  very  word! 


I 


HAVE  interrupted  my  writing,  concen- 
trated my  mind  on  Thee,  0  Lord,  and  I 
have  said  twice  in  utter  abandonment: 
Take  me!  Take  me!  And  now  I  repeat 
it:  Here  I  am;  take  me,  take  me  now  at 
this  moment  when  I  love  Thee,  when  I 
fear  Thee,  when  I  wait  for  Thee.  Thou 
seest  well  that  I  cast  not  a  glance  at  what 
[56] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

I  leave  behind,  that  I  have  detached 
myself  from  everything.  I  desire  Thee 
alone,  O  Lord,  and  for  Thee  I  would  pass 
through  any  ordeal.  Send  me  a  death  of 
agony,  and  torment,  an  atrocious,  vile, 
opprobrious,  infamous  death,  like  Thine 
own.  Oh,  that  would  be  too  much  joy 
for  me,  and  I  am  sure  I  shall  never  be 
worthy  of  it!  Let  me  die  like  St.  John 
Chrysostom;  or  at  least  like  St.  Cyprian. 
But  no,  their  death  was  a  majestic  triumph. 
The  former  returned  from  the  Caucasus, 
thirty  years  after  his  death,  and  on  the 
Bosphorus,  illuminated  by  thousands  of 
flames,  between  the  shores  of  two  conti- 
nents, a  young  imperial  and  saintly  couple 
welcomed  his  ship  decorated  with  silken 
draperies  and  resplendent  with  lights  like 
an  altar,  amid  the  tears  and  the  mourning 
of  an  endless  multitude  of  the  faithful. 
The  latter,  going  up  to  his  martyrdom, 
heard  behind  him  an  entire  people  crying 
that  they  wanted  to  die  with  him.  No, 
no,  Lord,  give  me  a  painful,  obscure 
death;  make  me  die  now,  insignificant 
and  unknown  as  I  am;  but  let  it  be  very 
soon,  nay  at  once. 

[57] 


A  SOLDIER  S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 


I 


DO  not  know  if  I  am  deceiving  myself 
or  presuming  too  much,  —  my  heart  is 
so  weak  and  cowardly  and  so  easily 
deceived  and  puffed  up  with  vanity,  - 
but  it  seems  to  me  that  I  look  upon  the 
event  of  my  death  with  absolute  lack  of 
fear.  But  perhaps,  or  rather  without  any 
doubt,  I  am  speaking  now  with  boasting 
and  bravado,  and  if  the  day  of  real  trial 
were  to  come  I  should  show  myself  a 
pusillanimous  coward. 

SOMETIMES  I  rebuke  myself  for  wish- 
ing to  die,  and  suspect  that  I  am  making 
love  for  Thee  a  mask  for  my  cowardice 
and  discouragement.  If  Thou  keepest 
me  alive,  this  is  among  Thy  designs,  and 
I  ought  to  serve  Thee  living  without  the 
intractable  impatience  of  a  restless  school- 
boy, and  accept  without  a  murmur  even 
the  longest,  saddest,  and  most  obscure 
life  to  ripen  myself  gradually  with  resigned 
and  humble  patience  in  the  warm  rays  of 
Thy  love.  Yes,  yes,  let  us  suffer  and 
fight  with  joy,  all  our  lives,  as  Thou  hast 
willed  that  peace  should  not  be  here,  for 
[58] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

Jesus  came  not  to  bring  peace  but  a 
sword.  Blaise  Pascal,  in  one  of  his  letters, 
well  says:  "One  must  make  up  his  mind 
to  suffer  this  war  all  his  life,  for  there  is 
no  peace  here.  Jesus  Christ  came  not  to 
bring  peace  but  a  sword.  But,  neverthe- 
less, it  must  be  confessed  that,  as  the 
Scripture  says,  the  wisdom  of  men  is  only 
foolishness  before  God,  so  one  may  say 
that  this  war,  which  seems  so  hard  to 
men,  is  a  peace  in  the  sight  of  God;  for 
this  is  the  peace  that  Jesus  Christ  brought. 
However,  it  will  not  be  perfect  until  the 
body  shall  be  destroyed;  and  that  is 
what  makes  one  long  for  death,  yet  suf- 
fer life  gladly  for  the  love  of  Him  who  suf- 
fered both  life  and  death  for  us,  and  who 
can  give  us  more  good  things  than  we 
can  ever  ask  or  imagine,  in  the  words  of 
St.  Paul."  1 

1  II  faut  done  se  resoudre  a  souffrir  cette  guerre  toute 
sa  vie:  car  il  n'y  a  point  ici  de  paix.  Jesus-Christ  est 
venu  apporter  le  couteau,  et  non  pas  la  paix.  Mais 
neanmoms  il  faut  avouer  que,  comme  1'Ecriture  dit  que 
la  sagesse  des  homines  n'est  que  fohe  devant  Dieu,  aussi 
on  pent  dire  que  cette  guerre  qui  parait  dure  aux  hommes, 
est  une  paix  devant  Dieu:  car  c'est  cette  paix  que  Jesus- 
Christ  a  aussi  apportee.  Elle  ne  sera  neanmoins  parfaite 
([lie  quand  le  corps  sera  detruit;  et  c'est  ce  qui  fait  sou- 

[  59  ] 


A  SOLDIER  S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 


when  I  expressed  this  desire  for 
death  to  Cardinal  Maffi,  a  few  days  ago, 
telling  him  that  I  had  a  scruple  about  it, 
he  —  enlightened  and  keen  as  he  is  zealous 
and  pious  —  answered  that  death  should 
neither  be  feared  nor  desired,  but  should 
be  left  to  the  Lord,  —  almost  exactly 
what  my  good  spiritual  father  had  told 
me  before. 


yet  I  still  persist  in  loving  and 
longing  for  death  as  a  liberation  and  a 
reward.  Was  it  not  St.  Ambrose,  that 
giant  of  the  Church,  who  used  those 
words  that  might  have  resounded  on  the 
lips  of  Elias?  "O  God,  my  Father, 
stretch  out  Thy  arms  to  receive  Thy 
poor  servant  who  calls  upon  Thee.  Ah! 
although  faith  has  been  spread  far  and 
wide,  charity  grows  cold  and  iniquity 
still  abounds  upon  the  earth!  O  take  me 
up  with  Thee  where  there  are  no  such 

haiter  la  mort,  en  souffrant  nGanmoins  de  bon  cceur  la 
vie  pour  1'amour  de  celui  qui  a  souffert  pour  nous  c-t  la  vie 
et  la  mort,  et  qui  pent  nous  dormer  plus  de  biens  que 
nous  n'en  pouvons  ni  demander  m  imagmer,  comme  dit 
Saint  Paul. 

[60] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

miseries,  no  such  changes,  no  such  dark- 
ness, but  Thou  alone  art  the  light  of  Thy 
sons!  It  is  hard  to  wait  so  long  for  the 
day  when  this  our  death  shall  be  swallowed 
up  in  Thy  life!  It  is  hard  to  drag  so  long 
this  body  already  wrapped  in  the  shadows 
of  dissolution!  Arise,  O  Lord!  Sleepest 
Thou?  How  long  wilt  Thou  repel  me?" 


LND  are  not  these  the  exhilarating 
words  of  St.  Gregory  the  Great,  written 
in  the  anguish  of  divine  expectation? 
"What  are  the  joyful  or  sad  events  of 
this  world  in  comparison  with  the  life 
that  awaits  us  above?  This  earthly  life, 
with  its  constant  ebb  and  flow  and  dis- 
appearance of  persons  and  things  about 
us  might  well  be  defined  as  a  continuous 
death.  There  is  no  true  life  but  in  heaven, 
where  the  spirit  in  company  with  the 
angels  is  immersed  in  infinite  light  and 
becomes  inebriated  with  the  possession  of 
incorruptible,  eternal  happiness.  O,  how 
the  heart  is  fired  with  this  thought  and 
longs  for  the  blessed  goal!  Make  haste 
and  let  me  hear  Thy  call,  O  Lord,  Thy 
servant  turns  his  ear  to  Thee  and  waits." 

[61] 


A  SOLDIER  S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 


T. 


HIS  is  indeed  the  truth,  O  Lord: 
I  am  not  invoking  death,  but  life,  for  this 
life  is  death,  and  the  moment  of  bodily 
death  is  only  the  painful  passage  that 
leads  to  life.  I  desire  death  because  I 
must  pass  through  it  in  order  to  come  to 
Thee,  O  Lord.  I  desire  death  that  I  may 
possess  my  good;  and  Thou  art  my  good, 
O  Lord,  my  love,  my  life,  sweet  Jesus, 
Jesus,  my  love.  I  desire  death  that  I 
may  truly  and  fully  be  a  "fellow  citizen 
with  the  saints,  and  a  domestic  of  God."  1 
What  shall  be  the  joy  eternal,  if  the  mere 
thought  of  it  in  this  little,  beclouded,  dim 
mind  of  a  pygmy  groping  in  the  dark,  in- 
capable of  conceiving  it,  or  of  imagining 
even  "a  single  spark  of  Thy  glory,"  is 
enough  to  make  me  leap  and  bound,  to 
set  my  heart  throbbing,  to  whirl  me 
away  in  a  torrent  of  bliss  and  rejoicing? 
What  shall  the  reality  be,  if  the  mere 
expectation  is  enough  to  make  me  happy! 
Oh,  the  goodness  of  the  Lord!  what  shall 
life  eternal  be,  when  I  shall  "be  able  to 
comprehend,  with  all  the  saints,  what  is 

1  Cms  sanctorum,  domesticus  Dei.     (Eph.  n,  19.) 
[62] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

the  breadth,  and  length,  and  height,  and 
depth;  to  know  also  the  charity  of  Christ, 
which  surpasseth  all  knowledge,  that  I 
may  be  filled  unto  all  the  fullness  of 
God"!1  My  God,  I  read  the  burning 
words  of  the  Apocalypse  and  should  I 
not  be  consumed  with  impatience  and 
yearning?  Should  I  not  feel  my  soul 
drawn  by  an  all-consuming  desire  to  see 
the  Holy  City,  the  New  Jerusalem  coming 
down  from  heaven,  from  God  "prepared 
as  a  bride  adorned  for  her  husband  ?" 
And  should  I  not  thirst  for  the  water  of 
the  river  of  life,  "clear  as  crystal  proceed- 
ing from  the  throne  of  God  and  of  the 
Lamb?"3 


moreover  I  desire  to  die  because 
I  see  that  the  wicked  wish  to  live  and  are 
attached  to  life,  like  oysters  to  the  rocks; 
they  are  greedy  and  feverish,  full  of 

1  Cum  omnibus  sanctis,  quae  sit  latitude  et  longitude, 
et  sublimitas  ct  profundum:    scire  etiam  supereminentem 
scientiae  charitatem  Christi,  ut  impleamini  in  omnem  pleni- 
tudinem  Dei?     (Ibid.,  iii,  18-19.) 

2  Paratam    sicut    sponsam    ornatam    viro    suo.      (Apo. 
\xi,  2.) 

3  Splendidum    tamquam    cristallum,    procedentem    de 
sede  Dei  et  Agni.     (Ibid,  xxii,  i.) 

[63] 


A  SOLDIER'S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 
anxiety  and  terror.  They  are  too  ridicu- 
lous and  contemptible  for  me  to  wish  to 
resemble  them.  To  them  life  is  an  abode, 
and  they  refuse  to  listen  to  any  one  that 
says  it  is  precarious,  ephemeral,  fragile, 
fleeting  as  a  breath,  futile  as  that  of  a 
fly;  nay,  they  are  ready  to  curse  him  who 
tells  them  these  things,  and  they  close 
their  ears  wildly  that  they  may  not  hear. 
But  for  me  life  is  only  a  voyage  and, 
what  is  more,  a  perilous  voyage.  What 
desire  more  natural  than  to  long  to  see 
the  end  of  it  at  once?  Why  should  I  not 
stand  on  the  prow,  scanning  the  horizon 
and  straining  my  eyes  to  see  if  the  harbor 
be  not  getting  nearer?  The  longer  the 
voyage,  the  greater  the  danger  of  ship- 
wreck and  the  more  numerous  will  be 
the  storms.  It  is  true  that  the  greater 
the  trials  we  overcome,  the  greater  is  the 
reward  that  God  has  in  store  for  us.  It 
may  be  that  He  loves  me  so  much  that  He 
wishes  me  to  be  more  glorious  in  His 
eyes.  I  would  not  be  so  ungrateful  as  to 
accept  with  bad  grace  the  battles  to  which 
He  invites  me;  but  I  am  afraid  for  myself, 
I  know  my  weakness  and  mv  unworthi- 
[64] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

ness,  I  feel  that  I  can  do  nothing  on  earth, 
and  if  occasionally  the  mirage  of  a  vast 
earthly  undertaking  smiles  before  me  and 
I  seem  to  be  called  to  perform  many 
enterprises,  I  tremble  lest  this  thought  be 
suggested  to  me  by  the  evil  one  for  my 
perdition;  I  am  afraid  it  is  a  diabolical, 
proud  thought. 


HEN  I  should  like  to  die,  especially 
to  mortify  my  ambition  rather  than 
through  disgust  for  the  world  and  desire 
for  peace.  I  should  like  to  die  because, 
rather  than  become  a  presumptuous  empty 
braggart,  a  deluded  man  obstinately  at- 
tempting enterprises  beyond  his  powers,  I 
would  prefer  a  thousand  times  to  be  one 
of  those  unknown  servants,  of  whom 
Thou  didst  speak  to  Ehas,  when  Thou 
didst  say  to  him:  "And  I  will  leave  me 
seven  thousand  men  in  Israel  whose  knees 
have  not  been  bent  before  Baal  and  every 
mouth  that  hath  not  worshiped  him  kiss- 
ing the  hands."  x  I  would  rather  be  one 

1  Et  derelmquam  mihi  in  Israel  septem  millia  virorum, 
quorum  genua  non  stint  incurvata  ante  Baal,  et  omne  os 
quod  non  adoravit  eum  osculans  manum.  (3  Kings  xix, 

19.) 

[65] 


A  SOLDIER  S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 

of   Thy    least    adorers,    unknown    to    the 
world   and   even   to  the   prophets. 


B 


»UT  while  seeking  these  words  in  the 
third  book  of  Kings  I  read  the  whole 
nineteenth  chapter,  and  I  am  now  asking 
myself  with  painful  anxiety  whether  it  is 
a  warning  or  a  temptation  for  me,  whether 
it  is  Thy  message,  O  Lord,  or  a  suggestion 
from  the  devil;  for  Elias  also  was  anxious 
for  death:  "He  went  forward  one  day's 
journey  into  the  desert.  And  when  he 
was  there  and  sat  under  a  juniper  tree, 
he  requested  for  his  soul  that  he  might 
die  and  said:  It  is  enough  for  me,  O 
Lord;  take  away  my  soul,  for  I  am 
no  better  than  my  fathers."  1  And  later 
he  gave  the  reason  twice:  "With  zeal 
have  I  been  zealous  for  the  Lord  God 
of  hosts,  for  the  children  of  Israel 
have  forsaken  Thy  covenant;  they  have 
thrown  down  Thy  altars,  they  have  slain 
Thy  prophets  with  the  sword,  and  I  alone 

1  Perrexit  in  desertum,  viam  unius  diei.  Cumque 
venisset,  et  sederet  subter  unam  uiniperun,  petivit  animae 
suae  ut  moreretur,  et  ait:  Sufficit  mihi,  Domine;  tolle 
animam  meam,  neque  enim  mehor  sum  quam  patres  mei. 
(Ibid.,  4.) 

[66] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

am  left,  and  they  seek  my  life  to  take  it 
away."  1 


the  Lord  told  him  he  still  had 
seven  thousand  unknown  servants  and 
commanded  him  to  do  what  was  necessary. 
And  the  angel  of  God  had  already  said  to 
him:  "Arise,  eat,  for  thou  hast  yet  a 
great  way  to  go." 


can  I  think,  O  Lord?  I  shall 
say:  Thy  will,  not  mine,  be  done.  I 
shall  say  that  if  Thou  wilt  I  am  ready  to 
walk  forty  days  and  forty  nights,  provided 
Thy  grace  will  help  me.  But  even  if  I 
have  only  one  step  to  take,  I  need  Thy 
grace.  To  get  it  I  will  arise  and  eat  and 
drink;  and  I  say  that  I  shall  not  eat  any 
food  but  Thee,  the  holy  food  of  the  flesh 
and  blood  of  Blessed  Jesus,  the  living 
bread  from  heaven,  that  I  may  be  able 
"to  walk  in  the  strength  of  that  food."  3 

1  Zelo  zelatus  sum  pro  Domino  Deo  exercituum,  quia 
derelinquerunt   pactum   tuum   tilii   Israel,   altaria  tua   de- 
struxerunt,    prophetas   tuos   occiderunt   gladio,    derelichis 
sum  ego  solus,  et  quaerunt  animam  meam  ut  auferant  earn. 
(Ibid.,  10  and  14.) 

2  Surge,  comede;  grandis  enim  tihi  restat  via.     (Ibid.,j.) 

3  Ambulare  in  fortitudine  cibi  illius.     (Ibid.,  8.) 

[67] 


IX 

He  localizes  the  desolation  of 

the  Heart  from  *ti>hicb  Gjod 

Has   Withdrawn 

Wednesday,  May  I2th,  1915 

OMY   LORD,    how   good   Thou 
art!     What    a    sweet    sadness    it 
is  for  me  to  feel  mute  and  power- 
less to  express  myself  when  I  would  like 
to    praise    Thy    infinite    goodness!     And 
just    to    think    that    all    eternity   will    not 
suffice  to  praise  Thee  and  adore  Thee  as  I 
desire!     Thou  art  all  joy  and  tenderness! 
Thou  art  all  kindness  and  indulgence! 


HEN  I  woke  up  this  morning  my 
mind  was  cold  and  stagnant;  I  had  a 
sense  of  desolation,  and  this  for  several 
reasons.  Last  night  I  wandered  idly  from 
cafe  to  restaurant  in  the  company  of  some 
loose  young  fellows,  and  I  got  home  late 
and  tired;  this  morning  I  woke  up  in  a 
bad  humor  and  stupid  and  looked  back 

[68] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

with  regret  at  my  happy  hours  at  home, 
with  the  diligent,  eager  mornings,  the 
short,  peaceful  evenings  of  the  past  few 
days.  I  was  amazed  at  the  thought  that 
to-night  I  must  go  to  Padua,  called  there 
unexpectedly,  and  that  to-day  is  going  to 
be  full  of  petty  cares,  annoyances,  and  busi- 
ness. Foreseeing  all  this,  I  had  made  up 
my  mind  to  rise  even  earlier  than  usual, 
but  the  weak  idling  of  last  evening  pre- 
vented me  from  doing  it.  Cross  and  dis- 
contented, I  was  inclined  to  be  impatient 
and  thought  I  would  gain  a  couple  of  hours 
by  omitting  the  reading  of  the  Gospel  and 
the  writing  of  these  pages,  especially  as  I 
felt  I  had  nothing  to  say  to  Thee,  O  Lord, 
and  did  not  care  to  make  the  effort  to 
search.  I  had  nothing  to  say  to  Thee! 
I  could  find  nothing  in  myself!  I  did  not 
find  Thee,  I  did  not  love  Thee!  Thou  wert 
distant  and  strange  to  me,  O  Lord! 


.OW  sad  and  humiliating  is  this  aridity 
of  soul!  It  is  true  that  my  sweet  St. 
Francis  de  Sales  has  put  me  on  my  guard, 
warning  me  not  to  be  discouraged  by  it; 
but  still,  how  abandoned  we  do  feel  when 

[69] 


A     SOLDIERS     CONFIDENCES     WITH     GOD 

Thy  light  vanishes  from  our  heart!  I 
might  express  this  state  of  mind  in  the 
words  of  the  Psalmist,  but  no,  I  want  to 
speak  to  Thee  alone,  O  Lord,  with  my 
own  poor  words.  When  Thou  disappear- 
est  from  our  heart,  Thy  disappearance  is 
terrible,  because  it  leaves  nothing  behind 
it,  not  even  a  trace  or  a  shadow.  Thou 
art  away,  distant,  absent;  it  seems  almost 
as  if  Thou  dost  not  exist  any  longer. 
The  sun  hides  himself  behind  the  clouds, 
but  his  light  penetrates  through  their 
veils,  no  matter  how  dense,  and  it  is 
always  light,  however  cold,  wan,  and  dim 
it  be.  The  sun  sinks  below  the  horizon, 
but  his  light  remains  for  a  long  time; 
he  heralds  his  return  long  before  he 
reappears;  he  reminds  us  of  himself  with 
his  reflection  from  the  moon;  he  leaves  a 
little  of  his  warmth  on  earth;  and  even  in 
the  midst  of  a  stormy  moonless  night, 
when  there  are  not  even  stars  to  remind 
us  of  him,  the  sun  is  in  our  memory; 
we  are  certain  he  will  return.  But  Thou, 
O  Lord,  when  Thou  dost  vanish,  it  is  as 
if  Thou  wert  no  more.  An  uneasiness, 
full  of  doubt,  takes  possession  of.  us  be- 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

cause  every  support  fails.  The  thousand 
infallible  certitudes  of  a  well-rooted  faith, 
founded  upon  a  thousand  irrefutable 
proofs,  that  bold  and  invincible  constancy 
which  at  times  would  make  us  run  smiling 
to  meet  any  martyrdom  with  the  same 
confidence  with  which  we  put  our  foot  to 
the  ground,  knowing  that  it  is  perfectly 
solid  and  that  it  is  impossible  for  it  not 
to  support  us,  all  these  disappear  with 
Thee.  When  the  proofs  that  reason  gives 
us  are  deprived  of  that  throb  of  love 
which  makes  them  alive,  they  seem  cold 
and  dead,  like  the  subtle  arguments  of  a 
sophist,  and  no  different  from  any  other 
human  arguments  that  are  indifferent  or 
even  contrary  to  faith,  doctrines  that  are 
neither  more  nor  less  persuasive  than 
many  others.  This  reminds  me  of  that 
thought  of  Pascal:  "As  Jesus  Christ 
dwelt  unknown  among  men,  so  His  truth 
dwells  among  ordinary  opinions,  without 
any  outward  differences;  so  also  the 
Eucharist  dwells  among  ordinary  bread."  l 

1  Comme  Jesus-Christ  est  demeure  inconnu  parmi  les 
homines,  amsi  sa  vente  demeure  parmi  les  opinions  com- 
munes, sans  difference  a  1'exterieur;  ainsi  1'Eucharistie 
parmi  le  pain  commun. 

[71] 


A    SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    GOD 

JL  HE  reason  is  that  to  love  Thee  is 
the  first  duty,  that  which  includes  all 
others,  that  on  which  all  others  are  based, 
that  from  which  all  others  are  derived. 
If  I  do  not  love  Thee,  all  is  lost,  all  has 
been  said  and  thought  in  vain. 


therefore  my  mind  wras  barren  this 
morning,  and  now  I  almost  bless  that 
state  of  coldness,  nay  I  thank  Thee  for 
it,  O  Lord,  as  I  do  for  all  that  Thou  send- 
est  me  and  that  I  can  always  use  to 
advantage.  For  when  Thou  dost  abandon 
us,  Thou  makest  us  feel  what  miserable 
vessels  of  weakness,  uncertainty,  restless- 
ness, and  doubt  we  become  when  we  are 
left  to  ourselves,  without  the  potent  help 
of  Thy  living  grace;  Thou  makest  us 
feel  how7  necessarv  Thou  art  to  our  life. 


.ND  behold,  how  Thou  hast  returned 
to  me,  O  good  and  blessed  Lord!  When 
I  sat  down  at  my  desk,  I  intended  to  write 
just  a  few  words  merely  to  note  my 
sterility.  But  first  I  took  up  the  Gospel, 
intending  to  read  a  few  pages,  and  as  I 
[72] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

was  taking  it  out  of  the  bookcase,  my 
eyes  traveled  quickly  over  the  backs  of 
some  religious  volumes,  as  if  mechanically 
searching  for  a  theme  to  set  down  in  this 
diary.  O  wretch  that  I  am  —  as  if  I  had 
forgotten,  O  Lord  Jesus,  that  Thou  art 
not  to  be  found  by  delving  in  books  but 
by  examining  one's  own  heart.  So  I 
opened  the  Gospel  of  St.  Mark  and  I  read 
about  the  Pharisees,  the  Syro-Phoenician 
woman,  the  man  who  was  deaf  and 
dumb,  and  so  on  as  far  as  the  tenth 
chapter,  but  first  I  kneel,  bless  myself 
and  pray,  as  I  always  do,  that  the  reading 
may  be  profitable.  Here  is  the  Lord's 
Prayer,  there  is  the  Angelic  Salutation, 
here  is  the  Gloria,  here  the  Salve  Regina, 
and  thus  I  find  Thee  again  at  once  without 
any  effort,  my  Jesus,  I  find  Thee  again 
smiling  and  loving.  I  pray  slowly,  with 
reflection,  with  joy,  and  not  mechanically. 


I 


N  the  meantime  I  think  vaguely  that 
I  shall  be  able  to  find  a  way  of  doing  what 
I  have  to  do  to-day  without  too  much 
worry.  My  imperturbable  peace  returns 
to  me  with  my  confidence,  my  mastery 


A    SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    GOD 

over  myself,  and  that  certain  sense  of 
intimate  security  which  Thy  love  gives 
me.  I  rind  myself  with  Thee,  Jesus  my 
love,  and  I  say  to  myself  that  the  theme 
for  these  pages  has  come  to  me  of  itself,  - 
that  which  I  mentioned  just  now.  Then 
I  read  the  chapters  of  the  Gospel,  very 
quietly,  without  impatience  and  without 
haste;  I  rise,  I  happen  to  lay  my  hand  on 
a  book  which  speaks  of  Thee,  a  rather 
frivolous  and  affected  book,  but  at  the 
same  time  quite  gentle  and  tender:  La 
Samaritaine,  by  Rostand.  I  dipped  into 
it  here  and  there,  and  a  feeling  of  tender- 
ness took  possession  of  me.  At  almost 
every  page  a  lump  came  into  my  throat 
and  sweet  tears  rose  to  my  eyes.  Then 
I  laid  the  book  aside  and  sat  down  to 
write  these  pages. 


T 


WO  hours  ago  I  could  find  nothing 
in  myself,  but  as  soon  as  I  put  pen  to 
paper  thoughts  welled  up  in  such  abun- 
dance that  I  have  scarcely  had  time  to  jot 
down  a  few  of  them,  and  have  let  all  the 
others  go.  This  is  always  the  trouble  in 
writing,  when  one  has  too  much  to  say: 
[74] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

one  winds  up  by  saying  little  and  that 
little  badly  and  ill  arranged.  Two  hours 
ago  my  soul  was  a  dry,  frozen  desert,  but 
since  I  have  been  writing,  it  is  a  meadow 
full  of  flowers,  of  warmth  and  perfume 
and  light. 


I 


LOVE  Thee,  O  Jesus,  I  cannot  say 
anything  else.  How  good  it  is  to  love 
Thee,  O  dear  Guest  of  my  heart,  sweet 
Jesus!  How  glad  I  am  to  have  Thee! 
Why  -didst  Thou  flee  from  me?  Oh, 
what  a  question!  I  should  rather  ask 
myself  why  I  closed  the  portals  of  my 
soul  against  Thee,  when  it  is  so  sweet  to 
throw  them  all  wTide  open,  to  open  all  the 
doors  to  Thee,  to  go  and  meet  Thee,  to 
greet  Thee  with  festivity,  O  strong  King, 
O  King  of  Victories!  I  am  happy. 


I 


CALL  to  mind  a  little  story  which  I 
read  a  few  days  ago  in  the  book  of  a  very 
learned  and  pious  man,  Father  Giovanozzi, 
to  whom  I  owe  a  great  deal  — -  (I  pray 
Thee,  with  all  my  heart  and  with  the 
gratitude  of  a  son  and  disciple  that 
Thou  wilt  reward  him).  It  was  during 

[75] 


A    SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    GOD 

the  eclipse  of  1842.  "A  poor  boy  of  the 
village  of  Sieyes  (Basses-Alpes)  was  tend- 
ing his  flock.  Being  totally  ignorant  of 
the  event  that  was  about  to  take  place,  he 
saw  with  uneasiness  the  sun  getting 
gradually  darker,  while  there  was  no 
cloud  or  mist  to  give  him  an  explanation 
of  the  phenomenon.  When  the  light 
entirely  disappeared  all  at  once,  the  poor 
boy,  overcome  by  terror,  began  to  cry 
and  call  for  help.  He  was  still  crying, 
when  the  first  rays  of  the  sun  reappeared. 
Reassured  at  that  sight,  the  boy  clasped 
his  hands  and  cried  out  in  his  southern 
dialect:  "O  beou  souleou!"  (O  beautiful 
Sun). 

O  Jesus,  0  beautiful  Sun! 


[76] 


X 

He  ^Meditates  on 
Indulgence  to  "Those 

the   best  they   Qan 

PADUA,  Thursday,  May  i^tb,  1915 

OLORD,  wilt  Thou  be  satisfied 
with  a  few  hurried,  sleepy  words 
this  morning?  I  did  not  sleep 
last  night,  I  am  very  tired  from  the 
journey,  and  just  now,  while  on  my  knees 
reading  the  Gospel,  I  felt  my  eyelids  grow 
heavy  and  close  and  found  myself  betrayed 
into  sleep,  in  spite  of  all  my  efforts  to 
keep  awake,  so  that  I  scarcely  managed 
to  read  well  the  beautiful  tenth  and 
eleventh  chapters  of  St.  Mark,  in  which 
I  found  Thy  commandment,  which  I  shall 
soon  obey:  "And  Jesus  looking  on  him 
loved  him,  and  said  to  him:  One  thing  is 
wanting  unto  thee:  go,  sell  whatsoever 
thou  hast,  and  give  to  the  poor,  and  thou 
shalt  have  treasure  in  heaven;  and  come 
follow  me." 

[77] 


A  SOLDIER  S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 


T. 


HOUGH  I  am  sleepy  and  tired  I 
know  that  Thou  art  very  indulgent  and 
wilt  forgive  my  physical  weakness,  for 
Thou  seest  well  that  the  spirit  is  willing, 
even  if  the  flesh  is  weak.  Besides,  the 
thought  of  Thy  indulgence  towards  us 
poor  little  mortals  is  one  that  often  gives 
me  comfort.  This  morning  I  am  a  little 
more  sleepy  nnd  physically  tired  than 
usual,  but  after  all  am  I  not  always  a 
sleepy,  indolent,  fraclious,  useless,  and 
tired  servant  of  Thine?  Are  not  all  of  us 
ever  so,  even  in  our  best  moments?  I 
believe  that  if  we  had  an  adequate  idea 
of  how  lazy  and  frail  we  seem  to  Thee,  O 
ineffable  power  and  eternal  action,  in- 
finitely ardent,  loving,  untiring,  and  solic- 
itous, we  should  feel  too  humiliated  and 
abashed.  But  Thou  art  also  infinitely 
good,  and  I  am  sure  Thou  art  satisfied 
with  just  a  little  good  will  on  our  part. 
But  what  can  we  do?  We  are  so  small,  0 
our  Father,  our  environment  is  so  re- 
stricted, our  mind  is  so  obtuse,  our  flesh 
is  so  frail!  And  moreover  we  cannot 
offer  Thee  anything  that  has  not  already 
[78] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

been  Thine  from  all  eternity,  O  Lord,  O 
King,  O  Creator,  O  Father,  O  Benefactor, 
O  wise  and  beloved  Master!  What  can 
we  do?  Praise  Thee?  What  is  our  praise 
but  a  confused,  maladroit,  awkward  stam- 
mering, full  of  who  knows  how  much 
absurdity,  incongruity,  and  error,  lost  in 
the  gigantic  whirl  of  the  many  myriads  of 
endless  worlds  that  sing  majestically  such 
complete  and  sublime  praises  to  Thy 
wisdom?  Do  Thou  make  up  for  our 
misery,  O  Lord!  What  a  joy  for  me  to 
feel  that  Thou  art  looking  down  upon  us, 
smiling  and  indulgent  like  a  father!  Some- 
times Thou  sayest:  Poor  children,  they 
are  doing  what  they  can.  So  now  Thou 
art  not  regarding  my  sleepy  weariness 
but  my  tender  trusting  love.  Sometimes 
when,  in  some  divine  service,  I  hear  hoarse 
or  strident  voices  out  of  time  and  tune, 
and  among  these  the  quavering  accents 
of  a  dear  old  man,  together  with  the  shrill 
tones  of  a  little  boy,  I  am  seized  with  a 
melting  tenderness  at  the  thought  that 
Thou  art  there  above,  listening  gladly  and 
saying  to  Thyself:  Poor  little  creatures, 
they  are  doing  what  they  can. 

[79] 


A     SOLDIERS     CONFIDENCES     WITH     GOD 


kND  all  Thy  angels  are  there  beside 
us,  exchanging  happy  kindly  smiles.  And 
perhaps  this  poor,  discordant,  miserable 
chorus  of  us  sinners,  floundering  here 
below  in  the  quagmire  of  this  wretched 
world,  this  choir  of  poor  little  recruits, 
among  the  least  of  Thy  Church  militant, 
may  be  no  less  pleasing  to  Thee  than  the 
immense  harmonious  chorus  which  the 
shining  legions  of  Thy  Church  triumphant 
are  raising  at  the  foot  of  Thy  throne. 


I 


LEAVE  Thee,  therefore,  for  to-day,  O 
Lord,  sure  of  Thy  forgiveness.  I  need  to 
feel  Thee  loving  and  kind  with  me,  because 
this  morning  I  want  to  approach  Thy 
holy  Table  and  feed  on  Thy  holy  Body. 
I  want  to  celebrate  this  beautiful,  trium- 
phal day  of  Thy  Church,  the  Ascension. 
"Allelujah,  Christ  the  Lord  is  ascended 
into  heaven,  come,  let  us  adore,  allelujah ! " J 


I 


NOTICE  in  the  office  of  to-day  a  most 
apposite  suggestion  from   Pope  St.   Greg- 

1  Alleluia  Christum  Dominum  ascendentum  in  coelum. 
venite  adoremus,  alleluia! 

[80] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

ory's  homily  on  the  doubts  of  the  apostles 
as  to  the  reality  of  the  resurrection.  Their 
doubts,  which  made  them  so  slow  to 
surrender  to  the  evidence,  help  splendidly 
to  confirm  our  certainty  when  we  read: 
"Mary  Magdalen  who  believed  so  soon  has 
helped  me  less  than  Thomas,  who  doubted 
so  long.  For  he,  by  his  doubts,  touched 
the  scars  of  the  wounds  and  thus  removed 
from  our  heart  the  wound  of  doubt."1 


F 


INALLY,  O  Jesus,  I  remember  Thy 
promise.  "And  I  will  ask  the  Father 
and  He  shall  give  you  another  Paraclete, 
that  He  may  abide  with  you  forever  — 
the  Spirit  of  truth.  For  if  I  go  not,  the 
Paraclete  will  not  come  to  you;  but  if  I 
go,  I  will  send  Him  to  you."  2 


O 


HOLY  SPIRIT  enlighten  us  in  our 
misery,  for  we  are  in  great  need  of  it. 

1  Minus  enim  mihi  Maria  Maddalena  praestmt,  quae 
citius    credidit,    quern   Thomas,    qui    diu    dubitavit.     Ille 
etenim,    dubitando,    vulnerum    cicatrices    tetigit,    et    de 
nostro  pectore  dubitationis  vulnus  amputavit. 

2  Ego  rogabo  Patrem  et  alium  Paraclitum  dabit  vobis 
ut  maneat  vobiscum  in  aeternum,  Spiritum  ventatis:    Si 
enim  non  abiero,  Paraclitus  non  vemet  ad  vos,  si  autem 
abiero,  mittam  eum  ad  vos.     (John  xiv,  16-17;   xvi,  7.) 

[81] 


XI 

He  T^eproaches  himself 
for  ^Pharisaical  'Vainglory 

FLORENCE,  Friday,  May  i^th,  1915 

WHILE  writing  yesterday,  O 
Lord,  I  omitted  as  usual  a 
great  many  things  which 
crossed  my  mind  at  the  time,  and  among 
them  not  the  least  of  those  necessary  to 
understand  thoroughly  what  I  wyanted  to 
say,  partly  because  I  write  too  rapidly, 
partly  because  of  the  weakness  and  distrac- 
tion of  my  mind,  and  partly  because  my 
enjoyment  of  the  liberty  of  writing  as  it 
were  at  random,  and  without  literary 
accuracy,  leads  me  to  be  slipshod  and 
careless.  But  I  really  \vant  to  note  in 
passing  that  I  have  not  yet  learned  to 
write  well  in  this  book,  to  write  as  St. 
Augustine  teaches  and  as  the  pages  of 
Gratry  comment.  I  observe  that  I  should 
write  more  slowly  and  make  up  for  my 
[82] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

mental  deficiency  by  writing  little,  but 
accurately  and  clearly,  rather  than  by 
writing  a  great  deal,  and  this  strained, 
confused,  and  defective.  Thy  good  serv- 
ant, Jesus,  must  always  be  simple  and 
tranquil,  modest  and  slow,  refledhve,  cau- 
tious, and  attentive  to  detail. 


I 


OBSERVE  also  that  I  am  writing 
these  pages  with  a  certain  amount  of  vain- 
glory and  hypocritical  frivolity,  vaguely 
hoping  that  some  day  they  may  be  found, 
read,  and  admired,  while  in  the  meantime 
I  have  complacently  shown  them  to  a 
few  persons  myself  to  parade  my  learning, 
to  arouse  admiration  for  my  devout 
practices,  and  to  have  myself  esteemed 
above  what  I  am.  Detestable  thought! 
so  wicked  and  unworthy,  so  contrary  to 
Thy  teachings,  O  Jesus,  that  I  almost 
think  it  would  be  better  to  give  up  this 
practice  as  dangerous  to  my  weakness. 
In  my  devotion  there  is  evident  a  phari- 
saical  fondness  for  ostentation,  poorly 
concealed  and  badly  justified  by  a  longing 
to  convince  others  of  my  sincerity  and  to 
set  an  efficacious  example.  I  preach  a 

[83] 


A     SOLDIERS     CONFIDENCES     WITH     GOD 

great  deal,  not  merely  to  convince,  but 
also  to  show  off  my  sacred  learning, 
which  in  reality  is  very  superficial,  very 
weak,  and  very  meager,  but  which  seems 
to  others  rare  and  exceptional  because  of 
the  general  enormous  ignorance  of  such 
matters.  It  would  be  much  better  for 
me  to  argue  less,  talk  less,  to  pray  in 
Church  with  less  ostentation,  not  to  pull 
out  my  beads  in  cafes,  and  in  conversation 
not  to  tell  everybody,  even  the  indifferent, 
about  my  most  intimate  religious  practices, 
not  to  make  religion  the  perpetual  theme 
of  my  conversation,  not  to  inform  every 
Tom,  Dick,  and  Harry  about  my  habit  of 
writing  these  pages,  much  less  flourish 
them  in  their  faces  with  an  assumed  air 
of  carelessness  and  simplicity,  taking 
special  pains,  however,  to  put  my  finger 
on  the  Latin  quotations,  and  so  forth.1 
In  this  behavior  of  mine  there  is  a  certain 
infatuated  levity,  an  ardor  that  is  largely 
ingenuous  and  sincere,  an  innocent  vanity 
without  malice,  but  there  is  also  ostenta- 
tion, mania  to  be  peculiar,  desire  to 

1  [Editor's  Note.    In  the  original  text  the  quotations  are 
always  in  Latin  or  French.] 

[84] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

attract  attention  and  undue  admiration 
by  taking  advantage  of  the  yearning 
interest  that  religious  problems  kindle  in 
all  men's  minds  now  as  always,  even  in 
this  age  of  cold,  studied  indifference,  - 
manifest  proof  of  their  decisive  importance 
for  all  and  of  the  gravity  and  justice  of 
the  cause  of  God. 


PURPOSE,  therefore,  to  be  better  in 
all  ways,  even  in  the  interest  of  the  cause 
I  am  defending,  for  my  methods  are  so 
awkward  and  clumsy  that  they  injure 
rather  than  benefit  it.  Ostentation  and 
pose  do  not  escape  the  notice  of  even 
the  most  obtuse  of  observers,  who  is  always 
sharp  enough  when  it  comes  to  seeing  the 
mote  in  the  eyes  of  another  rather  than 
the  beam  in  his  own;  so  I  may  easily 
make  myself  a  poor  reputation  as  insincere, 
fond  of  singularity,  a  poser.  Moreover 
I  must  from  now  on  consider  better  that 
true  virtue  is  obscure  and  modest,  hidden 
from  the  eyes  of  the  world,  and  only  thus 
can  it  be  profitable  to  itself  and  to  souls, 
only  thus  can  it  be  pleasing  and  acceptable 
to  God. 

[85] 


A     SOLDIERS     CONFIDENCES     WITH     GOD 

J,  MUST  not  be  among  those  who  find 
their  reward  here,  but  I  must  put  my 
trust  in  Him  Who  sees  in  secret.  My 
left  hand  must  not  know  what  my  right 
hand  does.  I  must  learn  to  be  silent 
and  a  noiseless,  attentive  servant,  not  a 
gossip  and  a  braggart;  I  must  learn  not 
to  be  vain,  but  to  concentrate  myself 
silently  and  humbly  in  Thy  love,  O  Jesus. 

jf"\ND  now  I  shall  defer  until  to-morrow 
what  I  wanted  to  add  to  the  words  of 
yesterday.  But  I  will  jot  down  one  idea, 
which  does  not  seem  bad:  It  might, 
perhaps,  be  well  to  destroy  these  first 
pages  that  I  have  written,  and  to  regard 
them  as  a  mere  exercise  and  nothing  more. 
But  we  shall  see  later  on,  for,  whether  bad 
or  good,  they  are  always  documents  of 
more  or  less  sincerity  and,  it  seems  to  me, 
will  certainly  be  useful  in  investigating  and 
getting  to  know  myself  better.  In  fact 
the  true  object  of  my  writing  is  to  learn 
to  listen  to  myself  and  to  know  myself  as 
I  am,  besides  loving  Thee,  O  Lord,  with 
a  material  act  of  constant  devotion. 
[86] 


XII 

He   discourses  on    the 
Folly  of  T^e  lying  too  much  on 
.  the  Forbearance  of  Cjocl 

Saturday,  May  i$tb,  1915 

WHAT  I  intended  to  add  to 
the  few  sleepy  notes  I  jotted 
dDwn  the  day  before  yester- 
day, 0  Lord,  is  that  while  we,  Thy  poor 
children,  must  count  much  upon  Thy 
indulgence  in  that  little  good  which  we 
do  by  Thy  grace,  we  must  not  count  too 
much  on  Thy  kindness  when  we  do 
wrong,  for  though  Thou  art  a  loving  and 
merciful  Father,  ready  to  make  up  a 
thousand-fold  for  our  shortcomings  when 
we  show  Thee,  under  that  penetrating 
glance  from  which  nothing  can  be  hidden, 
that  WTC  are  sincere;  yet  Thou  art  not  a 
weak,  easygoing  Father  who  readily  con- 
dones. We  are  so  wretchedly  inefficient, 
so  needy  of  Thy  guidance,  help,  and 

[87] 


A  SOLDIER  S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 

support,  that  when  we  do  good  in  our 
own  way  we  always  do  it  badly,  hastily, 
negligently,  and  inattentively,  making 
many  little  mistakes  and  follies.  It  would 
be  absolutely  fruitless,  vain,  and  useless, 
nay  ridiculous  and  dangerous,  if  it  were 
not  for  the  necessary,  indispensable  succor 
of  Thy  sovereign  grace. 


yet  Thou  art  so  divinely  good, 
O  Lord,  so  kind,  beneficent,  and  generous, 
that  Thou  deignest  to  make  use  of  us, 
Thy  poor,  unworthy,  awkward  servants, 
as  Thy  free  and  meritorious  co-workers. 
The  very  thought  of  Thy  boundless  good- 
ness ought  to  intoxicate  us  all  with  love, 
gratitude,  and  confusion.  In  the  words 
of  St.  Augustine,  "The  grace  of  God 
does  not  work  alone,  nor  man  alone,  but 
the  grace  of  God  with  man."  *  Thou 
hast  made  us,  O  Lord,  as  it  were  actual 
fellow  workers  with  Thee,  and  this  thought 
is  truly  staggering.  It  would  paralyze  all 
our  strength  were  we  not  very  sure  of 
Thy  goodness,  knowing  for  certain  that 

1  Nee  gratia   Dei  sola,  nee  ipse  solus,  sed   gratia  Dei 
cum  illo. 

[88] 


COLLOQUIES    OF    GIOSUE    BORSl 

Thou  art  here  at  our  side,  to  inspire  us,  to 
assist  us,  to  encourage  us,  to  guide  our 
hands;  otherwise  how  could  we  dare  to 
stand  alongside  of  Thee,  Thou  divine,  in- 
fallible worker,  Who  deignest  to  call  to  Thy 
service  such  inefficient  pygmies  as  we  are? 


I 


N  doing  good,  therefore,  we  can  count 
upon  Thy  indulgence  when  we  are  aduated 
by  a  small  amount  of  good  will.  Even  if 
we  make  mistakes,  even  if  we  do  little, 
and  that  badly  —  patience!  Thou  seest 
into  our  hearts,  Thou  dost  excuse  us, 
Thou  dost  appreciate  even  the  widow's 
mite.  Thou  considerest  the  endeavor, 
not  the  result;  Thou  lookest  at  the  heart, 
not  the  ad,  and  Thou  takest  good  inten- 
tions into  account.  So  our  feeble  chorus 
of  uncertain,  tremulous,  and  badly  har- 
monized voices,  which  do  not  keep  time, 
our  slipshod  Latin,  crude  simple  words 
and  childish  music,  out  ot  tune,  are  no 
less  pleasing  and  acceptable  to  Thy  gener- 
ous heart,  O  good,  kind  Lord,  than  the 
ineffable,  infinite,  harmonious,  angelic 
choirs  of  paradise,  which  look  upon  Thy 
glory. 

[89] 


A  SOLDIER  S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 


A 


POOR  savage  wears  hanging  from 
his  neck  a  sardine-tin  picked  up  empty 
and  greasy  in  some  explorer's  abandoned 
camp;  this  box  constitutes  his  greatest 
treasure;  he  makes  a  parade  of  it,  he 
prizes  it  as  dearly  as  his  own  life.  Now 
suppose  that  some  day  this  poor  savage, 
wishing  to  show  his  affection  and  gratitude 
to  the  missionary  father  who  has  converted 
him  and  given  him  Baptism,  presents 
that  empty  box  to  him,  has  the  missionary 
a  right  to  despise  the  gift?  The  fad:  that 
the  present  is  worthless  in  the  eyes  of  the 
recipient  does  not  make  it  less  touching 
and  eloquent,  for  it  has  been  offered  by  a 
grateful  heart. 


ANYTHING  we  can  give  and  sacrifice 
to  Thee,  my  God,  will  always  be  nothing 
to  Thee,  Who  hast  everything  and  dost 
not  need  anything,  Who  hast  created  all 
things  and  possessest  all  things,  Who 
disposest  of  all  things  as  best  pleaseth 
Thee.  But  that  which  we  can  give  Thee 
freely,  O  Lord,  is  our  heart,  and  even  this 
Thou  couldst  take  by  force  any  time 
[90] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

Thou  wishest,  but  Thou  desirest  to  have 
it  from  us  as  a  free,  spontaneous,  un- 
solicited homage.  This  is  the  real  gift 
which  we  can  make  Thee  in  return  for 
Thy  immense  love;  this  is  the  gift  most 
dear  to  Thy  paternal  Heart. 


B 


>UT  if  we  must  trust  in  Thy  indulgent 
kindness  toward  the  good  we  do,  we  must 
not  place  too  great  reliance  on  Thy  for- 
bearance towards  evil,  on  the  contrary 
we  must  fear  Thee  as  a  stern  and  inex- 
orable Judge.  Indeed,  no  error  is  more 
fatal,  more  pitiful  and  absurd  than  that 
which  would  attribute  too  great  kindness 
to  Thee  and  refuse  to  believe  in  Thy 
justice,  because  it  deems  this  to  be  incom- 
patible with  Thy  kindness  and  evidence 
of  an  angry  and  revengeful  disposition. 
Yet,  on  the  contrary,  it  would  really  be 
unjust  if  good  and  evil  were  rewarded  by 
Thee  with  the  same  indulgence;  it  would 
be  treating  the  good  unfairly,  it  would  be 
defrauding  them.  The  mere  idea  of  it 
makes  one  instantly  think  that  the  creation 
of  man  and  of  the  world  was  absurd  and 
useless;  for  that  would  be  giving  the  same 

[90 


A    SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    COD 

value  to  good  and  evil,  considering  both  of 
them  as  zero,  abolishing  the  very  concept 
of  them.  Thy  infinite  goodness  is  suffi- 
ciently proven  by  Thy  readiness  to  forgive. 
For  Thou  receivest  whomsoever  turns  to 
Thee,  even  though  he  may  have  fallen  to 
the  lowest  depths,  into  extreme  despair, 
and  Thou  rejoicest  over  one  sinner  who  re- 
turns more  than  over  ninety-nine  who 
have  ever  been  faithful.  This  goodness  of 
Thine  will  be  the  real  condemnation,  the 
irrefutable  accusation,  the  extreme  con- 
fusion of  the  obstinate,  impenitent  sinner. 
It  is  just  that  Thou  dost  exacl:  payment 
even  to  the  uttermost  farthing,  not  because 
evil  offends  Thee,  but  that  justice  be 
done.  Making  Thee  overkind,  O  Lord, 
means  doing  away  with  Thy  justice, 
therefore  belittling  Thee  and  not  exalting 
Thee,  as  many  believe  (or  rather  pretend 
or  try  to  make  themselves  believe,  so  as 
to  feel  more  easy  and  to  put  their  con- 
sciences to  sleep).  But  this  is  futile. 
A  far-seeing  French  writer  wisely  remarks 
in  a  recent  book:  "By  relying  on  the 
infinite  goodness  of  God,  he  lulled  to 
sleep  the  sharpness  of  the  reproach  that 
[92] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

rose,  in  spite  of  all,  from  the  depths  of 
his  conscience.  He  knew  perfectly  well 
that  this  presuming  on  pardon  from  on 
high  was  but  a  perverted  form  of  complai- 
sance in  his  sin.  This  apparent  excess  of 
faith  hides  a  lamentable  diminution  of 
Faith  —  Revelation,  the  Scriptures,  and 
the  Church  held  of  no  account,  an  aban- 
doned relaxation  of  all  discipline  and 
dogma.  The  least  book  of  theology 
teaches  us  that  relying  upon  the  divine 
mercy  in  the  very  act  of  sinning  is  a  sin 
against  Hope."  l 


O  truths  are  so  clear  as  this,  and 
one  must  be  voluntarily  blind  not  to  see 
them.  I  thank  Thee,  O  Lord,  for  making 
it  seem  so  clear  and  transparent  to  me. 
I  do  not  want  to  forget  for  a  moment,  if 

1  II  endormait  la  vivacite  du  reproche  qui  s'elevait, 
malgre  tout,  du  fond  de  sa  conscience,  en  se  reposant  sur 
la  bonte  intinie  de  Dieu.  II  savait  bien  que  cette  pre- 
somption  du  pardon  d'En  Haut  n'est  qu'une  forme  dc- 
tournee  de  la  complaisance  dans  la  faute.  Get  apparent 
exces  de  la  Foi  cache  une  lamentable  diminution  de  la 
Foi:  la  Revelation,  I'Ecnture,  I'Eghse  tenues  pour  nen, 
un  relachement  abandonne  de  toute  discipline  et  de  tout 
dogme.  .  .  .  Le  moindre  livre  de  theologie  enseigne  q'ie 
c'est  pecher  centre  1'esperance  que  s'appuyer,  dans  la 
faute  meme,  sur  la  misgrjcorde  divine. 

[93] 


A  SOLDIER'S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 
Thou  wilt  help  me,  that  while  it  is  true 
that  Thou  art  most  indulgent  and  all 
merciful,  it  is  also  true  that  Thou  art 
scrupulously  just  and  severe  and  that 
"the  fear  of  the  Lord  is  the  beginning  of 
wisdom."  l 

1  Initium  sapientiae  timor  Domini.     (Psalm  x,  10.) 


[94] 


XIII 

He  breaks  forth  into  a  T^hapsody 
of  Holy  jTove 

Sunday,  May  i6th,  1915 

f^~  "^ 3-DAY,  O  Lord,  to  my  shame, 
I  have  put  off  writing  until 
M  late,  at  the  close  of  the  day, 
instead  of  in  the  morning  as  I  should  have 
done.  But  for  two  days  I  have  been  very 
tired  physically  and  I  have  not  had  a 
minute  to  myself  since  Mass,  while  before 
Mass  I  was  at  fault  in  staying  too  long  in 
bed,  reading.  Yet  notwithstanding  the 
bad  beginning,  I  can  say  that  I  have 
kept  Thy  day  holy  fairly  well,  0  Lord. 
I  heard  Mass  well,  I  assisted  with  great 
fervor  at  Benediction,  I  spoke  earnestly  of 
Thee  to  well-disposed  persons,  I  brought 
consolation  to  a  few  hearts  and  joy  to 
others. 


I 


HAD  vaguely  intended  to  write  some- 
thing to-day  about  the  seed  that  perishes, 

[95] 


A    SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    GOD 

but  I  shall  keep  this  for  another  time. 
This  evening,  instead,  I  want  to  speak  to 
Thee  only  of  love,  O  Jesus,  because 
to-day  I  have  loved  Thee  much  and  well, 
at  least  within  the  limits  of  my  slight 
strength  and  of  my  wretched  poverty  of 
mind.  How  good  art  Thou,  0  Jesus,  to 
let  us  love  Thee!  How  sweet  it  is  to  love 
Thee!  What  intoxicating  joy!  I  have 
an  unquenchable  thirst  for  Thee,  my 
good  Jesus,  dear  Master,  adorable  Brother, 
longed-for  Spouse,  faithful  Friend,  my 
only  protector!  How  all-sufficient  Thou 
art!  How  Thou  dost  satisfy!  How  Thou 
dost  give  rest,  life,  consolation,  courage, 
strength,  O  Jesus,  my  soul,  my  heart, 
my  sweetness!  O  yes,  yes!  why  should  I 
not  address  to  Thee  these  tender  words 
of  love  which  so  often  in  my  foolish  youth 
I  have  profaned,  wasted,  and  defiled  by 
offering  them  to  poor  creatures,  as  wretched 
and  unworthy  as  myself? 


I 


F   I    have   always   used   them   badly,   is 
this  not  a  good  reason  why  I  should  use 
them    well    at    last?     If   I    have   so    often 
profaned    them   by    putting   them    to   un- 
[96] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

worthy  uses,  is  this  not  the  best  of  reasons 
why  I  should  try  now  to  reconsecrate 
and  purify  them  for  Thee?  0  Lord,  dear 
good  Lord,  I  am  Thine,  all  Thine,  and  I 
want  to  be  and  I  shall  always  be  Thine; 
I  want  to  become  imbued  with  Thee,  to 
live  with  Thee,  to  die  for  Thee,  to  be 
born  again  in  Thee.  My  only  treasure,  I 
want  to  love  Thee  forever.  I  love  Thee, 
I  love  Thee,  I  cannot  tell  Thee  how  much 
I  love  Thee,  how  my  heart  throbs  and 
beats  for  Thee.  May  Thy  grace  make  it 
more  so  every  day!  And  every  day  my 
love  for  Thee  is  becoming  more  intimate, 
less  timid,  bolder,  more  confident  and 
familiar,  more  precise  and  transparent, 
no  longer  vague  and  clouded  and  in- 
tangible as  in  the  past. 


o 


'H,  those  horrible  days  wThen  I  never 
thought  of  Thee,  never,  never,  not  even 
by  chance  —  as  if  Thou  didst  not  exist! 
Oh,  what  a  terror!  I  think  of  them  now 
with  a  shiver  of  horror  and  disgust.  But 
how  Thou  didst  punish  me  for  my  blind- 
ness, O  Jesus,  by  leaving  me  in  my  abjec- 
tion! My  language  used  to  be  vile, 

[97] 


A  SOLDIER'S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 
obscene,  full  of  indecencies  and  of 
blasphemies.  I  had  many  unspeakable, 
degrading,  dishonorable,  secret  vices  that 
made  me  vile  in  my  own  eyes.  I  was 
filthy  —  my  soul  was  saturated  with  filth. 
I  was  discontented  with  myself,  irritable, 
malicious,  slanderous,  devoid  of  ideas. 
I  was  vain,  frivolous,  full  of  myself,  proud, 
hasty,  embittered  by  a  cloak  of  rancor, 
trembling  for  my  future,  frightened  in  a 
thousand  ways,  and  I  was  at  the  same 
time  a  boaster  and  a  braggart.  But 
to-day!  From  how  many  evils  I  am  free, 
what  poisonous  weeds  I  have  altogether 
rooted  out!  How  happy  I  feel! 


B 


UT  even  when  I  was  beginning  to 
profess  some  sympathy  for  the  ideas  that 
are  to-day  my  joy,  my  salvation,  my 
constant,  eager,  fervent  and  overpowering 
thought,  how  foolish  and  presumptuous 
I  was,  how  sterile  and  utterly  insincere! 
With  what  imperturbable  and  brazen- 
faced audacity  I  used  to  speak  on  subjects 
I  knew  nothing  about,  and  how  I  used  to 
pervert  Thy  luminous  fertile  words  of 
love!  Though  I  called  myself  a  Catholic, 
[98] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

I  was  still  steeped  to  the  neck  in  sin;  I 
not  only  did  not  frequent  the  Sacraments, 
but  ignored  them,  did  not  even  know 
what  they  meant;  I  did  not  even  know 
what  the  Mass  was! 


JNfD  yet,  at  times,  how  Thy  love  was 
already  drawing  me  gently,  slowly  but 
surely,  more  strongly  day  by  day,  ever 
more  distinctly!  How  Thou  didst  open 
my  eyes  little  by  little!  How  good  Thou 
wert  with  me  even  then!  And  yet  I 
was  still  neglecting  Thee;  I  was  still 
living  my  monotonous,  disorderly  life, 
full  of  contradictions  and  vileness,  bound 
by  the  chains  of  my  passions.  But  now, 
how  much  better  do  I  feel,  how  full  of 
courage  and  confidence!  How  many  gifts 
I  have  already  received!  How  many 
more  shall  I  get  if  only  I  desire  them! 
How  much  progress  I  have  already  made! 
How  I  see  that  Thou  dost  not  promise  in 
vain,  Jesus!  Thou  always  givest  to  him 
who  asks  of  Thee  with  faith,  Thou  always 
openest  to  him  who  knocks  with  con- 
fidence, Thou  always  lettest  Thyself  be 
found  by  him  who  seeks  Thee  with  perse- 

[99] 


A  SOLDIER  S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 

verance    and    desire.     Dearest   Jesus,    my 
delight,  my  love,  sweetness  of  my  heart! 


H< 


OW  well  I  remember  the  days  when 
I  scarcely  loved  Thee,  loved  Thee  rather 
wearily  and  distractedly,  with  timid  con- 
straint and  with  little  desire  and  did  not 
yet  know  how  good  and  beautiful  Thou 
art!  And  the  days  of  last  year,  with 
their  first  fervor  of  studies,  their  eager 
desire  to  read,  my  wonderment,  my 
insatiable  curiosity,  the  floods  of  light 
and  of  truth  that  overwhelmed  me,  the 
certitude  made  every  day  more  sound, 
the  way  of  justice  recognized,  demon- 
strated, proved  to  me  in  a  thousand  ways! 

0  Jesus,    I    should    like   to   throw   myself 
into  Thy  arms,  to  rest  upon  Thy  lap  like 
a  baby  and  tell  Thee  many,  many  things! 

1  should  like  to  feel  Thy  gentle  hand,  so 
beneficent,  so  sweet,  so  loving  and   kind, 
caressing  my  hair  softly   and   hngeringly. 
I  should  like  to  shed  all  my  tears  just  like 
a    little    child.     Thou    art    even    now    too 
good    to    me,    O    Lord.      I    feel    there    are 
superhuman  joys  in  store  for  me  even  in 
this  life,   and  then  there  still  remains  all 

[  100  ] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

that  eternity  which  I  cannot  even  conceive. 
Ah,  too  good,  too  good,  Thou  art  with 
us  all!  My  God,  what  shall  I  do  to  love 
Thee  enough?  Make  me  to  suffer  at 
once,  put  me  to  the  test,  torture  me;  I 
wait  without  trembling.  All,  all  whatso- 
ever Thou  desirest,  O  Lord,  whensoever 
Thou  desirest,  in  whatsoever  way  Thou 
desirest;  I  am  ready,  if  that  is  the  best 
way  to  show  how  much  I  love  Thee. 


[101] 


1 


XIV 

He  'Philosophizes  on  the 
Seed  that  ^Perishes 

Monday,  May  ifth,  1915 

seed  must  die  to  give  life  to 
the  plant  that  will  bear  a  thou- 
sand fruits.  If  I  am  not  losing 
myself  in  a  maze  of  subtleties,  as  I  very 
much  fear,  O  Lord,  a  glimmering  of  this 
essential  truth  appeared  to  me  a  few  days 
ago  in  reading  my  Spiritual  Will,  which 
had  been  returned  to  me  from  Switzerland 
a  few  months  after  I  sent  it,  and  without 
keeping  a  copy.  Those  few  pages  which 
I  should  like  to  make  known  to  many 
(for  the  love  of  Thee,  0  Lord,  and  not  of 
myself)  had  almost  passed  out  of  my 
mind,  and  I  read  them  again  as  if  they  had 
not  been  written  by  me.  What  I  say 
now  is  really  so;  those  pages  were  not 
written  by  me  except  materially,  as  if 
they  had  been  dictated  to  me.  Whatever 
of  my  own  I  put  into  them  is  error,  con- 
[  102] 


COLLOQUIES    OF    GIOSUE    BORSI 

fusion,  disorder,  imperfection,  and  preten- 
tiousness, but  their  truth  is  all  Thine,  O 
Lord.  So  the  impression  which  I  received 
in  reading  them  again  was  one  of  things 
absolutely  extraneous  to  my  spirit,  de- 
tached from  me.  Before  them  I  was 
nothing  but  a  passive  spectator,  like 
anybody  else  that  might  have  read  them. 
They  were  ideas  which  I  had  received  and 
gathered  up  and  then  scattered  far  from 
me,  no  longer  mine,  half  dead  for  me.1 


kND  then  I  perceived  that  in  this  life, 
which  is  a  continuous  death,  everything  is 
so,  everything  dies  for  us,  everything  de- 
taches itself  and  goes  elsewhere,  to  grow 
and  bloom  and  fructify  on  its  own  account. 
Then  perhaps,  some  day,  if  we  shall  have 
deserved  it,  we  may  come  to  enjoy  our  share 
of  our  own  fruits.  Everything  that  comes 
from  us  goes  away  to  die  to  us,  and  here 
below  we  cannot  gather  its  fruit,  for  one  is 
the  sower  and  another  is  the  reaper.  Father 
and  mother  see  their  son  separate  himself 
from  them  to  grow  up  and  live  on  his  own 
account.  The  act  of  pity,  of  love,  of  wisdom 

1  See  Spiritual  Will,  p.  351.  [  IO3  3 


A  SOLDIER'S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 
dies  for  him  who  performs  it.  If  he  at 
once  receive  thanks  and  praise  and  honor, 
he  is  specially  unfortunate,  because  he  is 
among  those  who  have  already  received 
their  reward;  he  is  among  those  who  have 
plucked  the  unripe  fruit  in  eagerness  and 
haste.  Imprudent  haste!  For  the  fruit 
is  bitter  and  sour;  it  does  not  satisfy; 
it  increases  the  hunger,  and  wrill  prevent 
us  from  enjoying  the  real,  ripe  fruit  which 
satisfies.  Woe  to  the  impatient,  woe! 
Let  us  be  resigned  to  see  our  seed  perish. 
Nay,  better  yet,  let  us  thank  the  Lord  for 
it  and  rejoice  if  in  this  also  His  will  and 
not  ours  be  done  here  on  earth  as  it  is  in 
heaven.  Let  us  be  glad  to  feel  that  our 
life  is  dry,  barren,  destitute,  obscure, 
cold,  deprived  of  light  and  freshness,  hard 
and  laborious,  and  given  up  altogether  to 
toil,  because  afterwards  shall  come,  O 
Lord,  afterwards  shall  come  Thy  eternal 
spring.  Yes,  yes,  let  everything  here 
below  be  death  —  death  and  sacrifice! 
Death  to  us,  death  to  what  is  ours,  - 
blood,  ruin,  extermination,  desolation,  re- 
nunciation, labor!  Let  the  seed  go  down 
beneath  the  earth  and  rot! 
[  104] 


COLLOQUIES    OF    G1OSUE     BORSI 

OWEET  death,  beautiful,  good,  gay, 
gentle  sister  of  us  all!  How  dear  thou 
art  to  him  who  looks  upon  thee  with 
desire,  loving  God!  Truly  the  clamor 
of  these  dwarfs  who  are  afraid  of  thee 
and  squabble  among  themselves  in  an 
effort  to  snatch  sour  fruits  from  one 
another,  while  at  the  same  time,  wretches 
that  they  are,  they  dare  to  laugh  at  us 
because  they  do  not  know  the  reason  for 
our  renunciation,  is  truly  pitiful  and  sad. 
They  think  that  they  are  enjoying  them- 
selves and  living,  and  they  are  dying, 
dying  quickly  all  the  time.  They  are 
afraid  of  death,  and  they  have  death 
enthroned  within  them,  inexorable.  On 
the  other  hand,  O  Lord,  how  gay  and 
cheerful  and  good  is  the  labor  of  us  who 
persevere  in  hope!  It  is  already  our 
happiness  here  below. 

EVERYTHING  here  on  earth  is  a 
seed  that  dies.  Thou,  Thyself,  Jesus, 
wast  the  seed  that  dies,  is  buried  and  rises 
again  to  life  eternal.  All  of  us  must  die 
with  Thee  to  live  again  in  Thee.  Thus 

[105] 


A  SOLDIER  S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 

our  bodies  die  to  live  again  on  the  day 
when  all  the  human  race  shall  be  judged. 
Thus  the  word  we  speak  issues  from  us, 
dies  for  us  and  goes  to  live  elsewhere. 
Thus  the  deed  that  we  have  performed  is 
dead  for  us,  and  its  fruit  depends  no 
longer  on  our  will,  for  it  is  a  part  of  us 
no  more.  He  who  believes  that  the 
uttered  word,  the  deed  performed  is  still 
his  own,  outrages,  I  think,  the  providence 
of  the  Lord  Who  decreed  that  memory 
should  consist  chiefly  in  forgetting.  The 
man  who  still  loves  himself,  who  has  not 
yet  learned  the  great  virtue  of  hating 
himself  and  of  dying  unto  himself  to  be 
born  again  in  the  light  of  the  Lord,  is  a 
man  who  trusts  his  memory,  which  is  to 
say  that  he  puts  his  faith  in  the  most 
inconstant  and  untrustworthy  friend 
there  is.  He  believes  in  the  constancy 
and  reliability  of  remembrance,  but  he 
is  deceiving  himself.  The  thing  done, 
whether  it  be  good  or  evil,  once  it  is  done, 
is  past  and  gone.  Memory  is  a  faculty 
that  forgets.  Memory  is  not  complete 
and  faithful,  except  in  the  presence  of  its 
objects.  When  the  celestial  light  of  ideas 
[106] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

shines  upon  it,  he  imagines  that  this  light 
will  never  be  taken  away  and  that  it  will 
always  look  upon  the  same  spectacle. 
Do  not  believe  it,  for  wThen  the  light  shall 
have  gone,  memory  will  grow  pale,  like 
nature  when  the  sun  is  gone,  for  here 
absence  means  oblivion. 


T. 


HIS  is  the  truth,  0  Lord:  Memory 
is  faithful  and  perfect  only  in  the  presence 
of  its  objects.  But  only  above,  O  Lord, 
shall  we  truly  be  in  the  presence  of  these 
objects  when  we  shall  be  in  Thy  presence 
and  shall  see  in  Thee,  inclosed  and  bound 
with  love  in  one  volume,  all  "cio  che  per 
1'Universo  si  squaderna"  (that  which  is 
manifested  throughout  the  Universe). 


T. 


HEN  only  will  our  memory  be  faithful 
and  complete;  nay,  it  will  no  longer  be 
memory  but  direct  vision  and  reality. 
Our  good  and  our  evil  can  never  more 
come  to  life  there;  it  is  dead  for  us;  and 
in  this  inexorable  law  consists  the  chastise- 
ment of  those  merry  fools  who  go  to  so 
much  pains  to  acquire  an  earthly  posses- 
sion, to  taste  a  fleeting  joy  and  procure  a 

[107] 


A    SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    GOD 

mundane  pleasure,  for  they  either  forget 
or  do  not  understand  that  they  kill  pleasure 
the  moment  they  enjoy  it,  and  from  that 
moment  they  have  nothing  left  of  that 
pleasure  but  a  putrid  corpse. 


XV 

He  <J&editates  upon  the 
Infinite  jFove  of  Cfod 

Tuesday ,  May  iSth,  1915 


f  "^HOU  lovest  me,  O  Lord,  Thou 
lovest  me!  Ah,  my  God,  what 
*  a  happy  and  inspiring  thought 
is  this!  Thou  lovest  me!  I  want  to 
repeat  these  words  again  and  establish 
well  this  idea,  look  at  it  closely  and  enjoy 
it,  for  this  idea  is  my  good,  it  is  my  salva- 
tion, it  is  my  all.  When  I  shall  have 
thoroughly  and  distinctly  established  this 
idea  in  my  mind,  when  I  shall  understand 
it  as  far  as  it  is  possible  for  my  imperfect 
intellect  to  understand  it,  then  indeed 
shall  I  be  strong  and  invincible!  I  shall 
then  fear  nothing  on  earth;  it  will  be 
impossible  for  me  to  fail.  Unfortunately  I 
do  not  dwell  enough  on  the  thought  that 
Thou  lovest  me;  it  is  not  my  constant 
and  dominating  thought,  otherwise  from 

[  109] 


A    SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    GOD 

this  moment  on,  I  should  already  be 
enjoying  the  bliss  of  heaven,  O  Lord,  for 
sin  could  conquer  me  no  more,  and  suffer- 
ing would  be  an  occasion  of  joy! 


T. 


HOU  lovest  me,  omnipotent  Lord, 
Thou,  Who  art  everything,  lovest  me,  who 
am  nothing!  Is  it  possible?  Can  I  believe 
it?  Yes,  yes,  tremble  not,  my  soul,  you 
not  only  can,  but  must  believe  it.  It  is 
indeed  too  much;  it  is  an  overwhelming 
gift,  but  how  can  you  marvel  at  such  a 
gift  when  you  consider  the  Giver  and  His 
goodness?  Rejoice,  O  my  soul,  for  God 
loves  me!  Me!  — so  small,  so  weak,  ephe- 
meral, deformed,  bad,  perfidious,  useless, 
inconstant!  —  this  Lord  and  Creator  of 
the  boundless  universe  loves  me  with  an 
infinite  love  even  from  all  eternity. 


I 


AM  the  lowest  and  the  worst,  I  am  less 
than  impotent,  less  than  incapable  of 
doing  anything,  utterly  evil  and  sinful, 
most  ugly  and  most  weak,  unstable  and 
manifestly  contemptible,  and  yet  I  am 
loved,  courted,  and  protected  with  untiring 
and  most  tender  care  by  that  Lord  Whom 
[no] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

St.  Augustine  has  called:  "the  highest, 
the  best,  more  than  powerful,  more  than 
omnipotent,  supremely  merciful  and  just, 
most  hidden  and  most  present,  most 
beautiful  and  most  strong,  unchanging 
and  incomprehensible." 


A 


the  love  He  bears  me  is  worthy 
of  His  greatness  and  His  glory.  He 
thinks  of  me  as  if  He  had  no  other  care 
but  my  destiny;  as  if,  in  the  whole  expanse 
of  this  universe,  I  alone  monopolized  the 
faculties  of  His  all-seeing  attention;  as 
if  in  all  the  scintillating  whirl  of  so 
many  gigantic  worlds,  in  the  most  ob- 
scure corner  of  the  firmament,  among  the 
myriads  of  stars,  planets,  and  satellites, 
He  had  come  to  seek  this  insignificant 
little  earth,  and  from  among  the  millions 
of  tiny  creatures  that  are  born  and  die 
every  second,  had  singled  me  out,  to  take 
complete  charge  of  me,  to  watch  over  my 
life  at  every  moment.  And  with  what 
tenderness  He  loves  me! — with  an  ardent, 
sincere,  and  quick  love,  with  a  love,  as  the 
"Imitation"  says,  that  is  compassionate, 
joyous  and  pleasing,  strong,  patient,  faith- 

[in] 


A     SOLDIERS     CONFIDENCES     WITH     GOD 

ful,  wise,  forbearing,  which  nothing  will 
ever  succeed  in  extinguishing  or  dimin- 
ishing. It  is  a  passionate  and  jealous  love, 
a  love  that  He  has  shown  me  in  a  thou- 
sand ways,  and  has  proven  in  the  most 
terrible,  eloquent,  and  irrefutable  manner, 
by  suffering  and  sacrificing  Himself  for 
me,  saving  me  at  the  price  of  His  Blood, 
dying  for  me  the  death  of  a  malefactor. 


w 


HAT  is  the  most  raging  and  con- 
suming fire  of  this  earth  in  comparison 
with  that  ardent  flame  of  love  which 
devours  the  heart  of  my  Lord  for  me? 

Let  us  consider  further  how  He  speaks 
of  His  love  for  me,  and  then  see  what 
immense  comfort  I — wretched  I!  —  can 
draw  from  the  thought  of  such  love. 

In  order  to  understand  how  jealous  He 
is  of  me,  I  shall  consider  that  twice  He 
has  openly  said:  "I  am  the  Lord  Thy 
God,  mighty,  jealous."  1  And  again,  "For 
I  am  the  Lord  Thy  God,  a  jealous  God." 
He  wants  my  whole  heart,  He  wants  no 

1  Ego  sum  Dominus  Deus  tuus  fortis,  zelotcs.     (Exodus 
xx,  5.) 

2  Ego  enim  sum  Dominus  Deus  tuus;    Deus  aemulator. 
(Deut.  v,  9.) 

[112] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

rivals,  He  wants  me  to  leave  everything 
for  Him,  myself,  the  world,  mother, 
father,  sons,  wife;  He  wants,  He  demands, 
He  expects  and  commands  that  I  adore 
Him  alone,  so  much  does  He  love  me! 
In  order  to  understand  the  intensity  of 
His  love,  it  is  sufficient  that  I  consider 
for  an  instant  the  love  He  expects  of  me. 
"Thou  shalt  love -the  Lord  Thy  God  with 
thy  whole  heart,  and  with  thy  whole  soul, 
and  with  all  thy  strength  and  with  all 
thy  mind."  l  Oh,  how  a  God  Who  tells 
me  to  love  Him  with  my  whole  heart, 
with  my  whole  soul,  with  all  my  strength, 
with  all  my  intelligence,  must  love  me! 
If  He  Who  is  supremely  just  asks  so 
much  of  me,  it  must  be  very  certain  that 
He  will  repay  me  in  like  manner  and, 
since  He  is  supremely  good,  He  will  repay 
me  infinitely  more.  Yes,  my  God,  my  life, 
my  holy  sweetness,  I  love  Thee  in  return; 
Thou  returnest  my  poor,  lukewarm,  weary, 
inconstant  love  with  a  love  that  is  burn- 
ing, strong  beyond  measure,  and  unchange- 

1  Dihges  Dominum  Deum  tuum  ex  toto  corde  tuo,  et 
ex  tota  anima  tua,  et  ex  omnibus  viribus  tuis,  et  ex  omni 
mente  tua.  (Luke  x,  27.) 


A    SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    GOD 

able.  Thou  also  lovest  me  "with  Thy 
whole  heart,"  but  Thy  most  Sacred  Heart 
is  such  that  it  can  beat  for  the  whole  uni- 
verse and  keep  all  its  ardor  intact.  Thou 
also  lovest  me  "with  Thy  whole  soul,"  but 
Thy  soul  is  eternal  and  boundless.  Thou 
also  lovest  me  "with  Thy  whole  strength," 
but  Thy  Strength  is  strength  indeed,  for 
it  is  the  unique  and  only  strength. 

J3UT  the  Lord  has  told  me  even  more 
clearly  how  He  loves  me,  in  three  im- 
ages which  picture  to  me  the  anxiety  with 
which  He  has  sought  me,  the  joy  with 
which  He  has  found  me,  and  the  exulting 
ardor  with  which  He  has  run  to  meet  me. 
I  am  indeed  the  foolish  wandering  sheep 
which  the  Good  Shepherd  went  after 
until  He  found  it:  "And  when  he  hath 
found  it,  lay  it  upon  his  shoulders  rejoic- 
ing; and  coming  home  called  together  his 
friends  and  neighbors,  saying  to  them: 
Rejoice  with  me,  because  I  have  found 
my  sheep  that  was  lost!"1 

1  Lt  cum  invenent  cam,  imponit  in  humeros  suns 
gaudens.  Lt  venicns  domum  convocat  amicus  et  vicinos, 
dicens  ilhs:  Congratulamini  mihi,  quia  inveni  ovem  meam, 
quae  perierat.  (Luke  xv,  5,  6.) 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

I  am  indeed  the  groat  that  rolled  on 
the  floor  and  into  a  dark  corner  of  the 
house.  And  the  Lord,  does  He  not  "light 
a  candle  and  sweep  the  house  and  seek 
diligently  until  He  find  it?"  * 

./\.ND,  finally,  I  am  the  prodigal  son, 
and  this  most  loving  Father,  what  has 
He  not  done  for  me,  when  I  came  back  to 
tell  Him,  as  alas  was  too  true,  that  I  was 
no  longer  worthy  to  be  called  His  son? 
He  had  already  seen  me,  when  I  was  yet 
afar  off-  "and  when  he  was  yet  a  great 
way  off,  his  father  saw  him."  2  And  He 
had  compassion  on  me  and  on  my 
wretchedness,  though  I  alone  was  the 
cause  of  it;  yet  even  this  did  not  prevent 
Him  from  anticipating  my  act  of  sub- 
mission, to  which  I  was  driven  by  my 
misery,  thirst,  and  starvation.  Nay,  He 
hastened  to  meet  me,  threw  His  arms 
around  my  neck,  and  covered  me  with 
kisses:-  "and  was  moved  with  com- 

1  Nonne    accendit    lucernam,    et    everrit    domum,,    et 
quaerit  diligenter,  donee  inveniat?     (Ibid.,  xv,  8.) 

2  Cum    autem    adhuc    longe    esset,    vidit    ilium    pater 
ipsius.     (Ibid.,  xv,  30.) 


A    SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    GOD 

passion,  and  running  to  him  fell  upon  his 
neck,  and  kissed  him."  x 

What  love!  O,  what  love!  And  I  had 
nothing  to  give  Him  in  return,  except  a 
heart  full  of  cupidity  and  baseness,  a  soul 
overflowing  with  iniquity  and  foulness. 

1  Et  misericordia  motus  est,  et  accurrens  cecidet  super 
collum  ejus,  et  osculatus  est  eum.  Luke  xv,  20. 


CIOSUE    BORSI 


XVI 


He  gives  himself  up  W^holly  to 
the  JTove  of 


1 


Wednesday,  May  iqth,  1915 

then,  is  the  love  my  Lord 
has  for  me,  and  for  this  love 
He  has  hastened  to  look  for  me, 
has  lighted  the  lamp,  searched  everywhere, 
come  to  meet  me,  welcomed  me  with  a 
cry  of  joy,  and  has  made  a  festival  in 
heaven  for  me:  "There  shall  be  joy 
before  the  angels  of  God  upon  one  sinner 
doing  penance."  x 


/\ 


ND  now,  0  Lord,  what  shall  I  do, 
confused  as  I  am  by  this  superabundant 
and  unmerited  love,  which  I  am  quite 
sure  I  shall  never  know  how  to  deserve? 
What  shall  I  do?  And  I  realize  that  Thy 
good  things  are  yet  only  promised  to  me, 
as  is  the  marvelous  destiny  that  Thou  art 

1  Gaudium    coram    angelis    Dei    super    uno    peccatore 
poenitentiam  agente.     (Luke  xv,  10.) 

[II?] 


A   SOLDIER'S   CONFIDENCES   WITH   GOD 

preparing  for  me.  Yet  the  promise  makes 
me  calm,  secure,  and  full  of  peace.  What, 
then,  will  the  reality  be,  if  the  mere 
promise  is  already  the  greatest  of  all 
earthly  goods,  a  happiness  which  nothing 
can  disturb,  a  bliss  that  I  would  not 
exchange  for  a  kingdom! 


M 


.Y  adorable  and  loving  Father,  the 
thought  of  the  love  Thou  hast  for  me 
ought  to  make  me  invincible  and  happy, 
exulting  and  overflowing  with  gratitude, 
not  only  now,  but  even  if  I  were  in  the 
midst  of  the  agony,  the  horror,  the  desola- 
tion, and  the  infamy  of  the  most  wretched 
human  condition.  If  I  w7ere  able  to 
realize  this  love  as  I  ought,  what  could 
make  me  trembler  It  is  the  infinite  love 
of  an  omnipotent  spirit.  There  is  nothing 
left  for  me  to  do  but  to  second  it  in  every 
way,  with  all  my  energy,  with  all  the 
docility  and  confidence  of  which  I  am  able, 
without  the  least  fear  or  doubt,  for  if  the 
Lord  loves  me,  He  desires  nothing  but  my 
good;  if  His  love  is  infinite,  the  good  that 
He  has  in  store  for  me  is  boundless;  if 
His  love  is  omnipotent,  this  good  can 
[118] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

never  fail,  and  none  but  I  could  be  so 
blind  and  mad  as  to  put  any  obstacle  in 
the  way  of  its  attainment. 


T. 


HE  road  on  which  the  strong  hand  of 
the  Lord  directs  me  must  surely  be  the 
happiest  and  swiftest,  as  He  Himself  has 
chosen  it  for  me;  no  other  could  possibly 
be  better,  for  the  Lord  sees  all  things  and 
can  do  all  things.  If  I  rebel  against  some 
of  His  decrees,  no  matter  how  cruel  they 
may  seem  to  me,  the  fault  most  certainly 
is  in  me;  it  is  I  who  am  mistaken  and 
short-sighted;  though  proud,  I  want  to 
judge;  though  insubordinate,  I  do  not 
want  to  obey;  I  am  a  fool  denying  what 
I  know  to  be  true,  namely,  that  I  am  in 
the  hands  of  a  supremely  good,  wise, 
great,  and  merciful  guide.  This  I  know. 
If  I  attempt  to  escape  His  truth,  I  sink 
inevitably  into  absurdity,  and  become  a 
poor,  blind,  wretched  creature  fallen  into 
the  clutches  of  a  no  less  blind,  brutally 
cruel  and  invincible  destinv. 


T. 


HEREFORE,  take  me,  loving  Father, 
take  me;    I  am  Thine  as  Thou  art  mine; 


A   SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES   WITH    GOD 

I  am  Thine,  body  and  soul,  wholly  and 
forever.  Inspire  me,  lead  me,  do  with 
me  what  Thou  wilt.  I  shall  obey  always. 
Take  pity  on  my  weakness.  Thou  lovest 
me,  therefore  Thou  wouldst  not  that  I 
should  fall  unwittingly;  Thou  wouldst 
not  that  I  should  be  tempted  beyond  my 
strength,  never  wouldst  Thou,  my  faithful 
Lover,  my  infallible  Guide,  my  omnipotent 
Helper,  that  I  fall  into  error. 


ES,  I  am  certain  of  it,  Father;  I  feel 
it;  Behold!  Behold  the  moment  that  I 
have  longed  for  until  now  while  writing 
this  diary;  yes,  O  Father,  Thou  art 
speaking  to  me  directly;  my  heart  is 
filled  with  Thee,  all  at  once,  entirely  and 
without  effort!  I  feel  Thee  in  me,  Thou 
art  speaking  to  me,  Thou  art  guiding  my 
hand  and  saying  to  me:  "Courage,  my 
beloved  son,  courage,  for  I  love  thee  and 
I  want  thee;  fear  no  more,  hesitate  no 
longer,  cast  off  the  last  hawsers,  launch 
forth  into  the  sea  and  turn  not  back  even 
for  a  glance." 


[  120] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 


Yi 


ES,  indeed,  dear  Father.  Enough, 
I  beseech  Thee,  the  joy  is  too  great,  too 
great  for  me.  I  can  stand  no  more.  I 
can  no  longer  hold  the  pen.  Let  me  fall 
to  my  knees,  trembling  and  happy,  before 
Thee,  my  Father,  Who  art  too  good  to  me, 
my  Father,  all  my  good,  my  Lord,  blessed 
Christ  Jesus! 


[121] 


BOOK    TWO 

Propterea  abundantius  oportet  observare  nos  ea  quae 
audivimus,  ne  forte  perfluamus.  (Hebrews  ii,  I.) 

Therefore  ought  we  more  diligently  to  observe  the 
things  which  we  have  heard,  lest  perhaps  we  should  let 
them  slip. 


XVII 

He  Finds  out  ~\vhat  is  the 
for  the  Soul 

FLORENCE,  Thursday,  May  2Oth,  1915 

OLORD,  the  good  Christian 
should  begin  a  new  life  every  day. 
To  be  perfect  like  his  heavenly 
Father,  the  good  Christian  should  not  halt 
one  moment  in  the  way  of  perfection; 
every  day,  every  hour,  every  minute  he 
should  take  a  step  forward,  without  ever 
pausing  or  stepping  back,  almost  without 
giving  a  glance  at  the  work  already 
accomplished;  he  should  not  even  stop 
to  take  breath  and  regain  courage,  but  on, 
on,  quickly,  without  losing  an  instant. 
On  earth,  rest  consists  in  doing  good,  just 
as  in  heaven  it  consists  in  enjoying  God. 
Rest  does  not  mean  idleness,  inaction, 
standing  still,  but  rather  recuperation, 
contemplation,  and  prayer.  In  labor  we 
expend  vital  strength  and  energy;  in 

[125] 


A    SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    GOD 

rest  we  examine  ourselves,  repair  ourselves 
and  recuperate;  but  labor  and  rest  mean 
life,  action,  and  progress.  Therefore,  a 
holy  day  is  given  to  us  not  for  enjoyment 
and  diversion  and  to  idle  away,  but  that 
we  may  sandlify  it.  A  man  who  idles 
away  his  time,  far  from  being  rested  by 
it,  will  have  to  make  a  greater  effort  to 
return  to  work,  for  idleness  does  not  make 
us  quicker  and  more  alert,  but  rather 
stupefies  us  and  increases  our  laziness, 
and  thus  makes  our  tasks  more  tiresome 
and  hard.  When  a  man  seeks  after  earthly 
pleasures,  far  from  their  satisfying  him 
and  enabling  him  later  on  to  bear  fatigue 
and  privation  more  easily,  he  remains  more 
ensnared  and  enslaved  than  ever  and  will 
find  it  more  and  more  difficult  and  irksome 
to  be  deprived  of  them.  Pleasure  does 
not  remove  hunger,  but  causes  hunger. 


JSTEN  attentively,  Giosue,  for  at  this 
moment  it  is  your  Lord  Himself  Who  is 
speaking  and  admonishing  you.  For  rest 
is  contemplation,  recuperation,  prayer. 
It  is  the  forerunner  of  that  eternal  happi- 
ness in  which  there  will  be  no  death, 
[126] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

inaction,  or  standing  still,  but  life  and 
motion,  aclive  and  peaceful  possession, 
without  contest,  desire,  or  struggle;  for 
God  is  life;  He  is  always  busy,  and  His 
angels  are  ever  on'  the  wing,  getting  and 
giving,  ever  singing  His  praises,  ever 
adoring  Him,  and  never  do  they  sleep. 
Giosue,  that  body  which  has  been  given 
you  as  a  servant,  which  you  illtreat  and 
despise,  which  you  are  always  holding 
responsible  for  your  faults,  though  it  is 
only  a  dutiful  and  most  obedient  servant 
to  you,  that  body  is  the  first  to  give  you  a 
good  example,  and  to  teach  you  what  life 
and  labor  and  rest  really  are.  Whether 
asleep  or  awake,  it  is  always  alive  and 
active.  In  sleep  your  body  is  no  less 
busy  than  in  its  waking  hours,  probably  it 
is  even  busier,  for  sleep  repairs,  renews, 
cleanses,  revives,  and  restores,  while  the 
working  hours  dissipate,  undo,  err,  and 
sometimes  destroy. 


B 


lEHOLD,  O  blessed  Lord,  at  this  point 
Thou  dost  enlighten  me  with  a  ray  of 
truth  which  I  had  never  before  quite 
understood,  or  rather  that  I  did  not 

[127] 


A  SOLDIER'S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 
understand  at  all,  and  which  I  have 
repeated  hitherto  on  Thy  word  and  with- 
out intelligent  conviction.  (Thus,  O  Lord, 
dost  Thou  reward  those  who  trust  in  Thee.) 
It  is  for  this  reason  that  the  contemplative 
life  is  better  than  the  active;  it  is  for  this 
reason  that  our  Lord  said  that  "Mary 
hath  chosen  the  best  part,  which  shall  not 
be  taken  away  from  her."  1  Yes,  all  the 
fruits  of  the  aclive  life  will  be  taken  away 
from  us,  and  the  whole  world  will  be 
destroyed  and  annihilated.  What  will  all 
the  labor  of  Martha,  who  "was  busy 
about  much  sewing,"2  amount  to?  From 
Mary,  however,  "who,  sitting  also  at  the 
Lord's  feet,  heard  His  word,"3  nothing 
shall  be  taken  away.  And  yet,  I  used  to 
think  that  Martha's  claim  was  just  when 
she  said:  "Lord,  hast  Thou  no  care  that 
my  sister  hath  left  me  alone  to  serve? 
Speak  to  her  therefore  that  she  help  me."4 

1  Maria   optimam   partem   elegit,   quae   non    auferetur 
ab  ea.     (Luke  x,  42.) 

2  Satagebat  circa  frequens  ministenum.     (Ibid.,  40.) 

3  Quae,    etiam    sedens    secus    pedes    Domini,    audiebat 
verbum  illuis.     (Ibi.l.,  39.) 

4  Domine,  non  est  tibi  curae  quod  soror  mea  reliquit 
me  solam  ministrare  r  die  ergo  illi  ut  me  adiuvet.   (Ibid.,  40.) 

[128] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

And  yet,  Martha,  Martha,  "but  one 
thing  is  necessary,"  l  and,  even  though 
you  may  not  see  it,  Mary  does  not  leave 
you  to  work  alone;  Mary  is  helping  you 
all  the  time,  and  without  her  you  would 
accomplish  nothing.  You  are  the  waking 
state,  she  is  repose;  you  do  many  things, 
you  are  anxious  about  many  things  - 
are  they  all  good  ?  —  while  she  does  one 
thing  only,  but  that  one  is  necessary  and 
the  best  of  all. 

W  HAT  would  become  of  one  who 
always  spent  and  never  acquired  any- 
thing? What,  in  fad:,  becomes  of  men 
who  work  without  praying?  Will  not 
mortal  dizziness  and  weariness  overtake 
them  some  day,  even  if  they  have  per- 
formed for  a  long  time  the  superhuman 
feat  of  always  doing  right?  But  even  this 
is  impossible  without  a  renewal  of  the 
spiritual  life,  because  a  man  very  soon  ful- 
fills his  few  and  simple  social  duties,  after 
which  he  can  say:  "Master,  all  these 
things  I  have  observed  from  my  youth,"  2 

1   Porro  unum  est  necessarium.      (Ibid.,  42.) 
-  Magister,    haec    omma    observavi    a_iuventute    mea. 
(Mark  x,  20.) 

[  129] 


A    SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    GOD 

and  consider  himself  justified.  But, 
Lord,  every  day  should  be  the  begin- 
ning of  a  new  life  for  the  good  Chris- 
tian; he  ought  not  to  be  content  with 
what  he  has  already  done,  he  ought  not 
even  to  cast  back  at  it  a  glance  of  sat- 
isfaction or  regret.  He  ought  to  ponder, 
O  Lord,  over  a  saying  of  Thine  which  seems 
hard,  but  is  divinely  good:  "No  man 
putting  his  hand  to  the  plow,  and  looking 
back,  is  fit  for  the  kingdom  of  God."  l 
"Therefore,  I  say  to  you,  my  eternally 
beloved  Giosue,  that  a  backward  glance 
is  a  delay;  and  I  say  to  you  again,  courage, 
my  son,  delay  not,  go  ahead,  run,  do  not 
turn  back,  for  I  love  you  and  I  want  you, 
and  am  waiting  for  you  and  I  yearn  to 
clasp  you  forever  in  my  loving  arms. 
Do  not  delay,  not  even  for  a  moment!" 


N« 


OW,  therefore,  O  Lord,  that  one  may 
not  stop,  but  renew  himself  continually 
and  keep  going  a  step  ahead  all  the  time, 
is  it  not  necessary  to  find  ever  new  energy 

1  Nemo  mittens  manum  suam  ad  aratrum,  et  respiciens 
retro,  aptus  est  regno  Dei.     (Luke  ix,  62.) 

[130] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

and  new  inspirations,  to  discover  new 
virtues,  to  become  better  and  better 
acquainted  with  our  weaknesses,  to  pursue 
and  conquer  them  with  ever-increasing 
fury  and  inexorable  effort?  Who  shall 
give  us  this  power  if  not  Thou  Who  art 
the  only  power  of  the  world?  Who  shall 
inspire  us,  if  not  Thou,  Who  art  the  only 
source  of  inspiration?  "Lord,  to  whom 
shall  we  go?  Thou  hast  the  words  of 
eternal  life."  J  Where  shall  we  find  the 
exemplar  of  all  virtues  if  not  in  Thee, 
Who  art  virtue  itself?  Therefore,  the 
primary  and  greatest  necessity  to  our 
lives  —  even  the  sole  and  indispensable 
necessity  —  is  to  know  Thee,  to  adore 
Thee  and  to  pray  to  Thee.  Here  below 
Thou  art  our  temporal  repose;  as  up 
there  Thou  wilt  be  our  eternal.  Without 
Thee  nothing  is  possible,  with  Thee 
nothing  is  impossible.  This  is  why  rest 
is  necessary  to  every  body  and  prayer  is 
necessary  to  every  soul.  "Mary  also  sat 
listening  to  the  word  of  the  Lord." 

1  Domine,    ad    quern    ibimus?     Verba    vitae    aeternae 
habes.     (John  vi,  69.) 

[131] 


A     SOLDIERS     CONFIDENCES     WITH     GOD 


that,  O  Lord,  is  why  Thou  hast 
placed  the  Commandment  to  keep  holy 
the  Sabbath  day  ahead  of  the  command- 
ments which  deal  with  our  duties  toward 
our  neighbor,  because  without  the  former 
all  the  others  are  impossible,  and  from  it 
all  the  others  are  derived,  and  by  observing 
it  we  obtain  strength  to  keep  all  those 
that  follow.  For  verily  I  say  to  you, 
Giosue,  that  those  things  which  are  neces- 
sary to  one  man  are  necessary  to  all  men 
together,  and  after  the  six  days  of  labor 
it  is  necessary  that  all  men  take  their  rest 
together  on  a  day  of  communion  of  souls 
in  God. 


L 


,ET  us  proceed  further.  (O  Lord,  how 
many  things  I  have  yet  to  say  to  Thee! 
My  soul  is  overflowing  with  them !)  "  Rest 
is  surely  necessary,"  says  Gratry.  And 
these  are  the  eloquent  words  that  he 
adds  later  on:  "What,  then,  is  rest; 
Rest  is  life  recuperating  and  retempering 
itself  at  its  sources.  Rest  for  the  body  is 
sleep;  what  takes  place  in  it,  God  knows. 
Rest  for  the  mind  and  soul  is  prayer. 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

Prayer  is  the  life  of  the  soul,  the  life  of  the 
intellect  and  the  heart  recuperating  and 
retempering  itself  at  its  source,  which  is 
God."  1 

V  ERY  well;  now  consider  what  the 
human  race  is:  it  is  a  great  united  body 
working  for  its  own  uncertain  and  doubtful 
destiny,  until  the  Son  of  man  shall  come 
to  judge  it.  The  human  race  is  composed 
of  an  immense  multitude  of  laborers, 
working  to  build  a  house.  Or  rather  this 
is  what  the  Lord  created  us  for,  and  all 
ought  to  be  working  together  harmoniously 
to  this  end,  each  at  the  post  assigned  to 
him,  wThether  it  be  great  or  small;  but 
instead  there  are  some  who  work,  others 
who  idle,  others  who  hinder  the  work  of 
their  fellows,  and  yet  others  who  destroy; 
and  so  they  are  working  amid  bloody 
struggles,  disputes  and  contests,  tears  and 
bitterness,  sacrifices  and  vain  undertak- 

1  Qu'est-ce  done  que  le  repos?  Le  repos  c'est  la  vie  se 
recueillant  et  se  retemprant  dans  ses  sources.  Le  repos 
pour  le  corps  c'est  le  sommeil;  ce  qui  s'y  passe,  Dieu  le 
sait.  Le  repos  pour  1'esprit  et  pour  1'ame  c'est  la  priere. 
La  priere  c'est  la  vie  de  1'ame,  la  vie  mtellectuelle  et  cor- 
diale  se  recueillant  et  se  retemprant  dans  sa  course,  qui  est 
Dieu. 

[  133  ] 


A     SOLDIERS     CONFIDENCES     WITH     GOD 

ings.  Now  of  those  who  truly  labor  there 
are  some  who  build  and  some  who  fetch 
the  material.  The  former  are  Martha, 
the  latter  Mary;  the  former  are  labor,  the 
latter  rest;  the  former  are  action,  the  lat- 
ter contemplation.  What  would  you  say 
if  the  former  were  to  complain  because 
the  latter  are  not  there  beside  them  on 
the  scaffolding  stacking  the  bricks  on  each 
other,  in  the  midst  of  the  noise,  the  rush, 
the  shouts  and  tumult  of  active  work? 
If  those  who  collecl:  the  material  were  to 
cease  their  quieter  and  less  obtrusive 
labor,  everything  would  soon  come  to  a 
standstill  for  lack  of  material.  Let  them, 
then,  go  afield  with  their  wheelbarrows 
to  get  the  lime,  the  clay,  the  stone;  let 
them  work  in  the  marble  and  stone 
quarries,  let  them  go  down  into  the  beds 
of  rivers  to  load  themselves  with  sand  and 
gravel;  let  them  go  to  pump  the  good, 
dear,  useful  water,  for  without  these 
materials  nothing  can  be  built,  and  these 
lacking,  nothing  is  left  to  be  done  but  to 
stay  idle,  with  hands  folded,  saying  that 
all  is  done  and  there  is  nothing  else  for 
us  to  do,  or  else,  as  a  result  of  some  crazy 
[134] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

agitation,  tear  down  what  has  already 
been  constructed,  in  order  to  begin  all 
over  again  in  the  vain  hope  of  doing  it 
better,  disputing  with  those  poor  workers 
who  would  like  at  least  to  save  that  which 
has  been  constructed,  and  accusing  them 
of  being  enemies  of  novelty,  fearful, 
timid,  and  reactionary.  The  new  material 
that  they  bring  us  from  the  open  field  is 
what  will  permit  us  not  to  stop,  and  will 
spur  us  on  to  continue  the  work,  building 
eve.r  higher  and  contributing  our  share  to 
this  universal  work,  which  must  grow 
continually. 


T. 


HE  contemplatives,  what  do  they 
do?  Why,  they  do  everything!  They 
do  the  one  thing  necessary,  for,  after  all, 
"but  one  thing  is  necessary."  We  are 
asked  how  is  it  that  the  world  has  not 
yet  come  to  an  end  and  fallen  into  ruin, 
after  so  many  frauds,  so  many  sins,  so 
many  struggles,  so  much  misery;  how  is  it 
that  it  has  not  already  collapsed  in  its 
decomposition,  its  sterility,  its  madness 
and  debauchery?  We  are  asked  how  is  it 
that  some  decadent  movement  has  not 

[135] 


A    SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    GOD 

overturned  it  and  hurled  it  into  the  abyss. 
This  is  due  to  the  unknown,  obscure,  but 
no  less  potent  and  fertile  work  —  so  much 
the  more  beneficent  and  courageous  for 
being  performed  in  silence  and  sacrifice  - 
of  the  contemplatives,  of  those  who  love 
God,  who  pray  to  Him,  who  implore  Him, 
and  so  acquire  goodness,  love,  wisdom, 
strength,  and  abnegation. 


I 


F  one  give  a  superficial  glance  at  the 
world,  it  seems  all  brutal  selfishness, 
sarcasm,  unbelief,  unfruitfulness,  pride, 
impiety,  envy,  violence,  licentiousness, 
and  revelry,  greed  for  enjoyment,  riches, 
honors,  and  supremacy.  Why  has  it  not 
yet  fallen  into  dissolution?  Because  of 
the  salt  of  the  earth,  because  of  those  who 
weep,  who  suffer,  who  forgive,  who  re- 
nounce everything,  w7ho  love  God  above 
all  things  and  their  neighbor  as  them- 
selves, who  turn  the  other  cheek  to  him 
who  strikes  them,  who  give  their  cloak 
to  him  who  brings  them  to  judgment  for 
their  coat,  who  do  good  to  their  enemies, 
pray  for  their  persecutors  and  calumnia- 
tors, and  in  order  to  escape  the  praise 
[136] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

of    men,     do    all     their    good    works     in 
secret. 


B 


»UT  I  have  still  too  many  things  to  say 
about  the  salt  of  the  earth  and  the  fruit- 
fulness  of  sacrifice.  Only  this  morning  I 
had  begun  to  speak  of  the  new  life,  when  I 
got  lost  in  an  idea  which  I  intended  merely 
to  mention  in  passing.  Or  have  I  really 
gone  astray?  No,  no,  for  it  is  Thou,  O 
Lord,  Who  art  guiding  me,  and  Thou  hast 
proven  it.  I  let  myself  be  led  by  Thee, 
and  thus  I  come  to  Thee  and  am  already 
in  Thee.  But  Thy  truth,  O  Lord,  is  in- 
finite as  Thy  greatness,  far  above  me  and 
my  ridiculous  powers.  I  wonder  about 
it  dazed,  overcome  by  the  joy  and  the 
wonder  of  it,  and  then  I  end  by  saying: 


,NOUGH,  enough,  my  God!  —  and 
throw  myself  into  Thy  arms,  trembling 
with  love,  to  tell  Thee  that  I  love  Thee, 
and  can  do  nothing  else  but  adore  Thee, 
my  good ! 


[137] 


Friday,  May  2ist,  1915 

LABOR  and  rest,  therefore,  are 
two  alternate  phases  of  one  and 
the  same  work,  which  wrould  al- 
ways be  uninterrupted  and  increasing,  if 
only  we  knew  how  to  listen  to  Thee  and 
obey  Thee,  O  Lord.  Therefore,  Father, 
not  merely  every  day,  but  every  minute 
also,  each  good  Christian  ought  to  begin 
a  new  life.  The  road  we  are  going  is  new 
at  every  step;  as  we  climb  the  mountain 
from  crag  to  crag,  the  horizon  changes 
and  broadens.  The  great  strength  but 
also  the  great  sadness  of  our  poor,  dim 
life  of  trial  is  this  necessity  of  always 
going  on,  never  pausing,  never  neglecting 
our  work  for  an  instant,  never  casting  a 
glance  behind. 

[138] 


MONSIGNOR  BOUGAUD,  a  good 

bishop  of  our  time,  has  well  said: 

"We  have  seen  that  we  are  here  below 
to  create  ourselves,  to  work  at  beautify- 
ing our  souls.  Now  this  beauty  is  never 
finished  in  this  world.  It  must  always 
grow.  'Be  ye  perfect  as  my  heavenly 
Father  is  perfect.'  We  must  go  on  from 
light  to  light,  from  virtue  to  virtue.  We 
must  never  stop.  When  one  is  happy  one 
stops;  one  lingers,  one  forgets  one's  self. 
That  is  why  we  begin  with  happiness,  but 
do  not  remain  there.  God  has  to  drive 
us  out  of  it;  'Go  forth,  go  forth,'  l  He 
says.  Go  on,  advance,  get  away  from 
what  is  holding  you  back.  Do  not  halt 
on  the  way.  God  has  commanded  us  to 
keep  on  going,  says  Bossuet,  in  such  a 
way  that  He  has  not  even  allowed  us  to 
come  to  a  standstill  in  eternity." 


yet,   O   Lord,    it   would    be   out- 
raging   that    very    sensibility   Thou    hast 

1  The  Lord  said  to  Abram:  Go  forth  out  of  thy  coun- 
try, and  from  thy  kindred,  and  out  of  thy  father's  house, 
and  come  into  the  land  I  shall  show  thee.  ((Jen.  xn,  i.) 

[  139] 


A   SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH   GOD 

placed  in  our  heart,  it  would  be  like 
despising  and  misunderstanding  one  of 
Thy  most  precious  gifts,  to  say  that  this 
road  along  which  Thou  dost  constrain  us 
to  go  is  only  a  path  of  joy,  of  happiness, 
of  glory  and  triumph.  Oh,  this  struggle 
that  makes  us  worthy  of  Thee  is  mortally 
sad  and  bitter;  it  is  a  struggle  that  matures 
us,  but  at  the  same  time  it  wearies  and 
enervates  us.  Our  path  is  strewn  with 
tears  and  blood;  for  us  also  it  is  the  way 
of  the  cross,  the  ascent  of  Mount  Calvary. 


I 


THOUGHT  of  this  yesterday  and  the 
day  before  yesterday,  when  I  felt  that  a 
chapter  of  my  life  was  about  to  close,  and 
not  without  grief. 

A  OPENED  this  new  diary  as  I  began  a 
new  series  of  days,  on  the  very  day  that 
my  country  was  commencing  a  new  era. 
I  feel  that  I  have  advanced  a  step  towrards 
eternal  life,  but  I  cannot  be  blamed  if  I 
feel  with  profound  melancholy  how  futile 
and  fleeting  is  our  life,  when  measured  by 
time.  I  have  no  regrets,  as  Thou  well 
knowest,  O  Lord,  but  at  the  same  time  I 
[  14°] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

feel  very  sad.  Ever  since  I  was  left  alone 
down  to  the  day  before  yesterday,  he  who 
is  gone  has  been  my  friend,  the  comrade 
of  all  my  misfortunes  and  afflictions.  I 
have  loved  him,  I  have  helped  him  and 
been  faithful  to  him;  we  have  mutually 
sustained  and  enlightened  each  other  and 
by  Thy  grace  he  has  done  me  good  beyond 
my  expectation.  I  believe  in  his  upright- 
ness and  goodness,  I  am  certain  of  his 
keen,  clear,  and  penetrating  intelligence. 
O  Lord,  if  Thou  lovest  him  to  the  extent 
of  lavishing  upon  him  so  many  beautiful 
gifts,  why  dost  Thou  not  give  him  the 
greatest  of  all  ? 


I 


HOPE  that  Thou  wilt  enlighten  him 
and  that  Thou  wilt  grant  me  this  special 
grace  that,  above  all,  my  example  may  be 
worth  something  to  him.  I  hope  that 
we  may  meet  each  other  often  here  on 
earth,  or  even  for  as  long  as  we  live;  but 
I  hope  especially  and  with  all  the  ardor  of 
my  soul  that  we  shall  ascend  on  high 
together,  like  two  brothers,  blessed  by 
the  Father,  rejoicing  in  His  glory,  after 
having  devoted  all  our  earthly  strength 

[141] 


A    SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    GOD 

to  His  service.  O  Father,  dear  Father, 
what  joy  Thou  art  preparing  for  us  with 
Thy  love!  And  we,  on  our  part,  what  are 
we  doing?  Here  I  am  wistfully  looking 
back  to  days  of  bitter  struggle  and  subtle 
laziness,  to  evenings  of  frivolous  pleasure 
and  gaiety,  to  nights  of  calm  dispute,  to 
those  poor  girls  who  were  in  darkness  and 
error,  and  thinking  of  that  dear  boy  whom 
I  should  like  to  save.  O  Lord,  help  me 
more  and  more  as  I  become  more  lonely. 
Do  not  fail  me,  do  not  abandon  me. 
Help  Thou  my  weakness,  of  which  Thou 
hast  seen  so  many  of  the  strayings  in 
these  latter  days,  for  in  my  new  life  I  shall 
need,  above  all,  strength,  alacrity,  readi- 
ness, and  fearless  courage.  Give  me,  O 
Lord,  Thou  \\ho  art  all-powerful,  the 
watchful  strength  of  a  good  servant. 
"In  Thee,  O  Lord,  have  I  hoped." 
"Teach  me  the  way  wherein  I  am  to 
walk." 


[142] 


XIX 


He  ^Delights  in  ^Anticipation 

of  Holy  Qommunion 

Saturday  ',  May  22d,  1915 


f  ^O-DAY  I  went  to  confession, 
and  to-morrow,  O  Lord,  I 
M.  shall  receive  Thee  in  Holy  Com- 
munion with  love  that  equals  my  un- 
worthiness.  When  Thou  dost  deign  to 
offer  me  Thy  living  flesh  as  food,  I  will 
thank  Thee,  O  Lord,  for  having  ascended 
into  heaven  to  pray  the  Father  to  send 
Thy  Holy  Spirit  upon  the  Apostles,  that 
Thy  church  might  be  born  and  live 
and  triumph  for  my  particular  salvation. 
Thou  hast  said:  "And  I  will  ask  the 
Father  and  He  shall  give  you  another 
Paraclete."  :  Commenting  on  these 
words,  St.  Augustine  writes  in  the  homily 
found  in  the  office  of  this  glorious  vigil: 
"When  He  says:  I  will  ask  the  Father 
and  He  shall  give  you  another  Paraclete, 

1  Et  ego   rogabo   Patrem,   ct   alium    Paraclitum   dabit 
vobis.      (John  xiv,  16.) 

[143] 


A   SOLDIER'S   CONFIDENCES    WITH   GOD 

He  shows  that  He  Himself  is  a  Paraclete. 
For  a  Paraclete  in  Latin  means  advocate 
and  it  is  written  of  Christ  -  'we  have  an 
advocate  with  the  Father,  Jesus  Christ.'  ' 


[  H4  J 


XX 

He  Explains  ^hy  he  Holds 
^4 lo  of  from  Agitation 


ALTHOUGH  the  events  of  these 
days  x  fill  the  world  with  uproar, 
I  have  always  felt  a  certain 
repugnance  at  speaking  of  them  in  this 
diary,  O  Lord,  because  this  is  my  spiritual 
hermitage  and  I  do  not  like  even  the 
confused  echoes  of  the  great  clamors  of 
the  passing  world  to  reach  it.  Here  I 
want  to  come  as  "from  time  to  eternity," 
and  I  do  not  think  this  desire  is  idle  and 
selfish,  since,  if  I  seek  to  keep  away  from 
the  world,  I  do  it  in  order  to  approach 
mankind  with  a  tenderer  and  profounder 
affection.  He  who  loves  the  world  loves 
himself,  while  he  who  loves  mankind  loves 
God. 

1  Those  in  which  Italy  was  entering  the  war. 

CHS] 


A     SOLDIERS     CONFIDENCES     WITH     GOD 


D 


URING  the  last  days  of  our  life  to- 
gether —  though  so  different!  —  my  friend 
who  has  gone  and  who  is  already  in  the 
army  at  the  foot  of  the  great  Alps  used 
to  reproach  me  for  not  reading  the  news- 
papers, for  not  engaging  in  polemic  writ- 
ings, for  not  taking  part  in  street  uprisings, 
and  for  this  he  held  me  a  contemptible 
coward,  a  poor  citizen,  an  inept  and  futile 
patriot.  And  all  the  others  agreed  with 
him,  and  stopped  me  speaking,  and  pre- 
dicted that  some  day  I  would  feel  the 
bitterness,  regret,  remorse,  and  even  the 
shame  of  not  having  done  anything  useful 
for  my  country,  of  not  having  contributed 
in  the  slightest  to  the  realization  of  the 
common  dream.  I  answered  quietly  that 
every  man  has  his  duties,  that  agitation  is 
not  always  good,  that  I  was  not  convinced 
of  the  efficacy  of  violence,  that  I  was  not 
so  rash,  reckless,  and  presumptuous  as  to 
give  my  opinion  on  matters  about  which  I 
could  not  know;  that  it  was  for  others  to 
deliberate,  and  for  us  to  obey;  that  our 
agitations  were  superfluous  or  harmful, 
and  we  should  leave  that  sort  of  thing 
L  146] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

to  the  rowdy  mob,  —  to  foolhardy,  fatuous 
persons  who  are  ready  at  a  moment's 
notice  with  snap  judgments  and  a  display 
of  impromptu  expertness. 


M 


.Y  opponents  replied  that  even  the 
smallest  voice  may  be  efficacious,  that  it 
is  a  crime  to  isolate  one's  self  from  the 
world,  that  the  world  would  come  to  an 
end  if  everybody  reasoned  like  me;  but 
all  to  no  avail.  I  felt  the  falsity  of  those 
arguments;  I  divined  it  more  than  I 
understood  it.  I  felt  that  discipline  and 
sense  of  duty  in  all  would  be  the  salvation 
and  not  the  ruin  of  the  world.  I  perceived 
intuitively  that  reluclance  to  isolate  one's 
self  from  the  world  means  being  its  slave 
and  letting  one's  self  be  carried  away  by 
it,  rather  than  dominating  and  leading  it. 
It  is  certain  that  every  individual  has  his 
share  of  responsibility  in  the  progress  of 
humanity,  but  in  a  far  different  sense 
from  that  in  which  it  is  generally  under- 
stood. Everybody  wants  to  command  a 
little,  to  impose  his  \vill  somewhat,  or 
even  his  caprice,  but  nobody  means  to 
stay  quiet  and  sacrifice  himself  for  the 

[H7] 


A    SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    GOD 

common  good.  Everybody  brings  to  it 
his  own  little  portion  of  pride,  of  imperious 
presumption  and  of  vanity;  everybody 
judges  in  his  own  way  and  wants  to 
impose  his  own  will;  nobody  brings  to  it 
a  spirit  of  submission,  of  humility,  and  of 
discipline,  the  silence  of  his  own  loving, 
timorous,  modest  soul.  Each  man  in 
the  world  must  be  only  a  humble,  cheerful 
servant  or  an  intractable,  furious  slave; 
and  such  were  my  friends  in  their  mania 
for  agitation,  although  they  would  not 
admit  it.  But  they  felt  it  in  their  hearts, 
as  I  observed  from  a  certain  uneasiness 
and  acrimony  in  their  arguments  with  me, 
even  in  their  apparent  good  nature  and 
serenity.  I  felt  that  their  agitation  was 
a  desire  of  conquest  for  conquest's  sake, 
that  it  was  ambition  and  violence,  craving 
for  supremacy,  not  a  love  of  the  Supreme 
Good,  not  a  love  of  Thee,  my  sweet  Lord. 
They  do  not  know  that  Thou  hast  taught: 
"Trust  in  the  Lord  and  do  good,  and 
dwell  in  the  land,  and  thou  shalt  be  fed 
with  its  riches.  Delight  in  the  Lord  and 
He  will  give  thee  the  requests  of  thy 
heart.  Commit  thy  way  to  the  Lord 
[148] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

and  trust  in  Him;  and  He  will  do  it."  l 
And  finally  the  great  truth:  "But  the 
meek  shall  inherit  the  land,  and  shall 
delight  in  abundance  of  peace." 


B 


lUT  to-morrow  morning  I  will  tell  what 
this  tumult  of  great  events  has  made  me 
think,  Lord.  I  have  been  confused  and 
lazy  in  my  writing  this  evening;  I  have 
not  listened  to  Thee  as  I  should  have  done, 
and  it  seems  to  me  that  I  have  only  just 
casually  touched  the  surface  of  some  great 
truth,  of  which  I  have  caught  a  confused 
and  misty  glimpse.  I  must  resume  the 
recently  neglected  habit  of  rising  early 
for  this  work.  To-day,  however,  I  have 
been  distracted  by  the  holiday  rather 
than  by  laziness.  It  has  been  a  happy 
day,  O  Lord,  which  I  did  not  deserve  at 
all;  a  day  in  which  Thou  hast  filled  me 
to  overflowing  with  Thy  loving  kindness 
and  I  have  repaid  Thee  with  my  negli- 

1  Spera    in    domino,    et    fac    bonitatem,    et    inhabita 
terram,  et  paseeris  in  divitiis  ejus.     Delectare  in  domino, 
et  dabit  tibi  petitiones  cordis  tin.     Revela  domino  viam 
tuam,  et  spera  in  eo:   et  ipse  faciet.     (Ps.  xxxvi,  3-5.) 

2  Mansueti  autem  haereditabunt  terram,  et  delectabun- 
tur  in  multitudine  pacis.      (Ibid.,  n.J 

C 149] 


A     SOLDIERS     CONFIDENCES     WITH     GOD 

gence.  How  long  will  my  ineptitude  and 
poverty  of  spirit  last?  How  long  Thy 
overindulgence  and  forbearance  towards 
me?  But  Thou  seest  my  heart,  good 
God,  great  God,  supreme  God,  merciful 
God,  and  well  Thou  seest  that  I  have  no 
illusions  about  myself,  and  that  I  know 
well  that  I  deserve  nothing  but  Thy  most 
terrible  wrath. 


[  150  J 


XXI 

He  Reproves  himself  for  bis 
^Pharisaical  Aloofness 

Monday,  May  i\tb,  1915 

BUT  no,  I  shall  not  speak  this 
morning  about  the  great  events 
that  are  taking  place,  for  I  feel 
that  I  should  be  wrong.  Lord,  Thou 
knowest  how  I  should  speak  of  them: 
with  bad  humor,  bitterness,  and  even 
pride;  forgive  me,  therefore,  O  Lord, 
after  judging  the  sincerity  of  my  contri- 
tion. As  is  my  duty,  I  derive  meanwhile 
from  my  mistake  a  lesson  that  shall  bear 
fruit;  he  who  withdraws  from  the  world 
must  do  it  with  love,  —  not  through 
hatred,  impatience,  and  contempt.  Not 
his  mouth  alone  must  be  silent,  but  his 
heart  also,  —  above  all  to  the  voices  of 
passion,  abuse,  and  bitterness.  He  who 
shuts  himself  up  in  silence  and  solitude 
because  he  blames  the  world  and  does  not 


A    SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    GOD 

wish  to  follow  it  may  make  this  decision 
for  one  of  two  reasons:  Either  he  with- 
draws because  he  does  not  want  to  sin, 
and  therefore  does  it  through  humility 
and  love  towards  God,  in  which  case  he 
does  right;  or  he  withdraws  disdainfully 
and  haughtily  because  he  despairs  of 
bending  the  world  to  his  will,  in  which 
case  he  sins  and  his  heart  remains  in  the 
world.  His  solitude  will  be  continuous 
exasperation  and  bitter  rankling.  He  has 
judged  himself  just  and  misunderstood; 
thus  he  is  guilty  of  pride;  he  has  deemed 
himself  necessary  to  the  salvation  of  men, 
and  he  will  accuse  them  of  blindness  and 
ingratitude;  thus  he  is  guilty  of  the  most 
stupid  presumption.  For  man's  first  duty 
should  be  to  consider  himself  unjust,  full 
of  a  multitude  of  errors  and  meannesses, 
and  to  feel  that  he  is  utterl  useless. 


,  yesterday,  when  I  felt  a  sense  of 
resentment  at  the  thought  of  those  fes- 
tive, applauding  multitudes,  with  those 
haranguing  men,  those  flags  and  hymns, 
it  was  the  devil  that  was  tempting  me. 
\\hen  I  was  praising  mvself  for  having 
[152] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

stayed  at  home  in  meditation  and  prayer, 
far  from  the  roar  and  babel  of  the  streets, 
I  was  committing  the  sin  of  pride  and 
taking  a  pharisaic  pleasure  in  my  virtue. 


HAT  is  the  reason,  O  Lord,  why 
yesterday  I  felt  so  sterile,  so  lacking  in 
fervor  and  love.  Thank  thee,  O  Lord, 
for  returning  to  this  poor,  blind,  miserable 
servant  of  Thine.  And  still  I  persist  in 
thinking  myself  something!  Ah,  to  con- 
quer this  enemy,  to  subdue  him  once  and 
for  all,  I  who  make  so  much  of  my  virtue, 
I  who  think  myself  worthy  of  praise  for 
my  sacrifices,  I  who  display  them  before 
all,  I  who  glory  in  them  before  myself  and 
before  Thee,  O  Lord,  I  who  look  upon 
other  men  with  mingled  pity  and  contempt! 

0  Lord,  Lord,  I  am  indeed  a  foolishly  and 
ridiculously    vain    man,    and    surely    that 
poor,     licentious,     drunken     gambler,    to 
whom  I  speak  every  day  with   a  smile  of 
benign  self-sufficiency,  is  far  worthier  than 
I.     Yes,  yes,   I    am    indeed    the    Pharisee 
who  prays  within  himself  thus:     "O  God, 

1  give  Thee    thanks    that    I    am    not    as 
the  rest  of  men,  extortioners,  unjust,  and 

[153] 


A     SOLDIERS     CONFIDENCES     WITH     GOD 

adulterers,"  1  and  who  does  not  return 
justified.  Instead,  I  ought  to  be  like  the 
publican  who  stood  afar  off,  who  would 
not  even  raise  his  eyes  towards  heaven, 
but  struck  his  breast,  saying:  "OGod,  be 
merciful  to  me  a  sinner."  Ah,  wretch 
that  I  am,  how  well  I  see  my  misery! 
Now  I  perceive  how  much  delirium  and 
baseness  there  is  in  the  pages  I  have 
filled  down  to  the  present  day  —  impi- 
ous, sacrilegious,  full  of  infamous  self- 
complacence,  they  are. 

J  ESUS,  O  Jesus,  keep  my  eyes  always 
open  as  they  are  now,  so  I  can  see  my 
misery.  One  day,  the  ninth,  I  wrote,  as 
if  they  were  good,  the  Pharisee's  very 
words:  "Indeed,  0  Lord,  I  thank  Thee 
that  Thou  hast  not  left  me  among  these 
fools."  Fool  that  I  am  to  imagine  myself 
worthier  than  the  lowest  scoundrel  on 
earth.  Fool  that  I  am  to  have  believed 
that  I  enjoyed  a  special  grace  from  Thee, 
stupidly  forgetting  that  Thou  art  the 
Father  of  all,  and  that  Thou  lovest  all 

1   Dens    gratias    ago    tihi,    quia    non    sum    sicut    ceteri 
hominum,  raptures,  injusti,  adulteri.     (Luke  xviii,  u.) 

[154] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

alike.  Here  I  am  always  infatuated  with 
myself,  flattering  myself  that  I  am  dis- 
covering sublime  and  recondite  truths, 
which,  instead,  are  simple  and  eternal 
truths,  easy  because  they  are  Thine,  O 
Jesus,  because  they  are  those  that  Thou 
hast  revealed  to  babes,  concealing  them 
from  the  wise  and  learned.  And  I  am  a 
fool,  O  Lord,  especially  because  I  seek  the 
judgment  of  men  instead  of  Thine.  I 
must  remember  that  even  in  the  most 
silent  of  men  the  heart  may  be  full  of  the 
most  impious,  infamous,  and  foul  crimes 
before  God;  that  the  solitary  proud  man 
injures  not  himself  alone,  but  also  all  his 
brethren,  with  his  disdainful,  spiteful 
silence.  And  a  man  may  be  pointed  out 
by  everybody  for  his  virtue,  praised  and 
exalted  by  all,  he  may  be  continent,  of 
good  morals,  affable,  austere,  and  yet  his 
soul  may  be  a  black  sink  of  iniquity  and 
wickedness  and  a  whited  sepulchre. 


[155] 


XXII 

He  ^Analy^es   his   'Vanity   and 
Sees  the  Fruitlessness  Thereof 

Tuesday,  May  2$th,  1915 

LORD,  since  I  have  succeeded, 
through  my  good  fortune  and  the 
assistance  of  Thy  benign  grace, 
in  discovering  in  myself  that  hideous, 
deeply  rooted  sin  of  foolish  pride,  I  want 
to  dwell  upon  it  and  contemplate  it  in  all 
its  crookedness,  in  order  that  I  may  feel 
thoroughly  the  horror  and  repugnance  of 
it  and  understand  to  what  danger  it  may 
expose  me.  For,  when  I  consider  that 
only  a  few  days  ago  I  was  deluding  myself 
with  the  idea  that  I  was  already  far 
advanced  on  the  path  of  righteousness 
and  telling  myself  that,  having  conquered 
the  sins  of  lust  and  sloth,  nothing  remained 
but  to  overcome  a  few  petty  faults  and 
venial  defecls,  I  really  cannot  repress  a 
smile  of  scorn  and  pity,  a  feeling  of  com- 
[  156  ] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

miseration  and  indignation,  at  the  spectacle 
of  my  presumption. 


HAT  a  trial,  O  Lord,  this  day  of 
agitation  and  bitterness,  in  which  I 
have  felt  so  oppressed,  discouraged,  and 
irritable,  so  full  of  dull  rancor  against 
myself  and  impatience  against  others, 
that  I  almost  lost  my  temper  with  my 
mother,  besieged  as  I  was  by  a  whirlwind 
of  vile  thoughts!  Poor  wretch,  what  am 
I  without  Thee,  my  God  ?  How  corrupt 
and  prone  to  evil  I  am,  how  subject  to 
error  and  transgression!  What  will  be- 
come of  me  if  Thou  dost  abandon  me? 
Ah,  Lord,  let  me  feel  thoroughly  my 
weakness  and  my  poverty;  make  me  to 
know  my  uselessness,  my  vanity,  my 
ineptitude,  so  that  I  may  desire  nothing 
but  Thy  help,  and  realize  how  indispensa- 
ble it  is  to  me!  For  I  am  puffed  up  with 
vanity,  I  am  insulting  and  intolerant, 
incapable  of  sympathy,  indulgence,  be- 
nevolence, or  dignity. 


W: 


HAT   chiefly    attracted    me    to   love 
the  moral  and  dogmatic  doctrines  of  the 

[157] 


A    SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    GOD 

Catholic  Church  was  not  the  palpitating, 
divine  love  wherewith  it  is  pervaded,  but 
the  powerful,  invincible  rigor  of  its  logic. 
I  grasped  this  as  one  grasps  an  infallible 
weapon.  I  educated  myself  on  the  writ- 
ings of  Pascal  and  Manzoni,  two  apologists 
who  are  great  for  the  keen  acumen  of 
their  somewhat  sarcastic  reasoning,  both 
formidable  dialecticians  and  rigid  moral- 
ists, in  whom  I  admired  the  strength  of 
champion  swordsmen  and  an  irresistible 
polemic  vigor.  I  continued  in  this  study 
in  order  to  possess  myself  of  that  strength, 
through  a  desire  to  conquer  and  overcome, 
through  a  craving  for  superiority,  and  I 
have  always  made  an  ostentatious  display 
of  my  poor  learning  in  idle,  enervating, 
useless,  exasperating,  bitter  discussions. 


I 


HAVE  wasted  my  time,  and  succeeded 
only  in  convincing  most  people  that  I 
was  a  dry  and  insincere  braggart,  crazy  to 
display  my  talent,  my  learning,  my  courage 
and  dialectic  keenness.  Before  each  man 
I  took  the  attitude  not  of  a  friend  but  of 
an  antagonist;  I  had  no  other  desire  but 
to  humiliate  him,  to  make  him  aware  of 
[158] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

his  folly  and  ignorance,  and  reduce  him  to 
silence.  Into  those  idle  skirmishes  I 
brought  no  charity,  no  really  loving  and 
benevolent  Christian  solicitude,  but  always 
presumption,  ambition,  pretentiousness, 
conceit,  and  always  pride.  And  I  was 
punished  by  encountering  incredulity,  con- 
tempt, mediocre  objections,  counter- 
thrusts  of  easy  commonsense;  and  never 
any  one  who  would  lay  down  his  arms  or 
show  himself  in  the  least  moved  and 
convinced.  For  men  have  a  sort  of  coarse 
instinct  which  protects  them  against  those 
who  seek  to  surprise  them  with  doctrinal 
and  dialectic  displays.  They  are  diffident 
and  close  themselves  up  in  themselves. 
Men  are  conquered  only  by  love  and 
kindness,  by  quiet,  discreet  example,  which 
does  not  humiliate  them  and  does  not 
constrain  them  to  give  in.  They  dislike 
to  be  attacked  by  the  man  who  has  no 
other  desire  but  to  overcome  them. 


w< 


ORSE  still  it  was  for  me  when  I 
met  keener  and  more  cultivated  intellects, 
who  repeated  to  me  with  a  certain  elegance 
the  usual,  eternal,  secular  objections  which 

[159] 


A    SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    GOD 

incredulity  has  always  opposed  to  faith. 
Then  the  skirmish  became  an  academic 
debate  —  words,  words,  words!  Ah,  what 
misery!  And  what  danger  for  me!  For 
I  became  more  and  more  irritated  and 
exasperated;  it  seemed  to  me  that  I  was 
in  a  world  of  blind  men,  where  I  alone 
saw  clearly.  My  presumption  became 
monstrous,  my  intolerance  impious  and 
foul.  I  deemed  myself  the  voice  crying 
in  the  desert,  the  savior  of  the  universe, 
the  only  prophet  called  into  the  world  to 
make  it  over  from  top  to  bottom. 


M 


.Y  Lord  God,  where  would  that 
wicked,  fruitless  agitation  of  mine  have 
led  me?  I  tremble  with  horror  at  the 
thought  of  it.  Ah,  what  a  plague!  How 
sick  I  am!  What  shall  I  do  to  be  healed, 
O  Lord?  Lord,  have  pity  on  me,  I 
beseech  Thee,  succor  my  misery,  for  Thou 
alone  canst  help  me.  To  Thee  alone,  my 
Salvation,  I  sigh,  I  cry,  I  weep.  And 
thou,  holy  Virgin,  dear  sweet  Mother  of 
the  Lord,  "health  of  the  sick,  refuge  of 
sinners,  comforter  of  the  afflicted, "  turn 
thine  eyes  to  me,  for  I  am  so  afflicted,  I 
[160] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

am  such  a  sinner  and  so  infirm,  and  thou 
art  so  humble  and  sweet,  so  gentle  and 
merciful;  therefore  intercede  for  me  with 
thy  divine  Son,  Whom  I  have  angered. 
He  denies  thee  nothing,  advocate  of  all 
men,  for  thou  art  the  Queen  of  Paradise. 
Pray  for  me,  Holy  Mary,  blessed  Lady, 
and  tell  Him  to  open  my  eyes  always, 
that  I  may  see  myself  as  I  am,  in  all  my 
wretchedness. 


[161] 


XXIII 


He  Reproves  himself  for  an 
Ill-spent 


Wednesday,  May  26th,  1915 

WHY  not  be  sincere?  Lord,  I 
have  put  off  writing  until 
very  late  this  evening,  and 
I  should  now  have  to  write,  not  only  in 
haste  but  also  against  my  will.  I  did  not 
read  the  Scriptures  as  usual  this  morning. 
I  passed  the  day  in  sluggish  idleness, 
depressed,  irritable,  and  with  a  slight 
headache.  Furthermore,  I  stirred  up  old 
souvenirs  of  my  wretched  life  of  sin;  and 
that  did  me  harm.  I  should  have  liked 
to  continue  to  write  on  the  same  subject, 
but  I  cannot  and  do  not  want  to.  I  hope 
it  will  pass  away.  Ah,  Lord,  Lord,  take 
pity  on  me! 


[162] 


XXIV 

He  (Consigns  to  the  Flames  all  the 
Writings  of  his  'Pagan  Youth 

Thursday,  May  2Jth,  1915 

BEFORE  I  resume  the  discourse  of 
the  day  before  yesterday,  I  must 
record  something  that  took  place 
to-day,    in    order    to    acknowledge    once 
more,  my  God,  Thy  infinite  goodness  and 
my    extreme    ineptitude,     baseness,     and 
ingratitude. 


F 


ACING  the  probability  of  going  to 
war,  I  decided  to  rearrange  and  destroy 
many  old  papers  of  mine,  testimony  of 
my  infamous  life  of  sin.  It  took  me  the 
entire  morning  and  a  good  part  of  the 
afternoon  to  consign  those  unworthy  papers 
to  the  fire,  and  I  am  glad  I  was  able  to  do 
it  without  regret  and  without  pleasure  in 
the  evil  done.  Of  my  own  writings  alone 
there  was  material  enough  for  several 

[163] 


A    SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    GOD 

printed  volumes,  and  the  thought  of  all 
the  precious  time  that  Thou  hadst  given 
me  to  serve  and  adore  Thee,  Lord,  and 
that  I,  instead,  squandered  so  wickedly, 
made  my  blood  run  cold  with  terror. 
For,  when  I  think  that  Thou  wilt  demand 
an  accounting  for  even  a  single  idle  word, 
what  will  this  be  for  me,  who  have  used 
so  many  words  that  were  worse  than  idle, 
being  wicked  and  venomous,  corrupt  and 
corrupting?  Were  I  to  put  together  all 
that  my  hand  has  written  fruitlessly  until 
now,  among  which  I  should  have  to  include 
many  scattered  letters,  many  works  begun 
and  cast  aside,  many  useless  attempts 
and  vain  regrets,  I  could  gather  enough 
matter  for  a  hundred  thick  volumes,  a 
whole  library.  And  it  would  be  a  library 
of  obscenities,  indecencies,  blasphemies, 
falsehoods,  sacrileges,  frivolities,  calumnies, 
anger,  vanity,  braggadocio,  fits  of  mad 
and  insensate  pride. 

X  HIS  is  the  evil  I  have  done  up  to  the 
present.  And  good  deeds,  none.  My 
God,  it  is  horrifying!  Ah,  if  Thy  exceed- 
ing kindness  and  patience  did  not  spare 

[164] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

me  the  chastisement  I  deserve,  O  Lord, 
the  least  I  could  fear  would  be  to  be 
stricken  here  and  now  by  the  thunderbolts 
of  Thy  wrath,  to  be  reduced  to  ashes  and 
then  to  pass  myriads  of  years  in  intolerable 
sufferings  before  I  could  dare  to  raise  my 
eyes  to  Thee.  And  what  melancholy  in 
all  those  vain  little  words,  wherein  I  took 
so  much  pleasure,  whereof  I  boasted  and 
which  I  showed  to  everybody  as  trophies! 
I  was  lying  and  feeding  myself  with  lies; 
I  was  building  my  happiness  on  smoke, 
and  the  smoke  has  vanished.  Where 
has  that  happiness  gone?  How  far  away 
is  everything  now!  How  completely  dead! 
And  I  was  infatuated  with  that  noth- 
ingness! May  I  not  say  that  I  am  like 
the  beggar  whom  St.  Augustine,  in  the 
sixth  book  of  his  Confessions,  tells  of 
meeting  in  an  alley  at  Milan,  drunk  and 
hilarious?  Certainly  in  my  scandalous 
precocity  and  my  abjecl:  licentiousness  I 
was  no  worthier,  doubtless  I  was  worth 
far  less,  than  that  poor  carousing,  incon- 
tinent mendicant.  Ah,  vile  wretch  that 
I  am!  What  harm  that  muddy  boiling 
over  of  sins  in  my  younger  days  has  done 

[165] 


A   SOLDIER'S   CONFIDENCES   WITH   GOD 

to  me!  I  still  suffer  from  periods  of  ill- 
humor  and  oppression  on  account  of  it, 
fits  of  bad  thoughts,  mental  awkwardness, 
guilty  dwellings  on  foul  images;  all  this 
through  having  lost  and  profaned  my  purity 
at  the  beginning  of  my  life  as  a  man. 


lUT  oh,  how  good,  Lord,  how  good 
Thou  hast  been  to  me!  I  acknowledge 
it,  and  I  feel  almost  like  weeping  when 
I  discern  so  many  proofs  of  Thy  foresee- 
ing, urgent,  solicitous,  untiring  kindness. 
While  I  was  going  astray,  Thou  wast 
watching  over  me;  while  I  was  offending 
and  forgetting  Thee,  Thou  wast  planning 
my  salvation;  while  I  was  fleeing  from 
Thee,  Thou  wast  there  beside  me  to 
bring  me  back  again,  watchful,  attentive, 
loving,  like  a  father,  ready  to  seize  me 
with  a  resolute  and  powerful  arm,  when- 
ever I  approached  too  close  to  the  brink 
of  the  precipice.  Through  what  ways 
did  Thy  providence  keep  me  safe,  always 
far-sighted,  with  never  a  particle  of  weari- 
ness, of  anger,  of  impatience!  O  good 
Lord,  adoring  Thee  for  all  eternity  will 
be  little  enough  for  me  to  express  my 
[166] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

gratitude  to  Thee.  Yes,  yes,  Father,  I 
recognize  Thy  invincible  love,  I  recognize 
Thy  kindness,  I  see  Thy  designs,  I  see 
the  sublime  wisdom  of  all  Thy  decrees; 
I  realize  that  without  Thee  I  should  have 
been  lost  a  thousand  times  and  would 
have  carried  down  with  me  hundreds  of 
poor,  ignorant,  innocent  creatures. 


HAT  obstacles  Thou  hast  interposed 
between  me  and  the  pleasures  in  which  I 
should  have  been  lost!  Sometimes  ma- 
terial obstacles,  sometimes  mutual  weari- 
ness, now  misunderstandings,  difficulties, 
annoyances,  always  so  that  the  pleasure 
might  hold  some  disillusion  or  disgust  in 
store  for  me;  never,  for  some  reason  or 
other,  a  perfect  pleasure,  so  that  its 
vanity  might  be  quite  evident  to  me. 
But  I,  alas,  was  so  perverse  that  even 
that  imperfect  pleasure  would  have  con- 
tented me;  then,  just  when  Thou  didst 
see  that  I  was  on  the  point  of  remaining 
forever  a  slave  of  vice,  and  that,  left  to 
myself,  I  should  be  lost  irretrievably, 
then  the  blows  of  misfortune  fell  upon 
me.  Lord,  Thou  hast  deigned  to  remem- 

[167] 


A    SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    GOD 

her  me  and  hast  stricken  me  repeatedly 
and  terribly  with  a  steady  hand;  Thou 
hast  made  mz  weep,  Thou  hast  humiliated 
me,  compelled  me  to  walk  and  fastened 
weights  to  my  feet  that  my  steps  might 
be  painful  and  constrained.  Every  time 
Thou  didst  see  me  about  to  fall  or  even 
fallen,  then  Thou  didst  visit  me  with  new 
blows  and  more  terrible  tortures.  Thank 
Thee,  thank  Thee,  O  Lord.  Now  I  see 
that  thus  Thou  hast  saved  me.  When  I 
deemed  Thee  cruel  Thou  wast  infinitely 
kind.  So  I  bethought  myself  of  Thee, 
thus  I  hoped  in  Thee,  thus  was  I  able  to 
approach  again  to  Thy  grace.  Ah  Lord, 
affliction  is  truly  Thine  ally.  And  while 
Thou  wast  striking  me,  in  how  many 
different  ways  hast  Thou  made  me  able 
to  bear  the  violence  of  the  blow  that  was 
necessary  to  my  salvation !  How  well 
Thou  hast  taken  the  measure  of  the 
debility  of  my  poor  strength,  with  a  thou- 
sand consolations,  a  thousand  caresses! 
All  that  Thou  hast  taken  from  me,  Thou 
canst  return  whenever  it  shall  please 
Thee,  O  Lord,  and  in  the  meantime  I 
can  say  that  I  am  saved. 
[168] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 


N< 


OW,  when  I  compare  myself  with 
the  wretched  pygmy,  the  poor  ridiculous 
creature  that  I  was  in  the  pages  I  burned 
this  morning,  I  see  not  only  the  immense 
progress  that  I  have  made  in  the  way  of 
perfection,  but  I  see  besides  that  it  was 
Thy  infinite  goodness,  my  Lord,  that 
made  me  wralk  therein,  almost  without 
my  being  aware  of  it,  even  while  I  resisted 
in  a  thousand  ways.  From  what  I  was, 
I  see  what  I  might  have  been;  and  I  can 
scarcely  restrain  a  cry  of  horror  at  the 
thought  of  the  dangers  I  have  avoided. 
From  wThat  I  am,  I  see  Thy  goodness,  O 
Lord,  and  I  see  also  a  luminous  proof  of 
Thy  omnipotence,  in  that,  despite  all  my 
resistance  Thou  couldst  bring  forth  some- 
thing good  from  that  utterly  worthless 
nonentity  that  is  I. 


T. 


HIS  morning,  while  the  roaring  flames 
were  devouring  those  pages,  while  I  was 
poking  that  heap  of  burning  papers  about 
so  that  they  would  burn  better,  I  felt  my 
face  scorched  by  the  flame,  and  I  thought 
of  the  unbearable  heat  wherein  some  day, 

[169] 


A   SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES   WITH    GOD 

if  it  please  Thee,  O  Lord,  I  shall  purge 
myself  of  my  sins.  Then  I  shall  no  more 
be  able  to  sin,  and  I  shall  sing  Thy  praises 
in  the  fire,  and  amid  those  unspeakable 
agonies  shall  have  a  foretaste  of  the  joy 
of  Thy  glory.  May  that  day  come  soon, 
O  Lord,  for  I  desire  nothing  but  to  erase 
and  atone  in  some  way  for  all  my  horrible 
sins! 


[170] 


1 


XXV 

He  Finds  that  his  Faith  is  of 

the  Intellect  and  not  of 

the  Heart 

Friday,  May  2&tb,  1915 

is  yet  another  danger, 
O  Lord,  into  which  I  should 
not  like  to  fall  —  the  danger  of 
railing  at  myself  through  pride,  as  if,  by 
a  display  of  stern  and  impartial  austerity, 
to  persuade  myself  that  I  have  no  favor- 
itism —  even  for  myself,  thus  acquiring 
the  right  to  be  severe  towards  others,  after 
thoroughly  proving  that  I  can  be  severe 
and  fierce  toward  myself.  No,  I  will  try 
-  always  with  the  help  of  Thy  grace,  my 
God  —  to  be  as  affectionate  and  gentle 
towards  myself  as  I  would  be  towards 
another;  I  will  not  heap  contumely  and 
insults  upon  myself  nor  degrade  myself 
too  much,  nor  despair  of  my  salvation. 
Though  of  myself  I  am  worth  nothing  at 


A    SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    GOD 

all,  I  will  not  be  so  ungrateful  as  to  forget 
that  Thou,  Omnipotent  Lord,  dost  love 
and  protect  me,  dost  watch  over  me  and 
consider  me  so  precious  that  Thou  didst 
not  disdain  to  suffer  calumny,  torture, 
martyrdom,  insult,  a  cruel  death,  for  my 
sake,  and  in  order  to  save  me.  My 
soul,  like  that  of  my  fellows,  is  immortal 
and  has  been  ransomed  with  Thy  precious 
Blood.  Unworthy  and  guilty  as  it  is,  it 
deserves  all  my  tenderest  and  most  solici- 
tous regard.  Therefore,  O  Lord,  if  I 
insist  on  accusing  myself,  I  desire  to  do 
it,  not  through  vainglory  or  pride,  or  to 
make  myself  seem  better,  but  through 
sincere  concern  for  my  true  welfare, 
through  a  real  and  well-grounded  convic- 
tion of  the  wrongs  that  I  have  done,  so 
that  I  may  discern  them  better,  acknowl- 
edge them  with  humility,  learn  to  mistrust 
them  and  to  strive  earnestly  to  rid  myself 
of  them  forever,  with  Thy  divine  assist- 
ance. I  do  not  forget  that  uncluously 
humbling  himself,  proclaiming  himself 
guilty  of  every  iniquity,  striking  his 
breast  and  prostrating  himself,  was  Tar- 
tuffe's  most  efficacious  weapon  when  he 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

wanted  to  deceive  Orgon;  but,  fortunately 
for  me,  Thou  seest  my  heart,  O  Lord,  and 
Thou  canst  judge  if  there  be  the  least 
trace  of  imposture  and  hypocrisy  in  me. 

J.  WAS  saying,  then,  that  Faith  at- 
tracted me  in  the  beginning,  more  by  its 
power  than  by  its  love.  I  admired  it  be- 
fore I  loved  it;  it  appeared  to  me  true  be- 
fore it  appeared  good,  and  I  was  quicker 
to  admire  its  truth  than  to  love  its  good- 
ness. A  bad  road;  faith  entered  me  by 
way  of  the  mind  rather  than  the  heart. 
My  mind  is  now  fully  conquered  and 
persuaded  of  it,  but  I  feel  that  this  will 
not  suffice  me,  unless  the  heart  embrace 
it  with  passion.  Let  us  see  why  the 
wrong  road  was  taken  and  how  my  per- 
versity and  pride  made  me  so  short- 
sighted and  led  me  so  close  to  ruin. 


u 


PON  reading  Manzoni's  "La  Morale 
Cattolica"  I  admired  its  rigorous  logic, 
and  saw  clearly  that  its  strength  was 
derived  from  the  foundations  on  which  it 
was  based.  That  strength  pleased  me, 
and  I  wanted  to  make  myself  master  of 

[173] 


A     SOLDIERS     CONFIDENCES     WITH     GOD 

it  so  that  I  too  might  be  able  to  handle  it 
dextrously.  I  had  a  foretaste  of  the  joy 
of  quoting  the  Scriptures,  Tertullian,  St. 
Augustine,  St.  Thomas,  of  recalling  the 
words  of  Bossuet,  Pascal,  Massillon,  of 
denouncing  Voltaire,  Rousseau,  Montes- 
quieu, of  pointing  out  the  historical  errors 
of  Renan,  of  Strauss,  of  Reville,  of  Loisy, 
of  Reinach;  but  I  never  for  a  moment 
thought  that  being  convinced  of  the 
truths  of  the  faith  obliged  me  to  give  up 
women  and  laziness,  to  frequent  the 
Sacraments,  to  become  kind  and  charita- 
ble, to  forgive  my  enemies,  to  renounce 
the  world  and  its  pomps.  I  admired  in 
Manzoni  not  his  piety  and  charity,  but 
his  imperturbable  calmness,  his  subtle 
irony,  his  daring,  his  ability,  his  sound, 
sure,  elegant  docTrine.  I  saw  with  pleasure 
how  superior  Christian  morality  was  to 
that  of  pagans;  but  only  because  it  made 
me  able  to  boast  that  I  could  see  more 
clearly  than  Plato  and  Aristotle,  and  for 
the  joy  it  gave  me  to  discover  the  sophis- 
tries and  errors  of  Trajan,  Cato,  Brutus, 
Fabricius.  In  a  word,  it  was  pride, 
always  pride. 
[174] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 


I 


N  Manzoni's  prose  I  thought  I  could 
detect  a  fine  irony,  well  dissimulated  un- 
der great  courtesy,  and  I  liked  to  picture 
to  my  mind  his  adversary  routed  by  that 
serene  and  modest  air.  I  perceived  the 
mark  of  superior  power  more  than  that  of 
charitable  benevolence;  it  seemed  to  me 
that  Manzoni,  without  ever  expressly 
saying  so,  was  amusing  himself  by  con- 
victing Sismondi  now  of  ignorance,  now  of 
trifling,  now  of  confusion  and,  finally,  of 
bad  faith.  Thus  a  feeling  of  contempt 
for  the  impious,  the  incredulous,  the  in- 
fidels and  heretics  began  to  spring  up 
in  me,  and  this  increased  when  I  read 
Pascal.  Such  a  phrase  as:  "Truly  it 
is  a  glory  for  Religion  to  have  as  its  ene- 
mies such  unreasonable  men,"  filled  me 
with  joy  and  seemed  to  me  like  a  con- 
demnation. I  read  and  re-read  with  de- 
light that  letter  in  "Les  Provinciales"  in 
which  Pascal  proves  his  right  to  laugh  at 
the  errors  of  his  adversaries,  so  odious  for 
their  impiety  and  so  absurd  for  their  im- 
pertinence; and  I  committed  to  memory 
the  words:  "I  will  laugh  in  your  de- 

[175] 


A   SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    GOD 

strudtion  and  will  mock,"  l  and  those 
others:  "The  just  shall  see  and  fear  and 
shall  laugh  at  him,"  2  that  I  might  be  able 
to  repeat  them  to  everybody,  and  have 
the  pleasure  of  letting  the  whole  uni- 
verse know  that  some  day  the  Lord  and  I 
would  laugh  at  them  all.  From  that  day 
my  ailment  grew  ever  worse.  I  did  not 
read  religious  books  except  to  train  my- 
self to  sustain  disputations.  Convinced 
as  I  was  of  the  practical  and  rational 
utility  of  the  Sacraments,  and  without 
thinking,  or  thinking  very  little,  of  the 
supernatural  efficacy  of  their  grace,  I 
resolved  to  approach  them  again  in  order 
not  to  be  caught  contradicting  myself, 
and  for  the  pleasure  of  telling  about  it 
to  others.  Fortunately,  0  Lord,  Thou 
knowest  how  to  turn  even  evil  into 
good,  and  although  I  approached  the 
Sacraments  with  such  vain  sentiments 
and  made  so  bad  a  use  of  them,  still  I 
derived  many  unhoped-for  and  unfore- 
seen advantages  from  them,  and  I  firmly 

1  In  interim  vcstro  ridebo  et  subsannabo.       (Prov.  i, 
26.) 

2  Vulebunt  justi  et  timebunt  et  super  eum   ndebunt. 
(Ps.  li,  8.) 

[176] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

believe  that  I  found  in  them  my  best 
medicine,  slow  but  sure.  I  postpone 
until  to-morrow  the  continuation  of 
these  rambling  and  disjointed  considera- 
tions. 


C  I77J 


XXVI 

He  Applies  St.  "Jameses  "Text 

to  "tohat  be  Thought  Was 

his  Wisdom 

Saturday,  May  2qth,  1915 

A  THOUGH,  O  Lord,  Thou  hadst 
begun  to  conquer  me,  and  I 
already  tasted  some  of  the 
infinite,  delicious  joys  of  possessing  Thee, 
my  condition  was  still  not  unlike  that  of 
the  drunkard  to  whom  St.  Augustine  com- 
pared himself.  Or  rather,  as  the  Saint 
says :  "  For  it  was  not  a  question  of  placing 
myself  ahead  of  him  on  account  of  my 
being  more  learned,  as  from  this  I  derived 
no  comfort,  but  because  with  my  learning 
I  wanted  to  please  men,  not  to  instruct 
them,  but  only  to  have  them  call  me 
clever."  What  I  knew  (very  little  it  was 
and  uncertain  after  all)  made  me  only 
arrogant  and  vainglorious  and,  without 
improving  me  in  the  least,  rendered  me 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

even  more  stubborn,  harsh  and  intolerant 
toward  others;  it  planted  in  my  heart 
that  bitter  jealousy  and  contentious  spirit 
which  St.  James  reproves  as  evil  wisdom. 
Ah,  Lord,  how  the  terrible,  warning  voice 
of  the  apostle  thunders  to  the  very  depths 
of  my  soul:  "For  this  is  not  wisdom 
descending  from  above,  but  earthly,  sen- 
sual, devilish.  For  where  envying  and 
contention  is,  there  is  inconstancy  and 
every  evil  work."  l  Mine  is  not  wisdom 
from  above,  for  in  it  there  is  not  to  be 
found  one  of  those  inimitable  traits  which 
this  bears  as  countersigns:  it  is  not 
"chaste,"  on  the  contrary,  it  is  full  of 
impurities;  it  is  not  "peaceful,"  but 
litigious;  it  is  not  "modest,"  but  vain 
and  indiscreet;  it  is  not  "consenting  to 
the  good,"  but  intolerant,  stubborn,  and 
unconciliatory;  it  is  not  "full  of  mercy," 
but  rather  choleric  and  hard  and  pitiless; 
it  is  not  "full  of  good  fruits,"  for  when  I 
look  into  my  soul,  I  find  it  dried  up, 
unproductive,  barren,  and  when  I  look  at 

1  Non  est  enim  ista  sapientia  desursum  descendens; 
sed  terrena,  animalis,  diabolica.  Ubi  enim  zelus  et  con- 
tentio,  ibi  inconstantia  et  omne  opus  pravum.  (Epistle 
of  St.  James,  iii,  15,  16.) 

[179] 


A    SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    GOD 

my  influence  upon  other  men,  I  must  ad- 
mit that  with  all  my  mania  for  preaching 
and  making  proselytes  and  setting  myself 
up  as  an  example,  a  supreme  model  of 
all  the  cardinal  and  theological  virtues,  I 
have  not  yet  found  a  dog  that  would  listen 
to  me.  Finally,  my  wisdom  is  not  "with- 
out judging";  it  is  anything  but  impartial, 
and  its  worst  stain  is  the  desire  to  judge 
and  condemn  everything;  and  it  is  also 
very  far  from  being  "without  dissimula- 
tion," since  its  object  and  real  aim  is  to 
make  myself  seem  better  than  I  am. 


H 


ERE  are  the  two  best  proofs  of  my 
wrong:  First,  malevolence  against  the 
impious,  the  erring,  infidels,  heretics,  and 
unbelievers.  Convinced  that  the  only 
salvation  consists  in  formal  profession  of 
the  faith,  here  I  have  been  seeking  de- 
praved tendencies,  moral  crookedness, 
mental  obliquity  in  everybody  else,  in 
order  to  prove  the  sad  consequences  of 
this  lack  of  faith;  a  search  made  without 
love,  but  with  malicious  curiosity,  as  if  I 
alone  could  not  err,  and  as  if  God  had 
ever  given  to  a  man  the  ability  and  the 
[180] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

means  to  sit  in  unappealable  judgment, 
not  only  on  the  secret  conscience  of 
another,  but  even  to  discern  the  hidden 
play  of  his  passions,  while  on  the  contrary, 
He  enjoins  us,  as  a  precept,  never  to  judge, 
that  we  may  not  usurp  His  most  inalien- 
able prerogative  by  an  acl:  of  monstrous 
pride. 

OECOND  proof:  the  vanity  of  my 
virtues,  origin  of  my  inevitable  perdition 
if,  with  the  Lord's  assistance,  I  shall  fail 
to  apply  a  remedy. 


[181] 


XXVII 

He  Continues  the  Searching 

^Analysis  of  his  daunted 

Virtues 

Sunday,  May  30.'^,  1915 

AND  yet  who  should  know  better 
than  I,  O  Lord,  that  making  a 
boast  of  virtue  is  the  surest 
way  to  abjure  and  efface  it  altogether? 
Who  should  know  better  than  I  that 
making  a  boast  of  one's  merits  before 
Thee,  the  Giver  of  them,  is  the  most 
stupid  and  ridiculous  of  all  impostures, 
the  worst  kind  of  blindness?  Is  not  what 
St.  Paul  said  to  the  Corinthians  said  also 
for  me?  "For  who  distinguished!  thee? 
Or  what  hast  thou  that  thou  hast  not 
received?  And  if  thou  hast  received, 
w7hy  dost  thou  glory,  as  if  thou  hadst  not 
received  it?"1  And  he  had  every  rea- 
son to  admonish  thus  after  having  said: 

1  Quis    enini    tc    discernit?     Quid    an  tern    liabes,    quod 
non    accepisti?     Si    autcm    accepisti   quid   glonans    quasi 
non  accepcris?     (i  Cor.  iv,  7.) 
[  182  ] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

"but  neither  do  I  judge  my  own  self."  l 
And  even  if  Thou  hast  given  me  a  treasure, 
O  Lord,  I  must  always  remember,  trem- 
bling, that  I  am  a  very  fragile  vessel  of 
clay,  like  all  my  companions  in  exile, 
"that  the  excellency  may  be  the  power  of 
God  and  not  of  us."  2  Whatever  good 
there  may  be  in  me  is  a  gift  of  Thy  grace, 
and  I  should  never  regard  it  as  a  special 
distinction  from  Thee,  but  rather  as  a 
graver  responsibility  for  me.  And  yet, 
can  I  consider  myself  "full,"  can  I  boast 
of  being  "rich"? 3  Alas,  O  Lord,  perhaps 
the  very  virtues  of  which  I  am  so  proud, 
which  I  think  to  display  as  tacit  re- 
proaches before  the  world,  with  which  I 
would  confound  men  and  fill  them  with 
shame,  are  nothing  but  Thy  gifts  squan- 
dered and  perverted!  The  ardent  desire 
to  unfold  Thy  Word  has  been  transformed 
in  me  into  a  desire  to  please  men.  Love 
of  simplicity  and  poverty  has  degenerated 
into  a  repugnance  for  worldly  troubles 
and  an  excuse  for  my  sloth. 

1  Sed  neque  meipsum  judico.     (Ibid.,  3.) 
-  Ut    sublimitas    sit    virtutis    Dei,    et    non    ex    nobis. 
(2  Cor.  iv,  7.) 

3  I  Corinthians,  iv,  8. 

[183] 


A     SOLDIERS     CONFIDENCES     WITH     GOD 

J[  SEE  clearly,  O  Lord,  that  whatever  I 
touch  is  spoiled  in  my  hands  and  that  I 
am  inclined  and  ready  to  turn  even  the 
instruments  of  my  salvation  into  instru- 
ments for  my  perdition.  Even  the  morbid 
and  diffident  scrupulousness  which  I  bore 
for  some  time  to  the  tribunal  of  penance, 
and  which  my  spiritual  father  so  energeti- 
cally fought,  was  not  this  also  a  proof  of 
pride?  Was  it  not  a  disposition  contrary 
to  confidence  and  humility?  Was  it  not 
pride  in  disguise?  Was  it  not  a  restless 
desire  for  a  perfection  far  beyond  my 
miserable  powers?  Was  it  not  too  pre- 
sumptuous on  my  part? 


.S  for  my  severity  towards  others,  I 
must  acknowledge  that  its  real  roots  are 
in  my  lack  of  charity.  Into  my  dealings 
with  others  I  have  never  brought  any 
kindness,  any  tolerance,  any  respect  for 
that  inborn  quality  which  is  never  to  be 
stifled  or  repressed,  but  gently  cultivated 
and  developed.  To  conquer  a  soul  I 
have  always  tried  to  take  it  by  force 
and  violate  it,  to  coerce  it  with  a  high 
[184] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

hand,  attacking  it,  reluctant  and  diffident, 
from  the  front;  forgetting  that  the  only 
way  to  win  is  by  love,  gentleness,  and 
indulgence.  I  thought  to  make  every 
man  a  theologian  and  a  debater.  To 
other  people  I  depicted  the  Christian 
life  as  a  heavy,  bitter  duty,  which  it  is 
impossible  to  evade  without  incurring  se- 
vere, eternal  punishment  from  an  inex- 
orable and  jealous  God;  I  never  stopped 
to  think  that  the  Lord  in  His  adorable 
mind  has  planned  the  harmony  of  a  human 
race  made  up  of  creatures  all  infinitely 
different  as  to  character,  aptitudes,  nature 
and  genius,  and  all  in  some  way  weak  and 
needing  assistance.  I  get  here  a  confused 
glimpse  of  great  truths.  Oh,  inscrutable 
Mind,  who  can  discern  even  the  smallest 
among  the  glorious  harmonies  of  Thy 
majestic,  eternal  ideas?  Here  are  some 
very  simple  and  sublime  words  from  the 
"Imitation": 


F  all  men  were  perfect,  what  would 
others  leave  for  us  to  suffer,  for  the  love  of 
God?" 

[185] 


A  SOLDIER  S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 


OW,  it  is  for  this  that  God  has  so 
ordained  that  we  should  learn  to  bear  one 
another's  burdens;  so  that  there  be  none 
without  fault,  none  without  his  burden, 
none  sufficient  unto  himself,  none  prudent 
enough  by  himself;  but  it  needs  be  that 
we  bear  one  another  in  turn,  mutually 
comfort  one  another,  help  one  another, 
instruct  and  correct  one  another.  Now 
every  man's  degree  of  virtue  is  shown  best 
when  tribulations  come,  for  occasions  do 

not  make  a  man  frail  but  show  what  he 

?j 
is. 


M 


Y  God,  who  has  told  me  that  faith 
alone  justifies,  and  that  nothing  justifies 
except  it?  What  but  my  pharisaical  pride 
has  instilled  into  me  such  a  rigid,  formal, 
intolerable  concept?  Why  did  not  my 
heart  warn  me  of  the  contrary?  "Thou 
believest  that  there  is  one  God;  thou 
dost  well;  the  devils  also  believe  and 
tremble."  :  So,  then,  because  the  Lord 
came  on  earth  to  bring  His  Wofd,  shall 

1  Tu   credis   quoniam   unus  est   Deus;     benc   facis;    ct 
daemones  credunt  et  contremiscunt.     (James  ii,  19.) 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

His  hand  be  shortened,  so  that  He  cannot 
save?  "Behold  the  hand  of  the  Lord 
is  not  shortened  that  it  cannot  save."  1 

1  Ecce  non  est  abbreviata  manus  Domini,  ut  salvare 
nequeat.     (Isaiah  lix,  I.) 


[I87] 


XXVIII 

He  'Segs  for  the  Qharity  that 
Suffereth  jFong  and 


is 


Monday,  May  ^ist,  1915 

FOR  all  these  reasons  and  many 
others  that  I  guess  and  vaguely 
discern,  and  in  full  and  perfect 
trust  in  the  Word  of  our  Lord  Jesus 
Christ,  I  pray  Thee,  most  holy  Virgin 
Mary,  spotless  and  immaculate  Mother  of 
God  made  Man,  and  our  most  powerful 
advocate  with  Him,  to  intercede  with  Thy 
prayers  to  which  nothing  is  denied,  that 
He  in  His  omnipotence  may  revive  this 
fruitless,  arid  heart  of  mine,  draw  some 
good  fruit  out  of  its  sterility,  and  life  out 
of  its  death,  may  grant  me,  in  a  word, 
charity.  It  is  written  that  three  are  the 
virtues,  Faith,  Hope,  and  Charity,  but 
the  greatest  of  these  is  Charity:  "which 
is  the  bond  of  perfection."  That,  as  the 
[188] 


COLLOQUIES    OF    GIOSUE     BORSI 

Vessel  of  Election  admonishes,  I  may  "put 
on,  as  the  elect  of  God,  holy  and  beloved, 
the  bowels  of  mercy,  benignity,  humility, 
modesty,  patience,  bearing  and  forgiv- 
ing;"1 that  in  all  things  I  may  leave  judg- 
ment to  the  Lord,  with  a  confidence  that 
has  neither  harshness,  nor  impatience  nor 
indocility;  that  my  faith  may  not  be  a 
boast,  but  a  burden  and  a  responsibility; 
that  it  may  not  be  a  cause  of  bragging 
but  of  trepidation  and  fear. 


F 


LOOD  me  with  charity,  O  Lord,  this 
is  what  I  beg;  this  is  the  great  good  which 
I  need  and  which  is  the  breath  of  my 
soul.  If  I  love  Thee,  I  shall  learn  to  love 
every  one  of  Thy  creatures,  I  shall  love 
myself  rightly  and  my  neighbor  as  myself, 
I  shall  see  in  each  one  of  my  fellow  men 
the  immortal  beauty  of  the  soul  that 
Thou  gavest  him,  the  eternal  destiny 
Thou  reservest  for  him,  the  love  with 
which  Thou  surroundest  him.  Make  me 
sensitive  and  responsive,  make  it  easy  for 
me  to  weep,  to  have  compassion,  sym- 
pathy, concern,  and  solicitude  for  all. 

1  Col.  iii,  12,  13. 

[l89] 


A   SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    GOD 

Make  me  to  feel  thoroughly  my  intimate 
and  indissoluble  ties  with  all  mankind  - 
with  those  present,  with  those  who  are 
gone,  and  with  those  who  are  to  come, 
with  the  dead,  with  the  living,  and  with 
those  who  are  yet  to  be  born  —  even  at 
the  cost  of  suffering  the  pains  of  them  all, 
even  at  the  cost  of  hearing  in  my  heart 
the  echo  of  all  their  tortures. 


B 


iUT,  I  see  it,  0  Lord,  I  am  begging  of 
Thee  a  fate  that  is  too  high  for  me,  I  am 
asking  for  a  divine  destiny,  the  destiny 
that  is  Thine.  What  was  Thy  fearful 
agony  in  the  Garden  of  Gethsemane,  if 
not  the  very  moment  in  which  Thou  for 
charity  didst  suffer  all  the  evils  of  all  men 
and  for  love  didst  take  upon  Thee  all  the 
sins  of  the  world?  I  know  that  charity, 
even  within  the  narrow  limits  of  my  poor 
little  soul,  means  agony,  pain,  sacrifice, 
voluntary  immolation,  suffering;  never- 
theless I  beg  of  Thee  charity,  give  me 
charity,  enrich  my  soul  only  with  a  quiv- 
ering, bleeding,  weeping  charity.  Do 
not  make  me  hard,  unfeeling  and  proud, 
even  if  this  would  bring  me  immunity 
[  190] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

from  every  pain,  and  insure  me  a  tranquil, 
placid,  and  undisturbed  life.  Lord  God, 
I  long  to  suffer,  I  am  eager  for  suffering, 
I  thirst  for  tears  of  sorrow. 


I 


DESIRE  suffering  because  I  see  that 
charity  is  suffering,  and  I  want  to  weep 
over  the  ills  of  the  world,  I  want  to  sweat 
blood,  I  want  to  feel  pity  for  men  and  for 
myself.  I  am  weary  of  being  so  selfishly 
locked  up  in  myself;  I  want  to  expand,  I 
want  to  love,  I  want  to  offer  torrents  of 
passionate  tenderness.  Here,  Lord,  take 
this  heart  of  mine  in  Thy  powerful  hands 
and  torture  it,  tear  it,  cover  it  with  ulcers 
and  sores,  agonize  it,  if  only  thus  Thou 
canst  squeeze  from  it  at  least  a  drop  of 
love.  Send  me  all  the  pains  of  Job,  pro- 
vided Thou  leavest  me  breath  enough  to 
say  to  Thee  as  he  did:  "Blessed  be  the 
name  of  the  Lord." 


[191] 


XXIX 

He  Sounds  the  ^Depths  of 
his  o\vn 

before  Cjod 

Tuesday,  'June  ist,  1915 

LORD,  I  take  the  opportunity  of  a 
propitious  moment  of  sincere  fervor 
to  formulate  here  with  a  deep  throb 
of  ardent  passion  an  act  of  complete  and 
absolute  humiliation,  of  solemn  obedi- 
ence and  unconditional  trust,  before  Thy 
majesty,  O  King,  O  Judge,  O  Lord,  O 
Master,  O  Tyrant!  l  Lord,  I  beseech 
Thee  that  this  act  may  avail  to  make  up 
for  some  past  moments  of  ill  humor, 
rebellion,  and  impatience,  and  to  forestall 
some  future  moments  of  doubt  or  weak- 
ness or  weariness.  Here  is  the  act  of  hu- 
miliation: 

1  [NOTE.  The  reader  should  remember  that  the  word 
"tyrant"  ((Jr.  I  vrannos)  had  not  originally  the  hateful 
significance  t!;at  :t  has  now.  It  meant  "absolute  ruler." 
EDITOR.] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 


L« 


,ORD,  I  acknowledge  that  I  am  noth- 
ing and  that  I  owe  Thee  blind  and  submis- 
sive obedience,  fully  conscious  and  rational, 
precisely  because  of  my  nothingness  and 
the  absolute  vanity  of  my  power,  my  will, 
my  intelligence,  and  my  sentiments. 


I 


CONFESS  that  I  am  a  miserable, 
defenceless  atom  ruled  by  a  fate  that  is 
beyond  my  power  to  modify  in  the 
slightest;  I  confess  that  I  am  in  Thy 
hands,  O  Lord,  and  Thou  canst  do  with 
me  what  Thou  wilt  —  annihilate  me,  de- 
stroy me,  condemn  me,  always  with  per- 
fect justice,  and  I  have  no  right  either  to 
rebel,  which  would  be  ridiculous  to  think 
of,  or  even  to  complain,  which  would  be 
blasphemy  and  dreadful  sacrilege.  I  con- 
fess, besides,  that  I  am  in  the  power  of  a 
large  number  of  brute  forces,  which  can 
crush  me  at  any  moment;  that  my  life 
is  imperceptible,  fragile,  precarious,  lost 
in  the  universe,  and  that  without  Thy 
direct  and  perpetual  succor  it  would  ere 
this  have  been  extinguished  a  thousand 
times.  I  confess  that  I  am  at  the  mercy 

[  193  ] 


A  SOLDIER  S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 

of  the  forces  of  nature,  at  the  mercy  of 
physical  ailments,  at  the  mercy  of  my 
passions,  at  the  mercy  of  social  currents 
and  their  potent  suggestions,  at  the 
mercy  of  a  thousand  unspeakable  and 
deadly  errors,  against  which  I  have  no 
possible  defense,  at  the  mercy  of  the 
smallest  and  most  fortuitous  accidents, 
against  which  I  could  oppose  nothing,  be- 
cause humanly  speaking  I  am  utterly  in- 
capable of  overcoming  them,  of  guarding 
against  them,  of  avoiding  or  even  of  fore- 
seeing them.  All  my  most  vigilant,  cau- 
tious, attentive  prudence  is  as  nothing. 
The  bite  of  an  animal  may  kill  me,  or  the 
breathing  in  of  a  microscopic  germ,  a 
dizziness,  a  fall,  a  moment  of  inattention, 
an  inanimate  object,  a  puff  of  air,  a  drop 
of  water,  or  a  feather.  If  Thou  dost  not 
wish  me  to  die,  I  can  survive  famines, 
plagues,  disasters,  cataclysms;  I  can  stand 
scatheless  in  a  fire,  in  an  earthquake,  in 
the  thick  of  a  fight  on  the  battlefield,  I 
can  go  through  the  most  frightful  dangers 
without  turning  a  hair,  I  can  seek  them 
in  vain  and  face  them  in  vain,  I  cannot 
succeed  in  procuring  my  own  death;  but 

C 194] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

if  this  be  decreed  above,  neither  armor, 
nor  shelter,  nor  flight  can  avail.  All  my 
physical  being  is  naught,  I  cannot  do 
anything  for  it.  I  confess,  O  Lord,  that 
I  am  nothing. 

X  CONFESS  that  I  understand  nothing. 
My  intelligence  may  be  the  toy  of  every- 
thing. I  am  surrounded  by  inscrutable 
mysteries,  and  I  am  an  inscrutable  mys- 
tery to  myself.  Everything — matter  and 
spirit,  my  senses  and  my  reasoning  power 
-  may  be  a  source  of  uncertainty  and 
doubt  for  me.  In  everything  I  must  trust 
to  something  or  somebody,  over  whom  I 
have  no  possibility  of  direct  control. 
There  is  as  much  danger  of  error  in  over- 
confidence  as  in  over-diffidence,  or  in  the 
middle  course.  In  reasoning,  speaking, 
or  reflecting  I  make  use  of  concepts  of 
which  I  do  not  understand  either  the 
nature,  the  entity,  the  value,  or  even 
their  real  objective  existence,  to  say 
nothing  of  the  fact  that  the  very  act  of 
reflection  is  just  as  mysterious  and  incom- 
prehensible to  me.  All  is  darkness  and 
mystery.  If  Thou  dost  not  enlighten  me 

[  195  ] 


A  SOLDIER'S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 

with  Thy  grace,  directly  and  in  an  entirely 
supernatural  way,  I  am  condemned  never 
to  look  truth  in  the  face,  scarcely  even 
to  get  a  glimpse  of  its  elusive  phantom. 
I  am  a  blind  man  groping  in  the  dark, 
I  cannot  take  a  step  without  a  guide  and 
without  help.  I  acknowledge  and  humbly 
confess,  O  Lord,  that  I  know  nothing  and 
understand  nothing.1 


INALLY  I  acknowledge  and  confess 
that  I  do  not  find  in  myself  any  clear 
standard  or  sure  criterion  to  enable  me 
to  act,  to  choose,  to  decide,  to  know,  to 
foresee.  I  do  not  know  what  I  ought 
to  shun.  I  do  not  know  what  is  fitting 
for  me,  what  is  really  useful  or  necessary 
to  me.  Nay,  were  I  to  listen  to  myself, 
and  follow  my  impulses  and  instincts,  not 

1  In  the  supernatural  order  it  is  quite  true  that  none 
can  take  a  step  without  the  help  of  grace  and  the  light  of 
revelation.  But  it  is  a  pious  exaggeration  to  say  of 
truths  in  the  natural  order  that  man  with  his  reason  alone 
cannot  possibly  know  anything.  For  how  could  he  make 
an  acl  of  divine  faith  if  he  did  not  first  know  how  to  use 
his  human  reason  correctly?  But  it  must  be  .remembered 
that  the  author  on  page  158  writes  that  he  first  felt  at- 
tracted to  the  Church  by  the  "powerful,  invincible  rigor 
of  its  logic";  therefore  by  a  perception  that  it  satisfied 
the  exigencies  of  his  reason. 
[I96] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

only  should  I  not  seek  my  salvation,  but 
I  should  run  direct  to  my  certain  and 
unfailing  ruin.  I  cannot  tell  what  is 
good  and  what  is  evil,  what  I  ought  to 
fear  and  what  instead  I  ought  to  hope  for 
my  own  good  and  the  welfare  of  my  fel- 
low men.  I  have  often  seen  unexpected 
good  spring  from  what  I  believed  was 
evil,  and  injury  and  misfortune  from  what 
seemed  good  and  desirable.  I  have  seen 
the  most  carefully  laid  plans,  prepared 
with  most  subtle  and  diligent  calculation, 
with  everything  foreseen  that  it  was 
humanly  possible  to  foresee,  come  to 
naught  through  some  new  and  unforeseen 
circumstance.  I  have  seen  the  most  sud- 
den and  capricious  fortunes  fall  to  men 
who  had  done  all  in  their  power,  with 
negligence  and  every  sort  of  error,  to 
avoid  them.  I  know  that  all  the  vigilance 
of  the  just  does  not  suffice  to  assure  him 
his  eternal  destiny;  I  know  that  even  the 
most  impious  and  wicked  man,  fallen  to 
the  uttermost  depths  of  the  blackest  and 
most  hopeless  ruin,  may  be  overwhelmed 
with  glory  and  grace  at  the  last  moment 
of  his  life.  I  am  not  certain  about  any- 

[i97] 


A     SOLDIERS     CONFIDENCES     WITH     GOD 

thing,  there  is  nothing  that  can  make  me 
calm  and  free  me  from  worry  either  with 
regard  to  my  lot  in  this  life  or  to  my 
destiny  in  the  world  to  come.  I  cannot 
foresee  the  immediate,  much  less  the 
remote  consequences  of  anything;  I  can- 
not see  the  direct,  far  less  the  indirect. 
If  Thou  by  Thy  grace  hadst  not  revealed 
to  me  an  infallible  standard  of  action, 
I  could  not  know  on  what  foundation  to 
stand  in  performing  even  the  most  fleeting 
and  negligible  of  my  actions.  But,  on 
account  of  my  shortcomings  and  imper- 
fections, even  Thy  infallible  standard 
avails  me  little,  and  even  with  Thy 
support  I  should  always  walk  with  diffi- 
culty and  amid  a  thousand  anxious  doubts, 
if  Thou  didst  not  also  sustain  me  with 
special  graces  at  every  step.  Thy  ruler  is 
straight,  but  my  hand  trembles  and  I  can 
never  draw  a  line  as  I  ought.  I  therefore 
humbly  acknowledge  and  confess  that  I 
am  nothing,  that  I  know  nothing,  that  I 
can  do  nothing. 

Amid    so    much     uncertainty,    so  much 
misery    and    impotence,    the    only    refuge 
left   me   is   to   have   recourse  to  Thee,   to 
[  198  ] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

believe  in  Thee,  hope  in  Thee,  trust  in 
Thee,  surrender  myself  blindly  and  abso- 
lutely into  the  arms  of  Thy  omnipotence, 
Thy  infallible  prudence,  Thy  omniscience, 
Thy  love.  I  have  no  alternative.  This 
for  me  is  the  only  possible  course,  the 
only  reasonable  one,  the  only  one  which 
is  forced  on  me  with  invincible  and  in- 
superable power  and  evidence.  Whom 
could  I  find,  save  Thee?  If  Thou  hast 
made  this  life  a  labyrinth,  wherein  I  go 
astray  and  lose  my  way  more  and  more, 
where  I  do  not  find  a  living  soul  able  to 
give  me  reasonable  counsel,  I  must  have 
recourse  to  Thee,  because  art  not  Thou 
the  Daedalus?  If  Thou  savest  me  not, 
who  can  save  me?  It  is  Thou  Who  hast 
made  life  and  me  in  this  manner,  precisely 
so  that  I  may  not  seek  other  help  than 
Thee.  Thus  Thou  dost  me  violence, 
Thou  constrainest  me  to  seek  Thee,  to 
entrust  myself  to  Thee,  but  this  violence 
that  Thou  usest  with  me  is  another  proof 
-  perhaps  the  best  of  all  —  of  Thy 
ineffable  tenderness  and  love  for  us. 


C  199] 


XXX 

The  Gjlorious  ^Prayer  of  the 

(Christian  Soldier  Qoing 

forth  to  War 

Wednesday,  'June  2nd,  1915 

IF  it  please  Thee,  0  Lord,  I  will  go  to 
war.  I  will  enlist  in  an  infantry  regi- 
ment and  go  to  fight,  perhaps  to  die, 
for  my  beloved  country  in  this  final  war 
of  the  Italian  Risorgimento,  undertaken 
by  our  King  Victor  Emmanuel  III  against 
the  Austro-Hungarian  Empire,  to  conquer 
the  Italian  territories  that  are  still  sub- 
ject to  alien  rulers.  O  Lord,  protect  and 
bless  the  arms  of  my  country,  this  most 
beautiful  and  blessed  Italy,  within  w^hose 
borders  it  has  been  Thy  will  to  place  the 
seat  of  the  Papacy,  the  visible  center  of 
Thy  Church  militant.  O  Lord,  this  war 
is  just,  necessary,  and  generous. 

[  200] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 


I 


FIRMLY  believe  that  the  vidory  of 
the  Italian  Army  will  be  a  great  step 
towards  the  triumph  of  justice  and  the 
coming  of  Thy  holy  kingdom  among  men. 
I  shall  fight  with  pride  and  joy,  with- 
out hatred,  without  malice.  Should  death 
come,  I  hope  it  will  not  surprise  me  and 
find  me  deprived  of  Thy  grace,  and  that 
I  may  die  peacefully,  loving  Thee  and 
calling  upon  Thy  name.  May  Mary 
pray  for  me  in  the  hour  of  my  death,  as 
I  have  ardently  besought  her  so  many 
times,  and  mayst  Thou  grant  me  the 
grace  to  die  with  the  name  of  Thy  Holy 
Mother  upon  my  lips. 

VjOD  of  Hosts,  I  beseech  Thee,  watch 
over  the  Italian  Army  and  over  the  soul 
of  every  one  of  its  brave  little  soldiers,  so 
gay  and  quick  and  intelligent,  so  gentle, 
good,  generous,  resourceful,  and  frugal. 
Inspire  its  leaders,  guide  them  to  victory 
and  grant  that  they  may  not  abuse  Thy 
favors  by  haughtiness  and  cruelty. 


[201  ] 


A  SOLDIER  S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 


I 


PRAY  also  with  all  my  heart  for  our 
enemies  and  brothers,  whose  dear  and 
precious  blood  I  shall  perhaps  have  to 
shed.  Take  from  their  hearts  every  senti- 
ment of  hatred  and  rancor.  Among  them 
will  be  fighting  many  of  Thy  sons,  who 
love  Thee,  who  are  good,  intelligent, 
attached  to  their  homes,  their  parents, 
wives,  and  little  children!  Grant,  O  Lord, 
that  I  may  never  forget  this,  so  that  I 
may  never  throw  myself  upon  them  in 
cruel,  barbarous,  savage  fury. 


O 


N  the  contrary,  show  me  the  way  to 
exercise  on  the  battlefield  a  little  of  the 
Christian  virtue  of  pity,  succor,  and  love 
toward  my  enemies  no  less  than  toward 
my  friends.  Grant  that  I  may  feel  all 
the  gratitude  I  owe  to  the  Church  for 
being  so  provident  and  thoughtful  as  to 
allow  me  to  approach  her  sacraments  even 
on  the  battlefield,  so  that  I  may  ever  be 
ready  for  Thy  call. 


I 


DARE  not  pray  Thee  to  make  me  die 
in  battle,  O  Lord,  but  I  cannot  help  desir- 

[  202  ] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

ing  this  great  fortune,  unless  Thou  hast 
willed  to  dispose  of  me  in  a  different  way 
and  hast  already  decreed  that  my  poor 
life  should  be  spent  otherwise.  But  if 
Thou  seest  that  I  am  a  useless  and  sleepy 
servant,  if  Thou  seest  that  life  has  more 
difficult  trials  in  store  for  me,  then,  O 
Lord,  try  me  no  longer,  make  me  to  die 
so  —  facing  the  enemy  with  our  flag  wav- 
ing overhead. 


T< 


O  die  for  one's  country!  What  a 
splendid  fate,  my  God!  This  s\veet,  dear 
country  of  mine,  this  glorious,  sunny  land, 
I  have  loved  it  with  a  passionate,  jealous 
love,  ever  since  childhood.  Now  I  have 
learned  to  love  it  better,  more  deeply, 
more  consciously  since  I  love  Thee,  O 
Lord,  and  since  I  have  learned  that  Thou 
hast  given  it  to  me  to  serve  and  to  love 
and,  if  need  be,  to  sacrifice  myself  for. 
Thou  hast  taught  me  not  to  fear  death, 
Thou  hast  instilled  love  of  country  into 
me  among  my  most  natural  and  spon- 
taneous sentiments,  almost  instinctively, 
like  love  for  my  relatives.  To  give  my 
life  for  my  country  would  be  one  of  the 

[  203  ] 


A    SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH   GOD 

most  desirable  ways  of  spending  it  well. 
Therefore,  if  it  be  possible,  O  Lord,  let 
me  die  on  the  battlefield.  But  if  Thou 
dost  not  esteem  me  worthy  of  such  joyous 
honor,  indeed  all  too  intoxicating  and 
glorious,  O  Lord,  may  Thy  will,  not 
mine,  be  done. 


AR  is  a  terrible  scourge,  a  fear- 
ful chastisement  that  Thou  infliclest  on 
peoples.  Although  I  know  that  it  is 
often  the  bloody  sign  by  which  Thou 
recallest  them  to  Thee  when  they  stray 
away  and  become  corrupt;  although  I 
understand  that  the  evils  of  war,  terrible 
though  they  be,  are  often  amply  com- 
pensated by  the  benefits  they  bring  in 
their  train;  although  I  am  persuaded 
that  war  is  the  great  test  of  the  endurance 
of  races,  the  occasion  of  their  internal 
concord,  the  inspirer  of  obedience,  of 
discipline,  of  sacrifice,  of  self-abnegation, 
a  purifying  tempest  that  dissipates  a 
thousand  evil  vapors,  heals  thousands  of 
corruptions,  cements  the  love  of  citizens, 
inspires  a  thousand  forms  of  chanty,  yet 
I  am  not  so  inhuman  or  blood-thirsty  as 

[  204] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

to  desire  it  or  to  wish  that  it  be  long  and 
cruel.  Therefore  I  believe  it  my  principal 
duty  as  a  good  Christian  to  wish  and  pray 
that  it  may  be  brief  and  that  peace  may 
come  soon,  a  long  peace  and  a  fruitful 
one,  by  which  man  will  learn  to  love  Thee 
more  and  more,  our  Divine  Master  and 
Saviour. 


B 


lUT  I  believe  also  that  by  going  to 
war  voluntarily  I  am  doing  my  duty  and 
obeying  one  of  Thy  holy  precepts,  Jesus 
Christ,  blessed  and  true  God.  Thou  hast 
told  me  to  render  unto  Caesar  the  things 
that  are  Caesar's;  in  life  Thou  wert  the 
perfect  model  of  a  good  citizen,  amenable 
and  respectful  to  the  law  and  obedient 
to  Thy  lawful  masters.  Thou  didst  ten- 
derly and  ardently  love  Thy  earthly 
fatherland,  Thou  Son  of  David,  splendid 
flower  of  the  purest  blood  of  Israel. 
Thou  didst  make  marvelous  efforts  to 
save  and  lead  Thy  own  unappreciative 
and  ungrateful  people  to  glory  and  to 
melt  its  faction-rent  and  contrary  heart. 
Thou  didst  weep  over  the  evil  and  irreme- 
diable future  of  that  Jerusalem  that  was 

[205] 


A  SOLDIER  S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 

about  to  murder  Thee.  And  finally,  Thou 
wert  silent  before  Herod,  not  merely  be- 
cause the  tyrant  was  unworthy  of  an 
answer,  but  because  Thou  sawest  in  him 
the  usurper  of  the  rights  of  Thy  race, 
with  his  illegitimate  presence  brutally 
desecrating  the  sacred  and  glorious  mem- 
ories of  the  palace  of  the  Maccabees. 


XXXI 

He  <J&editates  upon  the   ^Virtue 
of  Tranquillity 


MY  longing  for  action  is  so  great, 
so  great  is  my  feverish  craving 
for  excitement,  to  such  an 
extent  have  I  too  been  conquered  by  the 
warlike  ardor  of  the  whole  Italian  people, 
that  this  morning  after  reading  with  a 
quiver  of  excitement  the  immortal  words, 
so  full  of  justice  and  of  dignified,  confident 
power,  spoken  in  the  Capitol  by  our 
Prime  Minister,  I  thought  of  giving  up 
the  habit  of  this  daily  writing,  as  incom- 
patible with  the  duties  of  the  moment, 
out  of  place,  a  literary  diversion,  a  con- 
templation that  was,  if  not  sterile,  at  least 
inopportune.  But  no;  for  all  too  soon, 
within  a  few  days,  I  shall  have  to  lay 
aside  this  habit,  of  which  I  am  now  so 
fond  and  which  does  me  so  much  good, 

[  207] 


A  SOLDIER  S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 

when  I  shall  be  received  into  barrack-life; 
henceforth  it  will  be  impossible  to  resume 
it  until  my  return  from  the  wrar —  if 
indeed  it  be  decreed  that  I  shall  return. 
But  so  long  as  it  is  possible,  I  do  not  want 
to  give  it  up;  on  the  contrary,  I  want  now 
more  than  ever  to  make  it  a  good  school 
of  discipline  and  imperturbable  peace  for 
my  spirit. 

OlNCE  I  began  to  love  Thee,  O  Lord, 
I  have  begun  to  know,  taste,  and  even  to 
practice  a  virtue  of  a  very  ordinary  and 
practical  kind,  formed  from  a  combination 
of  useful  rules  and  beneficial  precepts 
whereof  the  world  has  lost  the  real  mean- 
ing—  the  virtue  of  tranquillity..  I  hope, 
with  Thy  divine  help,  and  if  I  can  over- 
come the  evil  inclinations  of  my  nature 
and  disposition,  to  succeed  in  making  it  a 
more  constant  habit.  I  want  to  learn  to 
live  without  agitation  and  disturbance, 
without  feverish  anxiety,  without  impa- 
tience, without  haste,  without  despond- 
ency. Once  upon  a  time  Socrates  was 
able  to  spend  the  last  hours  of  his  life 
with  perfect  serenity,  smiling,  calmly  and 
[208] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

patiently  debating  and  amusing  himself 
with  the  subtle  objections  of  Simmia 
and  Cebete,  without  the  imminence  of 
death  disturbing  his  unchangeable  char- 
acter in  the  least.  Affable  and  respectful 
towards  the  very  judges  who  had  sentenced 
him,  he  went  so  far  as  to  infuse  into  the 
bystanders  a  little  of  the  simple,  sublime 
serenity  of  his  own  spirit;  he  took  the  cup 
of  hemlock  with  unshaking  hand  and 
unflinching  eye,  and  when  death  was 
already  on  him,  rebuked  with  gentle  for- 
titude his  friends  who  could  not  withold 
their  tears.  If  Socrates,  aided  only  by 
the  light  of  reason,  high  and  magnanimous 
though  it  was,  could  do  thus,  what  could 
not  I  accomplish  with  the  direct  assistance 
of  revelation  and  divine  grace,  and  helped 
by  the  supernatural  power  of  the  Sacra- 
ments ? 


course,  I  do  not  possess  either  the 
keen  intellect  of  Socrates,  or  his  spotless 
natural  virtue,  or  the  noble,  valiant  forti- 
tude of  his  heart,  but  if  he  needed  no  less 
than  all  this  to  attain  a  result  which  even 
for  him  had  something  prodigious  in  it,  I 

[  209] 


A  SOLDIERS  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 

must  never  forget,  if  I  do  not  want  to 
stain  myself  with  the  blackest  of  in- 
gratitude, that  the  redemption  of  the 
world  by  our  Saviour's  sacrifice  has  made 
accessible  to  the  most  humble  and  modest 
creatures  those  virtues  that  formerly  were 
the  rarest  privilege  of  the  rarest  elecl 
souls,  assisted  by  a  genius  equally  eled:. 
The  word  of  Jesus  has  made  the  simple, 
little  old  Christian  woman  the  superior  of 
all  the  pagan  sages.  The  most  arduous 
of  all  virtues,  that  of  voluntary  and  serene 
sacrifice,  after  Thy  advent,  O  Jesus,  be- 
came the  easiest  virtue  of  thousands  of 
rude  and  ignorant  martyrs.  If,  then, 
Thou  wilt  succor  me,  good  God,  my 
boasting  will  not  seem  excessive,  if  I 
aspire,  notwithstanding  my  insignificance 
and  incomparable  inability,  to  outdo  the 
example  of  Socrates.  Everything  is  possi- 
ble to  Thee,  O  Lord,  even  to  make  some- 
thing out  of  me,  who  am  less  than  nothing. 


XXXII 


He  <J&editates  on  the  Imper- 
turbable Serenity  of 


Friday  ,  June  <\.th,  1915 


r  ^EACH  me  then,  O  Lord,  some 
of  the  ways  by  which  I  must 
M  persuade  myself  to  be  always 
invariable,  tranquil,  imperturbable,  serene, 
and  placid.  Show  me  how  this  virtue, 
which  was  very  rare  previous  to  Thy 
redemption,  has  now  become  for  me  an 
easy,  simple  duty,  the  practice  of  which 
ought  to  be  exceedingly  fruitful  and 
agreeable,  were  I  not  so  ignorant,  stupid 
and  full  of  weakness  and  misery. 

J7  IRST  of  all,  I  ought  always  to  be 
undisturbed  and  calm,  because  Thou  art 
such,  O  Lord,  and  every  least  child  of 
Thine  ought  always,  within  the  limits  of 
his  powers,  to  try  to  resemble  his  perfect 
Father  as  nearly  as  possible.  Tertullian 

[211] 


A  SOLDIER  S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 

says:  "He  who  once  for  all  reserved 
eternal  judgment  until  after  the  end  of 
time  is  in  no  hurry  to  discriminate."  l 
Marvelous  majesty  of  Thy  imperturbable 
calm,  O  Lord!  Thou  hast  eternity  before 
Thee,  Thou  hast  omnipotence  and  om- 
niscience within  Thee,  therefore  Thou 
art  never  disturbed;  Thou  changest  not, 
Thou  art  never  in  a  hurry,  Thou  treatest 
all  Thy  children  with  an  impartial  mind, 
Thou  leavest  them  free  to  themselves, 
permitting  the  good  to  tremble  and  allow- 
ing bold  confidence  to  the  wicked,  but 
meanwhile  Thou  seest  the  end  and  Thou 
art  preparing  it  with  Thy  hands  without 
haste.  "In  the  meantime  He  is  impartial 
in  indulgence  and  in  severity  to  all  the 
human  race,  and  wills  that  good  things 
to  His  enemies  and  ills  to  His  own 
should  be  equally  shared."  Thus  Ter- 
tullian  again,  and  here  are  the  stupendous 
words  with  which  the  great  Bossuet  in 
his  Sermon  on  Providence  follows  them: 

1  Qui    enim    semcl    eternum    judicium    destinavit    post 
saeculi  finem  non  praecipitat  discretionem. 

2  Aequahs    est    interim    super    omne    liominum    genus; 
et  indulgens  et  increpans,  communia  voluit  esse  et  com- 
moda  profanis  et  incommoda  suis. 

[  212  ] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 


Y 


ES,  that  thought  was  dictated  to  him 
by  truth  itself.  For  have  you  not  ob- 
served those  admirable  words:  'God  is  in 
no  hurry  to  discriminate'?  Precipitating 
affairs  is  proper  to  weakness,  which  is 
constrained  to  hasten  the  execution  of  its 
plans,  because  it  depends  upon  occasions, 
and  these  occasions  are  certain  moments, 
the  sudden  flight  of  which  necessarily 
causes  haste  on  the  part  of  those  who  are 
obliged  to  seize  them.  But  God,  Who  k 
the  arbiter  of  all  times,  Who  from  the 
center  of  His  eternity  develops  all  the 
order  of  the  ages,  Who  knows  His  omni- 
potence and  that  nothing  can  escape  His 
sovereign  hands,  ah,  He  does  not  hurry 
His  counsels.  He  knows  that  wisdom 
does  not  consist  in  always  doing  things  at 
once,  but  in  doing  them  at  the  proper 
time.  He  allows  fools  and  rash  persons 
to  censure  His  designs,  but  He  does  not 
deem  it  fitting  to  anticipate  their  execu- 
tion because  of  the  murmurs  of  men.  It 
is  enough  for  Him,  O  Christians,  that  His 
friends  and  His  servants,  with  humility 
and  fear,  see  from  afar  the  coming  of  His 

[  213  ] 


A     SOLDIERS     CONFIDENCES     WITH     GOD 

day;  as  for  the  others,  He  knows  where 
He  awaits  them;  and  the  day  of  their 
punishment  is  set;  He  is  not  moved  by 
their  reproaches,  quoniam  prospicit  quod 
veniet  dies  ejus,  for  He  sees  that  His  day 
will  come  soon." 


then,  we  too  should  be  imperturbable; 
not  because  we  are  strong,  but  because  by 
loving  Him  we  participate  in  His  strength 
and  this  makes  us  secure  and  invincible. 
Since  He  has  deigned  to  call  us  to  co- 
operate in  His  work,  we  must,  before 
anything  else,  have  confidence  in  Him 
and  try  to  obey,  not  to  understand.  He 
directs  the  work  and  knows  how  it  should 
be  in  the  fullness  of  time.  What  matters 
it  to  us  to  understand  His  designs  when 
we  know  that  His  purpose  could  not  be 
finer?  Let  us  obey  Him  without  impa- 
tience, let  us  imitate  Him  in  His  calm. 
Let  us  not  be  in  a  hurry,  let  us  not  be  so 
•.mprudent  as  to  pretend  to  hasten  the 
work  by  inordinate  effort.  Every  feverish 
movement,  instead  of  helping  the  work, 
hurts  us.  It  is  true  that  our  moments 
are  numbered,  but  also  that  our  strength 
[214] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

is  proportioned  to  our  time.  Let  it  suf- 
fice us  to  know  that  each  one  of  us  is 
cooperating  here,  in  the  narrow  confines 
of  the  present,  in  the  midst  of  perishing 
and  fleeting  things,  in  an  eternal  work 
which  we  shall  eternally  enjoy.  The 
certainty  of  eternity  is  another  reason 
that  should  make  us  calm.  What  is  the 
use  of  worrying  here?  Why  do  we  want 
to  snatch  the  fruits  before  they  are  ripe? 
Why  do  we  demand  justice  only  when 
it  suits  us?  WThat  do  wTe  know?  Why 
this  impatience?  Death  will  tell  us  all, 
and  then  we  shall  be  fully  satisfied.  Let 
us  learn  to  wait.  Let  us  wait  in  adoration. 
Meanwhile,  in  the  work  that  is  assigned 
to  us,  let  us  imitate  our  Master's  tranquil 
and  imperturbable  peace. 


[215] 


XXXIII 

He  Reflects  on  the  Inconstancy  of 

his  3\fature,  and  bo\v  he 

Finch  a  T{cnicdy 

Saturday,  June  $tb,  1915 

IN  the  meantime,  O  Lord,  these  reflec- 
tions should  teach  us  as  a  simple 
duty  to  have  tranquil  peace  and 
patience  in  the  face  of  all  the  often  un- 
expected, capricious  and  cruel  vicissitudes 
of  this  futile,  uncertain  and  fleeting  life. 
Every  truly  Christian  soul  ought  always 
to  bear  in  mind  that  whatever  happens  to 
him  is  foreordained  by  Him  Who  knows 
everything  and  prearranges  everything  for 
the  best.  Let  no  man  judge  what  he 
does  not  understand,  but  confine  himself 
to  whatever  is  his  duty  for  the  moment, 
and  help  on  what  he  knows  to  be  neces- 
sarily excellent  above  all.  What  a  vast 
source  of  consolation  there  is  in  this  one 
thought!  But  if  I  had  this  certainty  well 
[216] 


COLLOQUIES    OF    GIOSUE     BORSI 

fixed  in  my  heart,  as,  however,  I  have  it 
already  secured  in  my  mind, 

" With    such    acuteness,    that    compared 
with  it 

All     demonstration     seems      obtuse      to 

"  i 
me, 

what  misfortune,  what  injustice,  what 
persecution,  what  torture,  what  desolate, 
wicked,  infamous  lot  could  cast  me  down, 
disturb  me  or  change  my  serenity?  Even 
if  I  were  to  fall  into  the  uttermost  depths 
of  unjust  misfortune  and  undeserved  ab- 
jection, and  all  the  world  were  to  rise  up 
to  bear  witness  against  me,  I  should 
remember  that  up  there  in  Heaven  I 
have  the  only  witness  that  is  worth 
anything,  the  only  one  that  does  not 
betray,  the  Judge  Who  "sees  in  secret" 
and  searches  the  heart  and  reins,  Him  in 
Whom  we  must  place  our  boundless  trust. 
Not  to  hope  that  some  day  He  will  render 
us  justice  is  to  mistrust  His  equity,  and 
the  most  sacrilegious  of  blasphemies. 

1  Acutamente  si  che  inverse  d'ella 
Ogni  dimostrazion  mi  pare  ottusa. 

(Div.  Com.,  Par.,  xxv,  95-96.) 


A  SOLDIER  S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 


INALLY,  an  undeniable  proof  of  our 
weakness  —  perhaps  the  most  evident  of 
all  —  is  our  inconstancy,  the  extreme  fa- 
cility with  which  we  change  with  circum- 
stances. We  are  cast  down  by  a  trifle, 
another  trifle  consoles  us;  to-day  we  are 
idle,  to-morrow  anxious;  to-day  we  are 
discouraged,  to-morrow  bold  and  boast- 
ful; our  feeblest  and  silliest  opinions 
dominate  us  throughout  life;  the  smallest 
and  most  negligible  event,  the  word  of  a 
friend,  some  extraneous  interest,  is  enough 
to  upset  the  ideas  that  we  regarded  as 
unchangeable.  Lord,  how  wilt  Thou  look 
upon  us  from  above?  With  what  sense 
of  contempt  and  pity?  Let  us  make  a 
solemn  resolution,  let  us  solemnly  swear: 
behold  us,  ready  for  everything,  nothing 
can  arrest  or  overthrow  us,  we  lift  up  our 
heads,  we  clench  our  fists  and  shut  our 
teeth;  what  a  wonderful  spectacle! 


I 


N  truth,  firm  resolution  is  the  best  sign 
of  man's  nobility.  He  is  little,  but  what 
a  big  heart!  Behold!  he  has  faith  that 
moves  mountains.  Alas,  O  Lord,  our  fine 

[218] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

resolution  does  not  endure  for  a  minute! 
A  friend  comes  and  invites  me  to  go  with 
him  to  the  cafe,  a  newspaper  falls  into 
my  hands,  a  lighted  show-window  attracts 
me  on  the  sidewalk  —  forgotten  all  my 
firmness  and  fine  resolutions,  and  there  I 
am,  distraught,  idle,  frivolous,  laughing, 
chatting,  loafing. 


I 


TAKE  up  some  work;  this  is  a  turn 
for  the  better;  we  are  on  the  right  road. 
Every  morning  I  am  up  with  the  cock, 
and  soon  I  am  bending  over  my  desk; 
in  a  few  days  the  work  is  almost  done. 
How  easy  it  is!  How  joyful!  How  de- 
lightful are  my  busy  days!  How  good 
the  Lord  is  to  me!  Truly  I  was  very 
silly  to  waste  myself  in  bitter  and  discon- 
tented idleness!  Now  all  my  life  is  going 
to  be  just  like  this,  busy,  happy,  fruitful. 
It  would  indeed  be  very  weak  and  foolish 
not  to  continue.  But  alas,  O  Lord,  there 
comes  a  morning  when  I  have  some  other 
little  thing  to  do.  Patience;  I  lay  the 
work  aside  for  to-day;  I  will  take  it  up 
again  to-morrow.  But  on  the  morrow  I 
begin  a  little  later,  I  do  not  work  so  well, 

[  219] 


A  SOLDIER  S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 

I  am  more  disinclined.  Then  the  work 
seems  unbearable;  I  try  to  conquer 
myself,  then  I  beg  for  some  excuse  or 
other;  it  is  all  over,  the  spell  is  broken. 
Either  the  work  will  be  given  up  forever, 
or  I  shall  continue  it  with  difficulty, 
bitterly,  like  a  penance.  And  yet,  when 
it  is  a  question  of  my  pleasure  rather  than 
of  my  duty,  what  prodigies  of  application, 
industry,  and  ingenuity!  I  am  able  to 
obtain  it  even  under  the  most  difficult 
and  adverse  circumstances.  I  always  find 
time  enough  for  that.  And  then?  The 
pleasure  I  get  does  not  satisfy  me,  I  soon 
tire  of  it. 


o 


HORRIBLE  inconstancy  of  mine, 
sad  witness  of  my  weakness!  I  see  well 
that  the  only  remedy  is  to  love  God. 
Only  leaning  on  His  unchangeable  strength 
can  give  me  a  little  consistency.  When 
one  really  loves  God,  religious  duties  are 
the  only  ones  which  one  dares  not  neglect 
too  much,  for  one  has  in  mind  that  terrible, 
watchful  eye  ever  fixed  upon  him.  These 
duties  become  the  discipline  of  our  steadi- 
ness and  constancy.  Referring  every- 

[  220] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

thing  to  Him,  thinking  always  of  Him, 
seeing  everything  a  reflex  of  His  strength, 
of  His  wisdom,  or  of  His  goodness  —  which 
after  all  are  but  one  —  appealing  only  to 
His  judgment  and  to  His  will,  makes  us 
share  in  a  certain  way  in  His  ineffable  and 
unchangeable  unity  and  renders  us  less 
capricious  and  variable. 


the  practice  of  religious  duties 
teaches  us  another  thing,  something  which 
he  who  is  not  faithful  to  them  cannot 
even  suspecl.  Far  from  taking  time  and 
energy  from  work,  they  add  to  it,  and 
make  it  fruitful  and  fertile.  How  this 
can  be  is  not  easy  to  understand,  but 
few  truths  are  so  evident.  He  who  does 
not  practice  his  religious  duties  sees  time 
fly  with  dizzy  speed,  he  does  everything 
with  difficulty,  and  he  is  never  in  time; 
it  seems  that  all  opportunities  slip  away 
from  him,  and  he  is  discouraged  even 
before  undertaking  a  work.  Love  of  God 
infuses  a  peaceful  tranquillity,  a  sense  of 
safety,  a  confidence,  an  undefinable  some- 
thing, almost  a  contempt  for  life,  and  this 
makes  men  strong.  Everything  is  done 

[  221  ] 


A    SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    GOD 

without  haste,  and  we  feel  that,  provided 
we  are  willing,  there  is  time  for  everything. 
We  begin  to  work  hopelessly,  resigned 
from  the  beginning  to  the  idea  that  we 
shall  never  complete  it,  and  the  work  goes 
on  of  itself,  spontaneously  and  without 
fatigue.  In  order  not  to  neglect  a  religious 
duty,  one  willingly  loses  an  opportunity 
that  seems  unique;  and  then  the  oppor- 
tunity gently  returns,  more  propitious 
even  than  in  the  first  instance.  When 
the  day  is  overcrowded  with  work,  the 
best  way  is  not  to  plunge  in  impulsively 
and  with  annoyance  and  haste,  but  to 
colled:  one's  self  calmly,  remain  long  in 
prayer,  detach  one's  self  in  order  tenderly 
to  court  the  Lord's  adorable  smile,  then 
begin  easily,  slowly,  almost  with  indif- 
ference. In  the  end  everything  is  done 
and  well  done,  in  order,  without  impa- 
tience, without  weariness,  and  enough 
time  still  remains  in  which  to  thank  the 
Lord  with  humble  gratitude. 

J.  HERE  wTas  the  secret  of  the  miracu- 
lous life  of  those  industrious  and  untiring 
saints  who  accomplished  titanic  tasks, 

[  222  ] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

tasks  so  vast  that  the  energy  and  genius 
of  twenty  men  would  have  seemed  too 
small  for  them.  St.  Paul,  St.  Chrysostom, 
St.  Gregory  the  Great,  St.  Athanasius,  St. 
Ambrose,  St.  Augustine,  St.  Benedict, 
St.  Dominic,  St.  Catherine,  St.  Theresa, 
St.  Francis  of  Assisi,  St.  Francis  de  Sales, 
St.  Joseph  Calasantius,  what  an  army  of 
giants  of  the  active  life,  what  volcanic 
geniuses,  what  intrepid  wills,  what  practi- 
cal genius,  what  untiring  and  inexhaustible 
activity,  often  amid  cruel  opposition,  with 
weak  bodies,  without  help,  in  the  span  of 
a  brief  and  troubled  life!  It  was  St. 
Francis  de  Sales  who,  after  praising  the 
devotion  and  activity  of  St.  Louis,  closed 
with  these  sublime  words:  "Therefore  do 
boldly  these  exercises  as  I  have  directed 
you,  and  God  will  grant  you  enough 
leisure  and  strength  for  all  your  other 
affairs;  yes,  even  if  He  have  to  stop  the 
sun,  as  He  did  in  the  time  of  Joshua. 
We  always  do  enough  when  God  works 
with  us." 


A 


this    has    come    into    my    mind 
to-day,     vesterday    and     the     day    before 

[  223  ] 


A     SOLDIER    S     CONFIDENCES     WITH     GOD 

yesterday,  and  hence  I  conclude  that  I 
shall  do  well  not  to  change  my  habits  of 
meditation  and  prayer,  no  matter  how 
much  I  may  be  distracted  by  my  imminent 
departure  for  the  war.  Action  is  good, 
but  it  must  not  induce  me  to  neglecl:  the 
love  of  God.  I  shall  await  the  moment 
without  fretful  impatience  and  with  un- 
disturbed tranquillity.  This  will  be  use- 
ful to  me  also  when  I  shall  be  before 
the  enemy  at  the  front. 


[224] 


XXXIV 


He    Vrays  for  the    ^Blessing  of 
Cjod  upon  the  Italian 


1 


Sunday,  June  6th,  1915 

O  Lord,  for  Thy  im- 
mense goodness,  with  which 
Thou  hast  anticipated  my  fervent 
desire  to  serve  my  country.  This  morning 
in  the  sweet,  divine  joy  of  feeling  Thee 
wholly  in  me,  while  I  was  receiving  the 
repast  of  Thy  living  Body,  and  earnestly 
beseeching  Thee  to  give  me  that  grace, 
Thy  goodness  had  granted  it  already  and 
the  cheering  message  was  about  to  arrive. 
Now  —  always  provided  it  be  in  conform- 
ity with  Thy  will  —  complete  the  work 
O  Lord;  enable  me  to  overcome  easily 
the  last  difficulties,  shorten  the  days  I 
shall  have  to  remain  here,  hasten  the  day 
when  I  shall  be  righting  on  the  battlefield. 
If  then  Thou  shalt  deem  me  worthy  to 
end  my  sad  trial  and  to  die  for  my  country, 

[  225  ] 


A    SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    GOD 

that  I  may  ascend  to  Thy  divine  glory, 
so  be  it,  O  Lord,  so  be  it!  But  I  dare  not 
hope  for  so  much.  Such  good  fortune 
cannot  be  reserved  for  me,  My  Father. 
I  know  I  am  not  worthy  of  it,  I  know 
that  I  must  answer  before  Thy  just  anger, 
for  too  many  faults  and  infamies,  and 
that  Thou  dost  not  reserve  Thy  most 
glittering  prizes  for  Thy  most  intracta- 
ble, lazy,  vain,  and  proud  children.  Thy 
will  be  done,  always  and  ever.  Blessed 
be  Thou  forever! 


HATEVER  be  the  fate  that  awaits 
me,  O  Lord,  I  go  forth  to  meet  it  exulting, 
for  I  feel  in  the  depth  of  my  heart  that 
this  war  is  just  and  holy,  and  that  it  is  a 
beautiful  and  good  thing  to  fight  for  this 
cause.  I  feel  that  this  war  will  make  us 
whole  and  make  us  great,  will  make  us 
more  worthy  to  love  and  serve  and  know 
and  praise  the  Lord.  He,  in  His  boundless 
goodness,  '  made  the  nations  of  the  earth 
in  health,"  l  and  this  is  the  day  in  which 
our  people  find  again  their  health.  Yes, 
yes,  O  Lord,  I  feel,  as  the  supreme  singer 

1  Wisdom  i,  14. 

[226] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

said  of  the  supreme  captain  in  his  prayer 
for  the  prince  setting  out  to  war,  that 
truly  in  the  day  of  our  exultation,  "we 
will  rejoice  in  Thy  salvation."  1  O  Lord, 
bless  our  arms,  bless  the  holy  war  of  Thy 
chosen  people.  It  is  fighting  against 
nations  who  are  mad  and  drunk  for 
conquest,  nations  from  which  Thou  hast 
taken  the  light  of  reason.  They  hope  not 
in  Thee,  but  in  that  power  which  Thou 
didst  know  how  to  shatter  with  the  sword 
of  Judas  Maccabeus;  but  we,  we  hate 
no  one,  O  Lord,  and  loving  justice  and 
liberty,  we  love  Thee  and  Thy  eternal 
glory.  "Some  trust  in  chariots  and  some 
in  horses;  but  we  will  call  upon  the  name 
of  the  Lord  our  God."  2 

1  Ps.  xix,  6. 

2  Hi  in  curribus  et  hi  in  equis;    nos  autem  in  nomine 
Domini  Dei  nostn  invocabimus.     (Ibid.  8.) 


[227] 


XXXV 

He  Reflects  on  the  many  U^ays  in 
which  Cjod  is  ever  before  the 
^who  Wants  to  Find  Him 


Monday  ',  June  Jth>  1915 

IN  the  first  place:  from  to-day  on,  O 
Lord,  I  am  going  to  adopt  a  different 
style  for  these  writings,  or  rather  to 
abolish  style  altogether.  I  shall  make 
only  notes  that  I  alone  may  understand; 
for  I  believe,  rather  I  know,  that  through 
my  foolish,  incurable  pride,  my  illusion  of 
perfection,  my  hypocrisy  towards  myself, 
my  presumption,  vanity,  calculation,  and 
the  beclouding  of  my  vision  as  to  the  true 
condition  of  my  soul,  these  papers  may 
hide  a  terrible  risk.  Assist  me,  O  Lord, 
for  well  Thou  seest  that  I  am  convinced 
of  my  stupid,  wretched  state,  and  that  I 
would  be  cured.  I  pray  Thee  to  help  me 
and  I  know  Thou  canst  not  refuse  a  relief 
so  solemnly  promised.  (Matt,  vn,  11.) 
[228] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 


I 


N  the  second  place:  Here  is  a  thought 
which  flashed  into  my  mind  this  morning 
and  over  which  I  have  pondered  a  little: 
It  is  incredible  how  many  are  the  ways 
in  which  Thou  speakest  directly  to  me  and 
in  which  Thou  art  always  before  me  as  a 
friend,  father,  teacher,  brother,  protector, 
king,  so  that  I  can  say  that  I  have  Thee 
before  me  in  person,  not  metaphorically, 
but  really,  always: 

1st  —  in  direct  inspirations; 

2nd  —  in  the  person  of  my  confessor, 
through  whose  mouth  Thou  dost  judge, 
counsel,  and  forgive  me; 

3rd  —  in  the  Holy  Scriptures,  where  I 
hear  Thy  voice  in  the  person  of  the  Father 
(Old  Testament),  in  that  of  the  Son 
(Gospels),  and  in  that  of  the  Holy  Ghost 
(Acts,  Epistles,  Apocalypse); 

4th  —  in  the  person  of  every  Christian 
who  speaks  to  me  with  affection,  and  in 
the  writings  of  apologists,  theologians, 
philosophers,  etc.,  Thou  always  speakest 
directly; 

5th  -  -  Thou  speakest  to  me  in  the  world, 
in  the  society  of  men,  in  the  organization 

[  229] 


A  SOLDIER  S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 

of  the  Church  militant,  in  nature  and  its 
laws;  in  everything  I  see  Thy  beauty 
reflected; 

6th  —  in  my  mother  there  art  Thou 
also,  and  I  really  listen  to,  venerate,  obey, 
and  adore  Thee; 

yth  —  in  the  government,  the  king,  the 
ministers,  my  immediate  superiors,  the 
manager  of  my  newspaper,  its  owner  who 
pays  me,  Thou  art  in  every  one  of  them, 
each  one  of  them  represents  Thee; 

8th  —  in  the  Pope  Thou  art  visible,  the 
Bishop  represents  Thee  as  one  of  Thy 
apostles,  Thou  art  in  every  priest; 

9th  —  in  the  Mass  I  see  Thee,  the 
victim  that  is  immolated  and  the  sacrific- 
ing priest,  it  is  Thou  that  art  offered, 
Thy  Blood  is  shed,  Thou  art  consumed 
and  mystically  annihilated; 

ioth--Thy  person,  Blood  and  Body, 
is  in  the  Eucharistic  species.1  I  can  see 
Thee,  touch  Thee,  nourish  myself  on  Thee; 

nth  —  at  the  Benediction  of  the 
vesper  service,  it  is  Thou  Who  art  lifted 

1  The  expression  is  theologically  erroneous,  but  it  will 
easily  be  understood  that  it  is  an  explicit  profession  of 
faith  in  the  real  presence  of  Jesus  in  the  Holy  Sacrament 
of  the  altar.  —  EDITOR. 

[230] 


COLLOQUIES    OF    GIOSUE     BORSI 

over  my  bowed  head,  Who  lookest  down 
upon  me,  Who  judgest  me; 

1 2th  —  whenever  I  wish,  I  can  come 
to  Thee  before  the  altar  and  I  find  Thee 
there  in  the  most  Holy  Sacrament,  stand- 
ing before  me,  reading  my  heart. 

J/"\.ND  so  on.  Thus  it  is  that  Thou  art 
truly  before  me,  speaking  to  me,  com- 
manding me,  regulating  my  whole  life,  so 
that  were  I  always  traceable,  obedient, 
humble,  and  active,  I  could  never  err  and 
I  should  already  be  happy  and  worthy  of 
Thee  here  below.  Instead,  here  is  my 
shame:  in  spite  of  all,  I  never  listen  to 
Thee,  I  believe  I  possess  Thee  while  I 
forget  Thee,  I  believe  I  am  obeying  Thee 
even  when  I  am  rebelling  against  Thee. 
Only  a  day  or  two  ago  I  was  writing  of 
myself  that  I  am  mean,  unworthy,  very 
far  from  being  perfect;  it  was  false  humil- 
ity, and  I  was  writing  it  without  real 
conviction,  repeating  something  that  I 
know  very  well  to  be  true,  because  Thou 
hast  said  it,  but  without  being  at  all 
inwardly  convinced.  I  see  it  well  now, 
it  came  to  me  to-day  like  a  flash:  I  am 

[  231  ] 


A   SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH   GOD 

nothing  but  a  proud  hypocritical  bigot, 
very  far  from  doing  my  duty.  In  my 
laziness  I  do  nothing  but  read  —  an 
excuse  for  sloth;  I  neglecl:  all  my  duties 
through  a  false  feeling  of  contempt  and 
indifference  for  the  world,  which  is  really 
only  an  excuse  for  idleness.  I  do  not 
answer  letters,  I  am  discourteous,  I  break 
my  word,  I  do  not  keep  appointments  and 
promises,  I  put  everything  off,  and  I  get 
my  negligence  forgiven  with  a  few  witty 
remarks.  I  do  nothing  by  myself,  I  work 
at  nothing.  In  this  month  I  have  done 
nothing  but  write  these  dangerous  and 
pretentious  records,  but  I  have  forgotten 
-dishonest  that  I  am!  —  that  I  am  paid 
to  do  my  duty  to  the  paper,  and  by  not 
doing  it,  I  am  defrauding  him  who  pays 
me.  I  have  forgiven  my  enemies  through 
a  vague  desire  to  humiliate  them  and  to 
show  myself  generous  before  others.  How 
full  of  faults  I  am!  And  I  thought  I  had 
something  to  be  pleased  with!  Miserable 
worm  that  I  am! 


,ORD,  O  Lord,  this  is  enough  to  dis- 
courage   me.     But    no;     courage!     I    will 

[  232] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

not  lose  heart.  Help  me  always,  succor 
my  blindness,  for  without  Thee  I  can  do 
nothing,  and  even  with  Thee  I  cannot  do 
anything,  with  Thy  thousand  and  one 
aids,  ordinary  and  extraordinary,  unless 
Thou  addest  as  a  mark  of  Thy  abundant 
and  unspeakable  goodness  the  light  of  an 
altogether  special  grace.  Up  then,  my 
soul,  let  us  see  if  we  cannot  in  some  way 
do  better! 


[233] 


XXXVI 

He  *Bids  Farewell  to  ^All  he  has 
Held  TDear  in  Life 

Tuesday,  June  8tb,  1915 

LORD,  Thou  knowest,  but  I  do 
not,  if  I  shall  be  able  to-morrow 
to  continue  my  written  medita- 
tions in  this  poor  little  diary.  From 
to-morrow  morning  —  if  it  please  Thee  - 
my  new  duties  as  a  soldier  in  the  service 
of  my  warring  country  will  begin.  I  do 
not  know  what  leisure  I  may  have  during 
the  few  days  I  shall  remain  in  this  city; 
then  I  shall  depart  for  the  battle  front, 
relying  only  on  Thy  Providence  and  on 
Thy  divine  and  no  less  unchangeable  than 
holy  Will.  Therefore,  not  only  .do  I  not 
know  if  I  shall  be  able  at  present  to 
continue  this  wholesome  habit,  by  which 
I  was  learning,  little  by  little,  to  know 
myself  better  and  to  become  as  St.  Augus- 
tine says,  "emboldened  by  the  fruits  of 
["234  ] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

my  labor,"  1  but  perhaps  it  is  already 
written  up  there  in  Thy  heaven,  O  Lord, 
that  I  am  never  more  to  write  about  these 
things  and  that  I  must  get  used  to  the  idea 
of  leaving  everything  interrupted  forever. 
So  these  words  that  I  am  writing  now  will 
have  to  be  a  sort  of  good-bye.  For  that 
matter,  this,  O  Lord,  is  what  our  mortal 
life  should  be  at  every  instant:  a  taking 
leave  of  some  mortal  thing,  or  rather  of 
something  already  dead  and  gone.  What 
do  we  know?  We  know  only  that  every 
hour  may  be  the  last.  When  it  strikes, 
we  must  be  ready  to  give  a  serene  farewell 
to  all  about  us. 


O 


'N  how  many  things  have  I  set  my 
heart,  O  Lord!  Here  in  this  desk  how 
many  familiar  objects  there  are,  upon 
which  within  a  few  days  I  shall  cast  a 
glance,  that  perhaps  will  be  the  last, 
things  that  for  years  I  have  considered  my 
inseparable  and  indispensable  companions! 
In  these  pigeon  holes  were  accumulated 
papers  which  I  had  sworn  a  thousand 
times  to  keep  forever  (laugh  at  me,  0 

1  Prole  mea  animosior. 

[235] 


A    SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    GOD 

Lord,  for  as  Thou  seest,  I  also  join  Thee 
sincerely,  with  a  fine  mingling  of  scorn, 
hilarity  and  contempt  for  myself),  and 
yet  a  few  days  ago  I  destroyed  them  with 
my  own  hands;  I  saw  them  burn  after 
I  had  torn  them  up  without  a  glance  of 
either  regret,  melancholy,  or  even  of  mere 
curiosity.  Here  are  heaps  of  the  letters 
of  my  friends  of  the  world  —  praises, 
jests,  requests,  solicitations,  blandish- 
ments, compliments.  Here  are  my  papers, 
in  print  and  in  manuscript,  condemned 
works,  interrupted  works,  badly  finished 
works,  works  which  only  yesterday  I  felt 
sure  I  should  complete,  while  to-day  I  do 
not  even  know  if  I  shall  ever  be  able  to 
put  my  hands  to  them  again.  And  among 
these  there  were  some  that  I  thought 
almost  finished  and  already  imagined 
sent  to  press,  reviewed,  praised,  and  so 
instinct  with  life  as  to  survive  me  for 
years,  even  for  centuries,  why  not?  In- 
stead, I  leave  everything  as  one  who  parts 
from  a  friend  over  whom  hangs  the  threat 
of  capital  punishment.  Only  at  this  mo- 
ment has  this  appeared  clear  and  evident 
to  me,  but  it  is  just  as  true  always  and 
[236] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

everywhere.  To  how  many  have  I  said 
good-bye  —  and  they  are  dead!  The  last 
time  I  left  Rome,  could  I  have  thought 
that  perhaps  I  was  looking  for  the  last 
time  at  those  streets,  those  squares,  those 
buildings,  that  perhaps  I  was  taking  leave 
for  the  last  time  of  those  acquaintances 
with  whom  I  was  festively  shaking  hands? 
When  my  father  caressed  my  head  the 
last  time,  who  could  have  told  me  that  that 
caress  was  the  last  and  that  a  few  days 
later  I  should  sobbingly  kiss  that  hand, 
now  cold  and  motionless  forever? 


farewell  to  everything.  Nothing 
restrains  us.  Everything  passes  away. 
Thou  alone,  0  God  our  Father,  livest 
unchanged  and  eternal,  and  in  Thee  alone 
can  our  love  be  placed  with  the  certainty 
that  we  shall  never  lose  it.  In  the  mean- 
time, by  Thy  grace,  I  feel  that  I  regret 
nothing  and  that  I  am  detached  from 
everything,  unless  I  am  deluding  myself 
too  much.  I  come  to  Thee  full  of  iniquity, 
certain  of  having  shamefully  squandered 
Thy  treasures,  soiled  with  every  shame 
(O,  I  see  well  that  I  am  not  exaggerating 

C  237] 


A    SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    GOD 

when  I  address  myself  so  severely),  but 
at  least  it  seems  to  me  that  I  do  not 
deserve  the  reproach  of  being  attached  to 
what  I  leave  behind.  I  am  quite  willing 
to  let  the  dead  bury  the  dead.  The  good 
I  give  up  I  shall  find  again  in  fuller  measure 
in  Thee;  the  evil  from  which  I  detach  my- 
self is  a  horrible  slavery  from  which  I  free 
myself  with  real  relief. 


B 


lUT  no  matter  what  is  to  be  the  lot 
Thou  hast  in  store  for  me,  O  Lord,  this 
period  is  closed.  It  is  a  day  that  passes, 
whether  well  or  badly  spent.  It  is  meet 
therefore  that  I  examine  myself  a  little  in 
order  to  be  certain  that,  whatever  may 
happen,  I  may  hope  something  from  to- 
morrow's dawn.  Before  I  pray  Thee  for 
the  future,  I  must  judge  and  condemn  my 
past.  My  sole  hope  is  in  the  bitter  grief 
of  my  repentance,  and  I  know  that  only 
my  bitter  tears,  united  with  Thy  sacrifice 
on  the  cross  and  the  ineffable  effusion  of 
Thy  divine  Blood,  0  Jesus,  can  cleanse 
and  purify  me,  blotting  out  all  traces  of 
my  infamous  sins. 

[238] 


HAT  I  was  I  dare  not  write  in  full. 
Lord,  I  was  monstrous,  blind,  mad,  and 
most  foolish.  Now,  thanks  to  Thee,  I 
am  no  longer  so  to  such  a  horrible  ex- 
tent, but  I  see  clearly  that  I  am  still  an 
infinite  distance  from  my  goal.  I  have 
walked  this  year  a  little  like  a  son  of  light, 
but,  even  without  counting  the  days  ir- 
retrievably lost,  can  I  truly  say  I  have 
made  up  for  the  time  wasted?  Ah  no, 
of  course  not,  O  Lord,  I  have  done  only  a 
very  small  part  of  my  duty,  and  that  little 
without  foresight,  without  prudence,  with- 
out intelligence.  If  I  die  in  the  war, 
what  shall  I  leave  behind?  Nothing  more 
than  a  pale,  false,  maimed  remembrance; 
not  a  trace  that  is  truly  wholesome,  bene- 
ficial, and  lasting.  I  believe,  I  see,  and 
know  that  I  have  lived  almost  in  vain. 
As  far  as  I  am  concerned,  I  have  learned 
nothing  but  to  die  tolerably  well,  and  I 
can  say  that  this  is  a  great  deal,  and  that 
it  might  satisfy  me;  but  what  have  I 
done  for  others?  What  have  I  taught, 
with  what  effort  have  I  contributed  in  the 
least  to  the  great  and  difficult  task  of 

[  239] 


A  SOLDIER  S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 

uplifting  my  brethren?  I  can  just  barely 
say  that  I  have  made  up  badly  for  all  the 
evil  done  previously,  contributing  by  ex- 
ample and  flattery  to  the  sad  fate  of  many 
souls.  Lord,  I  acknowledge  entirely  my 
wrong  and  my  responsibility.  Do  not 
impute  to  others  the  fault  which  is  mine. 
Give  me  the  severest  punishment.  With 
all  my  heart,  I  invoke  Thy  blessing,  O 
Father,  on  those  I  have  led  into  sin. 


B 


'LESS  also  all  those  who  have  offended 
me.  Do  not  impute  to  them  this  sin, 
"Lord,  lay  not  this  sin  to  their  charge." 
Thou  knowest  well  how  excusable  they 
are,  how  hard  and  disagreeable  has  their 
life  been,  how  they  were  born  and  have 
lived  among  an  erring  generation,  too  far 
from  the  light,  with  their  ears  stunned  by 
false  ideas,  against  which  they  could  not 
defend  themselves.  But  how  dare  I  teach 
Thee  to  be  merciful  and  clement,  O  great 
Father  of  us  all?  They  are  Thy  children 
whom  Thou  lovest  no  less  than  me.  So 
far  as  I  am  concerned,  Thou  knowest  how 
much  their  injustice  has  availed  me.  If 
with  Thy  most  holy  assistance,  I  may 
L  240] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

have  a  little  strength  to  atone  for  their 
faults,  behold,  O  Lord,  I  offer  myself  to 
Thee  with  all  my  heart.  If  any  suffering 
will  save  them,  give  me  first  the  strength 
I  lack,  then  torture  me,  and  save  them. 
Thou  seest,  0  Lord,  the  sincerity  and  the 
fervencv  of  this  offer  of  mine. 


H 


ELP  my  mother  and  my  brother,  then, 
all  those  who  love  me.  Touch  the  heart 
of  all  my  friends,  enlighten  them  with  Thy 
grace  and  make  out  of  their  beautiful 
souls  and  noble  intellects  so  many  instru- 
ments of  Thy  glory.  If  a  sacrifice  on  my 
part  be  necessary  for  this,  here  I  am,  ready 
to  do  it. 

I  pray  Thee  for  the  dead  and  for  the 
living,  for  the  faithful  and  for  infidels, 
unbelievers  and  heretics.  I  pray  Thee  for 
my  king,  for  my  country,  for  my  brothers 
in  arms,  I  pray  Thee  for  all,  for  all  includ- 
ing my  miserable  self  who  am  of  all  the 
most  unworthy,  and  at  the  same  time  the 
most  needy. 


A 


finally,  I  pray  for  my  sweetheart. 
Lord,    I    have    never   dared    to    speak    to 

[241] 


A    SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    GOD 

Thee  about  her  in  these  pages,  but  Thou 
knowest  well  that  the  thought  of  her  has 
often  come  to  my  mind  during  these 
dialogues.  In  these  last  few  days  while 
praying  to  Thee  and  the  Madonna  my 
thought  has  dwelt  upon  her  with  more 
frequency,  at  greater  length  and  with 
sweeter  tenderness.  O  Lord,  Thou  hast 
blessed  this  love  since  the  uncertain  and 
troubled  dawn  of  my  new  life,  Thou  hast 
ever  made  it  the  mysterious  instrument  of 
my  salvation.  Lord,  protect  my  lady,  in 
whose  beauty  I  learned  to  love  Thy 
affectionate,  wise  goodness.  What  will 
become  of  her?  What  will  she  think? 
How  will  she  live?  Grant  that  I  may  ever 
love  her  with  a  simple,  pure  love,  with  a 
resigned  and  devoted  love.  I  do  not  ask 
more  for  her  and  for  me.  I  only  repeat,  my 
God,  that  Thou  art  good,  good,  infinitely 
good. 

O  GLORIOUS  Lord  of  every  courtesy, 
O  dear  Father,  may  Thy  kingdom  come 
soon  and  Thy  will  be  ever  done.  Father, 
0  Father,  love  me  so,  I  beseech  Thee,  as 
to  make  me  worthy  to  shelter  in  my  heart 
[242  ] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

a  faithful  and  boundless,  passionate  and 
warm  love  for  Thee,  Light  of  my  heart, 
my  Salvation,  my  Joy,  my  supreme  and 
one  and  only  Good. 


I 


COMMEND  myself  humbly  to  all 
Thy  saints  in  Paradise,  to  all  the  dear 
souls  in  Purgatory,  to  all  the  angels,  and 
above  all,  to  that  one  who  guards  me,  to 
whom  I  was  intrusted  by  Thy  divine 
compassion,  and  who  at  this  moment  is 
here  beside  me,  bent  over  these  pages 
smiling  and  reading  my  words.  But  above 
all,  I  commend  myself  to  the  most  power- 
ful intercession  of  the  Virgin  Mary,  Queen 
of  all  Saints  and  Ark  of  the  Covenant. 
I  hope  in  her,  to  her  I  turn  for  succor 
and  help;  may  she,  the  Seat  of  Wisdom, 
guide  me  into  the  arms  of  her  divine  Son, 
true  Man  and  true  God,  consubstantial 
with  the  Father  and  the  Spirit,  Jesus 
Christ,  the  Redeemer. 

In  the  name  of  the  Father,  and  of  the  Son, 
and  of  the  Holy  Ghost,     AMEN. 


C  243  ] 


BOOK    III 

Salvos  nos  fac  Doming  Deus  Noster;  et  congrega  nos  de 
nationibus:  ut  confiteamur  no-mini  sanflo  tuo:  et  gloriemur 
in  laude  tua. 

(Psalm,  cv,  47) 

Save  us,  O  Lord,  our  God:  and  gather  us  from  among  the 
Nations:  That  we  may  give  thanks  to  Thy  holy  name, 
and  may  glory  in  Thy  praise. 


COLLOQUIES    WRITTEN   AT   THE    FRONT 


XXXVII 

He  ^Discourses  on  the 
Righteousness  of  filling 
in  a  Holy 


CRAORETTO,  September  29^,  1915 

O  BLESSED  GOD,  too  little 
loved  by  my  culpable  negli- 
gence, before  everything  else 
I  earnestly  beseech  Thee  to  open  my 
heart  and  infuse  a  little  life  into  the 
poor  words  that  I  am  about  to  say  to 
Thee,  then  to  accept  the  promise  I 
make  Thee  to  hide  them  jealously  from 
every  eye  but  Thine.  If  they  are  not 
good,  it  is  well  that  they  die  unknown; 
if  they  are  good,  their  goodness  will  be 
all  in  their  secrecy.  Their  being  hidden 
will  be  the  reason  of  their  fruitfulness. 
The  germs  of  good  which  are  destined 
to  blossom  in  Thy  heavenly  kingdom 
cannot  develop  except  in  the  depths 

[247] 


A  SOLDIER  S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 

of  the  earth,  for  Thou  art  in  the  heavens 
and  Thou  art  in  the  secret  places,  and 
I  feel,  I  know,  I  have  proved,  that  they 
are  delicate  and  jealous  germs.  For  Thee 
they  are  destined,  to  Thee  alone  I  offer 
them. 


Ti 


HIS  morning  at  five,  not  far  from 
our  camp  at  Dolegna,  one  of  our  soldiers, 
a  cowardly,  treacherous  deserter  who 
had  stained  his  honor  on  the  field  of 
battle  before  the  enemy,  was  shot. 
When  I  learned  of  it  last  night  my  first 
feeling  was  one  of  horror,  pity,  and 
repugnance.  Yet  justice  must  be  done. 
Let  us  hope  the  soul  of  that  wretch, 
piously  assisted  by  one  of  Thy  weeping 
priests,  is  now  saved,  received  by  Thy 
infinite  mercy.  Thou  alone,  the  only  just 
judge  from  Whom  there  is  no  appeal, 
canst  know.  But  justice  must  be  done. 
Thy  mercy  is  never  separated  from  Thy 
justice.  Men  must  dare  to  be  like  Thee, 
as  Thou  Thyself  hast  commanded.  Our 
mercy  would  be  weakness  and  cowardice 
were  it  not  united  \vith  justice.  If  I 
were  to  rebel  against  the  idea  that  a 
[248] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

man  can  be  punished  justly  by  his  own 
brethren,  this  alone  would  make  me 
unworthy  to  wear  the  uniform  of  a 
soldier  and  bear  the  honorable  weapons 
with  which  my  country  has  intrusted 
me  for  her  defense.  These  are  the 
weapons  of  death,  but  a  people  at  war 
must  be  either  an  assassin  or  an  instru- 
ment of  justice,  culpable  in  the  first 
case,  holy  in  the  second.  May  man 
judge,  then?  May  man  kill?  Yes,  if 
Thou  dost  will  it.  For  it  is  Thou  who 
created  society,  the  family,  and  the 
country7,  and  Thou  canst  summon  us 
to  defend  them  at  all  cost,  against 
whomsoever  may  be  the  enemy.  That 
soldier  was  an  enemy  of  his  country. 
In  the  name  of  his  King  he  was  shot. 
He  set  himself  up  against  the  law  and 
the  law  has  punished  him. 


O 


H!  Lord,  how  guilty  we  are!  How 
guilty  a  world  must  be  in  which  this 
terrible  law  of  death  and  blood  must 
still  prevail!  Into  what  an  abyss  of 
abjedlion  have  we  fallen!  Save  us,  O 
Lord!  Have  pity  on  us  and  our  misery! 

[249] 


A  SOLDIER'S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 
Thy  kingdom  come,  Thy  will  be  done 
on  earth  also!  This  I  desire,  for  this 
I  hope.  I  want  this  to  be  in  me  and 
in  all!  I  want  all;  I  beg  all  from  Thee, 
and  I  am  sure  I  shall  obtain  all,  if  I 
have  the  faith  that  moves  mountains. 
O  Lord,  make  me  to  impress  on  my 
heart  this  certainty,  that  it  is  my  fault 
if  the  whole  world  is  lost,  that  I  can, 
if  I  will,  save  the  world  and  myself. 
No,  I  will  no  longer  doubt.1 

1  These  ardent  words  may  seem  inspired  by  exaltation 
or  frenzy,  but  the  reader  must  not  forget  that  Borsi  here 
and  in  several  other  places,  speaks  the  language  of  mysti- 
cism. He  knows  by  intimate  faith,  as  well  as  by  the  author- 
ity of  the  Gospel,  of  the  Apostles,  and  of  the  saints,  that 
when  a  soul  is  wholly  consecrated  to  Christ,  it  becomes  as 
it  were  one  and  the  same  thing  with  Him,  participates 
in  His  merits,  thus  co-operating  in  the  salvation  of  the 
world,  to  such  an  extent  as  to  be  able  to  speak  as  Christ  did. 
Did  not  Saint  Paul  write,  "I  live  now,  not  I,  but  Christ 
hveth  in  me,"  "I  can  do  all  things  in  Him  that  strengthen- 
eth  me  "? 

As  to  the  other  assertion:  "It  is  my  fault  if  the  whole 
world  is  lost,"  likewise  interpreted,  means  that  he  who 
has  become  a  living  member  of  Christ,  a  divine  instrument 
for  the  salvation  and  the  progress  of  the  world,  by  betray- 
ing or  neglecting  his  duty,  is  the  cause  of  a  delay,  of  a 
true  deficiency  in  the  fulfillment  of  the  great  work.  But 
Borsi  himself  will  give  further  on  the  exact  interpretation 
of  these  and  of  other  apparent  excesses  of  word  and  of 
ideas. 

[250] 


XXXVIII 

He  ^Perceives  bo'}®  (jod  Qan 

'Drafo  Blessings  even  from  the 

Scourge  of  W^ar 

Thursday )  September  yotb,  1915 

YES,  O  Lord,  it  is  impossible 
to  escape  from  this  alternative: 
either  the  war  which  a  people 
wages  is  an  execrable  crime  or  it  is  a 
sad  necessity;  either  it  is  fought  to 
perpetuate  and  increase  injustice  among 
men,  or  it  is  accepted  as  a  holy  struggle 
on  behalf  of  Thy  eternal  goodness. 
From  its  very  nature,  war  is  always  a 
sad  scourge,  even  though  its  human 
consequences  be  to  restore,  to  renew, 
to  purify,  to  regenerate.  If  it  is  not 
the  height  of  irreparable  evils,  it  is 
because  Thou,  in  Thy  inexhaustible 
goodness,  hast  given  lawTs  of  love,  of 
goodness,  and  of  mercy  to  the  world 
and  to  mankind,  in  spite  of  appearances 

[251] 


A  SOLDIER  S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 

to  the  contrary.  No  doubt  this  would 
be  a  terrible  sign  of  ingratitude  and 
misunderstanding^ — but  what  am  I 
saying?  It  would  be  to  doubt  Thee 
and  Thy  providence,  it  would  be  to 
consider  Thee  powerless  and  weak,  it 
would  be  to  doubt  Thy  very  existence. 
Even  from  a  war  which  men  have 
brought  about  unjustly  and  fate  has 
made  victorious,  Thou  in  Thy  patience 
that  never  tires  in  face  of  our  miserable 
perversity  knowest  how  to  draw  in- 
numerable blessings  both  for  the  con- 
quered and  the  conquerors,  moral  benefits 
which  are  the  only  solid  and  imperishable 
good. 

J3UT  how  can  men  and  nations  dare 
to  make  themselves  judges  of  their  own 
case?  Is  not  their  judgment  infirm  for 
this  very  reason?  Ah!  Lord,  all  this 
is  very  terrible,  and  I  cannot  under- 
stand why  all  men  now  living  in  this 
bloody  world  are  not  stricken  with 
terror,  do  not  pour  ashes  upon  their 
heads  and  burst  out  in  lamentation  and 
groans  and  do  penance  to  move  Thee 
[  252] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

to  mercy  and  pardon.  If  men  pass 
judgment  on  their  fellow  men,  if  they 
dare  to  take  on  themselves  this  terrible 
responsibility  as  a  sacred  duty,  the  reason 
for  this  necessity  lies  in  the  evil  that  still 
prevails  in  the  world,  for  the  roots  of 
greed,  pride,  envy,  and  baseness  grow 
ever  stronger.  Who  but  Thou  can  save 
men  from  error?  Is  it  not  Thou  Who 
permittest  each  one  of  us  to  be  at  peace 
with  his  own  conscience  in  the  midst 
of  this  tempestuous  whirlwind  that 
sweeps  us  all  away?  Is  it  not  Thou 
Who  hast  taught  us  obedience  and  dis- 
cipline? No  matter  what  happens,  every 
man  may  be  absolutely  certain  that  he 
will  not  err,  for  even  he  w7ho  commands 
should  not  obey  his  own  opinion,  but 
should  have  the  strength  to  obey  the 
law  which  is  imposed  upon  him  by  an 
authority  higher  than  his  own.  And 
if  he  make  a  mistake  through  an  in- 
voluntary error  of  judgment,  it  is  enough 
that  he  has  had  at  heart  the  good  of 
all,  that  he  has  done  his  duty,  and  he 
may  put  his  trust  in  Thy  final  justice, 
which  will  irrevocably  settle  all  things, 

C  253] 


A  SOLDIER  S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 

amid   the  jubilee  of  the   universe  and   to 
the  confusion  of  the  wicked. 


for   me,    0   Lord,    help    me   to  do 
my    whole    duty,    whatever    the    cost.     I 

beg    and    beseech    this    of  Thee   with  the 

certainty    that    Thou    wilt    grant     it  to 

my    unshakable    faith.     Let    me    not  be 

a    man    of    little    faith.     I    feel    that  all 
depends    on    this. 


[2S4J 


XXXIX 


He  'Discovers  that  *l)i£tory 
be  in  Himself 


Friday,  Oftober   1st,  1915 

WHAT  a  mistake  I  am  making, 
O  Lord!  To  what  purpose  do 
I  mourn  over  the  misery  of 
the  world  and  the  crimes  of  men?  I 
am  only  a  coward  and  my  mourning  is 
of  despair  and  discouragement,  not  of 
hope  or  fortitude.  What  a  terrible  waste 
of  time  it  would  be  to  confine  myself 
to  groaning  writh  my  head  in  my  hands 
and  not  set  to  work  at  once  with  the 
absolute  and  unconquerable  certainty  and 
the  clear,  simple,  evident  sureness  that 
I  alone  am  sufficient  for  all  and  that 
victory  will  unfailingly  smile  upon  me! 
To  work  then,  and  at  once!  And  first 
of  all  a  fruitful  prayer. 


M 


.Y    adored    Lord,    I    trust    in    Thee 
alone.     Thou    art    the    origin    of   mv    life 

[255]' 


A  SOLDIERS  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 

and  the  inexhaustible  fountain  of  all 
my  strength.  Provide  for  me  still,  for 
I  hope  in  Thee.  Hearken  unto  the 
intercession  with  which  I  implore  Mary 
powerfully  to  render  efficacious  my 
unworthy  petitions.  And  Thou  hast 
done  it  already,  0  Lord!  Always,  O 
Lord  most  faithful,  whenever  I  have 
asked  a  favor  of  Thee,  I  have  seen  Thee 
forestall  me  and  grant  the  favor  be- 
fore I  asked  it',  without  knowing  it 
the  treasure  was  already  mine,  having 
reached  me  through  unsuspected  chan- 
nels, by  some  pleasant  trick  of  Thy 
providence.  Even  now  as  I  write,  is  it 
not  true,  O  Lord,  that  I  am  obtaining 
a  little  grace  which  I  had  scarcely  dared 
to  think  of,  and  in  the  meantime  I  am 
purging  myself  of  a  little  vanity:  O 
blessed  God,  I  thank  Thee!  How  I 
adore  Thee!  I  would  die  for  Thee,  so 
much  do  I  love  Thee! 


HE  splendid  voice  of  a  saint  who 
shines  like  a  sun  in  Thy  glory  and  who 
protects  and  aids  me  from  up  there, 
a  voice  that  Thou  through  the  medium 

[  256  ] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

of  a  loving  soul  makest  to  reach  me 
Mown  here,  proves  to  me  that  the  work 
must  begin  with  myself.  I  am  a  fool 
if  I  believe  I  can  move  a  grain  of  dust 
in  the  world  without  first  changing  my- 
self. The  secret  of  victory  lies  in  be- 
ginning with  one's  self.  I  have  tried 
it,  and  I  know,  so  what  need  have  I, 
blind,  weak,  foolish  soul,  to  repeat  it 
to  myself?  While  I  talked  no  one  ever 
listened  to  me.  But  as  soon  as  I  acled 
I  became  persuasive,  and  I  no  longer 
find  any  one  incredulous.  The  very 
little  vague  and  imperfecl:  good  —  Lord, 
how  imperfecl:!  —  that  I  have  done  in 
myself  has  immediately  multiplied  a  hun- 
dredfold, shining  all  about  me,  and  at 
once  become  strangely  fruitful.  And 
does  not  all  this  encourage  me  to  do 
more?  If  I,  by  doing  almost  nothing, 
have  obtained  so  much,  what  could  I 
not  do  had  I  the  courage  and  the  strength 
to  work  out  some  real  reformation  in 
myself!  Again,  I  repeat,  the  secret  of 
victory  is  within  myself;  the  principle 
of  my  own  and  of  the  world's  salvation 
is  in  me;  it  is  I  who  must  begin;  I  have 

[257] 


A    SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    GOD 

within  me  all  the  wealth  of  omnipotent 
weapons  for  the  combat;  I  believe  it, 
O  Lord,  I  am  sure  of  it,  I  can  never  be 
too  sure  of  it. 


LND  yet  my  little  victories  might 
have  been  the  cause  of  my  undoing, 
for  I  was  satisfied  and  content  with  them, 
and  was  about  to  stop,  all  puffed  up 
with  vanity.  Poor  friends  of  mine,  who 
tell  me  they  envy  me  because  they  see 
I  have  found  stability,  certainty,  and 
serenity,  and  know  not  what  Thou  seest, 
O  Lord,  that  at  every  step  the  labor 
increases,  the  duty  becomes  heavier,  the 
responsibility  greater!  Yet  I  was  about 
to  stop  and  lose  all,  for  he  who  halts 
begins  to  fall  back,  at  first  insensibly, 
then  rapidly,  then  at  a  dizzy  pace,  and 
he  knows  not  if  the  next  moment  he  will 
be  able  to  recover  himself.  The  life 
of  the  saints  is  a  constant  rowing  against 
the  current;  if  they  rest  on  their  oars 
the  current  at  once  sweeps  them  down 
the  stream.  Therefore,  on,  on!  Courage 
and  go  forward !  Just  as  I  say  to  my 
soldiers  when  they  begin  to  falter  on 
[258] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

the  march,  to  break  ranks  and  let  them- 
selves sink  exhausted  at  the  side  of  the 
muddy  road. 


ERE  is  the  proof:  being  at  war 
made  me  happy,  like  a  long-desired  good 
that  is  reached  at  last.  I  seemed  to 
be  engaged  at  last  in  the  midst  of  a 
beautiful,  noble,  chivalrous,  romantic  ad- 
venture. Everything  favored  me,  my 
conduct  admired,  messages  of  love  from 
the  world;  as  soon  as  I  arrived  before 
the  enemy,  two  or  three  opportunities 
of  proving  my  sang  froid,  the  battalion 
animated  by  my  mere  presence.  I  was 
astonished  at  the  calmness  with  which 
I  bore  privations  and  dangers;  I  had  all 
the  fictitious,  fatal  intoxication  of  those 
who  have  received  their  reward.  I  said 
to  myself:  I  am  on  the  road  to  victory 
and  there  is  nothing  more  to  be  done. 
And  instead!  I  shiver  still  when  I  think 
of  the  danger  I  was  running  into  through 
this  false  and  pernicious  certainty. 

SCARCELY    had    i   begun   to   feei 

satisfied  —  when     I    was     already    almost 

[  259J 


A    SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    GOD 

invoking  a  beautiful  death  on  the  battle- 
field to  crown  and  render  my  work  more 
fruitful  —  like  a  novelist  who  writes  his 
epilogue  and  aspires  to  set  down  the 
word  "finis"  in  his  own  style,  according 
to  his  own  way  of  thinking,  and  with 
a  grand  flourish  —  that  very  moment 
my  fall  began.  There  was  I,  become 
intemperate  and  gross  at  table,  quite 
happy  at  astounding  comrades  and 
superior  officers  by  my  elegance  and 
outward  polish,  forcing  my  gaiety,  bois- 
terous, talkative,  filling  myself  like  a 
keg,  drinking,  smoking,  acquiring  all  the 
loose  habits  of  the  barracks,  becoming 
slanderous  and  malicious. 


I 


BEGAN  to  see  at  close  range  the 
inevitable  human  defects  of  this  warlike 
undertaking,  and  there  I  was,  ready  to 
indulge  in  useless,  fruitless,  verbose,  and 
bitter  criticism,  among  ourselves,  on  the 
one  hand,  and  lying,  childish  glorification 
of  the  world,  on  the  other.  What  days 
and  hours  of  bitterness  and  anguish, 
of  real,  profound  inward  humiliation! 
Twice  I  even  caught  myself  in  an  out- 
[  260] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

burst  of  fury.  I  was  also  obliged  to 
neglect  my  religious  duties  a  little,  and 
I  lost  their  assistance.  Now  I  under- 
stand how  easy  my  life  as  a  civilian  was, 
how  easy  and  pleasant  the  performance 
of  my  duties,  how  harmonious  and  well 
ordered  the  sequel  of  my  prayers  and 
the  frequentation  of  the  Sacraments  in 
peace.  But  here  one  must  do  as  best  he 
can.  Physically,  I  have  grown  strong 
and  vigorous,  by  leading  a  rugged,  ani- 
mal life;  morally  and  spiritually,  I  feel 
starved  and  empty. 


T. 


H  ROUGH  my  good  fortune  and  by 
Thy  grace,  O  Lord,  and  through  no 
merits  of  my  own,  Thou  dost  help  me 
lovingly  and  watchest  over  me,  since 
Thou  didst  inspire  me  to  write  that 
farewell  letter,1  to  which  I  owe  the  pre- 
cious aid  I  have  received  from  that  dear, 
good  creature.  Now  my  eyes  are  opened 
and  I  see  the  dangers  I  have  run.  The 
only  remedy  is  to  rise  still  higher. 
Forward,  ever  forward,  with  Thine  aid, 
O  beloved  Lord!  May  I  find  the  way 
to  improve  myself,  and  a  big  step  for- 

1   To  his  mother.  [^261  J 


A    SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    GOD 

ward  will  have  been  taken.  I  shall  win, 
I  am  sure  of  that.  I  want  to  fit  myself 
to  be  used  by  Thee  as  Thou  wilt,  O 
Lord,  as  Thou  hast  decreed  and  de- 
termined in  Thine  eternal  council.  I 
place  my  whole  self  in  Thy  hands,  and 
I  ask  Thee  the  life  that  Thou  hast  prom- 
ised, my  sweet  love,  my  sweet  love, 
Jesus! 


[  262  ] 


1 


XL 

He  tjKCakes  up  his  <J&ind  that 

Others  zjtfay  be  Saved 

by  Him 

Saturday,  Oftober  2d,  1915 

THEREFORE,  O  Lord,  I  must 
needs  be  more  temperate, 
sincere,  simple,  active,  diligent, 
and  pious.  Temperance  will  be  a  purifi- 
cation, a  release  from  the  encumbrance 
of  the  flesh,  which  I  always  drag  with 
me  like  a  weight.  Then  my  mind  will 
be  free  from  mists  and  torpor,  I  shall 
not  be  tired  and  languid,  I  shall  not 
have  that  physical  depression  against 
which  every  good  impulse  fights  in  vain. 
I  shall  have  a  clearer  and  brighter  mind, 
an  imperturbable  and  alert  coolness,  a 
nimbler  and  livelier  alacrity;  I  shall  be, 
as  it  were,  reanimated  and  unburdened, 
I  shall  be  more  master  of  my  members, 
of  this  body  that  Thou  hast  given  me 
as  an  admirable  instrument  of  victory. 

[263] 


A  SOLDIER'S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 

I  can  do  it,  I  know;  I  can  easily  attain 
this  first  essential  and  fundamental  re- 
sult. I  have  already  tried  out  my  body 
and  found  it  agile,  resistant,  young  and 
healthy,  in  spite  of  the  soft  sedentary 
ways  to  which  I  was  accustomed  in 
civilian  life. 

SINCERITY  is  no  less  necessary  to 
me  than  temperance.  If  I  be  candid 
and  loyal  with  myself  and  others,  I  shall 
avoid  asking  from  my  comrades  in  arms 
an  esteem  that  is  not  my  due.  With 
simplicity  and  modesty,  instead  of  vain 
and  boastful  ostentation,  I  will  set  before 
me  as  my  goal  the  tranquil  fulfillment 
of  my  duty  in  all  its  humblest  and  mi- 
nutest details,  without  bragging  and  with- 
out seeking  or  expecting  even  an  occasion 
to  shine.  I  shall  have  to  impose  on 
myself  a  spontaneous  and  sincere  respect 
for  my  superiors,  a  real  and  trusting 
esteem  that  is  not  affected,  presumptu- 
ous, malicious  contempt,  masquerading  in 
the  guise  of  external,  formal  deference. 
Nothing  is  easier  than  criticism,  nothing 
more  pernicious  and  destructive. 
[264] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

WILL  obey  with  conviction,  for  the 
pleasure  of  obeying  punctually  and  well, 
with  the  certainty  of  thus  cooperating 
in  the  best  way  to  the  success  of  the 
whole  undertaking.  Therefore  I  shall 
have  to  be  aclive  and  diligent,  working 
without  reluctance  and  with  precision, 
doing  all  I  can  by  myself,  exacting  w?ith 
resolute  firmness  the  same  obedience 
from  my  inferiors  that  I  owe  to  my 
commanders.  I  will  not  be  satisfied  with 
precise  obedience,  but  will  do  something 
more;  I  will  watch,  have  some  initiative 
of  my  own,  and  seek  perfection.  Even 
calling  attention  to  things  may  be  a 
nuisance,  but  I  will  overcome  that  sense 
of  negligence  and  laziness  which  tempts 
me  to  let  things  go  in  order  to  be  free 
from  some  annoying  duty.  Finally,  be- 
yond all  this  and  to  crown  all,  to  make 
every  one  of  these  little  efforts  bear 
fruit,  I  will  be  pious,  I  will  pray  with 
more  fervor  and  perseverance.  I  will  ap- 
proach the  Sacraments  of  the  Church,  the 
food  of  my  soul,  with  more  timid  and 
ardent  faith. 

[265] 


A  SOLDIERS  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 


L  this  is  little;  it  is  an  easy,  simple 
effort,    very    modest    but    infinitely    sweet 
and  consoling  to   me,   therefore    desirable 
in  all,  and  light  and  sweet  like  the  yoke 
Jesus  has   offered  me.     It  is  little,   but   I 
must    needs    convince    myself    that    this 
little    endeavor    in    myself    is    enough    to 
make    Thy    kingdom    come    on    earth,    O 
Lord,  quickly,  resplendent,  complete,  like 
a    flash,     an    unexpected    revelation,    the 
salvation     of     all     peoples     and     of     the 
Church.        I      shall      be      a      convincing 
example;    I  shall  revive  downcast  hearts; 
all  around  me  will  wonder  and  ask  them- 
selves   what    may    be    the    secret    of   my 
serene,    placid,    humble,    fruitful    activity, 
that   has   not   a  moment   of  ill  humor  or 
discouragement,   what   the   secrets   of  my 
discreet    and    imperturbable    gayety;     all 
will   ask   from  what   fount   I   have  drawn 
such     strength,     which     they    will     easily 
contrast  with    their  own    discouragement, 
ill   humor,   and  weakness     And    they   will 
understand    that   I    draw   this    force   from 
faith,  that  Thou  art  the  giver  of  it,  and 
they  will   know  from   my  mouth   that   all 
[  266  ] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

can  have  as  much  and  more  if  they  will, 
provided  they  ask  it  of  Thee  with  faith. 
I  will  tell  my  secret  to  all,  and  I  will 
give  to  all  the  taste  for  and  the  desire 
to  obtain  what  I  have  already  obtained. 
In  this  manner  the  force  for  good  will 
radiate  blessings  and  multiply;  and  in 
the  meantime  I  will  ask  Thee  ardently 
every  day  to  bless  the  power  of  good  in 
its  battle  against  evil.  He  who  asks  of 
Thee  shall  obtain,  provided  he  is  sure  of 
it  first;  he  who  seeks  will  find,  provided 
he  has  determination  and  sure  hope  of 
finding.  Then  this  warlike  undertaking 
will  be  victorious,  for  all  will  do  their 
duty.  In  fact  it  w7ould  be  enough  to 
make  victory  certain  if  all  were  to  do 
barely  the  tenth  part  of  their  duty, 
while  on  the  contrary  victory  is  still 
uncertain,  because  the  whole  mass  is 
still  somewhat  brutal  and  inert,  some- 
what discontented  and  distrustful. 


F 


ROM  me,  then,  the  healing  of  the 
sick,  convulsed  w7orld  may  begin;  I  can 
be  the  first  cell  repaired  in  the  decayed 
tissue.  I  can  be  the  first,  and  the  force 

[267] 


A     SOLDIERS     CONFIDENCES     WITH     GOD 

that  will  emanate  from  me  will  find, 
instead  of  obstacles,  a  travail  of  un- 
dreamed renewal,  making  it  easy,  with 
latent  fecundity  and  desires  for  good. 
The  whole  world  anxiously  awaits  me 
and  is  prepared  to  receive  me.  I  already 
know,  for  I  have  seen.  It  is  not  a  sup- 
position, but  a  certainty  derived  from 
experience.  Perhaps,  if  I  let  this 
moment  pass,  all  will  be  lost  forever, 
and  I  shall  be  the  only  one  to  blame 
for  this  immense  catastrophe,  just  as 
a  sentinel  who  falls  asleep  may  be  the 
cause  of  an  irreparable  defeat  and  the 
annihilation  of  an  entire  army.  Let  me 
become  accustomed  to  this  thought,  O 
Lord,  a  thought  that  gives  me  pain  and 
takes  away  my  breath.  Yes,  it  is  so. 
All  the  collective  movements  of  mankind 
are  determined  by  the  will  of  each.  In 
the  day  of  victory  every  individual  shall 
have  the  entire  credit,  and  in  the  day 
of  defeat  will  feel  the  awful,  terrifying 
weight  of  all  the  blame.  It  is  as  simple 
and  exact  as  a  mathematical  axiom. 
It  is  not  my  pride.  O  Lord,  help  me 
to  understand  this  certainty  which  now 
[268] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

and  then  flashes  indistinct  and  confused 
across  my  mind.  Bless  my  efforts  if 
Thou  seest  a  good  will  in  me,  punish 
me  with  Thy  lightning-like,  inexorable, 
eternal  chastisement  if  Thou  seest  in 
me  the  smallest  act  of  weakness  and 
cowardice.  I  know  what  I  am  asking. 
I  am  ready  for  any  sacrifice.  I  hope 
and  trust  in  Thee  alone,  O  Lord. 

AMEN. 


I 


XLI 

He  ^Perceives  the  Wondrous 

Assistance  be  is  to  Have  in  the 

If^ork  of  Regeneration 

Sunday,  Oflober  ^d,  1915 

">O-DAY,  O  Lord,  I  united  my- 
self with  Thee,  to  find  the 
strength  necessary  to  confirm 
my  good  resolutions,  and  throughout 
the  day  I  have  done  nothing  but  receive 
proof  after  proof  that  I  had  already 
obtained  what  I  asked  even  before  I 
asked  it,  such  a  divinely  generous  and 
magnificent  giver  art  Thou.  I  have  not 
yet  done  anything,  but  far  and  near 
I  have  already  found  an  unlooked-for 
multitude  of  waiting  and  longing  souls. 
I  say  "far  and  near,"  but  that  is  in- 
correcl:,  for  time  and  space  count  as 
naught  in  the  realm  of  Thy  charity, 
which  is  eternal  and  infinite.  I  feel, 
because  so  it  seems  to  me,  that  this 
[270] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

work  will  endure  only  through  time; 
hut  how  do  I  know,  what  do  I  under- 
stand, I,  a  poor  blind  mortal  to  whom 
Thou  alone,  O  Lord,  out  of  pity  for  me 
hast  heen  an  eye?  Yet  thus  it  must  be, 
for  what  is  space?  I  feel  vaguely  but 
with  no  certainty  that  in  this  work  of 
restoration  thousands  of  unsuspected  souls 
are  cooperating  with  help  that  I  know 
not  of.  Blessed  be  they  all  for  their 
charity!  How  many  living  and  how 
many  dead! 


I 


S  it  possible  to  imagine  an  easier  and 
sweeter  effort  than  the  one  wThich  I  am 
undertaking,  with  so  much  assistance 
and  made  easy  by  the  work  of  centuries 
that  have  preceded  me,  the  results  of 
which  I  find  ready  to  hand  like  the 
ripening  fruit  of  mistakes,  attempts, 
trials,  and  vain  efforts?  Yes,  yes,  O 
Lord,  thanks  to  Thee,  let  us  press  for- 
ward, let  us  all  go  on  towards  Thy 
kingdom  with  ever  increasing  speed. 
How  unpardonable  I  should  be  if  I  were 
not  to  profit  by  this!  Now  I  must  be 
patient,  cautious,  and  prudent,  in  order 

[271] 


A  SOLDIER'S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 

not  to  :  spoil  everything.  Shall  I  see 
the  results  here,  now,  in  time?  What 
does  it  matter?  Perhaps,  nay  certainly, 
I  still  have  a  too  frivolous  and  worldly 
idea  of  what  victory  is.  It  comes  when 
least  expected,  silently,  stealthily,  like 
a  secret  lover  during  sleep.  Perhaps  it 
is  just  behind  us,  smiling  calmly,  at 
the  very  moment  of  our  most  frenzied 
anxiety.  But,  O  Lord,  let  me  not  dwell 
upon  this  thought,  lest  I  fall  into  idle- 
ness and  sloth.  Make  me,  above  all, 
to  thank  Thee  and  adore  Thee  always, 
however  Thou  mayst  wish  to  make 
sport  of  the  errors  of  my  mind. 

X  HIS  is  the  day  when  even  the  mud 
has  seemed  beautiful,  in  which  I  have 
loved  tenderly  and  with  childlike  gayety 
whatever  provokes  the  blasphemy  and 
curses  of  others.  To-day  I  have  seen 
that  when  love  is  in  the  eyes  all  the 
world  seems  beautiful,  nay  at  every 
step  new  and  unsuspected  beauties  are 
disclosed,  whereas  when  the  eyes  are 
loveless  even  that  which  is  universally 
conceded  to  be  beautiful  seems  hideous. 
[272] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

Finally,  I  have  noticed  that  habituating 
one's  self  to  ordinary  beauty  ends  by 
blinding  the  eyes  Hoi  the  rarest  and  most 
exotic  loveliness  and  diminishing  the  pos- 
sibility of  joy.  It  is  not  so  with  children, 
whose  angels  always  behold  the  face  6f 
the  Father.  To  love  Thee  is  everything, 
O  Lord,  and  I  love  Thee  and  will  love 
Thee  ever  more,  my  life  \ 

ll-\   r.'jui'}   -j'n    :;;;ri    (il-^nnH    io  gmrbon    oh 

'.-jfii    in    :'r;if(:rji^    nrlj    at    []>•    oj[>    {><-)    [>ni; 

Xjrj/.'J      :;f;OiP      3nf!       ''A      ;.fti^      A       .'!  >f{jt-.':1 
'.A       >t/n      iliVv      -Jl!      bill-      ,7/Kl      lO,      -1;V/OC|      -f<\ 

>;!•;/'  ')'•••      />'i'l     ';fii     '.j'i     sfi     ^S'jirijJ     ^no'iJ? 

v|'i:f!j«;rS       i.'Ij       H;;'J       L'JiilT      A        .'///:!       jdl      lo 

•>;jrnv     ,;;!    yino    bri:;    J.OD    J'/o!    ori    ;-wlnn 
;-,f-ir«7       ••/iii-;     -Jii;     r;  >I1      .ovol      -;rir     k> 

fKjjj:;  --b.3    •  r!i  'in    JUT352   srb    «'.»vb2i;i-;rll    rri 


XLII 

He  Refle£ts  on  the  "Triune  Truth 
^hich  is  the  Secret  of  Salvation 

Monday,  Oftober  \ib>  1915 

f~  ~*^HE  Son  can  do  nothing  of  him- 
self, save  that  which  He  seeth 
A  the  Father  do."  The  Son  can 
do  nothing  of  Himself,  but  He  does  all 
and  can  do  all  in  the  strength  of  the 
Father.  A  king  is  not  strong  except 
by  power  of  law,  and  he  will  not  be 
strong  unless  he  be  the  first  servant 
of  the  law.  A  man  can  do  nothing 
unless  he  love  God,  and  only  by  virtue 
of  this  love.  Here  are  three  truths 
that  are  one  single  truth,  and  contain 
in  themselves  the  secret  of  the  salvation 
of  every  soul,  the  secret  of  the  salvation 
of  the  world,  the  essential  bases  of  social 
life,  the  key  to  the  history  of  the  human 
race  and  of  its  hopes,  the  fortunes  of 
the  Church,  the  power  of  Jesus  Christ 
the  Saviour. 
[274] 


XLIII 

He  Applies  the  Truth  to  him- 
self and  is  Treacly  for  any 
Sacrifice 

Tuesday,  Oftober  $th,  1915 

AND  here,  O  Lord,  is  how  I 
can  apply  to  myself  the  truth 
I  jotted  down  last  night  with- 
out understanding  it,  when  I  was  so 
sleepy  and  tired.  This  effort  that  I 
should  like  to  make,  and  that  I  beseech 
Thee  to  make  me  accomplish  at  any 
cost,  even  of  my  life  (which  would  not 
be  much),  at  the  cost  of  every  sort  of 
anguish,  suffering  the  affliction,  the  faint- 
ness,  the  solitude,  the  disillusion,  the 
sterility,  struggling  against  the  indiffer- 
ence, the  hatred,  the  scorn,  the  distrust, 
and  the  contempt  of  all,  this  effort  will 
not  bear  fruit  unless  done  in  Thy  name, 
for  the  love  of  Thee,  for  Thee  alone, 
without  hope  for  myself.  What  the  Son 
accomplished  here  below,  namely  my 

[275] 


A    SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES   WITH    GOD 

salvation  and  that  of  mankind,  was 
nothing  but  the  affirmation  of  the 
Father's  will.  The '-raw  of  the  Father, 
was  accomplished  ,  and  is  hems,  acconv- 

t-tsK  M\        .-\\      rr\  H  \.**t  \          <.    \  v       i  'x  i\  A  frY\    f      '.  \-\ 

-vv\\X<.\    M>ii  l-vV,i  c>  V.  •   j.  V. -^Wjv1-  S-  i  -jlv 

plished  still  in  the  bon  and  in  Him  alone, 
for  if; -He  had  denied  the  law  of  the 
Father,  He  would  have  denied  Himself, 
because  only  the  Son  knows  the  Father 
and  they  to  whom  He  has  revealed  Him. 
So  a  king  will  not  be  king  unless  Jfe  be 
the;  first:  to  obey  the  law  to  whitrh  \he 
owes'his  kingship,  for  in  the  adl  of.  denial 
he  denies  himself  and  his  reason  for; 
being.  The  king  is  the  first  of  servants, 
the  .  servant  of  servants,  if  he  wishes 
to;  be ;  king.  :  If  he  believes  that  royalty 
consists  in  caprice,  in  being  able  to  do 
what  he  pleases,  he  is  no  longer  a  king 
but  a  tyrant;  he  is  no  longer  the  honored 
servant  of  justice,  but  an  impotent  and 
abject  slave  of  injustice. 


I 


F  all  kings  and  ministers  thought 
thus,  the  world  would  already  be  saved 
and  human  society  would  be  happy. 
Thus,  in  fine,  every  man  must  obey 
God  and  Christ,  which  is  the  same,  for 
[276] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORBI 

he  who  loves  God  finds  Christ.  Wjtb 
divine  justice  Jesus  accused  the  Phari- 
sees of  not  believing  the  law  of  Moses 
(which,  however,  was  just,  not  because 
k  was  his  but  because  it  was  that  of 
their  ancestors,  of  their  fathers  and 
grandfathers,  and  might  be  called  ever- 
lasting), by  asserting  that  this  incredulity 
will  be  their  accusation,  for  if  they  had 
believed  in  Moses  they  would  also  have 
believed  in  Jesus,  "for  he  wrote  of  Me/' 
So  the  Father  does  not  judge  any  one, 
but  hath  left  all  judgment  to  the  Son, 
that  all  may  honor  the  Son  as  they 
honor  the  Father;  he  who  honoreth 
not  the  Son  honoreth  not  the  Father 
Who  hath  sent  Him.  So  also,  in  human 
justice,  where  it  is  not  the  King  nor 
the  law  that  binds  and  looses,  condemns 
and  acquits,  but  rather  the  judges,  rep- 
resentatives of  the  King  and  the  law, 
working  incarnations,  as  it  were,  of  an 
absolute  and  superior  principle,  who  con- 
demn and  absolve  in  the  King's  name 
and  according  to  the  law.  When  the 
judge  is  unjust  he  is  no  longer  a  judge 
but  a  transgressor. 

[277] 


A     SOLDIER    S     CONFIDENCES     WITH     GOD 

JLlERE  then  are  two  identical  truths; 
no  one  knows  the  Father  except  through 
the  Son,  since  the  Son  does  nothing  of 
Himself,  but  does  all  in  the  name  of  His 
Father  and  came  in  the  name  of  His 
Father.  Therefore  no  one  can  receive 
the  Son  unless  he  have  in  himself  the  love 
of  God. 


ES,  my  divine  beloved  Master,  my 
delight,  my  joy,  my  life,  I  may  be  able 
to  accomplish  something  if  I  learn  to 
imitate  Thee.  I  must  not  accept  glory 
from  men,  I  must  not  receive  those 
who  speak  in  their  own  name,  nor  must 
I  be  of  those  who  glorify  each  other 
without  seeking  the  glory  that  pro- 
ceedeth  from  God  alone.  ("How  can 
you  believe,  who  receive  glory  one  from 
another:  and  do  not  seek  the  gloiy 
which  is  from  God  alone?")1  I  must 
learn  not  to  do  anything  of  myself, 
but  to  judge  according  to  what  I  hear, 
namely,  according  to  Thy  adorable  voice, 
resounding  in  my  heart,  so  that  my 
judgment  may  be  just,  for  I  do  not  seek 

[  278  ]  :    St.  John,  v,  40. 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

my  own  will  but  the  will  of  Him  that 
sends  me  ("and  my  judgment  is  just, 
because  I  do  not  seek  my  own  will,  but 
the  will  of  Him  that  sent  me").1 

J~lERE,  then,  is  my  prayer:  O  Lord, 
give  me  the  strength  and  the  forbearance 
that  I  lack;  inspire  me  with  resignation 
and  a  spirit  of  sacrifice  which  I,  weak, 
cowardly,  inconstant,  foolish,  vain,  and 
sterile,  would  be  utterly  incapable  of 
finding  in  myself,  and  then  heap  upon 
me  the  sum  total  of  all  misfortunes 
and  pains;  offer  me  the  saddest  of  all 
fates  and  grant  that  out  of  all  this  may 
spring  forth  a  little  good  for  a  world  in 
anguish.  Forgive  those  who  know  not 
what  they  do,  and  give  me  the  joy  of 
winning  that  reward  which  I  know  so 
well  and  which,  therefore,  I  should  be 
a  fool  not  to  wish  to  win  at  any 
cost. 


RUCE  and  mercy  for  us  all,  my 
God.  I  trust  in  Thee.  I  do  not  ask 
that  my  name  be  blessed.  It  is  easy 
for  Thee  to  make  my  sacrifice  unknown, 

1  St.  John,  v,  30.  [279] 


A    SOLDIERS    CONFIDENCES,  Winnr  GOD 

my  name  accursed  and  execrated,  and 
to  let  me  know  all  this  before  it  come 
tcx  Ipass.  Thou  canst  do  all.  Perhaps 
some  day  in  this  diary,  born  in  the 
midst  of  war,  I  shall  speak  of  the 
stimulus  of  glory,  as  I  have  already 
talked  of  it  to  my  soldiers,  as  a  provi- 
dential stimulus  which  Thou  hast  placed 
in  the  heart  of  men  that  Thou  mayest 
have  another  means  of  drawing  them 
to  Thee,  and  to  give  them  an  instrument 
of  good.  But  I  know  that  it  is  abused, 
as  are  all  Thy  gifts;  and  who  has  abused 
it  more  than  I,  the  vain  and  fatuous, 
who  have  so  shamefully  abused  the  best 
of  Thy  graces?  Punish  me,  therefore, 
where  I  have  sinned.  Grant  that  no  one 
may  ever  say  to  me  the  words  of  the 
day  of  liberation:  "Blessed  is  he  that 
cometh  in  the  name  of  the  Lord,"  and 
yet  that  I  may  be  worthy  to  come  in 
Thy  name. 

"  But  this  dependeth  on  thee,  my 
son." 

"I  know  it,  Lord,  and  Thou  seest 
how  I  trembled  as  I  wrote,  daring  to 

[280] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

write  this  truth  that  I  know.  But  help 
me,  O  Lord,  because.  I;  cannot." 

"Why  art  thou  fearful,  O  thou  of 
little  faith?" 

"Well,  Lord,  I  promise  Thee  I  will 
not  have  little  faith." 


[281] 


XLIV 


He  Reflects  on  the  Horrors  of 

and  the  (Consolation 
Gjod 


I 


Wednesday,  Oflober  6th,  1915 

"\WO  cases  of  cholera  in  camp 
to-day  and  our  company  is 
quarantined.  After  a  few 
hours,  the  camp  having  been  removed 
to  another  place,  picturesque  animation 
arose  among  the  soldiers,  singing  and 
laughing  in  the  sun  as  they  pitched  their 
tents  in  a  meadow  surrounded  by  greenery. 
Entered  the  mess,  greeted  by  officers 
who  squirted  lemon  juice  over  my  head 
and  hands.  Returned  to  the  mud  of 
the  old  camp  to  get  my  clothes  and 
mattress;  met  a  stretcher  bearing  a 
man,  stricken  with  cholera  and  perhaps 
dying,  who  this  very  morning  was  in 
perfect  health  and  inspecting  the  reserve 
rations  of  the  first  platoon. 

[282] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

I  yAST  night  a  gathering  of  soldiers 
in  the  mud  around  the  wine  barrels. 
To-morrow  the  blessing  of  the  flag  and 
its  presentation  to  the  regiment.  Thus 
in  the  course  of  a  few  hours  a  debauch 
and  a  sacred  ceremony,  misfortune  and 
laughter. 


LND  I  think  of  all  Europe  plunged 
in  blood,  horrors,  weeping,  butchery, 
feats  of  bravery,  and  deeds  of  dastardy, 
lamentations  and  singing,  and  I  ask 
why  all  this  ?  My  mind  stops  confused 
and  terror-stricken  before  this  mystery 
of  life  and  death,  of  extermination  and 
renovation,  in  which  men  seem  to  be 
whirling  in  some  brutal  insensate  sabbat- 
dance.  Yet  to-day  I  was  able  to  follow 
a  silent  pathway  in  peace,  as  if  I  had 
been  far  away  from  this  tragedy  in 
which  I  am  living,  and  then  I  was  able 
to  take  from  my  baggage  in  the  grass, 
while  my  tent  was  being  prepared,  a 
bold  commentary  on  Thy  words  of 
promise  and  menace,  O  Almighty  Master 
of  our  destinies. 

[283] 


A     SOLDIERS     CONFIDENCES     WITH     GOD 


T< 


O-MORROW  morning  Thou  shalt 
be  with  me  in  all  Thy  divinity  and  in 
all  Thy  humanity,  body  and  soul,  and 
I  will  beseech  Thee,  O  beloved  Lord,  to 
be  merciful  to  one  I  did  not  know,  but 
who  lives  only  in  the  faithful  memory 
of  mutual  friends.  And  here  I  am, 
gathering  up  the  external  features  of 
all  these  things  like  an  unconscious  spec- 
tator, without  succeeding  in  grasping 
their  meaning  even  vaguely,  and  I  feel, 
as  it  were,  a  weariness  and  a  torpor  not 
without  sweetness  in  telling  Thee  I  know 
nothing,  and  do  not  want  to  lose  myself, 
in  words,  for  I  am  satisfied  to  love  Thee 
tenderly,  to  trust  in  Thee,  and  submit 
myself  to  Thee  like  a  little  child.  Are 
not  all  these  presumptuous  mental  efforts 
of  a  little  hypocritical  scribbler  dangerous 
and  vain?  Ah,  the  sweetness  of  think- 
ing no  more,  of  loving  Thee  ingenuously, 
of  enduring  with  almost  unconscious 
resignation,  of  smiling  spontaneously,  of 
clasping  Thee  to  myself  like  an  intimate 
treasure,  Jesus,  who  livest  and  workest 
in  me  without  my  knowing  how.  But 
[284] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

when  will  Thy  peace  come?  Will  it 
come  to  me?  Shall  I  ever  know  how  to 
be  patient  and  trusting,  shall  I  be  among 
those  blessed  ones  who  persevere  even 
unto  the  end?  I  must  always  remember 
well  this  day. 


[285] 


XLV 

He  tJtCeditates  upon  the  Triumph 
of  Cjod  in  the 
of  Worlds 

Thursday ',  Oftober  7th,  1915 

AFTER  this  I  saw  a  great  multi- 
tude, which  no  man  could  num- 
ber, of  all  nations,   and   tribes, 
and  peoples,  and  tongues,  standing  before 
the   throne,    and    in    sight   of  the   Lamb, 
clothed   with   white   robes,    and   palms   in 
their  hands: 

"And  they  cried  with  a  loud  voice, 
saying:  Salvation  to  our  God,  who  sitteth 
upon  the  throne,  and  to  the  Lamb. 

"And  all  the  angels  stood  round  about 
the  throne,  and  the  ancients,  and  the 
four  living  creatures;  and  they  fell  down 
before  the  throne  upon  their  faces,  and 
adored  God, 

"Saying,      Amen.       Benediction,      and 
glory,     and     wisdom,     and     thanksgiving, 
[286] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     G1OSUE     BORSI 

honour,  and  power,  and  strength  to  our 
God  for  ever  and  ever.  Amen. 

"And  one  of  the  ancients  answered, 
and  said  to  me:-  These  that  are  clothed  in 
white  robes,  who  are  they?  and  whence 
come  they? 

"And  I  said  to  him:  My  Lord,  thou 
knowest.  And  he  said  to  me:  These 
are  they  who  are  come  out  of  great  tribula- 
tion, and  have  washed  their  robes,  and 
have  made  them  white  in  the  blood  of 
the  Lamb. 

"Therefore  they  are  before  the  throne 
of  God,  and  they  serve  him  day  and  night 
in  his  temple;  and  he  that  sitteth  on  the 
throne  shall  dwell  over  them. 

"They  shall  no  more  hunger  nor  thirst, 
neither  shall  the  sun  fall  on  them,  nor  any 
heat. 

"For  the  Lamb,  which  is  in  the  midst 
of  the  throne,  shall  rule  them,  and  shall 
lead  them  to  the  fountains  of  the  waters 
of  life,  and  God  shall  wipe  away  all  tears 
from  their  eyes."  (Apoc.  vn,  9-14.) 

O,  in  the  midst  of  the  unloosed  hatreds 
of  nations,  Lord,  while  the  flames  of 

[287] 


A  SOLDIER'S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  COD 
destruction  seem  bent  on  spreading  wider 
yet  and  the  whirlpool  of  extermination 
sucks  down  other  peoples,  other  tribes 
and  other  nations  into  its  depths,  I,  a 
poor  soldier  of  Thy  errant  people,  the 
least  soldier  of  Thy  earthly  militia,  con- 
secrated to  the  pains  and  to  the  task  of  a 
double  warfare,  inefficient  but  full  of  good 
will,  expending  my  words  for  the  ranks 
and  files  of  men  who  are  my  flock  as  I 
should  like  to  spend  them  for  all  the 
multitudes  that  are  lost  in  evil  ways,  in 
sin  first  and  then  in  the  misfortunes  that 
are  its  direct  and  inevitable  consequences, 
so,  my  beloved  Lord  and  Master,  confid- 
ing in  Thee  I  opened  Thy  book  and 
through  Thy  will  found  the  words  by  which 
Thou  answerest  and  encouragest  me. 


E 


,TERNAL  words,  wellsprings  of  truth 
that  is  perpetual,  infinite,  mysterious, 
profound,  inexhaustible,  and  ever  new, 
the  arcana  of  w7hose  meanings  it  would  be 
impossible  for  me  more  than  to  touch 
upon  here.  Nevertheless  I  will  try.  Help 
me,  come  to  my  assistance. 

[  288  ] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 


F 


EAR  not,  my  son,  if  thou  hopest  in 
Me,  in  My  coming  and  in  My  justice. 
To  take  thy  gaze  from  the  wreck  of 
peoples  who  hate  and  slay  each  other, 
where  sin  still  has  its  sway  and  exterior 
darkness  still  prevails,  gaze  upon  My 
triumph  in  the  midst  of  all  peoples  united 
in  My  glory,  in  the  heavens  where  sin 
was  conquered  and  shines  the  interior 
light,  in  the  recesses  of  thy  conscience,  in 
the  secret  places  of  that  immortal  soul 
which  lives  in  thee  as  one  of  My  eternal 
ideas,  and  beyond  the  whole  material 
universe. 


T. 


HE  evangelist  who  was  able  to 
enumerate  the  tribes  of  Israel  one  by  one, 
the  very  evangelist  with  the  eagle  vision, 
says  no  one  will  ever  be  able  to  number 
the  vast  multitude  redeemed  by  My 
sacrifice,  to  be  brought  back  to  the 
glory  of  the  Father:  'A  great  multitude 
standing  before  the  throne  and  in  sight 
of  the  Lamb.'  They  shall  be  before 
the  glory  of  the  living  God  in  the  sight 
of  the  divine  host,  namely  of  the  only 

C  289  ] 


A  SOLDIER  S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 

innocent  one  sacrificed  for  justice  and  for 
mercy. 

"Son,  is  not  this  victory,  which  shall  be 
thine  also  when  thou  wilt,  sufficient  for 
thee? 

"Son,  wilt  thou  refuse  to  cry  out  with 
a  loud  voice,  Salvation  and  glory  to  our 
triumphant  God  and  to  the  Innocent 
Saviour,  who  will  triumph  with  Him,  in 
Him,  and  consubstantial  with  Him?" 


0,  Father,"  I  answer,  "I  will  never 
refuse.  Be  Thou  ever  blessed,  nay  ever 
more  blessed,  if  Thou  makest  me  to 
behold  the  splendor  of  so  much  happiness 
in  order  to  render  less  unbearable  the 
tremendous  tribulation  by  which  Thou 
hast  decreed  that  I  should  gain  it;  if 
Thou  hast  done  it  to  reveal  to  me  the 
reward  that  will  follow  before  I  gird  my- 
self for  the  severe  tests  that  I  —  perhaps 
too  blind  in  my  faculties  and  ignorant 
in  my  wretched  weakness  —  have  for  so 
long  been  asking  of  Thee." 


[290] 


XLVI 


He  Continues  his 
on  the  T'ruimph  o 


Friday,  Oftober  Stb,  1915 


1  THEREFORE,  O  Lord,  I  will  not 
fear  the  great  tribulation,  for 
therein  I  can  wash  my  robe  and 
make  it  white,  for  in  it  I  shall  be  redeemed 
and  purified,  I  shall  become  a  participant 
in  the  divine  nature.  Not  by  any  merit 
of  my  own,  0  Lord,  but  by  Thy  bloody 
redemption,  my  Saviour  who  hast  died 
for  me,  that  Thy  blood  may  wash  me 
and  make  spotless  my  guilty  conscience 
and  my  soul  that  is  full  of  ingratitude  and 
baseness.  I  know  and  recognize  that  I 
have  been  saved  through  Thy  sacrifice, 
"in  the  blood  of  the  Lamb,"  and  I  would 
that  this  timorous  gratitude  of  my  heart 
prostrated  at  Thy  feet  wTere  still  more 
ardent.  My  salvation  would  suffice  to 

[  291  ] 


A   SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    GOD 

repay  superabundantly  for  any  most  atro- 
cious suffering,  but  Thou  art  so  infinitely 
good  that  Thou  art  not  content  to  give 
me  that  merely,  but  hast  in  store  for  me 
an  even  greater  bliss,  infinite,  most  sweet 
and  blessed,  the  spectacle  of  Thy  triumph, 
when  all  the  spirits,  in  the  midst  of  human 
wisdom  and  the  evangelic  revelation  - 
"in  the  midst  of  the  elders  and  the  four 
animals"  -in  the  light  of  our  knowledge 
and  of  that  a  thousandfold  more  brilliant 
and  redeeming  of  Thy  revelation,  shall 
exalt  and  adore  Thee  according  to  right- 
eousness, attributing  to  Thee,  for  ever  and 
ever  —  in  the  peace  and  life  they  have 
won  forever  —  benediction,  glory,  wisdom, 
thanksgiving,  honor,  powyer  and  might. 
Amen.  So  be  it.  So  shall  it  be.  So  is  it. 


B 


the  infinite  merits  of  Thy  blood 
Thou  hast  brought  the  warriors  to  the 
supreme  victory,  "therefore  they  are  before 
the  throne  of  God,"  that  they  may  serve 
Him  always  in  the  sanctuary  of  His  will, 
"in  his  temple."  Then  shall  Thy  will  be 
done,  as  we  have  ever  prayed,  as  Thou 
Thyself  hast  taught  us  to  pray,  fiat  vo- 
[  292] 


COLLOQUIES    OF    GIOSUE    BORSI 

luntas  tua.  Behold  how  we  shall  serve 
Thee  uninterruptedly-  "day  and  night," 
as  now  indeed  we  serve  Thee  only  rarely 
and  badly.  Behold  how  He  Who  sits 
upon  the  throne  shall  dwell  among  us, 
shall  be  our  strong  victorious  king—  "He 
Who  sitteth  on  the  throne  shall  dwell 
amongst  them." 

1~1.0W  much,  0  Lord,  how  much  have 
I  hungered  and  thirsted  after  justice,  how 
have  I  invoked  it  in  the  aridity  of  the  heat, 
in  the  desert  of  this  earth!  How  I  have 
called  upon  Thee,  with  what  despairing 
cries,  with  what  humble  insistence,  with 
what  trembling  anxiety,  while  the  sun, 
regulator  of  earthly  seasons,  circled  over 
my  head  as  he  marked  the  course  of  the 
days  and  of  time,  which  has  numbered 
all  the  ages  destined  to  die  with  me! 
But  now,  O  Lord,  I  shall  be  among  those 
who  are  filled,  who  neither  hunger  nor 
thirst:  ''They  shall  no  more  hunger  nor 
thirst,  neither  shall  the  sun  fall  on  them, 
nor  any  heat."  Thou,  O  Divine  Victim, 
shalt  be  placed  at  last  in  the  center  of  the 
triumph,  Thou  shalt  be  our  ruler,  Thou 

[  293  ] 


A  SOLDIER'S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 
Who  hast  opened  the  inexhaustible  well- 
springs  of  grace,  the  fountains  of  living 
waters.  Thou  Who  shalt  wipe  all  tears 
from  our  eyes,  the  tears  that  were  shed 
in  the  days  of  our  bondage. 


HANKS  be  to  Thee  for  Thy  promises. 
Then  I  shall  seem  not  to  have  wept 
enough,  for  I  shall  perceive  that  blessed- 
ness will  be  in  proportion  to  the  tears  shed 
here  below.  Then  I  shall  be  up  there  in 
heaven  where  Thy  will  is  already  done. 
There  Thou  rulest  and  governest  the 
blessed.  "The  Lamb  which  is  in  the 
midst  of  the  throne  shall  rule  them,  and 
lead  them  to  the  fountains  of  the  waters 
of  life,  and  God  shall  wipe  away  all  tears 
from  their  eyes." 


[294] 


XLVII 

He  'Prays  Fervently  for  Italy 
and  for  her  "Victory 

Saturday,  Ottober  gth,  1915 

YESTERDAY,  O  Lord,  thou  didst 
deign  to  bless  the  flags  that  had 
been  presented  to  the  regiments 
of  our  brigade,  to  the  two  fighting  regi- 
ments of  the  mobile  army,  which  covered 
themselves  with  fresh  glory  in  the  trying 
and  bloody  days  of  Plava.  Through  the 
lips  of  Thy  priests  Thou  didst  bless  these 
flags  of  ours  and  we  all  swore  ever  to  de- 
fend them  at  the  cost  of  our  lives.  We 
raised  to  heaven  our  right  hands,  the 
hands  that  grasped  the  weapons  intrusted 
to  us  by  our  country  for  her  defense. 
We  were  all  drawn  up  in  line  before  Thy 
altar  and  Thou  didst  listen  to  our  oath, 
reading  in  the  heart  of  each  of  us,  one 
after  another,  the  sincerity  and  ardor 

"  C  295  ] 


A  SOLDIER'S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 
with  which  we  proffered  those  words. 
When  we  marched  in  parade  to  salute  our 
flag  unfurled  alongside  our  generals,  Thou 
sawest  with  what  eyes  I  gazed  upon  it, 
upon  my  flag,  and  Thou  didst  hear  the 
silent  passionate  cry  of  my  heart,  with 
which  I  promised  to  consecrate  myself 
to  its  glory  and  hold  myself  ready  to  give 
my  life  for  it. 


M 


.Y  God,  wilt  Thou  not  hearken  to  my 
prayer?  Bless  our  arms,  grant  them 
victory  on  the  field  of  honor.  Shall  so 
much  young  blood  be  shed  in  vain?  Ah, 
Lord,  Lord,  I  am  blind,  I  know;  I  know 
nothing  of  Thy  designs,  I  know  not  the 
truth,  I  know  not  on  which  side  justice 
lies,  I  know  not  which  of  us  is  truly 
fighting  for  Thee,  but  it  is  enough  for  me 
to  know  that  in  offering  my  hand  and  my 
life  to  my  country  I  fulfilled  in  even'  way 
a  duty  that  is  pleasing  to  Thee,  whatever 
be  the  merits  of  the  cause  for  which  my 
beloved  Italy  has  gone  to  war.  She  is 
my  beloved  and  glorious  mother,  I  have 
faith  in  her  destinies,  and  I  do  not  believe 
that  she  has  regained  the  blessing  of 
[296] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     CIOSUE     BORSI 

liberty  contrary  to  Thy  design  and  will. 
I  do  not  know  anything,  but  to  me  it 
seems  just  that  she  should  want  to  be 
entirely  free.  I  do  not  know  anything, 
but  to  me  it  seems  just  that  she  should 
fight  against  peoples  who  are  slaves  of 
violence  and  greed,  of  fraud  and  pride. 
Surely  neither  men  nor  nations  know  all; 
they  may  err  and  fail,  they  may  stain 
themselves  with  faults  and  sins,  but, 
unless  I  am  blinded  by  the  tender,  measure- 
less love  I  cherish  for  my  native  land,  I 
truly  believe  that  Italy  is  fighting  for 
justice  and  that  her  cause  is  holy.  Why, 
then,  dost  Thou  not  succor  her,  Lord? 
Why  not  aid  her,  Oh  Thou  Who  canst 
do  all?  I  do  not  ask  that  her  victory  be 
easy  and  short,  too  easy  and  too  short, 
I  know  that  even  she  has  a  thousand 
faults  and  a  thousand  shortcomings  to 
atone  for;  I  know  she  has  not  made  the 
use  she  should  have  made  of  her  fifty 
years  of  new  liberty.  I  know  she  has 
been  wicked  and  wanton  and  that  she 
has  offended  Thee  in  deed  and  thought, 
that  she  has  been  sacrilegious  and  ungrate- 
ful, but  be  merciful  to  her,  our  Father, 

[  297  ] 


A   SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES   WITH   GOD 

/and  forgive  her.  Thou  wilt  see  that  she 
will  know  how  to  recognize  her  own 
faults  and  expiate  them;  Thou  wilt  see 
that  she  will  emerge  from  this  war  holier 
and  juster,  regenerated  and  purified.  I, 
little  and  insignificant  as  I  am,  a  poor, 
useless  servant  of  Thine,  I  promise  Thee 
that  I  will  consecrate  all  my  powers  to 
this  work,  that  I  will  speak  and  adl; 
I  will  exhort  in  public,  I  will  shake  con- 
sciences, I  will  strive  tirelessly  and  I  feel 
I  shall  accomplish  something,  because  by 
Thy  grace,  by  Thy  help,  my  heart  is 
overflowing  with  unshakable  faith,  my 
Lord  and  Father.  And  if  Thou  wilt 
that  I  die  here  on  the  battlefield,  Thou 
knowest  how  to  raise  up  thousands  of 
others  a  thousand  times  better  than  I. 
There  is  no  lack  of  good  men,  no  lack  of 
those  who  want  to  be  good  and  are  wait- 
ing only  for  the  word  to  rouse  themselves 
and  unite  and  fight.  There  is  no  lack  of 
hearts  that  are  panting  for  good,  for 
virtue,  for  liberty,  justice,  and  love.  Oh, 
I  will  pray  so  much  for  them  and  will 
help  them  after  death  with  my  tears  and 
sufferings  and  adoration.  Thou  wilt  see 
[298] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

that  when  I  have  crossed  the  valley  of 
shadows  I  shall  be  strong,  I  shall  know 
how  to  multiply  myself,  like  the  seed  that 
becomes  a  shoot,  a  plant,  an  ear  and  then 
a  field  of  grain,  and  to  inspire  thousands 
upon  thousands  of  souls.  Call  me  to 
Thee  and  Thou  wilt  see,  Thou  wilt  see 
that  I  can  do  it.  But  help  Italy  and 
forgive  her,  dear  Father,  beloved  Father, 
my  good,  merciful,  loving  Father,  my 
life  and  the  life  of  the  world.  Make 
Italy  victorious.  When  I  see  what  we 
suffer  I  certainly  am  perplexed  and  I 
ask  myself  if  Thine  anger  has  not  fallen 
inexorably  upon  us.  When  I  see  the 
soldiers  blaspheming  in  the  mud,  marching 
bent  over  and  exhausted  in  the  driving 
rain,  growing  rigid  and  livid  in  the 
stretchers  with  their  bowels  wracked  by 
Asiatic  cholera,  when  I  see  patrols  wander- 
ing by  night  on  the  banks  of  the  disputed 
river,  facing  positions  that  seem  impregna- 
ble, while  the  angry  ping!  of  the  enemv's 
rifles  whistles  in  their  ears,  it  is  useless  to 
try  to  appear  calm,  bold,  and  unconcerned, 
or  to  jolly  myself  into  being  gay,  reckless, 
and  imperturbable  in  the  face  of  danger; 

[  299  ] 


A    SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    GOD 

it  is  useless  to  hide  from  myself  the  gravity 
of  so  many  deficiencies;  useless  to  console 
myself  by  thinking  of  the  desperation  of 
our  enemies,  conquered  step  by  step, 
pressed  back,  discouraged,  smashed  by 
our  artillery;  for  I  think  that  Thou  dost 
not  protect  us,  that  Thou  art  silent  in 
Thy  indignation,  that  Thou  art  awaiting 
a  supplicating  passionate  cry  of  repentance 
and  promise  from  us,  and  then  my  -heart 
grows  cold  and  I  tremble  at  the  lot  of  my 
poor  brothers.  Then  I  think  of  the 
mothers,  the  wives  and  sisters,  worrying 
and  weeping  back  there.  God,  God, 
God  of  mercy,  wilt  Thou  not  be  moved 
with  pity?  My  God,  only  one  thing  I 
ask  of  Thee,  —  drive  away  quickly  this 
plague  that  is  making  our  soldiers  die 
here  one  after  the  other.  Free  our  regi- 
ments quickly  from  it,  now  that  they  are 
reequipped,  just  our  regiments,  so  that 
the  supreme  command  may  choose  them 
again  for  battle  on  the  Isonzo,  on  the 
Carso,  on  Monte  Santo,  on  Monte  Sabo- 
tino,  where  one  dies  more  easily!  I  know 
my  platoon  now7,  I  know  my  sergeants, 
my  corporals,  my  privates;  I  feel  that  in 
[  300  ] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

the  first  attack  I  shall  lead  them  all  in  a 
dash,  and  then  throw  myself  forward 
into  the  tempest  of  fire  crying,  Avanti! 
Savoia!  Viva  il  Re!  Viva  I' Italia  I  and  thus 
I  shall  die,  die  happy  and  exulting.  At 
least  I  shall  not  survive  the  ruin,  the  sad 
ruin  of  my  country,  crushed  under  the 
weight  of  Thy  just  anger.  If  Thou  seest 
and  knowest  that  it  is  better  for  us  and 
for  the  world,  for  Thee  and  for  Thy  glory, 
that  Italy  be  defeated  and  her  enemies 
triumph,  well,  O  Lord,  I  accept  Thy  de- 
cree with  my  heart,  I  bow  weeping  before 
Thy  will,  but  at  least  grant  me  this  grace, 
that  I  may  die  beside  the  flag,  which 
Thou  Thyself  didst  deign  to  bless  yesterday 
in  the  presence  of  our  drawn  up  regiments. 

V_y  BLESSED  Mary,  intercede  for  me 
with  our  common  Father,  my  sweet 
mother,  my  beloved  sister,  thou  who  canst 
obtain  all  from  Him,  since  He  was  once 
the  fruit  of  thy  virginal  womb,  Pray  for 
me,  Mary,  Mother  of  Grace,  Mother  of 
Mercy,  Virgin  most  powerful,  Virgin  most 
clement,  Comforter  of  the  afflicted,  Queen 
of  all  saints. 

[301  ] 


XLVIII 

He  'Discovers  hcTw  much  more 

Qourage  it  Ta/(es  to  Pace 

Life  than  to  Face 

'Death 

Sunday,  October  loth,  1915 


f  ^O-DAY  I  am  on  duty  at  our 
isolation  camp.  Last  night  we 
JL  had  six  cases  of  cholera.  I  have 
just  made  my  round  of  the  tents;  I  spoke 
with  the  sergeant  and  the  stretcher  bearer, 
and  now  I  am  preparing  to  stretch  myself 
on  my  bed  of  straw  in  the  hope  that  the 
night  will  pass  quietly  and  that  there  will 
be  no  need  of  calling  me  to  assist  those 
stricken  with  the  disease.  O  Lord,  ha\e 
pity  on  us!  Holy  Mary,  help  us!  St. 
Michael,  come  to  our  aid!  It  would 
seem  that  the  disease  tends  to  decrease 
somewhat  in  violence,  but  only  yesterday 
a  young  lieutenant  who  had  been  my 
comrade  at  the  Costa  San  Giorgio  depot 
[302] 


COLLOQUIES  OF  GIOSUE  BORSI 

in  Florence,  who  left  with  me,  and  whom 
I  had  seen  only  a  few  days  ago,  died 
suddenly.  What  terrible  days  for  me! 
How  my  heart  is  disturbed  and  confused! 
How  my  mind  is  shaken!  From  one 
moment  to  another  I  pass  from  hope  to 
despair,  not  knowing  what  to  think.  I 
feel  that  this  travail  of  my  soul  is  an 
effort  the  more  salutary  as  it  is  fatiguing 
and  fructified  by  anguish.  Now  I  per-  . 
ceive  that  the  desire  I  expressed  last  night 
was  a  cowardly  and  lazy  one.  I  know 
now  how  much  more  courage  it  requires 
to  face  life  than  to  face  death.  He  is  an 
indolent  and  cowardly  servant,  who  as 
soon  as  some  rather  tiring  duty  faces  him 
asks  to  be  relieved  from  the  labor.  I  get 
discouraged  very  quickly,  is  not  that 
true,  O  Lord  ?  But  at  the  moment  of 
greatest  abjection  Thou  dost  always  chide 
me  and  encourage  me  in  a  hundred  ways. 


I 


SEE  well,  O  Lord,  that  it  is  Thou 
Who  workest,  and  that  I  am  only  a  rebel- 
lious and  reluctant  instrument  in  Thy 
wise  hands,  and,  far  from  cooperating  with 
Thee,  I  do  all  I  can  to  spoil  Thy  work. 

[303"] 


A     SOLDIERS     CONFIDENCES     WITH     GOD 

I  have  not  a  thought  that  is  not  blame- 
worthy. I  am  full  of  rancor  towards 
others  and  of  overweening  complacency 
towards  myself.  I  get  excited  because 
no  one  hurries  to  remove  the  mote  that 
it  scandalizes  me  to  see  in  their  eye,  while 
I  do  not  feel  the  beam  that  is  in  my  own 
eye.  Hypocrite,  hypocrite,  and  nothing 
else,  that  is  what  I  am,  a  whited  sepul- 
cher,  a  race  of  vipers,  the  most  abject  of 
all  human  beings.  I  actually  lack  a  sense 
of  reality;  I  have  the  cruel  and  absolute 
violences  of  judgment  that  are  the  result 
of  my  inexperience.  I  condemn  with  a 
facility  that  ought  to  fill  me  with  terror. 
I  forget  to  look  upon  evildoers  as  poor, 
sick  beings,  deserving  of  my  love,  of  my 
respect,  care,  and  pity,  ailing  and  unhappy 
like  myself.  I  forget  to  see  in  each  one 
the  price  of  Jesus'  redemption,  I  forget 
to  see  even  Him  as  martyred,  mocked, 
condemned,  and  crucified.  I  lament  be- 
cause the  whole  gigantic  weight  of  this 
war  falls  on  the  shoulders  of  the  poor 
soldiers,  the  victims  of  all,  ignorant, 
sorrowful,  suffering,  weakened  by  hard- 
ships and  sufferings,  neglected  by  entire 
[  304  ] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

generations,  left  to  themselves  without 
moral  guidance,  gone  astray  through  our 
fault;  and  then  behold  me  ready  to  curse 
these  very  victims  when  I  find  them  inert, 
disobedient,  ignorant  and  impatient.  In 
truth  it  is  impossible,  O  Lord,  to  find  a 
brain  more  depraved  and  full  of  deform- 
ities than  mine;  it  is  impossible  to  find 
a  more  ruffled  agitation  of  strident  contra- 
dictions, a  greater  injustice,  a  lesser  sense 
of  responsibility  and  of  duty.  And  I 
would  be  the  only  savior,  while  I  am  only 
the  most  culpable,  and  the  one  who 
stands  most  in  need  of  being  saved!  Can 
any  madness  reach  further  than  mine? 
Open  Thou  mine  eyes  ever  more  and 
more,  that  I  may  see  my  wretchedness, 
O  Lord.  Perhaps  this  is  the  only  hope 
left  to  me  in  this  desolate  sea  of  perdition. 
Make  me  to  see  myself  as  I  am,  and 
perhaps  I  shall  be  saved.  Behold  the 
only  grace  that  I  deem  myself  worthy  to 
ask  of  Thee. 


[305] 


XLIX 

He  ^Discovers  ^hy  the  Saints 

Rcjeff  the  ^KCerits  of  their 

j  j 

Cjood  Works 

Monday,  Ottobcr  nth,  1915 

WHY,  O  Lord,  do  I  feel  entirely 
at  ease  only  when  I  recognize 
with  sincerity  and  perfect  con- 
viction that  I  am  the  vilest  of  all  human 
creatures?  I  should  like  to  have  oftener 
one  of  those  salutary  moments  of  lucidity 
and  clairvoyance  in  which  I  see  all  my 
iniquity  and  all  my  impotence  without  an 
effort.  Yet  I  am  convinced  that  I  never 
have  this  lucidity  completely  and  that 
Thou  in  Thy  loving  pity  and  compassion 
towards  me  hidest  from  me  the  greater 
part  of  my  sins  and  infirmities,  that  I 
may  not  be  too  downcast  and  discouraged, 
and  so  voluntarily  give  up  as  hopeless  the 
enterprise  of  my  regeneration,  which  would 
be  the  extreme  of  unpardonable  baseness. 
[  306  ] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

Ah,  Lord,  I  do  not  deceive  myself,  and  I 
know  well  how  longsuffering  and  indulgent 
Thou  art  to  all  of.  us.  But  it  is  an  un- 
deniable facl  that  only  in  the  rare  moments 
when  I  half  see  and  in  a  measure  recognize 
my  baseness  do  I  feel  a  little  more  reas- 
sured and  tranquil.  Why?  The  reason 
is  quite  clear.  It  is  because  at  those 
moments  I  am  no  longer  so  unjust  and  I 
render  some  homage  to  truth.  That  I 
am  the  most  insignificant  of  men  is  the 
most  indisputable  of  all  truths.  May  I 
at  least  have  the  courage  to  recognize 
this,  and  I  shall  have  been  just  at  least 
once  in  my  life.  Too  often  do  I,  who 
know  so  well  what  I  am,  take  pleasure  in 
the  praises  of  the  world,  without  repelling 
them  in  horror  or  terror  as  an  absolutely 
dishonest  guerdon  fraudulently  obtained 
by  deception.  May  I  at  least  once  in 
awhile  make  up  for  this  repeated  guilt  by 
proclaiming  with  the  greatest  energy  how 
unworthy  and  contemptible  I  am,  by 
making  every  effort  to  undeceive  those 
,  .horn  I  have  tried  to  delude,  seeking  in 
very  way  to  persuade  them  that  I  am 
che  first  to  be  convinced  of  my  own 

[307] 


A     SOLDIER    S     CONFIDENCES     WITH     GOD 

baseness.  That  will  be  a  moment  of 
repentance  and  honesty,  and  the  .Lord 
will  take  it  into  account,  and  this  is  why 
sincere  mortification  reanimates  me  and 
gives  me  comfort,  for  I  feel  that  I  have 
done  my  duty  for  once. 


I 


BELIEVE  that  up  there  in  the  king- 
dom of  heaven  souls  will  be  the  more 
esteemed  and  glorified  as  they  have  been 
despised,  humbled,  and  mortified  down 
here,  as  they  have  spontaneously  and 
honestly  recognized  their  own  lowliness. 
The  just  will  show  their  sense  of  justice 
by  the  verdict  they  will  have  passed  on 
themselves.  Is  it  not  true,  St.  Francis, 
that  there  is  perfect  joy  ?  Is  it  not  true 
that  perfect  joy  does  not  consist  in  being 
learned,  wise,  powerful,  virtuous,  pious, 
working  miracles,  but  rather  in  bearing 
rebuffs,  abuse,  and  cruel  persecutions 
with  joy  as  a  just  and  merited  chastise- 
ment? Is  it  not  true  that  in  the  four 
months  I  have  girt  myself  unworthily 
with  thy  humble  cord,  I  have  never 
perfectly  understood  this  simple  truth? 
Tell  me,  thou  who  art  the  greatest  of  all 
[308] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

the  saints  because  thou  art  the  least, 
the  poverello,  God's  little  lamb.  And 
you,  St.  Peter,  St.  Paul,  St.  John,  St. 
James,  St.  Augustine,  St.  Benedict,  St. 
Chrysostom,  St.  Anthony,  St.  Athanasius, 
St.  Gregory,  St.  Ambrose,  and  all  the 
endless  host  that  with  you  has  redeemed, 
saved,  and  enlightened  the  world,  and 
the  Mother  of  God  herself,  with  her 
mortal  spouse,  and  you  superhuman 
women,  St.  Catharine  and  St.  Theresa, 
tell  me,  is  it  not  true  that  up  there  you  are 
not  honored  at  all  for  the  great  works  you 
performed  for  the  benefit  of  mankind? 
Is  it  not  true  that  you  reject  the  merit 
of  them  with  unyielding  firmness?  Is  it 
not  true  that  your  works  exalt  only, 
prove  only,  make  evident  only  the  glory 
and  the  goodness  and  the  mercy  and  the 
power  of  God,  Who  Himself  deigned  to 
work  wonderful  things  in  you,  without 
any  merit  of  your  own?  Is  it  not  true 
that  your  personal  glory  is  only  in  your 
humility?  in  having  recognized  yourselves 
with  the  most  fervent  outburst  of  sin- 
cerity, as  humble  and  sinful  servants? 
Except  thee,  O  Mary,  who,  bowing  before 

[  309  ] 


A     SOLDIERS     CONFIDENCES     WITH     GOD 

justice  and  truth,  as  thou  didst  recognize 
that  the  Lord  "regardeth  the  humility  of 
his  handmaid,"  had  also  to  recognize 
thyself  as  immaculate.  Now,  if  all  ye 
saints  of  Paradise  have  had  and  still 
have,  with  the  palm  of  victory,  so  much 
reason  to  be  humble,  how  much  more 
must  I  despise  myself  and  feel  lowly 
about  myself?  In  truth,  O  Lord,  I  have 
something  to  frighten  me  and  make  me 
tremble! 


just  to  think  that  heaven  and 
earth  also  are  populated  with  souls  even 
more  worthy  to  be  exalted  for  their 
humility  than  all  the  most  glorious  and 
triumphant  saints,  and  those  are  the 
souls  that  the  world  has  not  noticed, 
those  who  have  remained  unknown  to 
all  and  are  known  only  to  God,  those 
souls  who  have  ignored  even  themselves. 
In  the  whole  history  of  mankind  they  are 
the  unknown  and  spontaneous  ideal,  the 
beauty  that  is  purest  because  secret  and 
hidden,  the  flowers  of  the  desert,  the 
pearls  of  the  ocean  depths,  the  gems  of 
the  mine. 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 


T. 


HUS  and  not  otherwise  in  the 
wretched  history  of  my  soul,  the  acts  in 
which  I  have  taken  pleasure,  which  I 
have  fulfilled  in  order  to  feel  satisfaction, 
will  not  be  those  most  worthy  of  en- 
comium, but  those  that  I  have  done 
without  noticing,  without  purpose,  with 
unconscious  spontaneity.  Would  that  I 
were  certain  that  I  had  done  some!  But 
alas,  if  I  am  nothing  but  an  iniquitous, 
unjust,  poor,  incurable,  proud  man,  the 
most  miserable  of  the  many  vain  fools 
who  have  filled  themselves  with  wind  on 
this  wretched  earth! 


_H,   Lord,  how  many  things    I   would 
say  to  Thee  now!     But  grant  that  I  may 

• 

adore  Thee  in  silence,  and  prostrate  my- 
self at  the  feet  of  Thy  blessed  Mother, 
of  whose  true,  unspeakable  splendor,  the 
light  of  the  world,  I  was  able  to  catch  a 
glimpse  this  evening  by  Thy  bounty  and 
grace. 


L 

He  <J&editatcs  on  Tascal's 

(Commentary  on  the  Passion  in 

the  (garden  of  (^ethsemane 

Tuesday,  Ottober  I2tb,  1915 

IN  the  midst  of  this  universal  abandon- 
ment, and  finding  the  friends  He 
had  chosen  to  watch  with  Him 
sleeping,  Jesus  is  grieved  because  of  the 
danger  to  which  they  expose,  not  Him 
but  themselves,  and  warns  them  of  their 
own  safety  and  welfare,  with  heartfelt 
tenderness  for  them  in  their  ingratitude, 
and  admonishes  them  that  the  spirit  is 
willing  but  the  flesh  is  weak. 

"Finding  them  again  sleeping,  and 
knowing  that  neither  consideration  for 
Him  nor  for  themselves  would  arouse 
them,  Jesus  is  kind  enough  not  to  awaken 
them  and  leaves  them  to  take  their  rest. 

'"You    shall    be    like    Gods,    knowing 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORST 

good  and  evil.'  All  the  world  plays  the 
God  when  it  judges  this  to  be  good,  this 
to  be  bad,  and  when  it  laments  or  rejoices 
overmuch  at  events."1 


H 


ERE  are  two  reflections  concerning 
the  mystery  of  Jesus  which  I  copy  from 
the  pages  of  Pascal  and  which  I  can  apply 
to  my  present  state  of  mind.  In  the  face 
of  a  multitude  of  things  both  great  and 
small,  which  I  am  perfectly  incapable 
of  valuing,  I  have  been  wrong  to  pass 
judgment,  mourning  or  rejoicing  over 
them  far  too  much.  Some  little  incidents 
have  filled  me  with  immense  hopes  —  my 
country  regenerated  and  victorious,  the 
war  won  with  miraculous  rapidity  —  then, 

1  Jesus,  au  milieu  de  ce  delaissement  universel  et  de 
ses  amis  choisis  pour  veiller  avec  lui,  les  trouvant  dor- 
mant, s'en  fache  a  du  peril  ou  ils  exposent,  non  'lui,  mais 
eux-memes,  et  les  avertit  de  leur  propre  salut  et  de  leur 
bien  avec  une  tendresse  cordiale  pour  eux  pendant  leur 
ingratitude,  et  les  avertit  que  1'esprit  est  prompt  et  la 
chair  infirme. 

Jesus,  les  trouvant  encore  dormant,  sait  que  ni  sa 
consideration  ni  la  leur  les  en  cut  retenus,  il  a  la  bonte  de 
ne  pas  les  eveiller,  et  les  laisse  dans  leur  repos. 

Eritis  sicut  dii  scientes  bcnum  et  malum.  Tout  le 
monde  fait  le  dieu  en  jugeant:  Cela  est  bon  ou  mauvais; 
et  s'affligeant  ou  se  rejouissant  trop  des  evenements. 

[313] 


A  SOLDIER  S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 

the  sight  of  certain  grave  evils,  above  all 
of  a  moral  character,  and  consequently 
fundamental,  have  made  me  see  victory 
very  far  away,  difficult  of  attainment, 
altogether  impossible.  And  yet  my 
limited  experience  of  life  and  of  history, 
my  most  restricted  knowledge  of  the 
human  soul,  should  have  been  enough  to 
make  me  understand  that  I  have  no 
reason  either  to  be  too  hopeful  or  too 
discouraged.  In  a  nation  the  spirit  is 
always  willing  but  the  flesh  is  ever  weak, 
without  exception,  as  in  man,  as  I  have 
been  able  to  see  in  myself.  The  flesh  of 
a  nation  is  the  great  brute  mass  of  its 
body,  always  blind,  confused,  embarrassed, 
in  a  word,  weak.  Its  spirit  resides  in  its 
intelligence  and  in  its  conscience,  where 
one  finds  a  certain  number  of  salutary 
truths  accepted  as  indisputable,  but,  as 
if  from  malevolence,  practiced  little,  by 
only  a  few  and  by  those  few  badly.  The 
spirit  is  willing  but  the  flesh  is  weak. 
But  there  is  one  part  of  the  redemption, 
the  most  difficult  and  tremendous,  that 
God  accomplished  once  in  the  history  of 
the  world  and  is  accomplishing  perpetually 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

in  all  souls,  in  all  peoples,  and  in  the 
entire  human  race,  during  our  ungrateful, 
callous,  confused,  and  ignorant  sleep. 
He  asks  us  once  to  make  the  effort  to 
watch  and  pray  with  Him,  then  He  leaves 
us  to  sleep  and  He  acts  alone!  Ah!  Lord, 
Lord! 


LI 


He  <J&editates  on  the  Hypocrisy 
that  ^Ca^es  us  Judge  and 
^Deceive  our 


Wednesday,  Oflober  i^th,  1915 

HYPOCRISY,  empress  of  the 
world,  is  the  evident  proof  that 
the  spirit  is  willing  but  the  flesh 
is  weak,  the  proof  of  this  truth  that  is 
precise  and  indisputable  at  every  moment, 
in  all  degrees  and  all  extensions  thereof. 
In  facl:,  if  we  were  to  judge  men  from  their 
outward  appearance,  we  should  have  to 
agree  that  their  moral  level  is  much  higher 
than  it  is  in  reality.  All,  all,  O  Lord,  all 
of  us  are  whited  sepulchers,  full  of  dead 
men's  bones  and  rottenness,  but  the  sense 
of  the  good  and  the  perfect  is  so  clear  and 
precise  in  us  that  not  only  is  each  one  of 
us  capable  of  making  himself  a  severe  and 
meticulous  judge  of  his  own  fellows,  but 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

is  capable  also  of  deceiving  his  neighbor 
with  outward  acts  and  fine  words.  And 
this  ought  to  make  us  tremble,  because  it 
will  be  our  condemnation.  When  Thy 
day  shall  come  not  one  of  us  will  be  able 
to  say  that  he  did  not  know  the  law,  or 
that  a  dull  intellect  fell  to  his  lot.  Every 
one  of  us  has  had  in  him  more  light  than 
he  needed  to  save  himself  and  the  world, 
yet  we  all  have  willed  to  be  slaves  to  the 
weakness  of  the  flesh.  The  Lord  com- 
manded us  to  watch  lest  we  fall  into 
temptation,  and  we  have  slept  and  left 
Him  alone  to  suffer  for  us,  to  sweat  blood, 
to  tremble,  to  weep,  to  die  for  our  salva- 
tion. Even  the  best  of  us  have  slept,  the 
very  best  have  denied  Him  three  times. 
Such  will  be  the  spectacle  of  our  ingratitude 
when  confronted  by  His  patience,  long- 
suffering,  generous  pity  and  mercy.  And 
yet,  what  do  we  know?  Our  most  difficult 
duty  —  which,  however,  is  indispensable 
to  all  —  is  that  of  doing  penance  for  our 
hidden  sins  and  for  the  concealed  malice 
of  those  we  do  know,  for  we  shall  recognize 
our  faults  little  by  little  as  we  acquire  the 
strength  to  expiate  them. 


A  SOLDIER  S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 


I 


STILL  esteem  as  a  special  grace  this 
ability  to  catch  at  times  in  the  midst  of 
my  darkness  a  fleeting  glimpse  of  the 
horrid  abyss  of  my  iniquity.  For  a  few 
hours  only,  one  might  say,  I  perceive  a 
part  of  my  responsibility,  I  see  how  many 
times  I  have  been  deaf  to  Thine  appeals, 

0  Lord,  how  many  times  I  have  disobeyed 
through  negligence  and  laziness  Thy  most 
imperious,   most   insistent,   most   touching 
summons,  how  many  times  I  have  spoiled 
the  plans  Thou  hast  patiently  and  lovingly 
prepared  for  me.     I  have  signed  my  own 
death   warrant    a   thousand    times,    and    a 
thousand  times  Thou  hast  offered  me  the 
way  to  repair  my  guilt.     A  thousand  times 

1  have  offended  Thee  and  as  many  times 
Thou  hast  pardoned  me  without  the  least 
anger  or  impatience.     How  many  oppor- 
tunities I  have  lost! 


A 


I  have  neglected  not  only  my 
duties  as  a  man,  but  also  those  as  a  son, 
a  brother,  a  friend,  an  Italian,  a  soldier, 
a  party  man,  a  writer,  duties  inherent  in 
m  caste  and  m  social  condition.  I  was 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUK     BORSI 

a  careless  student,  an  inefficient  master, 
an  avaricious  benefactor,  a  malicious  coun- 
selor. Besides  doing  evil  as  an  individual, 
master  of  my  own  fate,  absolutely  and 
solely  responsible  for  my  own  eternal 
destiny,  I  have  done  also  the  evil  of  others 
every  time  that  an  action  of  mine  involved 
the  salvation  of  those  with  whom  I  was 
associated  or  was  responsible  for  their 
goodness.  How  much  more  serious  is 
this  fault  if  it  is  true  that  no  man  lives 
to  himself,  that  he  must  love  God  above 
everything  and  his  neighbor  as  himself; 
if  for  the  wrong  done  to  the  most  humble 
of  his  brethren  he  will  have  to  answer  as 
for  a  wrong  committed  against  Thee,  0 
Lord! 


B 


iUT  the  glory  of  our  salvation  will  be 
all  Thine,  O  Lord,  and  none  of  it  is  re- 
served to  us  worms  of  earth.  An  abyss 
separates  us,  an  abyss  which  Thou  alone 
through  pity  hast  willed  to  bridge  over 
at  the  price  of  Thy  blood,  to  give  Thyself 
to  us  soul  and  body,  Thou  the  only 
conqueror,  Thou  the  only  glorious. 

[319] 


LII 

He  reads   SzechieFs   ^Prophecies 

of  (jod"  s  W^rath  and  Ultimate 

Triumph 

Thursday,  October  \\tlo,  1915 

I  MUST  needs  set  down  here  in  all  its 
details  what  happened  to  me  to- 
night, to  impress  it  so  well  on  my 
mind  that  I  shall  nevermore  forget  it. 
I  had  finished  hurriedly  writing  the  last 
words  put  down  above,  as  my  spent 
candle  sputtered  to  its  final  flicker.  I 
prayed,  not  without  some  ardor,  while 
the  wick,  afloat  in  the  pool  of  wax,  still 
held  on  to  the  tiny  blue  point  of  its  dying 
flame.  Then  darkness,  a  faint  patter  of 
drizzling  rain  on  my  tent,  my  thoughts 
confused  in  the  dozing  state  that  precedes 
sleep,  a  greeting  from  my  heart  to  my 
mother  far  away,  to  my  loved  ones,  to 
[320] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

my  sweetheart,  then,  all  at  once,  voices 
approaching,  a  voice  that  calls  me;  I 
tumble  with  a  bound  from  my  mattress 
and  I  see  the  light  of  a  candle  outside. 
It  is  a  corporal  summoning  the  officer  on 
duty  to  go  to  a  case  of  cholera.  The 
sleepy  voice  of  the  captain  reaches  me 
from  his  tent  while  I  pull  on  my  coat  and 
shoes.  Up  I  get,  go  outside,  hurry  across 
the  camp  between  the  tents  on  the  slippery 
ground. 


HE  soldier  was  lying  on  the  bare 
ground,  emaciated,  like  a  ghost,  his  flesh 
livid,  his  face  drawn,  his  eyes  sunken, 
querulous  and  pitiful.  Ah,  Lord,  what 
compassion  wrung  my  heart  for  that  poor 
brother  of  mine  in  such  anguish  that  he 
cried  like  a  baby,  in  convulsions  of  vomit- 
ing, with  his  legs  racked  by  cramps. 
How  useless  I  felt,  how  powerless  and 
wretched,  I,  who  would  have  given  all 
my  blood  to  relieve  that  poor  fellow! 
What  could  I  do  but  commend  him  to 
Thee,  and  remain  there  bent  over  him 
and  suffering  with  him? 

[321] 


A  SOLDIERS  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 


I 


N  the  meantime  the  doctor  arrives, 
with  the  stretcher  bearers.  A  short  visit 
to  make  sure  of  the  gravity  and  urgency 
of  the  case,  and  while  one  of  the  stretcher 
bearers  goes  back  to  get  the  stretcher  and 
two  companions,  all  the  soldiers  who  had 
been  living  with  the  cholera  patient  are 
ordered  from  their'  tent,  breaking  their 
deep  sleep,  all  their  belongings  are  heaped 
together  in  a  pile  and  set  on  fire  at  once. 
Smoky,  crackling  flames  rise  from  the 
damp  straw  as  it  catches.  All  of  us 
there  are  lighted  up  by  the  reflection, 
our  eyes  staring,  as  we  distractedly  heap 
together  the  burning  pile.  In  that  glare 
the  figure  of  the  cholera-stricken  man 
becomes  even  more  spectral.  From  the 
torch  held  in  a  stretcher  bearer's  hand, 
blazing  drops  of  tar  fall  hissing  to  the 
ground.  We  exchange  a  few  sad  words 
with  the  doctor,  a  good  young  man,  full 
of  simple  and  sincere  cordiality,  then  I 
address  a  fewT  stern  words  to  the  soldiers 
present  to  remind  them  of  the  justice  of 
Thy  wrath.  They  nod  their  heads  as 
a  sign  of  recognition,  for  no  one  can  resist 
L322]  ' 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

the  eloquence  of  Thy  language  when 
Thou  speakest  in  anger.  But  alas,  to- 
morrow, they  will  probably  have  forgotten 
all  about  it.  At  last  the  stretcher  arrives, 
the  cholera  patient  is  lifted  upon  it, 
made  comfortable,  and  carried  away,  on 
the  men's  shoulders;  I  give  a  few  brief 
orders  and  some  admonitions  to  the 
soldiers,  then  I  take  leave  of  the  doctor, 
who  goes  off  with  his  assistant  by  the 
light  of  the  torch,  and  I  am  left  alone  in 
the  dark. 


LORD,  Thou  didst  see  with  what 
ardor  I  raised  my  hands  to  heaven  and 
prostrated  myself  to  the  ground.  Thou 
didst  see  my  anguish,  Thou  didst  hear 
how  I  for  the  thousandth  time  offered 
myself  to  Thee,  a  voluntary  though 
unworthy  viclim,  if  Thou  wouldst  but 
deign  to  grant  me  as  a  coveted  reward 
what  should  be  a  just  chastisement.  O 
my  God,  make  use  of  me  to  appease  Thine 
anger.  Thou  didst  see  this  poor  worm 
that  is  I  return  in  the  darkness  to  my 
couch,  but  not  at  once  to  sleep. 

[323] 


A     SOLDIER   S     CON-FIDENCES     WITH     GOD 


M 


EANWHILE  the  awful  tragedy  con- 
tinues to  spread  far  and  near.  There  on 
the  road  along  the  Judrio  the  rumbling  of 
a  tractor  dragging  the  enormous  weight 
of  a  three-hundred-and-five-millimeter  gun, 
perhaps  the  same  whose  distant  booming 
we  heard  to-day,  as  at  this  moment  the 
constant  barking  of  an  incessant  cannonade 
reaches  me.  My  God,  what  is  happening? 
What  carnage  is  going  on?  How  many 
lives  are  being  snuffed  out?  Why  am  I 
not  there  under  fire?  How  beautiful  that 
lot  would  seem  to  me!  But  perhaps  Thou 
art  reserving  for  me  a  sadder  and  more 
painful  death,  perhaps  Thou  wouldst  have 
me  a  victim  of  the  cholera,  perhaps  of 
some  other  even  longer  and  more  atrocious 
disease.  Hast  Thou  decreed  for  me  an 
inglorious  but  acute  agony  accepted  with 
resignation  that  I  may  have  leisure  to 
make  Thee  a  thousand  times  in  reality 
that  sacrifice  which  has  been  so  easy  to 
offer  Thee  a  thousand  times  in  words? 


HUS    was    I    vaguely    thinking    last 
night  as  I  went  wearily  back  to  my  tent. 

[324] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

From  the  tent  of  a  comrade  near  by  I 
got  the  stump  of  a  candle,  and  I  asked 
Thee  to  speak  to  me  in  the  pages  of  Thy 
book.  What  better  message  to  my  faith 
couldst  Thou  have  sent  than  that  Thou 
didst  open  under  my  eyes?  It  was  the 
prophecies  of  Ezechiel,  the  prophecies  of 
Thy  anger,  with  its  wars  and  devastations 
and  pestilences.  I  had  at  once  under  my 
eye  the  thirty-seventh  chapter,  that  of 
the  resurrection  of  dry  bones  and  of  the 
sticks  joined  together,  and  then  the 
thirty-eighth  chapter,  which  after  such 
indignation  and  wrath  closes  with  the  most 
beautiful  and  dazzling  of  all  the  promises: 


JMD  I  will  be  magnified,  and  I  will  be 
sanctified;  and  I  will  be  known  in  the 
eyes  of  many  nations,  and  they  shall 
know  that  I  am  the  Lord."  * 

1  Et  magnificabor,  et  sandificabor,  et  notus  ero  in 
oculis  multarum  gentium;  et  scient  quia  ego  Dominus. 
(Ezech.  xxxviii,  23.) 


[325 


LIII 


He  Foresees  that  the   Word   of 

^Peace  W//  Qome^  not  from  the 

Wise  or  Qreat  of  the  World, 

but    rom   Some  Obscure 


Friday,  Ottober  \$th,  1915 

AH!   Yes,  yes,  we  know  that  Thou 
art    the    Lord;     let    these    men 
know  it  that  have  been  too  long 
blind.     Whatever    the    cost    to    them    in 
sacrifice    and    blood    and    anguish,    it    can 
never  suffice  to  pay  for  this  truth  which 
will  be  their  earthly  happiness   and   their 
eternal    salvation.     Be    Thou    magnified, 
O    Lord,    be    Thou    sanclified,    be    Thou 
known  to  the  eyes  of  many  people.     My 
God,  what  joy  for  me  to  feel  that  Thou 
art    loved    and    praised    by    all!     What    a 
relief  to  hear  the  strident  tones  of  many 
discordant    and    contending    voices    stilled 
[326] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

little  by  little  —  the  voices  of  so  many 
little  vanities  enkindled  one  against  an- 
other and  fighting  among  themselves  with 
such  ridiculous,  presumptuous  bragging  in 
that  poor  world  that  it  is  usual  to  call 
pompously  the  world  of  the  spirit!  How 
will  the  word  of  peace  come  in  the  midst 
of  the  slaughter,  the  blood  and  the  clamor 
of  battler  In  whatsoever  way  it  came, 
unexpected  and  unsuspected,  however  dif- 
ferent from  our  previsions,  may  that  word 
be  blessed  from  now  on.  When  it  shall 
sound  it  will,  perhaps,  be  derided  and 
rejected,  all  men  will  perhaps  have  their 
eyes  and  souls  turned  elsewhere,  it  will 
perhaps  seem  humble,  poor,  useless,  in- 
opportune, it  will  perhaps  be  listened  to 
with  contempt.  All  will  look  to  the 
kings,  to  the  emperors,  to  the  ministers, 
to  the  generals,  to  the  plenipotentiaries  in 
solemn  conclave,  all  will  look  for  salvation 
and  peace  from  an  enormous  force  of 
artillery,  or  from  a  stupendous  agreement 
of  statesmen,  from  a  clash  of  armies  or 
from  a  diplomatic  discussion.  The  true 
word,  the  saving  word,  will  have  been 
spoken  almost  unnoticed,  a  few  fools, 

[327] 


A  SOLDIER'S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 
madmen,  and  visionaries,  will  have  turned 
to  listen  to  it  amid  the  universal  distrac- 
tion. Once  again,  however,  the  grave 
and  ponderous  wisdom  and  prudence  of 
the  world,  of  the  great  and  the  powerful, 
shall  be  laughed  at  and  put  to  scorn  by 
victorious  foolishness,  by  Thy  sacred  fool- 
ishness, O  Lord,  Who  wiliest  to  conquer 
with  the  despised  weapons  of  defeat. 
Once  again,  as  it  happened  once  before  in 
history,  and  perpetually  takes  place  in 
every  one  of  our  souls  and  in  all  the 
vicissitudes  of  the  human  race,  the  stone 
that  was  rejected  will  become  the  head 
of  the  corner.  All  the  proudest  and  most 
subtle  foresight  will  come  to  nought. 
What  every  one  thought  was  the  last 
will  become  the  first.  I  do  not  know 
how  it  will  come  to  pass,  but  I  believe 
that  thus  it  will  be.  Contrary  to  all  the 
rules  of  art,  the  person  least  thought  of 
will  become  the  protagonist.  Men  will 
be  carried  away  against  their  own  will. 
God  will  speak  through  the  mouths  of 
those  who  have  denied  Him.  The  scribes 
will  have  to  condescend  to  discuss  it,  with 
an  impatience  full  of  disgust,  as  one 
[328] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

discusses  with  some  obstinate  fool  a 
question  already  decided  and  buried  by 
universal  consent;  then  the  dispute  will 
become  more  bitter,  for  the  least  thought 
of  fencer  will  strike  almost  haphazard  the 
most  formidable  blows.  The  outcry  and 
the  marvel  will  increase.  The  most  an- 
cient and  simple  truths  will  reecho  like 
the  freshest  of  novelties,  teeming  with 
new  life,  resounding  in  all  hearts.  At 
every  hour  there  will  be  a  fresh  cry  of 
wonder.  Bored  impatience  will  become 
first  intense  gravity,  then  furious  and 
impotent  anger;  innocent  simplicity  will 
become  ever  more  terrible,  fearless,  in- 
domitable; crowds  will  be  upset;  sudden 
revelations  will  throw  open  cloistered 
souls;  shouts  of  enthusiasm  and  love  will 
be  raised  to  heaven,  and  Thou  shalt  be 
victorious  once  again,  O  Lord.  Neither 
force,  nor  shrewdness,  nor  tenacity  will 
be  magnified  in  blood  and  slaughter. 
Thou  alone  wilt  be  acknowledged,  Thou 
alone  adored,  Thou  alone  exalted. 


H< 


.OW   this   hope   inebriates   me!  —  this 
hope?  —  this   certainty!     Shall   I   see  this 

[  329] 


A     SOLDIERS     CONFIDENCES     WITH     GOD 

day  up  there  or  down  here?  Shall  I  too 
have  contributed  to  Thy  viclory?  Shall 
I  be  among  the  elecl:?  I  do  not  want  to 
be  impatient.  I  would  have  the  smile 
of  thy  secure  calm,  O  Lord,  without  the 
unbecoming  anxieties  that  are  signs  of 
weakness  and  uncertainty.  I  should  like 
it  to  be  just  as  it  is  in  this  war  of  my 
earthly  country.  For  several  days  the 
imminence  of  a  decisive  aclion,  a  de- 
termined advance  on  the  eastern  front, 
has  been  foreseen  and  guessed,  while  the 
artillery  is  rapidly  being  disposed  to 
prepare  and  support  the  charge  of  the 
infantry.  Some  cowards  tremble  already 
at  the  idea.  I  burn  with  impatience,  I 
cannot  see  the  hour,  but  I  would  hasten 
the  moment,  I  would  I  w7ere  now  in 
action.  I  was  saying  this  to-night  at  mess. 


cool,"  the  major  commanding 
our  battalion  said  to  me  paternally; 
"we  shall  move  when  we  are  ordered. 
Don't  be  impatient.  Even  knowing  how 
to  wait  is  a  virtue." 


[330] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 


ELL,  I  wait  and  I  prepare  myself, 
poor  improvised,  inexperienced  little  offi- 
cer! Thus  do  I  wait  and  pray,  poor  mili- 
tant Christian,  without  spiritual  power, 
without  light,  little  prodigal  son  returning 
to  his  father's  house  naked  and  famished 
and  trembling,  but  overflowing  with  faith 
and  love.  Dear  Father,  make  this  my 
ardor  avail  me,  make  my  good  will  avail. 
Make  me  a  participator  and  cooperator 
in  Thy  certain  victory. 


LIV 


He  Serenely  (Commends  his  Soul 
to  Qod  on  the  Eve  of 


Saturday,  Oftober  \6tk,  1915 

I  AM  on  guard  duty  in  camp  this 
evening,  and  am  writing  in  the  midst 
of  my  corporals  and  sergeant,  at  the 
kitchen  table  of  Fnulani  farmers.  This 
evening  at  mess,  in  the  smoke  and  the 
hubbub  of  our  table,  our  major  announced 
the  probability  of  a  sudden  alarm,  as  a 
consequence  of  which  it  would  be  necessary 
to  strike  camp  immediately.  I  do  not 
know  if  this  announcement  is  a  forerunner 
of  grave  and  unexpected  events,  but 
everything  leads  me  to  believe  that  it  is 
a  test  desired  by  our  colonel  to  try  our 
swiftness.  Anyhow,  the  night  will  not 
be  peaceful  for  me,  for  I  shall  be  the  first 
to  receive  the  announcement,  and  it  will 
[332] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

be  my  duty  to  rouse  the  camp  and  to 
move  the  sentinels,  whilst  on  the  other 
hand  I  shall  have  to  release  the  prisoners 
and  get  them  back  to  their  respective 
companies,  and  hurry  to  my  company 
quarters  for  my  baggage  and  to  strike  the 
tents  of  my  men. 


B 


lUT  if  the  alarm  were  true?  if  we 
should  have  to  depart  in  haste  and  advance 
towards  the  firing  line?  If  to-morrow  we 
should  be  engaged  in  battle,  going  into  the 
fight,  moving  forward  to  the  attack? 
Thank  heaven  this  probability  does  not 
change  my  tranquillity  in  the  least,  and 
does  not  make  my  heart  beat  any  faster. 
So  far  as  I  can  see,  with  the  most  attentive 
curiosity,  I  do  not  feel  the  least  trace  of 
anxiety  or  worry,  as  I  did  not  feel  it  on 
one  of  those  first  nights  when  I  found 
myself  in  the  reserves  of  the  first  line  at 
upper  Nekovo,  getting  ready  to  go  and 
gathering  up  the  rolls  of  barbed  wire  left 
behind  by  the  Austrians  on  the  right  bank 
of  the  Isonzo,  under  the  near  fire  from 
their  advanced  trenches;  as  I  did  not 
feel  jt  a  few  nights  later  when  I  went 

[333  ] 


A  SOLDIER'S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 

round  inspecting  the  trenches  of  our 
patrols  at  San  Vito  and  walked  half  the 
night  between  the  entanglements  and 
the  blockhouse  at  the  Isonzo  bridgehead, 
chatting,  eating  juicy  pears  and  apples, 
listening  to  the  voices  of  our  enemies 
close  by,  not  in  the  least  perturbed  even 
when  they  threw  the  beams  of  their 
searchlights  upon  us;  as  I  did  not  feel  it 
at  the  reserve  camp  when  I  recognized 
the  angry  crescendo  screech  of  a  hand 
grenade  that  fell  very  close  to  our  barracks. 
I  do  not  know  what  I  shall  feel  when 
facing  immediate  danger,  at  the  spectacle 
of  the  butchery  around  me,  at  the  sight 
of  the  fallen,  in  the  moment  of  peril,  but 
I  truly  hope  that  the  Lord  God  has 
given  me  the  grace  of  a  fairly  brave  heart 
which  nothing  can  shake.  I  hope  that 
if  I  fall  I  shall  fall  like  a  good  strong 
soldier,  with  calm,  serene,  and  fearless 
courage;  I  hope  that  I  shall  show  myself 
intrepid  before  my  soldiers;  I  hope  that 
the  death  so  many  times  desired  and 
invoked  will  not  succeed  in  overcoming 
me  with  cowardly,  childish  fright,  but 
that  I  shall  welcome  it  smiling,  like  a 
[334] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

good  friend,  and  accept  it  with  honor, 
like  a  dear,  precious,  coveted  reward. 
If  I  have  time,  my  last  thought  shall  be 
one  of  gratitude  to  Thee,  O  Lord,  for 
having  reserved  for  me  a  lot  so  highly 
enviable  and  desirable,  for  having  offered 
me  a  way  to  spend  my  life  so  well,  in  the 
service  of  my  adored  country  and  king, 
according  to  Thy  holy  precepts  which 
have  imposed  upon  me  love  of  country 
as  one  of  my  most  cherished  and  sweetest 
duties. 


HAT  a  beautiful  and  fortunate  life 
mine  has  been!  Well  do  I  realize  that  I 
have  not  deserved  it;  I  recognize  that 
I  have  not  known  how  to  use  it  worthily 
as  I  ought,  like  a  magnificent  treasure, 
too  long  despised  and  blindly  wasted  with 
most  foolish  ingratitude.  And  yet  Thy 
solicitous  love,  my  Father,  has  been  able 
with  infinite  wisdom  and  untiring  patience 
to  remedy  my  sins  and  negligences  in  a 
thousand  ways,  and  to-day  I  am  ready 
for  Thy  summons  and  I  can  confide 
without  presumption  in  Thy  indulgent 
goodness.  If  I  shall  have  to  separate 

[335] 


A   SOLDIER'S   CONFIDENCES   WITH   GOD 

myself  from  this  world,  my  heart  will  not 
be  wrung  with  the  anguish  of  uncertainty; 
the  event  will  not  come  upon  me  unex- 
pected, like  an  awful  thunderbolt;  it  will 
not  find  me  unprepared,  despairing,  per- 
plexed, terrified.  I  will  go  to  meet  Thy 
justice  sorrowing  but  full  of  confidence, 
and  I  shall  be  able  without  a  blush  to 
commend  my  spirit  into  Thy  hands. 
I  shall  accept  with  exulting  heart  the 
pains  that  await  me,  well  knowing  that 
they  will  be  many,  long,  and  excruciating, 
to  the  end  that  all  my  debt  be  paid  to  the 
uttermost  farthing,  and  I  shall  bow  will- 
ingly and  without  reluctance  before  Thy 
divine  justice.  I  shall  be  sure  that  Thy 
will  be  done,  that  Thy  kingdom  come, 
that  Thy  triumph  will  shine  among  Thy 
children,  O  Lord,  our  Father  Who  art  in 
heaven.  Mary,  pray  for  me  at  the  hour 
of  my  death.  In  the  Name  of  the  Father 
and  of  the  Son  and  of  the  Holy  Ghost. 

AMEN. 


[336] 


Cfiosue  jB or si's  <fast  fetter  to 
his 


Ottober  21  st,    1915 
Mother: 

F       "^HIS    letter,  which    you    will  re- 
ceive only  in  case  that  I  should 
JL        fall   in    battle,   I   am  writing  in 
an   advanced   trench,  where   I   have  been 
since    last    night,    with    my    soldiers,    in 
expectation    of    the    order    to    cross    the 
river  and  move  to  the  attack. 

I  intended  to  write  it  with  less  haste, 
and  with  more  calm,  to-day,  if,  as  every- 
thing led  me  to  believe,  we  had  remained 
one  day  longer,  encamped  at  Zapotok. 
Last  night  I  wTas  getting  ready  to  go  to 
sleep  in  my  tent,  and  was  thinking, 
with  true  joy,  that  on  the  morrow  I 
would  have  a  whole  tranquil  day  to  get 
ready  for  the  great  ordeal.  At  dawn  I 
would  have  heard  Mass  and  received 
Holy  Communion,  then  I  would  have 

[337] 


A  SOLDIER'S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 
written  you  this  farewell  letter,  and 
finally,  at  peace  with  the  world,  witli 
myself,  and  with  God,  I  would  have 
waited  for  the  evening  in  meditation  and 
prayer,  talking  to  my  dear  soldiers,  ready 
for  any  emergency,  well  prepared  for 
any  event  and  fully  detached  from  all 
earthly  ties. 

But  the  order  came  suddenly  to  raise 
the  camp  and  to  prepare  ourselves  for 
the  approaching  encounter  with  the 
enemy.  Lieutenant  Maltagliati,  my  tent 
companion,  and  I  looked  at  one  another 
as  much  as  to  say:  "At  last  the  order 
has  come!"  We  clasped  hands  with  that 
fraternal,  sweet  effusion  which  only  he 
who  has  been  in  war  can  understand. 
In  a  short  time  we  were  armed  and  in 
order;  I  assembled  my  platoon,  called 
the  roll  and  hastened  to  the  seat  of  the 
battalion  command  to  review  attentively 
the  whole  plan  of  attack,  with  topo- 
graphical maps  in  hand.  The  colonel 
spoke  some  words  and  shook  hands  with 
us,  one  by  one.  Finally  we  started  to 
march  in  the  moonlight,  ascended  the 
mountain,  descended  the  opposite  slope, 
[338] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

and,  having  reached  the  Isonzo  River,  we 
formed  in  line. 

I  worked  with  my  troops  till  dawn, 
digging  our  trench.  I  placed  there  three 
of  my  squads  and  brought  a  fourth  one 
along  with  me,  in  this  covered  trench, 
left  by  the  outposts.  Beneath  this  trench 
flows  the  Isonzo,  which  we  can  view 
from  the  loopholes  in  all  its  enchanting 
beauty.  Upward,  on  our  left,  is  that 
spot  on  the  river  bank  where  the  bridge 
will  be  thrown  across  for  our  passage. 
Downwards,  there  is  the  Plava  bridge- 
head with  two  regiments  ready  to 
strengthen  our  advance.  In  front  of 
me,  on  the  opposite  bank,  lies  a  beauti- 
ful, happy  little  town.  It  is  Descla,  one 
of  the  objectives  of  the  action  entrusted 
to  us. 

The  battle  commenced  this  morning  at 
dawn,  with  the  firing  of  our  magnificent 
and  formidable  artillery.  The  spectacle 
has  been  terribly  superb  and  majestical. 
All  enemy  positions  have  been  bom- 
barded with  a  hail  of  projectiles  of  all 
calibres.  All  enemy  trenches  have  been 
overturned,  one  by  one,  loophole  by 

[339] 


A   SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES   WITH    GOD 

loophole  with  an  inexorable,  mathematical 
precision.  An  Austrian  patrol,  that  oc- 
cupied a  trench  on  my  right,  was  seen 
buried,  and  two  soldiers  were  hurled 
into  the  air  like  straws.  The  enemy 
artillery  answered  feebly  and  without 
result.  On  the  path  leading  to  the 
trench  occupied  by  me,  and  where  the 
enemy,  perhaps,  observed  some  troops 
movement,  fell  about  forty  grenades,  but 
only  five  or  six  of  them  exploded,  with- 
out causing  us  the  least  damage.  Near 
our  trench  about  twenty  shells  fell,  but 
only  one  hit  the  mark,  wounding  a  soldier 
and  breaking  a  rifle.  Now  it  is  after- 
noon. On  our  wings  there  is  a  most 
violent  and  furious  rifle  engagement, 
while  the  artillery  keeps  up  its  own 
work.  Little  we  know  of  what  is  going 
on  around  us.  I  had  my  lunch  a  little 
while  ago,  and  exchanged  some  words 
and  some  notes  with  the  officers  of  the 
two  platoons  that  are  on  our  sides, 
Maltagliati  of  the  first  and  Viviani  of 
the  third. 

My  soldiers  are  dozing,  the  expectation 
is  prolonged  and  I  have  decided  to  begin 
L340] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

writing  to  you  with  the  hope  that  time 
will  not  fail  me  to  tell  you  at  least  a 
part  of  my  thoughts  and  of  the  affections 
which  are  overflowing  in  my  heart  for 
you,  mother  dear. 

I  am  calm,  perfectly  serene,  and  firmly 
resolved  to  do  my  duty  in  full  to  the  last, 
like  a  brave  and  good  soldier,  confident 
to  the  utmost  of  our  final  unfailing 
victory;  although  I  am  not  equally  sure 
that  I  will  live  to  see  it.  But  this  uncer- 
tainty does  not  trouble  me  in  the  least, 
nor  has  it  any  terror  for  me.  I  am  happy 
in  offering  my  life  to  my  country;  I  am 
proud  to  spend  it  for  so  noble  a  purpose, 
and  I  know  not  how  to  thank  Divine 
Providence  for  the  opportunity  —  which 
I  deem  an  honor  —  afforded  me  on  this 
fulgent  autumnal  day,  in  the  midst  of 
this  enchanting  valley  of  our  Julian 
Venetia,  while  I  am  in  the  prime  of  life, 
in  the  fullness  of  my  physical  and  mental 
powers,  to  fight  in  this  holy  war  for  liberty 
and  justice. 

All  is  propitious  to  me,  all  is  favorable 
to  die  a  beautiful  and  glorious  death;  the 
weather,  the  place,  the  season,  the  oppor- 


A  SOLDIER  S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 

tunity,  the  age.  A  better  end  could  not 
have  crowned  my  life,  and  I  feel  the 
pleasure  to  have  made  a  good  and  gener- 
ous use  of  it.  Do  not  grieve  over  my 
death,  mother,  or  else  you  will  offend 
my  good  fortune.  Do  not  weep,  mother, 
for  it  was  written  in  Heaven  that  I  should 
die.  Do  not  mourn,  mother,  or  else  you 
would  regret  my  happiness.  I  am  not 
to  be  mourned  but  envied. 

You  know  the  ineffable  hopes  that  give 
me  comfort  because  they  are  the  very 
same  hopes  in  which  you  also  have  placed 
all  that  is  dear  to  you.  When  you  read 
these  words  of  mine,  I  will  be  free,  un- 
fettered and  in  a  safe  place,  far  from  the 
miseries  of  this  world.  My  struggle  will 
be  finished  and  I  shall  be  peaceful;  my 
daily  death  shall  have  come  to  an  end, 
and  I  shall  be  face  to  face  with  the  Judge 
Whom  I  have  greatly  feared,  to  the  Lord 
Whom  I  have  greatly  loved. 

Think  of  it,  mother  dear,  when  you 
read  these  words.  I  shall  view  you  from 
Heaven,  side  by  side  with  our  dear  ones, 
with  father,  with  my  dear  Laura,  with 
Dino,  our  Guardian  Angel.  We  shall 
[342] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

be  in  the  regions  above,  all  united  to 
celebrate  your  arrival,  to  watch  over  you 
and  over  Gino,  to  prepare  for  you,  with 
our  prayers,  the  place  of  your  everlasting 
glory.  Should  not  this  thought  alone  be 
sufficient  to  dry  your  tears  and  to  fill  you 
with  unspeakable  joy? 

No,  no,  weep  not,  my  dear  and  saintly 
mother,  and  be  brave,  as  you  always  have 
been.  Should  the  pleasure  of  having 
offered  to  our  adored  Italy,  this  glorious 
land,  this  land  predestined  by  God,  should 
the  pleasure  of  having  offered  the  sacri- 
fice of  the  life  of  one  of  your  sons,  be  not 
sufficient  for  you,  remember,  nevertheless, 
that  you  must  not  rebel,  not  even  for  one 
instant,  to  the  divinely  wise  and  divinely 
loving  decrees  of  our  Lord.  If  He  wanted 
to  reserve  me  for  other  work,  He  could 
have  permitted  me  to  survive.  Since  He 
has  called  me  to  Himself,  it  is  a  sign  that 
such  was  the  best  thing  that  could  have 
happened  and  the  best  thing  for  me.  He 
knows  what  He  is  doing,  and  it  remains 
for  us  to  bow  and  to  adore,  accepting 
with  trustful  joy  His  most  exalted  will. 

I  do  not  bemoan  life.  I  have  tasted  of 

[343  ] 


A  SOLDIER'S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 
all  its  infatuations  and  have  withdrawn 
with  an  insurmountable  weariness  and 
disgust. 

Like  a  young  prodigal  son,  after  so 
many  wanderings,  having  returned  to  the 
house  of  the  father,  I  could  have  hoped 
now,  and  reasonably  so,  to  taste  of  the 
good  joys,  the  joys  of  duty  well  performed, 
of  the  good  practiced  and  preached,  the 
joys  born  of  art,  of  labor,  of  charity,  of 
a  fruitful  mind. 

Side  by  side  with  the  good,  beautiful 
girl  whom  you  know  and  esteem,  and 
whom  I  have  always  loved,  always  so 
tenderly,  timidly,  and  faithfully  loved, 
even  in  the  midst  of  my  errors  and  blame- 
worthy blunders,  I  could  have  hoped  to 
make  a  good  husband  and  a  good  father. 

In  the  world  there  are  so  many  battles 
to  fight,  for  love,  for  justice,  for  liberty, 
for  the  faith,  and  for  a  time,  I  must  con- 
fess, I  presumptuously  believed  myself 
predestined  and  assigned  to  the  arduous 
and  terrible  task  of  winning  one  or  another 
of  these  battles. 

All  this  was,  I  admit,  beautiful,  flatter- 
ing, desirable,  but  it  cannot  compare 
[344] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

with  my  present  lot.  This  is  the  very 
truth,  and  indeed  I  cannot  say  whether 
I  would  really  be  satisfied  if  the  writing 
of  this  letter  would  have  been  in  vain. 
Life  is  sad;  it  is  a  painful  and  annoying 
duty,  a  long  exile  in  the  uncertainty  of 
our  own-  lot.  In  order  that  life  may  go 
quickly  in  accordance  with  my  wishes, 
and  without  leaving  me  in  a  thousand 
disappointments,  there  would  be  need  of 
many  very  rare  and  difficult  occurrences. 
Besides,  I  am  and  I  feel  weak,  I  have  not 
the  least  confidence  in  myself.  The  whole 
battle  against  the  ingratitude  and  wicked- 
ness of  the  world  would  not  have  fright- 
ened me  as  much  as  the  battle  against 
myself.  It  is  better,  therefore,  dear 
mother,  as  it  has  happened.  The  Lord, 
in  His  wise  and  infinite  wisdom,  has  re- 
served me  for  just  the  destiny  that  was 
fit  for  me;  a  destiny  that  is  easy,  sweet, 
honorable,  rapid:  to  die  in  battle  for  one's 
country. 

With  this  beautiful  and  praiseworthy 
past,  fulfilling  the  most  desired  of  all 
duties  as  a  good  citizen  towards  the  land 
that  gave  him  birth,  I  depart,  in  the  midst 

[345] 


A    SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    GOD 

of  the  tears  of  all  those  that  love  me,  from 
a  life  toward  which  I  felt  weary  and  dis- 
gusted. I  leave  the  failings  of  life,  I  leave 
sin,  I  leave  the  sad  and  afflicted  spectacle 
of  the  small  and  momentary  triumphs 
of  evil  over  good.'  I  leave  to  my  humble 
body  the  weight  of  all  my  chains  and  I 
fly  away,  free,  free  in  the  end,  to  the 
heavens  above,  where  resides  our  Father, 
to  the  heavens  above  where  His  holy 
will  is  always  done.  Just  imagine,  dear 
mother,  with  what  joy  I  will  receive  from 
His  hands  even  the  chastisements  that 
His  justice  will  impose  on  account  of  my 
sins.  He  Himself  has  paid  all  these  chas- 
tisements by  His  superabundant  merits, 
a  God  of  mercy  and  of  love,  redeeming 
me  with  His  precious  blood,  living  and 
dying  here  below  for  my  sake.  Only 
through  His  grace,  only  through  Jesus 
Christ,  could  I  have  succeeded  that  my 
sins  be  not  my  eternal  death.  He  has 
seen  the  tears  of  my  sorrow.  He  has 
pardoned  me  through  the  mouth  of  His 
spotless  spouse,  the  Church.  I  do  sin- 
cerely hope  that  the  Madonna,  so  loving 
and  kind  toward  us,  will  assist  me  with 
[346] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

her    powerful    help    in    the    instant    when 
my  eternity  will  be  decided. 

And  as  I  am  about  to  speak  of  forgive- 
ness, dear  mother,  I  have  only  one  thing 
to  say  with  all  simplicity:  Forgive  me! 
Forgive  me  all  the  sorrows  that  I  have 
caused  you;  all  the  agonies  that  you 
have  suffered  on  my  account  every  time 
I  have  been  ungrateful,  stubborn,  forget- 
ful, disobedient  toward  you.  Forgive 
me  if,  by  neglect  and  inexperience,  I  have 
failed  to  render  your  life  more  comfort- 
able and  tranquil  since  the  day  when  my 
father,  by  his  premature  death,  intrusted 
you  to  my  care.  Now  I  understand  well 
the  many  wrongs  I  have  been  guilty  of 
toward  you,  and  I  feel  all  the  remorse 
and  cruel  anguish  now  that  dying  I  have 
to  intrust  you  to  the  providence  of  the 
Lord.  Forgive  me  lastly  this  final  sorrow 
that  I  have  inflicted  upon  you,  perhaps 
not  without  stubborn  and  cruel  inconsid- 
eration  on  my  part,  in  giving  up  my  life 
voluntarily  for  my  country,  fascinated 
by  the  attractions  of  this  beautiful  lot. 
Forgive  me  also  if  I  have  not  sufficiently 
recognized  and  tried  to  compensate  the 

[347] 


A    SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH   GOD 

incomparable  nobility  of  your  soul,  of 
your  heart,  so  immense  and  sublime 
mother,  truly  perfect  and  exemplary,  to 
whom  I  owe  all  that  I  am  and  whatever 
good  I  may  have  done  in  this  world. 

I  have  so  many  things  to  say  that  a 
book  could  hardly  contain  them.  Noth- 
ing else,  therefore,  is  left  me  but  to  recom- 
mend you  to  our  Gmo,  on  whose  goodness, 
on  whose  integrity,  and  on  whose  strength 
of  will,  I  put  all  my  trust.  Tell  him  in 
my  name  to  serve  willingly  our  country 
as  long  as  she  will  have  need  of  him,  to 
serve  her  with  abnegation,  with  ardor, 
with  enthusiasm,  even  unto  death,  should 
that  be  necessary.  Should  he  be  destined 
to  live  a  long  and  struggling  life,  let  him 
be  equal  to  it  with  serenity,  with  firm- 
ness, with  indomitable  love  for  justice 
and  honesty,  trusting  always  in  the  tri- 
umph of  good  with  God's  grace.  Let  him 
be  a  good  husband  and  a  good  father; 
let  him  raise  up  his  children  in  the  love 
of  God,  respect  for  the  Church,  fidelity 
toward  our  King,  to  the  observance  of 
the  law,  to  scrupulous  devotion  to  our 
beloved  country.  Think  often  of  us  here 
[348] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BO RSI 

above;  speak  of  us  among  yourselves;  re- 
member us  and  love  us  as  when  we  were 
alive,  because  we  shall  always  be  with 
you. 

Pray  often  for  me,  for  I  am  in  need  of 
it.  Be  courageous  in  the  trials  of  life, 
as  you  have  always  been  strong  and  ener- 
getic in  the  midst  of  the  tempest  of  your 
earthly  career;  continue  to  be  humble, 
pious,  charitable,  so  that  the  peace  of  God 
may  always  be  with  you. 

Good-by,  mother;  good-by,  Gino,  my 
dear  and  my  beloved!  I  embrace  you 
with  all  the  ardor  of  my  immense  love, 
which  has  increased  a  hundredfold  dur- 
ing my  absence  in  the  midst  of  the  dan- 
gers and  hardships  of  the  war.  Here,  far 
away  from  the  world,  always  with  the 
image  of  imminent  death,  I  have  felt  how 
strong  are  the  ties  that  bind  us  to  this 
world;  how  mankind  is  in  need  of  mutual 
love,  of  faith  in  each  other,  of  discipline, 
of  harmony,  of  unity,  what  necessary  and 
sacred  things  are  the  fatherland,  the  home, 
the  family;  how  blameworthy  is  the  per- 
son who  renounces  these,  who  betrays 
and  oppresses  them. 

[  349  ] 


A   SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES   WITH    GOD 

Love  and  freedom  for  all,  this  is  the 
ideal  for  which  it  is  a  pleasure  to  offer 
one's  life.  May  God  cause  our  sacrifice 
to  be  fruitful;  may  He  take  pity  upon 
mankind,  forgive  and  forget  their  offenses, 
and  give  them  peace.  Then,  oh!  dear 
mother,  we  shall  not  have  died  in  vain. 
Just  one  more  tender  kiss. 

GIOSUE  BORSI 


Spiritual  W^ill  and  'Testament 

AT  Florence,  this  Wednesday,  No- 
vember 25th,   1914.     With  this 
my    present    holographic    testa- 
ment, I  dispose  of  all  my  spiritual  goods 
as  follows: 

'The  infallible  secret  of  perfeft   happiness 

J.  INSTITUTE  as  my  heirs  in  common 
all  those  who  at  the  hour  of  my  death 
may  love  me  enough  to  have  confidence 
in  the  fruits  of  my  experience.  I  leave 
to  each  one  of  them  all  and  entire  my 
inestimable  wealth,  which  is  the  infal- 
lible secret  of  perfect  happiness.  The 
supreme  value  of  this  legacy  is  that 
it  is  a  treasure  known  to  and  within 
the  reach  of  all,  that  many  possess  and 
have  possessed,  that  can  be  given  and 
transmitted  entire  without  the  loss  of 
even  the  smallest  particle,  that  its  owner 
even  desires  to  share  with  others,  well 
knowin  that  the  more  there  are  who 


A  SOLDIER'S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 
share  it  with  him,  the  greater  it  grows 
for  the  giver.  It  is  necessary  to  all, 
living  and  dead,  in  every  place,  age, 
and  condition.  It  is  the  sole  possession 
one  is  permitted  to  carry  with  him  after 
death,  not  merely  inta<fl  but  multiplied 
a  hundredfold,  although  it  is  real  and 
actual  property.  Every  living  person  can 
acquire  it  if  he  desire.  He  who  has  it 
not  is  lost  or  runs  the  risk  of  being  lost 
at  any  moment,  so  it  is  urgent  to  pro- 
vide one's  self  with  it  as  soon  as  pos- 
sible, for  the  day  in  which  one  will 
have  vainly  to  repent  his  own  blindness 
and  unpardonable  negligence  will  surely 
come;  on  the  other  hand,  he  who  has 
been  wise  enough  to  get  it,  diligently 
acquiring  and  jealously  guarding  it,  has 
no  need  of  anything  else,  either  in  this 
world  or  in  eternity. 


ERE,  summed  up  in  a  few  words 
for  every  one  of  those  who  will  listen 
to  my  posthumous  and  fraternal  exhor- 
tations, is  this  inestimable  secret: 

Be  a  Christian;  frequent  the  Sacraments, 
and  follow  the  precepts  of  the  Apostolic 
[352] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

Roman  Catholic  Church.  This  is  the 
sole  duty  that  matters;  this  is  the  unique 
unfailing  happiness;  this  is  the  one  sure 
good. 

The  first  condition  of  true  wisdom 

Item:  Be  not  so  foolish  as  to  believe 
in  the  innate  virtue  of  man;  so  unreason- 
able as  to  hope  in  the  justice  of  the 
world;  so  vain  as  to  cultivate  desires 
or,  worse  still,  ambitions  for  human 
glory;  so  ignoble  as  to  worry  after 
earthly  riches  and  pleasures;  so  blind 
as  to  put  thy  trust  in  the  wisdom  of 
men.  All  the  goods  of  the  world  are  a 
mixture  of  lees  and  pure  wine,  good 
or  evil  according  to  the  use  that  is  made 
of  them;  so  hold  that  the  first  condition 
of  true  wisdom  is  understanding  of  how 
possession  or  deprivation  of  them  may 
equally  be  prized.  In  fact,  grief  and 
joy  mean  nothing  but  the  loss  or  gain 
of  some  good  thing,  so  when  thou 
knowest  that  there  is  but  one  Good, 
thou  wilt  have  but  one  grief  to  fear,  but 
one  joy  for  which  to  hope.  This  is  why 
our  happiness  depends  upon  ourselves 

[353] 


A    SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    GOD 

and    we    are    the    real    and    responsible 
architects  of  our  destiny. 

The  first  commandment 

Item:  Recognize  once  and  for  all  that 
thy  spirit  is  such  that  it  can  be  satisfied 
with  nothing  but  an  eternal,  immutable, 
and  infinite  happiness.  Therefore  refuse 
to  drink  any  earthly  water,  for  it  will 
leave  thee  thirsty  still.  Drink  the 
waters  of  Heaven,  and  thy  thirst  will 
be  quenched  forever.  Desire  and  love 
absolute  beauty,  absolute  truth,  abso- 
lute goodness;  do  not  content  thyself 
with  a  little,  for  in  comparison  with 
the  infinite  a  little  is  as  nothing.  Stop 
not  halfway,  at  every  inn,  when  thou 
knowest  that  at  the  end  of  the  road 
thou  wilt  find  the  banquet  of  supreme 
grace.  In  one  word,  love  God.  This 
is  the  first  commandment  on  which  all 
the  others  depend,  as  was  said  to  the 
doclor  of  the  law.  (Matt,  xxii,  37,  38.) 

The  sole  certainty  that  is  stable  here  below 

Item:  Be  an  earnest  and  respectful 
son  of  the  Church,  which  is  the  unde- 

[354] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

filed  Spouse  of  the  Lamb,  the  provident 
mother  of  the  saints,  and  the  living 
image  of  the  heavenly  Jersualem.  And 
believe  that  there  is  one  faith  and  one 
baptism,  that  the  Pope  is  the  lawful 
successor  of  Peter,  the  sole  and  infal- 
lible vicar  of  Jesus  Christ  upon  earth. 
This  is  the  single  certainty  that  is  stable 
here  below,  where  all  is  uncertain  and 
changeable.  Outside  the  Church  there 
is  only  error,  presumption,  and  obscurity; 
that  is,  almost  certain  perdition,  for  a 
man  outside  the  Church  is  alone,  a 
miserable  atom  that  lives  for  a  moment 
in  the  midst  of  terrifying  perils,  lost 
and  swallowed  up  in  the  fearsome  spaces 
of  the  universe,  while  a  man  in  the 
bosom  of  the  Church  enjoys,  through 
the  Communion  of  saints,  the  richest 
of  graces  and  infinite  benefits,  in  which 
are  cooperating  in  a  thousand  ways  all 
his  brethren,  militant,  expectant,  and 
triumphant,  all  the  twofold  endless  army 
of  souls  and  angels. 

JL   HE  civil  benefits  of  the  most  refined 
and   long-lived   human   societies   can   give 

[355] 


A  SOLDIER'S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 
only  the  palest,  faintest,  and  most  im- 
perfect idea  of  it,  for  the  peoples  of  the 
world  pass,  and  the  people  of  God  is 
eternal.  But  in  order  to  enjoy  the  im- 
mortal benefits  of  the  association  it  is 
necessary  to  obey  the  Law  and  to  fre- 
quent the  Sacraments.  Only  he  who 
frequents  them  can  know  what  a  potent 
aid  to  our  weakness  they  are  and  be  in 
a  position  to  judge  with  what  prophetic 
and  infallible  knowledge  of  the  human  soul 
they  were  instituted.  They  are  like  a  ruler 
for  tracing  a  straight  line;  where  the  line 
wavers  and  is  shaky  we  are  quite  cer- 
tain that  it  was  the  hand  that  trembled. 
The  Sacraments  reveal  man  to  himself. 

Be  not  severe  except  to  thyself 

Item:  Beware  of  incontinence  and  its 
dangers:  keep  thyself  from  violence  and 
blindness,  but  above  all  scorn  and  fight 
without  truce  in  thyself  and  in  others 
that  abjecl  vice  of  malice,  the  repugnant, 
poisonous  fruit  of  envy  and  pride.  Fight 
it  without  mercy  and  hate  it  with  all 
thy  heart,  if  it  is  true  that  thou  lovest 
men  with  all  thy  heart;  pursue  it  furi- 
[356] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

ously,  indignantly,  and  with  ridicule; 
shame  it;  scorn  it;  persistently  chase 
it  away  with  unflagging  courage  and 
without  ever  descending  to  make  terms 
or  compromise.  It  is  the  privilege  of 
truth  to  be  gay  and  innocent  as  a  child, 
appalling  and  inexorable  as  an  archangel. 
But  love  men  tenderly;  love  them' 
with  humility  and  trust  and  without 
diffidence;  love  them  as  thyself;  excuse 
them  obstinately;  force  thyself  to  under- 
stand them  and  to  seek  out  the  most 
ingenious  of  excuses  for  them.  Love 
the  wicked  fervently;  but  above  all 
love  beggars,  fools,  and  cripples  and 
devote  to  them  the  most  assiduous  beats 
of  thy  heart  and  thy  most  careful  and 
earnest  solicitude.  The  first  are  the 
outcasts  of  fortune,  which  is  capricious 
and  unjust;  the  second  are  the  outcasts 
of  intelligence,  which  errs  and  is  ex- 
tinguished; the  third  are  the  outcasts 
of  beauty,  which  passes  and  decays. 
Remember  that  they  are  thy  brethren, 
beloved  of  the  Father,  and  they  can 
do  thee  much  good  with  him.  Bow 
thy  head  before  them  and  thou  wilt 

[357]     ' 


A   SOLDIER'S    CONFIDENCES    WITH    GOD 

be  exalted,  while  bowing  down  to  the 
powerful  ones  of  the  world  is  the  most 
degrading  baseness.  Always  forgive,  not 
once  only  nor  seven  times,  but  seventy 
times  seven,  for  one  may  not  put  a  limit 
upon  what  one  does  for  the  love  of  God. 
Forgive,  for,  in  so  doing,  thou  wilt  be 
like  unto  God,  Who  is  merciful,  Who  is 
mercy  itself.  Forgive,  for  this  is  the 
only  means  of  being  forgiven.  Rather 
obey  than  command.  Never  judge.  Be 
indulgent  towards  all.  Be  not  severe 
except  to  thyself. 

The  excuse  of  the  coward 

Item:  Set  not  up  the  cowardly  excuse 
of  the  world's  example.  The  love  of 
God  is  invincible  and  there  is  no  iniquity 
of  man  that  can  overcome  it  even  if  it 
would.  On  the  day  of  the  Lord  cir- 
cumstances will  be  no  excuse.  So  linger 
not  in  idle  lamentation  over  the  irremedi- 
able moral  decadence  that  is  so  general, 
or  over  the  uselessness  of  every  effort. 
This  shameful  excuse  will  be  available 
at  all  times,  but  only  for  the  listless 
and  the  inept.  Do  thou  be  the  first 
[358] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

to  begin:  a  single  sincere  example  is 
worth  more  than  a  thousand  eloquent 
and  solemn  prayers. 

There  is  not  a  single  valid  argument 
against  the  Catholic  faith 

Item:  Renounce  reason  where  thou 
seest  that  reason  is  impotent,  for,  to 
persist  in  making  use  of  it  when  it  is 
no  longer  in  a  position  to  help  thee  is, 
instead  of  being  a  homage  as  thou  dost 
imagine,  the  worst  offense  thou  canst 
commit  against  it.  Making  use  of  reason 
in  judging  matters  of  faith  is  as  stupid 
and  ridiculous  as  trying  to  use  the  senses 
to  get  perception  of  ideas.  Ideas  have 
neither  form  nor  color,  and  yet  their 
existence  is  none  the  less  indubitable 
than  that  of  things,  for  it  is  quite  easy 
to  convince  one's  self  by  reasoning  that 
their  number  is  infinite,  and  that  each 
one  of  them  is  eternal,  simple,  and 
immutable,  which  is  not  the  case  with 
the  objects  that  are  perceived  by  the 
corporeal  senses.  Reason  itself  exhorts 
thee  not  to  make  use  of  it  in  that  which 
is  beyond  its  power, 

[359] 


A  SOLDIER'S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 
Nevertheless,  do  not  believe  that 
truths  which  are  superior  to  reason  are 
contrary  to  it,  for  even  the  mere  follow- 
ing of  them  is  reasonable,  and  abandon- 
ing them  is  error  and  madness.  If  thou 
believest  that  I  affirm  too  much,  do  not 
accept  my  word,  but  believe  in  thyself. 
Before  condemning  the  faith,  learn  to 
know  it.  Faith  at  times  is  content  with 
little,  with  not  being  condemned  by 
him  who  does  not  know  it  —  "it  asks 
but  one  thing:  not  to  be  condemned  in 
ignorance,"  in  the  words  of  Tertullian. 
"Seek  and  ye  shall  find;  ask  and  you 
shall  receive;  knock  and  it  shall  be 
opened  unto  you."  And  thou  wilt  see 
that  there  is  not  one  single  valid  argu- 
ment, not  one  single  plausible  objection 
against  the  Catholic  faith,  and  in  reality 
all  those  that  are  set  up  against  it  arise 
from  not  knowing  it  —  all,  without  a 
single  exception. 

When  thou  shalt  have  become  a  good 
Catholic,  practicing  those  inimitable  pre- 
cepts with  which  death  shall  be  con- 
quered by  love;  when  thou  knowest 
that  thou  wilt  leave  in  the  hands  of 
[360] 


COLLOQUIES     OF     GIOSUE     BORSI 

death  nothing  but  thy  mortality,  "and 
there  shall  be  no  more  death";  when 
the  reality  of  existence  appears  to  thee 
no  longer  as  that  mixture  of  mawkish, 
bestial  pleasures  and  of  atrocious  and 
unjustified  pains,  that  absurd,  inco- 
herent, crazy  mystery  with  which,  to 
their  mockery,  the  impious  and  unbe- 
lievers are  constrained  to  content  them- 
selves; when  thou  no  longer  fearest 
anything  outside  of  thyself  and  feelest 
thyself  so  completely  the  master  of  thine 
own  fate  that  thy  constancy  in  courage, 
in  uprightness,  and  in  justice  will  not 
be  disturbed  even  by  their  own  wan- 
derings, then,  my  friend,  fearless  and 
free,  thou  wilt  feel  horror  at  the  intract- 
able slave  that  thou  wast  before,  and 
wilt  see  how  insolent  and  ridiculous  thou 
wast;  then  thou  wilt  fear  and  laugh 
at  thyself,  just  as  on  the  inevitable  day 
the  just  —  the  fruitful  olive  trees  —  will 
laugh  over  the  man  who  did  not  ask 
the  help  of  God.  "The  just  shall  see 
and  fear  and  shall  laugh  at  him."  (Ps. 
li,  8-10.) 

This   is   my   irrevocable   testament    and 


A  SOLDIER'S  CONFIDENCES  WITH  GOD 
by  it  I  intend  to  revoke  any  preceding 
contrary  disposition,  desiring  that  this 
alone  shall  have  full  effect. 

Written  entirely,  given   and  subscribed 
by  my  hand. 

GIOSUE   BORSI 


[362] 


This  book  is  DUE  on  the  last 
date  stamped  below 


10m-4,'28 


UC  SOUTHERN  REGIONAL  LIBRARY  FACILITY 


A    001  145831     2 


BV 


UNIVERSITY  of  CAUFOKK) 

AT 

;     -  ANGELES 
LIBRARY 


II 


! 


